


Killing Me

by zalrb



Series: Bonkai Verse [1]
Category: The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Gratuitous Smut, Heavy Angst, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 21:36:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 112,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15894603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zalrb/pseuds/zalrb
Summary: A true exploration of the BonKai dynamic: angst, lust, rage and passion and how they all intersect into sex and arguments and near-death experiences, into jealousies and physical confrontations and declarations of love. A true rollercoaster of emotion and experience featuring Damon and Jeremy and there's still more to come...





	1. Insatiable Appetite

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of a series that has chapters on tumblr as well.

She knew she’d come back different. She did. Each time she’d died, each time she’d come to life she wasn’t the same somehow, she was better or felt better; felt luckier, felt determined to enjoy life, the bonds of friendship, felt a resolution to not waste the time she was given back. But this, what she was feeling now, it wasn’t that, it wasn’t better, it was … it was nothing. Hollowness. Caroline would hug her and Elena would try and talk to her and all she felt was removed, distant — a living ghost haunting her old life. They all wanted her to be Strong Bonnie, Martyr Bonnie, Bubbly Bonnie, Don’t-Worry-About-Me Bonnie but she couldn’t give her to them, she couldn’t give them anything, she didn’t feel anything.

And she wondered … was it because she was in hell? No it wasn’t her hell it was someone else’s but a hell nonetheless. Was it because she’d been stranded by Elena. By Damon. Was it because she was trapped in a hell that looked exactly like her home? Did that crack her psyche? She wasn’t sure. Did she need to be? Was the how or the why important?

All she knew was that whatever made her this way, whatever reason there was, it led her to this moment, this choice, this mistake.

Because there was one way she could feel something, one way she felt awake, felt a part of the world, and it was seeing Kai. She would see him and feel fear, not of him but of the rage he inspired in her, of the overpowering desire that devastated her body when she saw his face; the desire to hurt him, punish him, tear him apart for the things he did to her back in his hell in which she was trapped. And if it was between feeling something or nothing, she was choosing something, even if it scared her, even if the satisfaction she felt in experiencing it was vicious and violent and savage, even if she never knew how she’d react whenever she was near him, because at least when she was near him, she felt alive. It was why she ditched the surprise birthday party her friends threw her. It was why she took a couple shots of tequila before taking a walk. It was why she was here, in front of the place Kai was staying at, as resolute as she had been since coming back.

The door was unlocked but Bonnie didn’t find that strange; on the contrary she felt like it was just like Kai to invite in whatever danger awaited him, confident and assured that he’d win because he always did. Their time together in the nineties was proof of that.

She stepped into a dark hallway that seemed to go on forever, the only source of light was an orange glow at the end of it where the living room probably was. She treaded carefully down toward it, almost on tiptoe, though she didn’t know why. She didn’t know if she was meant to surprise Kai with her appearance, if she planned on attacking him or just looking at him; she didn’t know how any of it worked. She just knew this was where she’d chosen to be, where she felt she had to be.

And there he was at the end of the hallway, not in the living room, which was to the left of Bonnie but in the kitchen to her right. He was sitting at the breakfast bar, the flickering glow of the fireplace casting him in half-shadow. The scene, Bonnie felt, would maybe be more ominous if he wasn’t eating ice cream from a bowl, an empty plate in front of him, cutting knives and deli meats scattered around the counter; the scene would also seem more innocent, just someone up for a late night snack, if Bonnie didn’t know who Kai was, what he was capable of.

He was sitting on the stool closest to her but swallowed another spoonful of ice cream before speaking. “Hello, Bonnie.”

“You don’t seem surprised to see me here.”

“I’m not.”

Bonnie snorted. “What, are you psychic now? Can predict when I’m coming?”

At this, Kai’s eyes flicked up toward her, a hint of a grin tugging at his lips. “Not in the way you’re thinking.”

She did her best not to part her lips to show her surprise at the joke. “How funny,” she said, her voice clipped.

“I try.”

He continued to dig his spoon in the ice cream and Bonnie was reminded of their time together in the nineties, how he always seemed to be eating; it got on her nerves then and it bothered her now. She welcomed it in a way because at least she knew she could be bothered by something but her sense of gratitude was suddenly met with anger at needing Kai to feel anything at all.

“You look conflicted,” he said. He sounded amused. It only deepened Bonnie’s anger.

“Oh don’t worry. I’m just making a pro and con list on my decision to kill you,” she said.

Kai smiled and nodded his head downward as if he were addressing his bowl. “There are cons for you?”

“I’m struggling to find some.”

“Why would you want to find any?”

“It shouldn’t surprise me that I have to explain this to a psychopath but killing is wrong.”

“Didn’t stop you from killing me.”

“I guess you just bring that out in me,” said Bonnie savagely.

“Yeah but that’s why you’re here,” said Kai. His smile widened and chills erupted on Bonnie’s back. She clenched her jaw.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Kai scraped his spoon on the edge of his bowl. “Yeah you do.”

Bonnie shook her head. “Do you always have to eat?”

“I have a … insatiable appetite.”

“Or you’re just a pig.” Bonnie could hear her own hostility but there was something else too, something building up inside of her.

Kai looked at her, the smile still on his face; playful and knowing. It made Bonnie uncomfortable in what had to be the best possible way but that wasn’t what she wanted to focus on. She kept talking. “Just stop being dramatic and tell me what you’re talking about.”

“You feel what I’m talking about. You’re feeling it right now. You…” Kai got up and stood in front of Bonnie, continuing to eat like nothing was happening. She couldn’t listen to what he was saying, she couldn’t focus on anything but the spoon and the ice cream and Kai’s mouth. It was more than irritating now, it enraged her. He couldn’t stop eating to speak to her, the refusal was … it was rude and arrogant and cavalier. Like him. He’d shot her with an arrow, he’d stabbed her with a knife, he’d stranded her and stalked her and now he was just there, just … just eating? And suddenly, without knowing what came over her, she reached into the bowl, grabbing what she could of the ice cream and mashed it on the lower half of Kai’s face.

Before she could think about what she just did, marvel at her impulsivity, before she could move her hand away, before she could even process that Kai stopped talking, that the bowl was on the counter now, Kai grabbed her wrist and dragged her fingers to his lips; he put her index finger in his mouth and sucked, his teeth grazing her skin. Then he licked her palm. Bonnie gasped, filled with loathing and want, her body shaken by the alien familiarity of intense emotion. She moved forward, waited for him to lean in for a kiss, then sharply turned his head to the side, put her lips on his face, baring her teeth so they made imprints on his cheeks, getting whatever ice cream she could in her mouth. He groaned and circled his hands around her waist, squeezing tightly, she felt some magic leave her body, the pain made her stiffen and she could feel Kai smile against her skin. A part of her longed for the agony again, the other part hated herself for longing for the same pain he used as a weapon against her not long ago. This was all wrong. What she felt was wrong and not the kind of wrong she expected when she’d made up her mind to see him.

“No,” Bonnie shoved him away with such force, he staggered a little. “I didn’t come here for this.” She turned to head back to the hallway but Kai grabbed her and yanked her back toward him. The moment she felt him pull, she snatched up a cutting knife from the breakfast bar and put the blade to his neck. He stared at her, his eyes burning with a desire she’d seen in him once before — the first time he siphoned magic from her — his gaze seemed to bore into her mind, unlocking whatever inhibitions she had left, leaving her with only dark thoughts; thoughts Martyr Bonnie or Bubbly Bonnie would’ve shut down instantly. She realized she’d been holding her breath and she pressed the knife in deeper.

“Do it,” he said.

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. “You don’t mean that. I don’t buy that I laugh in the face of danger crap.”

Kai put his hand over Bonnie’s and ran the knife down a little, droplets of blood appeared and she opened her mouth, shocked by the excitement she felt.

“I do mean it. If you want to do it then do it. Do what you want to me.”

There was a brief pause in which hundreds of thoughts ran across Bonnie’s mind, jumbling together. She still wanted to make Kai hurt, still wanted to ruin him, wreck him; the need she had to destroy him was undeniable but the how had changed. She wanted to make him yearn in the worst way, crave her until he couldn’t stand it; she wanted to be under his skin like how he was under hers. She wanted to make him feel things that twisted him up inside.

Without moving the knife, Bonnie lunged at Kai, bringing her mouth to his, their teeth clashed briefly. He bit down on her lower lip, making her moan then moved his hand from hers and started unbuttoning his shirt. Halfway down, Bonnie wrenched the material away so his chest was exposed; she cut him, a long slice, savouring the feel of the rigid blade against his smooth skin and grinned at hearing his sharp intake of breath. When she bent down to lick the blood away, the sigh hitched in his throat. He was surprised. He was aroused. Good. She didn’t know what made her do it but she felt ferocious joy at his reaction, at being unpredictable. She cut him again, lower, on his stomach.

“Shit,” he breathed. It was Bonnie’s turn to smile.

Suddenly, the knife was out of her hand and fingers were in her hair, yanking her head back and holding it in place so that she couldn’t escape Kai’s gaze. His face was red, flushed. The hunger she felt in his stare, in how tightly he was holding her, it made her ache. And beneath that ache she felt it, the guilt, the guilt that would overwhelm her when this was over but it wasn’t enough for her to stop, it wasn’t enough to stamp out the very real fact that everything she’d been feeling since she set foot in this kitchen she’d been feeling with almost mortifying severity and she hadn’t felt this deeply about anything in months.

The knife was at her neck now and she dared him with her eyes: cut me, do it. Then she felt the blade across her skin; it was more thrilling than she expected and her pulse quickened, her eyes clouded. He cut her one more time, she wasn’t braced for it and cried out, he bit his lip and smirked, making Bonnie feel a lustful rage. Taken over by impulse she ran her nails on the side of his face, he dropped the knife and she leaned over and bit his shoulder, reaching behind him to feel the muscles in his back, digging in to feel them work. His hands were on her waist then she felt them twist, she was turned around and slammed against the fridge. His mouth was on her neck, over her cut, she reached behind her with one arm and felt her hands in his hair. He moved away and she heard it before she felt it, the rip, the tear; her dress was no longer intact and on her body, neither were her underthings. She was about to turn around but Kai stopped her, his voice gentle, husky… deadly, sinister.

“Don’t turn around,” he said. “Or I’ll blindfold you.”

One part of her, the part that arched her back, revelled in the hedonistic anticipation; even before death, before the nineties, she had never wanted like this, she had never felt the kind of desire that devours, that smothers, that reaches into the deepest recesses of your mind and makes you enjoy things that go against your very nature. But that was the problem. She didn’t have a nature anymore, she didn’t have anything to go against; her time in hell eroded everything about her past self and it was Kai’s fault for her leaving her there. That was why she came. To feel, yes, but to feel fury at him and when that fury erupted into passion, she was supposed to use it devour him, smother him and now she was the one completely naked.

Quickly, Bonnie turned around and when Kai was about to speak, she slapped him across the face.

“Shut up.”

His eyes flashed dangerously and yet with treacherous excitement. Forcefully, Bonnie undid his belt. “Kiss me,” she said.

Kai grabbed her by the throat and smashed his face into hers, the kiss was violent and yearning all at the same time. Bonnie stood on her toes to deepen it and Kai took the opportunity to lift her onto him; she wrapped her legs around him. Then she pulled away, her breathing haggered. “Go to the counter.”

Never looking away from her, Kai walked backward toward the breakfast bar, using his free hand to swipe everything on it onto the floor. When Bonnie’s knees felt the granite, she pushed Kai hard onto the surface so that he was lying flat down and she was sitting astride him; he ran his hands up her sides but Bonnie grabbed them and flung them away. She grabbed his chin, kissed him, his neck, pulled away, stared fixedly at him until she could feel his longing for her inflame her skin. With a growl, he reached up to touch her face but she took his hand and lay it back down on the counter but above his head.

“Put your other arm up too. Cross your wrists together.”

Bonnie saw Kai’s lips part, saw his eyes turn molten as he did what she said. She took his belt and tied his hands together, tightly squeezing the buckle so she could hear him gasp. Then she pierced her eyes into his again until he knew there was no escaping her.


	2. Wicked Games

The room was still in complete darkness when Bonnie woke up; only the bed was cast in silver from the moonlight that sliced through the blinds. She hadn’t been sleeping long. She never slept long when she was lying next to him. How could she? That would mean she trusted him and like she told him all those months ago, she could never do that; she could never even like him.

It was time to get out of here.

Quietly, slowly, she sat up and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Her bra was still on the floor, so were her underwear — what was left of them — all she had to do was gently lift herself up and —

“Getting ready for your walk of shame?”

Bonnie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. How could one man’s voice cut into her so deeply? Both playful and forbidding — quietly sinister; a voice just on the edge of danger. The dread she felt at hearing it was only matched by her … what was that? That stirring? Was that excitement? Pleasure? Was she a little glad that he caught her? She shook her head. It was really time to go.

“Go back to bed.” She hoped she sounded forceful, resolved. She picked up her underwear and started putting them on.

“Only if you come back with me,” he said.

“This was the last time.”

He chuckled. It was a knowing sound; one that pricked her skin with chills and turned her dread into anxiety. How had she not left yet?

“I’m serious. I can’t keep doing this.”

“But you want to.”

“Stop telling me how I how feel. I hate that.”

“You love that.”

“Ugh, you’re impossible.”

“You love that too.”

Bonnie did the last clasp of her bra and stood up, grabbing her clothes in one big swoop. She moved to head toward the door but in a few swift movements he got up from the bed and ran in front of her, blocking her path.

“Kai.” Bonnie whispered his name and the thrill she felt at saying it out loud quickly turned to disgust at herself for feeling anything at all. Her eyes travelled down to the gashes on his rippled stomach; the gashes she put there. This was all wrong. “I need to go.”

“Then go.”

You heard him, Bonnie. Go! But she stayed where she was. Rooted to the spot by some sick desire to see what would happen next, where all of this led. You know exactly where this will lead. Still, she didn’t move. Kai’s eyes glinted as if he were enjoying some private joke. His lips twisted into a smirk that was both arrogant and unassuming as if he’d always known she would stay and yet was pleasantly surprised that she did.

“See, Bonnie, you don’t really want to go. You just think you have to.”

It angered her, how he always thought he was one step ahead of her, how he thought he could read her, how he was usually right.

“You think you know me so well,” she said, her tone quiet but deadly.

“I know you better than your friends.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Bonnie took a step toward the door but Kai grabbed her by the wrist and squeezed gently so that a stab of pain shot through her arm and made her gasp. He didn’t siphon much magic from her, only a little to make her just barely hurt but like always when she was with him, she reacted instinctively and slapped him hard across the face, splitting his bottom lip so that there was a line of blood in the centre. His eyes turned a molten black and he grinned in that way that always made her skin burn. She swallowed hard and slightly, imperceptibly, tilted her head up toward his mouth.

“See what I can do to you?” he said.

Bonnie shook her head and put on her shirt, tearing her arm through the sleeve. “You’re disgusting.”

“Yeah, and you like it.”

“Get over yourself.”

Kai laughed again; it was enticing and hit Bonnie in a place deep in her gut, a place she didn’t like to think about, a place she didn’t know existed until she met him. “Your friends don’t know you, Bonnie. Not anymore. They don’t know your rage, your power. They don’t know the woman who stabbed me, the woman you are in that bed.” 

“Oh please.”

“You’re telling me you wanted it this bad with little Gilbert? That he made you scream like —”

“Don’t you dare talk about him.” Bonnie’s anger flared into rage and a frame that was hanging on the wall suddenly smashed down onto the floor. “I’m serious, Kai, another word and I’ll kill you.”

Kai licked the blood from his lip. “Yeah, you’d probably try. You’d kill me before ever thinking about leaving this room.”

Bonnie clenched her jaw, narrowed her eyes into a glare of complete loathing but she didn’t deny what he said. It was true. Killing him made more sense to her than walking away from him. No, it didn’t make more sense. It was just easier. And she hated him for it. She hated him for slithering into her life, for unlocking her desire in a way she never thought possible, for making her ache in all the wrong ways and hurt in all the right ones. And she hated herself more for revelling in it, craving it, for being unable to say no. He taught her the meaning of ‘yes’ in the most wicked way. It was why she couldn’t bear to hear him speak of Jeremy; the memory of her love for him was the single connection to her former life, her life before death, before the 90s, before Kai. But if she was honest with herself, it was also a reminder of grief, of all the pain she suffered silently then; with Jeremy, with Elena, with her old life, she’d felt effective, with Kai she felt powerful. She sighed and felt a sudden burst of shame for trying to rationalize this twisted game they were playing.

“You don’t have to admit that you want this, Bonnie. I know that you do.” He took a step toward her, his face inches from hers, his gaze holding her eyes hostage. The energy between them made her flush with yearning; it was a potent pull deep in her belly not unlike the pressure she felt when she channelled another witch except this was more intense than that, this was more savage than that.

His voice was gentle, only a whisper of menace in it. “I know that you like it when I…” And his thumb lightly stroked her bottom lip, his other hand caressed the lacey material of her underwear, barely stroking her skin. He started circling her, moving so that he was behind her, his hand never left her hips, his breathing tickled the nape of her neck. This was torture. The best kind of torture. And she knew he knew it.

“Maybe you like it more when…” He tugged her shirt down so that her shoulder was exposed. She felt his lips enclose on her blade and her own lips parted, she breathed out and the window shot open; he was grinning his devilish grin she knew he was, and she wanted to slap him one more time. His lips explored her shoulder, her neck, his fingers moved from her hips downward, the wind coming from the window blew into the room stronger.

Bonnie couldn’t think straight and the more she tried the more she lost herself in sensation, the external sensation of Kai’s body against hers, the internal sensation of the guilt that rolled in her chest. She should be saying no. She should be fighting. The last time should’ve been the last time but all she wanted was to be devoured, consumed, to feel the power of him, the power of them together; and at that moment she knew he’d been waiting for her to give in, to make a choice.

She turned around and pushed him against the wall behind them and the candles in the room sparked to life and burned a brilliant orange. She mashed her lips against his and he pushed back with equal fervour. She bit down hard and he groaned into her mouth then put his foot behind her heel and turned so that she was the one slammed against the wall, her legs wrapped around his middle. He pinned her wrists above her head, squeezing so that she could feel the pain of him taking away her magic. She cried out. He ripped open her shirt and kissed her chest and suddenly she could feel her own magic, her own energy but in the way he interpreted it, she could feel his desire as well as her own. She scratched his back, quick and long and hard. It was his turn to cry out, he clasped his hand around her throat. The wind howled, knocking books and vases and frames onto the floor, upturning nightstands and dressers. Instead of blowing out the candles, it spread the flames and the fire caught onto the wood, to the bed but Bonnie had her eye on it, it wasn’t anything she couldn’t control. Fingers squeezed her cheeks and her head was wrenched back to Kai’s face.

“Me,” he said. “Look at me.”

And she brought her mouth to his again.


	3. We Were Born Sick

The church was already decorated even though the wedding was tomorrow. There was something eerie about seeing it all in darkness — the white roses that lined the aisles, the white tulle that draped the pews, iron candle holders with nothing in them but melted wax and burnt wicks. Rain crashed against the stain glass windows and every so often lightning sent the nave into a shock of white light, making everything look momentarily fluorescent.

No one was inside. No one but him. And her. She was sitting in the second row, her elbows on the pew in front of her, her hands clasped beneath her chin, her gaze on the altar in front of her. He was at the back of the church by the entrance, droplets of rain snaking down his face, dripping from his fingers, his jacket. He watched her intently, trying to make sense of what she was doing — thinking? Praying? — and even though he made no sound, the urge to scream ripped at his throat because he had never before felt anything so intensely.

That was the peculiarity of Bonnie Bennett. She conflicted Kai, tortured him simply by being herself. And he was no stranger to torture. To be powerful the way he was powerful; to embody two essences in one was to be in constant inner-turmoil. The urge to kill, an urge that came so naturally to him, was ever-present in his mind only to be met with the sour sensation of guilt in his gut; the enjoyment destruction brought him, that savage domination he so relished was something he fondly remembered only for those memories to be eclipsed by a profound sense of shame. He lived in constant agony. His entire life revolved around two natures combating each other every single moment of every single day. And yet this, what he felt when he saw her, it was different somehow; it was more painful, more … maddening. He hated her. With all of his heart he hated her. Hated the way his need for her to forgive him was more important to him than his need to make her suffer for betraying him, abandoning him; hated that all he wanted to do was see her smile one more time, that he would do anything to be the one to make her laugh; hated that his own happiness seemed to be tied to hers; hated that he needed to feel happy at all. He wanted to kill her. Just to make it all stop, he wanted to wrap his hands around her throat and squeeze. But he knew if he did there’d be no coming back from the devastation he’d feel. Maybe he could just kill himself instead. But then he wouldn’t be the only one who’d die, his entire coven would be wiped out and he couldn’t do that; he cared too much to do that and he hated that. Just thinking about it all made him want to tear out his hair and he shifted his weight just so he could do something with himself; the floor creaked and before he knew what was happening, Bonnie stood up from the pew and whipped around to face him.

“You.” She didn’t yell. She didn’t have to; Kai could feel Bonnie’s rage — it electrified the air around them. Even from where he was standing, he could see the repulsion in her eyes but it didn’t shame him; rather it fueled him, fed his own fury, his own disgust at simply feeling.

“How in the hell did you get out?”

Kai started taking a few steps closer to the front of the church. “Are you really surprised that I did? I wasn’t surprised when you made it out. You’re a survivor. We’re the same that way.”

“I am nothing like you.”

“Then why do you sound so scared?” Kai had meant to tease her with the question, had meant to plant a seed of confusion in her mind but instead he’d yelled; his tone was defensive, argumentative, he was unravelling. She was unravelling him.

“What are you doing here, Kai?”

“Honestly?”

“No, I want you to lie to me. Of course honestly.”

“OK well honestly, I came here to kill you,” he said. “And not because you left me in 1903 to be a blood bag to a bunch of freaky vampires, which was really uncool by the way—”

“Did you just say you came here to kill me?”

“Yes,” said Kai, clenching his fists together. “Because ever since I got back all I could think about was seeing you and forgiving you and —”

“Forgiving me? You want to forgive me? After everything you’ve done to me?”

“Bonnie, I’m trying to tell you something here! I’m trying to make you see that – that – you’re driving me crazy, you know? I think I’m in love with you or something.”

Silence followed Kai’s words; nothing but the pitterpatter of rain against the windows disturbed the silence. Bonnie looked at him, wide-eyed, and he knew she thought he was crazy or crazier than she’d originally anticipated. The silence stretched on and he wanted to shake her until she said something; her refusal to speak was killing him, it angered him. He was being vulnerable, honest, and she was just staring at him; the wild urge to gouge out her eyes suddenly took over him and as quickly as the impulse came, it was replaced with the desire to gouge out his own eyes for ever thinking of harming her. This was infuriating. This wasn’t what love felt like. Kai knew nothing of love or of, well, emotion, but he knew it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Bonnie, say something.”

“What could you possibly expect me to say?” she said. “This is ridiculous, Kai. You’re a psychopath, psychopaths don’t love, they don’t feel anything at all!”

“I’m not a psychopath anymore.”

“People don’t just change!”

“You changed. You told me right before you stabbed me and left me for dead, you told me you changed.”

“Yeah well you made me change!”

“And you’re making me change! Why can I make you change and you can’t make me?”

“Oh my God, this cannot be happening,” said Bonnie putting her hands to her head.

“It’s not exactly a picnic for me either, Bonnie. In fact I hate it. But it’s happening.”

“Nope, I’m not doing this. I don’t have time for whatever this is.”

“Well make time!” Kai yelled and the candles ignited with his voice, bathing the church in violent flickers of orange-yellow light. Bonnie waved her hands and the stain glass windows shattered so that gusts of wind could blow through and extinguish the candle flame. She moved to leave but Kai pointed toward the church exits and the doors banged shut with resounding thuds. Bonnie turned her wrist upward and Kai sank to the floor, pressing his fingers against his temples in pain. He could feel her satisfaction at seeing him on his knees, feel the way she relished the power, feel her fear at her own enjoyment, at wanting to be exactly where she was and then through the pain, something clicked; she wanted to be here, she didn’t make another move to leave. Kai raised his head and extended his arm so that Bonnie was blown back across the room and pinned against the wall. He followed her there and then slammed his palms on the wall, above her head, his face inches from hers. She swallowed hard.

“You feel it too,” said Kai. “You feel what I feel.”

“I do not love you, don’t be stupid.”

“No but I make you feel powerful and helpless at the same time. I disgust you because you feel alive when you’re with me.”

“You disgust me because you’re disgusting. You made my life a living hell.”

“No that’s just why you hate me.”

“I do hate you.”

“And I hate you. I hate you more than you hate me, I’m sickened by you actually, but I still love you. I think it’s love. Yeah, it’s love.”

“Stop saying that, you’re going to make me sick. You’re just obsessed. You just need to conquer—”

“No, you need to conquer me. That’s your thing.You want to consume me. The one person who can make you feel afraid.”

“You’re delusional.”

“Stop saying that!” Kai pounded his fist against the wall; why wasn’t she listening to him? Why couldn’t she just admit what she felt? Everything would be so much easier if he could just kill her or himself, if just one of them were dead. “You haven’t left. You’re not fighting back. I’m here, inches from you, and you’re not making a move to hurt me!” He was yelling now. “I bring something out in you and you like it!”

“I don’t,” she screamed back. “I don’t like it.”

“Jesus Christ, Bonnie–”

And then she smashed her mouth against his, her teeth pulling painfully at his bottom lip, her hands on either side of his head, her nails digging in and dragging down either side of his face. Kai groaned in pleasure and felt himself crumble. This is exactly what he wanted and exactly what he dreaded; kissing Bonnie satiated him, his mind was screaming finally and yet he wasn’t at peace, he wasn’t calmed, his entire body was wired, adrenalized, he wanted more, this wasn’t enough, it would never be enough, she would always drive him crazy, he would never get his fill, the agony would never end. He pushed himself deeper into the kiss and put his hands on the back of her thighs, squeezing hard as he lifted her so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. He stepped away from the wall, one hand around her back, the other on the back of her head, clenching her hair, and he walked toward the altar, laying her down on the table. He broke away from her to take off his jacket and she moved to sit up and kiss him again but Kai pushed her back onto the table, his fingers beneath her chin, tilting her head up so he could lean back down and kiss her neck, his tongue making a line down her throat to her chest; Bonnie clenched the tablecloth and Kai ran his hands down her sides, then pushed up her dress and threw it on the floor. He was hardly aware of Bonnie unbuttoning his jeans, he just wanted to touch her again, press against her, feel her skin, and he kissed her, moulding his body onto hers, pinning her beneath him. He would never be able to get enough … the agony would never end …


	4. Here. Here With You.

The room was empty; everyone had stopped dressing for the wedding and went downstairs for breakfast because Jo was craving grilled cheese. Bonnie was the only one upstairs; too preoccupied to eat, too tired to spend time with anyone. She had to be alone. It was the only time she could be honest, the only time he didn’t have to pretend to be holding it together and she could just let herself be, and there wouldn’t be any time to be alone once the ceremony began. Bridesmaid duties and all that.

She stood in front of the mirror and smoothed her hands over her dress; it was blue, knee-length and sheer, more like a sundress than something you wear to a wedding. But it looked nice. And Bonnie was thankful that Jo was a considerate bride, one who didn’t dress her wedding party in monstrous tulle and overlarge bows.

“You look pretty.”

That voice. Bonnie turned around quickly. Kai was at the doorway leaning against the frame, his leg crossed in front of the other, his hands in his pockets. His smile was unassuming yet smug and Bonnie’s heart quickened as he stared at her directly and with no modesty.

“What the hell are you doing here? Kai, if you so much as —”

“Relax,” he said. “I’m not here to kill anyone. I just wanted to see you in a bridesmaid dress.”

“That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

“You call me ridiculous a lot,” said Kai, walking into the room.

“Because you are.”

“What can I say, I like you in dresses.” He stood a couple of feet away from her. “I like you out of them too.”

“Get a grip.”

“Bonnie, why else would I be here?”

“You know exactly why you’d be here,” she said. “Come to think of it how are you here without Damon knowing? Or Elena and Caroline and Stefan for that matter.”

Kai raised his eyebrows mysteriously. “I have my ways.”

Bonnie folded her arms.

“What, I’m serious,” he said. “I’m not here to hurt anyone. There’s plenty of time for that later.”

“Kai.”

“I’m joking. Well, I’m not but …”

“Well you saw me in a bridesmaid dress you can go now.”

“No,” he said simply. “I’m not ready to leave you yet.”

“Kai —”

They heard footsteps.

“You need to get out of here before they come in and see you.”

“What would you like me to do, Bonnie? I can’t just evaporate into thin air.”

“I should just push you out the window.”

“You’re sexy when you make threats,” said Kai, reaching up to touch Bonnie’s face. She slapped his hand away and glared. He grinned.

“In there. Now.” She put her hands on his shoulders and led him toward the walk-in closet at the corner of the room.

“A closet?” said Kai. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” said Bonnie. She wrenched open the door and pushed him inside but before she could walk away, he took her by the arm and yanked her in with him, their bodies colliding. Bonnie raised her head and Kai lowered his to meet her gaze, their lips just a breath away from each other.

“I’m going to kill you,” Bonnie whispered.

“Then why are your hands still on my chest?”

She scowled.

There were voices and Bonnie walked toward the closet door; it wasn’t fully closed and she could see Caroline and Elena through the sliver of open space.

“I thought you said Bonnie was in here,” said Caroline.

“I thought she was,” said Elena. “She was a minute ago.”

“Where does she go? It seems like she’s always disappearing.”

“Yeah, if she’s not hanging out with Damon…”

Bonnie could feel Kai behind her, his lips not quite touching her skin but just barely grazing it and she felt tingles on the back of her neck, all the way down her body. She hunched her shoulders. He nipped her earlobe, making her sigh.

She faced him and mouthed, “Stop. They’re right outside.”

Kai leaned toward her and whispered, “So?”

His hands were on the small of her back and he squeezed, rubbing her hips. Against her better judgement, Bonnie dug her nails into his hair and he kissed her along her jaw, his tongue making a trail down her neck. He slid his hands down further, cupping her and Bonnie bared her teeth on his cheek. He pushed the bottom of her dress up and slowly, sank to his knees, kissing her along the stomach, running his fingers up her legs. Bonnie put her hand against the wall of the closet and pressed her lips together to keep from crying out. She could hear Caroline’s voice.

“Did you hear something?”

“No,” said Elena.

“Oh. OK. That’s weird.”

There was a pause in the conversation and Bonnie lost herself in the sensation of Kai’s lips on her inner thighs. This was wrong. So freaking wrong. They should stop but Bonnie’s body bowed and she put her hand to her mouth and bit down on her thumb so she wouldn’t moan.

“Speaking of weird … how is it, human life?” said Caroline. “Adjusting OK?”

“Yeah, I mean, I feel like myself, you know? Like a part of me that has been missing has just sort of clicked into place? But … this whole thing with Damon. I’m just so confused. I don’t feel like he’s being honest about what he wants.”

“Well did you tell him that?”

“Of course I did but he won’t be honest with me. He only seems to be honest with … I don’t know, he just doesn’t talk to me. Like really talk to me.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“You and Stefan?”

“Yeah just after everything that’s happened I — you really don’t hear that?”

“Hear what, Caroline?”

Bonnie gritted her teeth, mentally kicking herself; she’d clung to a hanger for support but when Kai flicked his tongue she pulled on it too hard and it fell to the floor. One of her legs hung over his shoulder while her hand clutched his other. She tried to control her breathing. She tried to concentrate. How the hell did he do this to her? How the hell did she let him? Nothing about what they did together felt right or good even, it was … it felt … like a sin Bonnie thought, biting her lip. Like the best possible sin, which made it the worst possible sin; a wicked desire that gnawed away at her identity, her core but that left her empty and wanting if she didn’t satisfy it because satisfying it …

Kai gripped Bonnie’s thigh and she threw her head back.

… felt transcendental.

But still wrong.

She pushed Kai away from her and took a step back. “I’m not doing this,” she whispered, trying not to make a sound.

He looked at her, his expression a mixture of amusement and ironic disbelief. He stood up. “You mean more than you already have?”

“I don’t want to do this.” Even she didn’t believe her own words, she was aroused and yearning from having Kai’s lips on her just moments before, her skin was burning and she knew she must’ve looked frenzied but she’d made up her mind. “I don’t want to do this,” she repeated.

“So leave.” 

Bonnie hesitated and Kai smiled — an arrogant twist of his lips. He infuriated her. She took a step toward the closet door but he took her by the arms and guided her to the wall. Instinctively, Bonnie raised her hand to slap him but he caught her by the wrist. “You don’t want your friends to hear us, do you?” Even at a whisper, his voice was husky, on the seductive side of sinister; it made Bonnie’s blood scream and her gut sour with shame. How the hell did she let him do this to her? He took her other wrist and put both of her arms above her head, flattening his palms against hers and entangling her fingers with his. Bonnie’s lips parted. She heard her name in the conversation happening in the bedroom and she glanced at the closet door.

“Maybe we should just call her?” said Caroline.

“There is no way she could’ve left this house,” said Elena. “She has to be here somewhere. Maybe Damon knows, I’ll go find him.”

“Be sure to tell him you want to talk later.”

“Yep.”

Bonnie turned back toward Kai; he was looking at her, his eyes serious and raw, his breathing uneven. “Your friends are looking for you but you don’t want to be out there. You want this. You want me.”

“This is sleazy,” she said. “We’re sleazy.”

“And you like it. You’ve never had it so good.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I hate you, Kai.”

“I know you do. I feel it every time we’re together. And it makes you feel powerful … mastering the man who scares you, who loves you.”

“Do not start that again.”

“Tell me you don’t like it. Listening to your old life out there while you’re in here mastering me.”

“Stop.”

“Tell me you don’t like it.”

“I don’t —”

She didn’t finish her sentence. Kai pressed his lips against hers and she pushed back with intensity, with aggression. She tried to move forward to deepen the kiss but she was pinned to the wall by Kai’s hands and she clasped them, digging her nails into his knuckles. She tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth and he groaned into her mouth. He let go of her hands and pulled away just a couple of inches. “You’re a terrible liar,” he said.

“Shut up.”

Bonnie kissed him again, even wilder than before. He reached behind her and unzipped her dress and she hastily unbuckled his belt. She reached into his waistband and squeezed his hardness; he moaned low in his throat. Bonnie pulled away and put her finger to his lips.

“Shh,” she said without sound.

He parted his lips and sucked her finger hard, almost making her gasp. He withdrew it and grinned. “Shh,” he said. He brushed against her cheek. “Go to the door.”

“What?”

“The door. Go.”

“This is —”

“If you say ridiculous, I’ll find something in here to bind you with.”

Bonnie raised her eyebrows, turned on and irritated. She waited a beat but then did what he said and hated herself for it, hated that she wanted to know what he was going to do, what they were going to do, hated that she was there at all. She watched Caroline through the sliver of open space: she was sitting on a chaise, staring into nothing. There were footsteps. Damon and Elena entered the room.

“You mean she isn’t here?” said Damon, throwing his hands up in the air. He turned to Caroline. “Hey, Goldilocks. You look nice.”

“I hate that nickname,” said Caroline.

Damon smirked. “I know.”

“Well we searched the entire house,” said Elena. “Where is she?”

Bonnie felt Kai’s hands on her shoulders, peeling off the dress, his fingers caressing her curves as the material slid off her body. He pressed her to him and then hooked his thumbs into the sides of her underwear and slid them down her legs. She began to face him but he turned her back toward the door. “Watch,” he breathed into her ear. “Watch what you’re missing.” She swallowed hard and tried not to groan as she felt him sink into her. She clutched onto the doorframe. She watched as Caroline stood up from the chaise.

“Well I’m going to call her and if she doesn’t pick up—”

“I’ll go out looking for her,” said Elena. “Maybe she went to the dorm. Damon — Damon?”

Damon was standing still, his head cocked.

“Damon, what’s wrong?” said Elena.

“Nothing,” he said, moving toward her. “I think I’m going to check around the house again.”

“I just hope Lily didn’t do anything to her,” said Caroline. “Or Kai.”

Bonnie felt Kai’s grin against her neck as he kissed it, running his teeth along her jaw. “Tell me what you want,” he breathed, moving against her at an achingly slow pace. “Tell me you don’t like it, the power this brings you. Tell me you’d rather be out there.”

Bonnie dug her fingernails into the frame as she felt Kai thrust and she watched as Elena and Damon left the room. Caroline picked up the phone. Kai started moving faster. “Voicemail?” said Caroline. “Seriously, Bonnie?” And faster. This was beyond depraved. This was beyond carnal. Bonnie was sickened with herself … but not enough to stop. Because …

“Tell me, Bonnie,” said Kai, nuzzling her hair, his breathing ragged and heavy, his fingers exploring her hips, her waist, her breasts, feeling the dips of her skin; he ran his fingernails down her sides, making her throw her head back against his chest. He lightly stroked her stomach and made his way downward. “Tell me where you want to be. Say it.”

“Here,” she whispered as Caroline left the room, muttering about finding Damon. “Here with you.”

He groaned. “Again.”

“I want this,” she said. “You.”

They were spent before long and Kai collapsed onto the floor as Bonnie started putting her dress back on. She felt him taking in her every movement and felt a familiar bitterness burn the back of her throat; an acidity that always claimed her mouth after she and Kai were done. She’d hoped that she wouldn’t taste that, that the guilt wouldn’t twist her stomach into knots until the day was over, when she didn’t have to be a bridesmaid anymore, when she didn’t have to be happy for someone else.

Kai sat up. “You want me to help do up your dress?”

Bonnie didn’t respond. She reached behind her and started easing the zipper back up, letting what just happened sink in; the guilt choked her throat. “I really do hate you,” she said finally.

“I know,” said Kai. “But you want me. And you won’t stop wanting me.”

Before she could respond, the closet door slammed open and Damon stood in the doorway. Bonnie’s face flushed with embarrassment; her heart started to palpitate. She needed to say something. Anything. But all she could do was stare at him. He would’ve looked calm if his eyes weren’t so wide, so angry… almost murderous. He glanced from Bonnie to Kai. “You. Clothes. Out. Now.”

“I think if anyone here should be kicking me out,” said Kai. “It should be Bonnie.”

“It’s my house,” said Damon.

“Well, isn’t it technically Elena’s?”

Damon stepped into the closet. “I have been meaning to kill you since, well since I met you, do not tempt me.”

Kai opened his mouth to speak but Bonnie turned to him. “Just go, Kai.”

He blinked at her a couple of times and then started to stand up. “As the lady commands.” He fastened his jeans and started walking toward the door. “Always a pleasure, Damon.” Damon raised his hands and mimed a choking motion as Kai left the closet.

Bonnie shook her head slightly, crossed her arms and waited. But Damon didn’t say anything, only stared at a spot just over her shoulder, his body completely still. The quiet stretched on … and on … and …

“Isn’t this the part you say something sarcastic and unfunny?” said Bonnie.

“Oh I’m sorry,” said Damon. “I’m still trying to mentally scourge myself of the image of you and Kai, I’m not really up to lightening the mood right now.”

“Damon —”

“It’s Kai.”

“I’m well aware.”

“KAI.”

“Yes.”

“You threatened to melt his face off.”

“Damon —”

“Not kill, not maim, but melt his face off.”

“I know! I was there!”

“You let him touch you. You let him …”

“So I took it you heard us.”

“Believe me, I wish I hadn’t. I wish I didn’t have to see … how could you let him touch you? He stabbed you! Twice!”

“That didn’t seem to matter when you wanted me to work with him!”

“Work with him not jump into the sack with him,” said Damon. “He was a means to an end. I just wanted my mother back. I just wanted Stefan back.”

“So it’s OK for you to use him when it’s convenient for you but if I want something from Kai then suddenly there’s a problem?”

“There’s a problem when you’re sleeping with the guy who tried to kill you!” said Damon. “I can’t believe you’re … you let him touch you!”

“You keep saying that! Yes, yes, I let him touch me, so what!”

Damon opened his mouth but didn’t say anything and shook his head instead. “I didn’t want to see it.”

“You didn’t see it.”

“But I heard it.”

The harshness of his tone made Bonnie flinch slightly. This wasn’t how he reacted when Stefan slept with Rebekah. Or Katherine. Or when Caroline slept with Klaus. 

“You’re better than that, Bonnie. Better than him.”

“Of course I’m better than him but so what? He … I …” Bonnie sighed. “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Damon. You’ve done terrible things, you’ve done terrible things to Elena and she’s still with you.”

“So,” said Damon monotonously. “You’re with Kai?”

“No,” said Bonnie. “But it’s none of your business what we are.”

Damon pushed out his lips and nodded his head slowly. “Well next time you and psycho-witch-boy do the rough and tumble … I don’t want to hear it, OK?”

“Yeah,” said Bonnie.

“I mean it, Bonnie.”

“I said yeah.”

They stared at each other a moment then Damon lowered his eyes. “I’m going to get to get a drink. I’ll tell Caroline I found you.” He started to head toward the door and stopped short at the entryway. “Don’t forget to put those on before you leave.” He pointed to the underwear on the floor. “I hear it’s going to be windy today.”

Bonnie closed her eyes in humiliation and then felt unexpected anger at Damon and his unwarranted anger, his cruel need to embarrass her. When she opened them, she was gone and she was alone in the closet where not too long before she was there. Here she thought. With Kai.


	5. Hunger

She felt him before she saw him; a feverish heat that claimed her body. In the beginning she wondered if Kai linked himself to her in a way that made her physically attuned to his presence so that whenever he was near, she’d know by how her skin would burn up or how her lips would swell. It didn’t take long for her to realize that the answer to why he incited such a response in her wasn’t so simple or straightforward.

They were in the Mystic Grill. Bonnie had a corner table with Damon and Caroline, participating in a group lunch that she knew was doomed to end terribly. When Kai showed up, she hadn’t been sitting long. She didn’t even see him come into the restaurant but he was at a booth near the back, watching her intently. He always looked at her that way. Unabashed. Unapologetic. A suggestion of wickedness. But this was different. There was a quiet ardor in his eyes; a vehement need to his stare that made Bonnie’s mouth dry. There was danger. And it was intoxicating.

Kai stood up and walked down a few steps. He looked at her pointedly before rounding the corner to where the restrooms were.

“Excuse me,” said Bonnie. “Bathroom.”

Caroline turned to her. “Already? We sat down, like, ten minutes ago.”

“It’s just the bathroom, what’s the problem?”

“The problem,” said Damon, taking a large sip of his bourbon. “Is that this entire thing is ridiculous and Barbie here knows it so she’s afraid you’re going to ditch like Stefan did.”

“Stefan did not ditch, he’s just running late.”

“Sure he is.”

“Shut up, Damon,” said Caroline.

“Look,” said Bonnie. “I’m not going to ditch. I just … I’ll be right back.”

Bonnie got up from the table and followed the direction Kai had walked down. She turned a corner and then felt herself get yanked. Before she knew what was happening, she was in the men’s restroom against the door and Kai’s mouth was on hers. He grasped her around her neck, trailing his finger down her throat; his teeth tugged at her lips and he used his body to press her against the door, pinning her with a type of strength Bonnie had never experienced before. This was infuriating. They hadn’t spoken to each other for a week and somehow Kai felt like he had the right to grab her and maul her without either of them saying so much as hello to one another. It was the kind of arrogance that made Bonnie want to shatter his face and the urge to slap him surged through her. Kai groaned. He could feel her irritation; Bonnie could tell — he was kissing her with even more fervour now, like he relished her anger, and he was uncompromising with his tongue. He wouldn’t let her breathe, he wanted all of it, and his need ignited in Bonnie the need to match his intensity, the need to overpower him before he overwhelmed her and with swiftness, desire tinged her anger so that she clawed at his hair, at his back, but before she could even begin to lose herself, he broke away just as suddenly as he started.

They stood where they were, panting. Bonnie could feel his breath on her cheek, see the veins etched on his face beneath his eyes. There was a rawness between them that wasn’t quite new just … magnified. If that was at all possible. It made Bonnie itch, like she needed to get out of her clothes, out of her skin, like she just needed to be laid bare.

“I haven’t seen you in seven days,” said Kai.

“Yeah I know.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to see you.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Don’t accuse me,” said Bonnie, willing her heartbeat to slow down. She took a moment to catch her breath. “And I’m not lying. I needed a break from this.”

There was a pause and Kai regarded her. Bonnie willed herself to stare back, to adopt an expression of cool indifference. He inched toward her and started nuzzling her hair, planting soft kisses on her neck. His lips were gentle but Bonnie could sense it — the hint of menace behind his pecks, the aggression behind the tenderness; it filled her with dread, which was only matched by her excitement and the adrenaline that pounded in her chest. He bared his teeth a little and she gasped.

He asked again. “Why haven’t I seen you?”

“You can ask me that all you want but the answer …” Bonnie closed her eyes and swallowed as he pressed her even harder against the door. “The answer will stay the same.” 

“You know the thing about lying,” said Kai. “Is that there are physical tells when you do it.” He started caressing Bonnie’s arms, up and down and back again, drawing patterns on her skin, making her want to groan. Her eyes fluttered slightly. She shifted a little but Kai’s hands slid down to her wrists and he pinned them behind her, feeling her pulse with his index finger. “Usually they happen in an instant. But the thing about being a vampire…” He moved so that he was looking directly at Bonnie again, his expression a combination of longing and smugness. “Is that you notice pretty much everything. Like the way your eyebrows crease when you’re not telling the truth. Or the way you swallow when you’re keeping something from me. Usually how turned on you are.”

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. That was what bothered her about Kai being a vampire now; he could notice the things he couldn’t before. It gave him an unfettered access to her.

“You shouldn’t have kept me waiting,” he whispered. His voice was greedy, a touch below urgent and Bonnie realized he was holding back. Or trying to. He had an itch to be laid bare just as much as she did. The realization compelled her to lunge at him and she could taste his surprise on her lips. Good. She was forceful with her mouth, taking everything from him, everything she could. He gripped her waist in a plea — to keep going, to stop … he squeezed her sides and Bonnie could feel him siphon from her; a pain that over time had become cruelly delicious. Bonnie kissed his jaw line, traced her tongue on the underside of his chin and she heard him grunt, felt his hardness against her body and it only elicited in her the urge to undo him even further. She put her hands in his back pockets and pushed him into her and he swore, clenching the material of her dress.

“Let me bite you,” he said hoarsely. “It’s all I’ve wanted to do for a week.”

“What?” said Bonnie. This was not what she expected. “Why?”

“Are you serious? All of your friends are vampires and you don’t know why?”

“I know about bloodlust.”

He put his lips to her ear. “But do you know about hunger?”

His words made her quake, made her skin burn; she was flushed. Too hot and too cold. Curious and aching and wary. Anxious. Bite her? This was new territory, a different kind of danger, like flirting with death. Her death. It excited her. That was the problem. Kai slipped his hand beneath her dress and gently stroked her stomach. His fingertips barely grazed her and yet she felt his touch everywhere; her body was erupting into shivers, almost convulsions. She breathed heavily and could feel Kai smirk against her neck. Ugh. She hated that he could hear that.

“I want to taste you,” he said, his lips were parted and caressing her skin, the tip of his tongue running down the length of her neck to her shoulder. He put his free hand on the door and pushed into her once more, making her moan. Bonnie could feel his appetite and it called to her morbid curiosity. His fingers were on her backside now, skimming the lace of her underwear, and then they explored the back of her legs.

“Do you know what it’s like when your entire body screams for someone else’s and for no one or nothing else ?” he whispered. Everything he was saying inflamed Bonnie beyond rationality. She felt a building pressure deep in her gut and she wanted to squeeze her legs together but Kai gripped her thighs, keeping them apart. No! She needed some relief. He sighed. “You want this.” His voice was raw, aroused. “I can feel it. You want me to bite you.”

“Puncture wounds on my neck isn’t exactly something I look forward to.”

“Who said anything about your neck?” And slowly, Kai trailed his fingers from Bonnie’s outer thigh to her inner, brushing her underwear but making no move to slip his finger past them. Bonnie dragged her nails on the door behind her. She already knew what it was like for her body to scream for the body of another, to scream for Kai, but she also knew that Kai liked to remind her of that frustration whenever he could. That was what this was; his fingers pressed against her underwear and Bonnie almost banged the door. She wanted to take his hand and guide it to exactly where she was aching but that was what he wanted too, that would be how he’d win. Kai scraped his teeth lightly across her throat; they weren’t fangs yet but she could feel his desperate need to transform, to sink into her and her body was just as eager to experience it, to see where teasing death would take her but …

“I have to go,” said Bonnie, taking a hold of Kai’s wrist and moving it away from her thighs. He looked at her; his expression would be impassive if he wasn’t clenching his jaw.

“You have to go.”

“Yeah,” she said. “I can’t ditch lunch with Caroline and Damon. And Stefan if he ever shows up.”

Kai’s eyes darkened. “Damon.”

“Oh, don’t start.” Bonnie extracted her body from Kai’s and walked to sink. She stood in front of the mirror and observed how dishevelled she looked. She was barely aware of what she was doing, still reeling from Kai’s touch and yearning to feel it again, to feel it all over her skin, but she had a point to make. She patted down her hair and started straightening her dress. Kai moved behind her and grabbed her to him, his hands clasping her hips.

“No,” he said.

Bonnie looked at him in the mirror, her eyebrows raised. “No?”

“Do you know what it means for everything to be heightened? I can’t function, Bonnie.” His voice cracked. “I don’t just crave … I hunger for you. It’s not just that I think about you all the time, it’s … it’s like you’re in my bones, you’re in my appetite. Do you get that? I’ve waited for this for seven days.”

“Then you can wait a few more hours.”

“Bonnie —”

“You want my blood, Kai? Work for it.”

She broke out of his hold and turned to leave, opening the door but Kai pushed it closed. He peered down at Bonnie, his lips parted and his eyes intense. Focused. And … mischievous, almost wicked. Bonnie had seen this look before.

“You have no idea what you just started,” he said. He opened the door, standing to the side so Bonnie could leave. He smiled slyly. “You should get out there. Don’t want to keep them waiting, do you?”

She didn’t look at him as she left and tried not to show how intrigued she was and … nervous, almost worried. Not about what he’d do but about how she’d feel about it, about how much darkness she’d discover in herself when he did what he was going to do. There seemed to be no limits when she was with Kai; no limits to what she enjoyed, to what she found herself craving, what she found herself doing. And that thrilled her. And scared her.

When Bonnie returned to Damon and Caroline, there was bruschetta and sliders on the table and the bottle of bourbon was half empty.

“I ordered appetizers,” said Caroline as Bonnie sat back in her seat. “I would’ve asked what you wanted but you were taking forever in the bathroom. I was about to go in after you. What were you doing?”

“Yeah, Bonnie,” said Damon. His voice was lazy with drink. “What were you doing?”

Bonnie looked at the half empty bottle. “I’m surprised you can still speak in full sentences.”

Damon shrugged and poured more bourbon into his glass. “Always underestimating me.”

“Great, you’re going to be depressingly drunk soon,” said Caroline. “I don’t even know why I invited you.”

“And I don’t even know why I came,” said Damon. “Does this mean I can go?”

“No, the point is for all of us to stay in touch, to check in on each other. I mean we have tiny burgers! And Stefan will be here any minute.”

“Yeah, let’s hold on to that dream.”

Bonnie started to speak but then stopped before saying anything. Kai had come out of the restroom and turned to look at her, his expression devious. Then he was gone. Cloaked. Bonnie’s eyes widened imperceptibly. Trying not to be too obvious, she glanced around her. Damon was too busy drinking to notice anything. Caroline was calling Stefan for what had to be the third time. Everyone else in The Grill seemed to be too involved in their meals or their conversations to pay attention to anything else. But Kai had cloaked himself. Bonnie felt her palms sweat.

Caroline put down her phone. “Stefan’s almost here,” she said.

“Excellent,” said Damon, raising his glass.

She ignored this and turned to Bonnie. “Aren’t you going to eat anything? Did you want something else?”

“No, this is good, I think — aaaaaah.” Bonnie shuddered. Lips brushed against her back and she felt shivers down her spine, deliciously soft. It made her squirm in her seat.

“Are you OK?” said Caroline.

Bonnie pressed her mouth together. Kai. This was why he cloaked himself. This is was why … He started kissing the nape of her neck and instinctively she arched her back. God, she hated him.

“I’m fine,” said Bonnie, trying to smile. “Just … just a shiver. You know, cold air.”

Damon blinked at her, his lips pursed sardonically. “The AC isn’t on.”

“Really? You don’t . . .” She felt Kai blow gently in her ear and she scratched the back of her neck, trying not to close her eyes. “You don’t feel that — that draft?”

“Um no,” said Caroline.

“Oh, weird,” said Bonnie, laughing weakly. She picked up her menu. “What are you going to order?”

Caroline looked at Damon, her eyes narrowed and questioning of Bonnie’s behaviour but Damon just shook his head and shrugged in dismissal. “Well,” said Caroline. “I haven’t really decided yet because I wanted to wait for …” But Bonnie couldn’t concentrate on anything Caroline was saying. Somehow Kai had managed to get under the table without moving it and he’d slipped off Bonnie’s sandal. He stroked her calf and gently ran his teeth along the bottom of her foot, making her jerk, making her gut tighten.

“Stop it,” she said quickly.

“Stop what?” said Caroline. She lowered her menu.

“Nothing. Sorry. I was just thinking about something else.”

“And I’m the drunk one,” said Damon. 

Bonnie felt Kai’s hands start to slide up from her calves to her knees … slowly he moved her legs apart and Bonnie inhaled. She grasped the side of the table. He started rubbing her hips as he kissed her inner thighs, his lips brushing against her underwear. Bonnie cleared her throat.

She needed something to do; something to distract her from making any noises.

“I think I’ll have a slider,” she said, reaching for a mini burger and shoving it whole in her mouth. Caroline looked scandalized but Damon nodded his his head.

“Impressive,” he said. “Sexy quality in a woman.”

Without warning, Bonnie felt Kai’s tongue make contact with her ache and she clenched the table harder. She hated him. She wanted to writhe, move her hips but all she could do was chew and moan, hopefully it sounded like she was enjoying the burger and nothing else. Beads of sweat prickled her chest.

“I take it the burger is good?” said Caroline slowly, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Mmmm . . . mmmmhmmm…” said Bonnie.

“I wish that was the sound you made when you tried some of my cooking,” said Damon.

Hands gripped Bonnie’s thighs, spreading them even further apart and she could feel Kai increase the pressure, his tongue circling around and around. And she couldn’t help it. With as little movement as she possibly could, Bonnie squirmed in her chair, grinding against his movement, which only made Kai nuzzle her harder. She couldn’t take this. Her body was unravelling. She felt herself beginning to build and she needed to bang the table or clench her hair or groan, something, she didn’t know what. She was getting out of control. This was what he wanted. To drive her crazy. She hated him.

“So Damon, while Bonnie and I have been at college, studying and … you know, doing something, what’ve you been up to?”

“Well Miss Judgy Pants —”

Bonnie missed what he said next. She couldn’t concentrate. She was getting dizzy. It felt good. He felt good. And terrible. And unbearable. She was getting close… the pressure of Kai’s tongue lessened slightly and she swore inwardly. It was bad enough that he started this here but to leave her. Like this. As discreetly as she could, Bonnie put her hand underneath the table and felt her fingers brush against skin — the bridge of a nose … a forehead … hair … when she got a good feel for Kai’s head, she gently pushed him deeper into the apex of her thighs, urging him on. He continued, digging his fingernails into her skin. And she put her thumb in her mouth and bit down hard, her toes curled. Her entire body was raw, sensitive. She sighed heavily, panted. She couldn’t help it.

“What is going on with you?” said Damon.

“Yeah, Bonnie, you’re looking really flushed. Your heart is racing,” said Caroline. “I mean if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were about to have a —”

That was it. Bonnie banged her fist on the table. “I need you two to compel everyone in here to leave and then I need you to go too,” she said. The words came tumbling out of her mouth, quick and disjointed.

There was a beat and then —

“What?”

Caroline shook her head. “Bonnie —”

“Why do you need us to do that?” said Damon.

“I can’t explain it now, can you just do it?”

“No,” said Damon. “Not until you explain why.”

“After everything I’ve done for you guys, you can’t just do this one stupid thing for me?”

“OK don’t get mad,” said Caroline. She hesitated. “We’ll do it.”

“What? No.”

“Oh just take the bottle with you, Damon,” said Caroline. “You don’t even want to be here.”

“I want to know–”

“Let’s go,” said Caroline. “We can tell Stefan there’s been a change of plans.”

Caroline stood up from the table first and reluctantly Damon followed, picking up the bottle of bourbon as he did. But before Bonnie could celebrate success in getting them to leave, the pressure disappeared completely and the slow building in her gut dissipated until it settled. She couldn’t feel Kai anymore. He’d moved from beneath the table. Now that Bonnie was the only one sitting there, he stopped. There was no torment now, she realized, and so there was no point.

It didn’t take long for Damon and Caroline to compel all of the customers and waitstaff. “If I’m not at the dorm when you get back, call me, OK?” said Caroline.

“Of course,” said Bonnie. “Thanks, Caroline.”

Damon left without saying anything.

Everyone had emptied the restaurant and Bonnie walked quickly to the door, flipping the open sign over so that it said closed. When she turned around, Kai was visible again, standing at the bar, his eyebrows raised in arrogant triumph.

“Had a good lunch?”

His composure enraged her. She was bereft and wanting, her skin was burning. She couldn’t remember a time she’d been so physically agitated.

“Take off your jeans,” she said. It almost sounded like she was musing to herself rather than making a demand.

Kai laughed. “Bonnie —”

“OK.” She raised and lowered her index finger and Kai’s zipper came undone. “Do you want me to do the rest or can you handle it yourself?”

Even from across the restaurant, Bonnie could hear Kai clear his throat, see all trace of smug humour disappear only to be replaced with intensity; a yearning curiosity. He stepped out of his jeans. Bonnie made a forward motion with her hand and a chair at the back of the room came skidding toward her, knocking into Kai’s knees so that he was seated. She slashed the air with her finger and Kai’s feet were pinned to the floor while his arms were thrown around the chair as if his hands were tied behind his back.

Bonnie walked to where Kai was sitting, stopping just in front of him. She held his gaze and lifted her dress, hooking her thumbs into her underwear; she slid them down her legs and watched as Kai’s mouth slowly opened, as his eyes followed her movements. She moved forward and sat astride him, angling herself so she could feel him through his boxers. He closed his eyes and sighed then she kissed him. Passionately. Savagely. She mirrored her tongue’s motions with her body, swaying her hips and arching her back, squirming on Kai’s lap as she bit hard on his bottom lip. He moaned, a strangled sound deep in his throat and she writhed harder. She could feel him strain against the chair, feel him try to move his feet, his hands, feel him try to touch her, try to do something with the sensation and she could also feel his frustration at the barrier between them, at the fact that he was still in his boxers, which denied him full contact with her. Bonnie ran her fingers through his hair and then lowered his head to her chest and he started to kiss her across her collarbone. She twisted her hips, he gritted his teeth, trying to push into her but he was thwarted by his pinned feet and then quickly and harshly, Bonnie inched away from him.

He gasped in delirious confusion. “No, come back.”

He leaned forward to try and kiss her again but Bonnie moved her head further away. The veins on Kai’s face were dark, his eyes red and blazing with irritation and ripe desire. “Bonnie.”

She got up so that she was in front of Kai once more but her hands were still on his lap. She inched her fingers closer to his erection and pressed against it but just barely. He swallowed hard and raised his head back. Bonnie leaned forward and Kai lowered his head, stretching his neck as much as he could so his lips could touch hers but she was just out of reach.

“You know what it’s like to be so close but so far?” she whispered, pressing her fingers against him again. “Frustrating, right?”

Kai clenched his jaw and Bonnie grinned. Slowly, she crept forward and he moved to kiss her but then she snapped her head back. He growled.

“You’ve made your point.”

She did it again.

“It’s not like you were the only one turned on at the table.” His voice was desperate.“Bonnie, please, you’re …”

“What, driving you crazy?”

“That’s putting it lightly.”

And again.

“My blood is screaming. Bonnie.”

And —

Kai leaned forward as Bonnie inched closer but instead of trying to kiss her, he lowered his head to the neckline of her dress. He grasped it in his teeth and tugged, tearing the front. Before Bonnie could react, Kai in his heightened speed moved his hands from behind the chair, took a hold of her waist and moved them both to the bar, pushing Bonnie onto its surface.

She was breathless.

“I can do magic too, remember?” he said, panting and he tore the rest of her dress so that she was completely naked except for scraps of material at her side. He reached beside him and picked up a bottle of what Bonnie thought was Scotch. He opened it and then drizzled the liquor on her body; it was warm on her skin. He bent forward, his mouth on her stomach, his tongue licking her navel. He travelled upward, lapping up the liquid, nipping at her curves, kissing her breasts; Bonnie’s body bowed off the bar.

“Bite me,” she said impulsively.

“What?”

“You heard me,” said Bonnie. She had never felt so reckless. “Bite me.”

Kai groaned and started kissing her stomach again. When his lips were just below her hip at her thigh, he looked up at her and locked his eyes, focused and ardent, with hers. Bonnie watched as his veins darkened even further, felt his excited breath on her skin; she watched the slow descent of his fangs and then he sunk into her. She cried out. First in pain but then … the feeling was almost instant. And it was overpowering. The intensity of the pleasure devastated her body; it was almost agonizing to feel so much stimulation, to feel like experiencing any more of it would kill her but like she would die if Kai ever stopped drinking from her. There was no escaping it … she could only absorb it … and pain had never felt so gratifying. Kai raised his head, his fangs exposed and bloody; his expression was a mixture of satiation and vulgar need, hunger in the purest form Bonnie had ever seen.

“There doesn’t seem to be anything about you that I can get enough of,” he whispered. And then he kissed her; thick scarlet droplets dripped hot and slow from his mouth onto Bonnie’s, running down the side of her face and she savoured it, relished it . . . the taste of her blood on his tongue.


	6. Only Ours

He didn’t need her to love him. In all honestly he preferred her hatred because it was something that was his and no one else’s. Bonnie Bennett didn’t hate. She judged and she scorned and she even despised — a cool contempt for the morally bankrupt — but the only time she hated so passionately that she seemed almost possessed by rage was when she was with him and it stirred in her a need to consume him, to conquer him, to master him.

Kai lived for that need. He was always waiting for her, waiting for when that itch she had for him grew too unbearable for her to ignore and she had to have her body against his. His days were spent reliving those moments, remembering her lips, her thighs, her screams, her bites and then he was taken over by a desperate desire to make her itch so badly it would drive her to near-madness like how everything about her — her smile, her walk, her moan — sent him into a frenzy of mixed urges. Really they were more than urges, they were … feelings; feelings that he couldn’t stop and that kept him in a state of agitation and upheaval. The nights she didn’t make her way to him were the nights he smashed and shattered and slammed anything and anyone unlucky enough to be around him. The nights she came to him were the nights he remembered and re-remembered that she didn’t soothe him or satiate him, she only fuelled him, his need for her, there was no getting his fill of her, and when she left him he would clench his hair and scream in frustration of this knowledge. It was an agonizing arrangement between them; one that compelled him to do things like watch her whenever he could, however he could, with spells, with spies, with his own eyes.

It was strange to observe her life from afar, to see her with her friends, to see her in classes, to see her drink lattes and laugh at jokes and study for exams. That he wasn’t a part of that aspect of Bonnie didn’t bother Kai because he knew she didn’t belong to that world anymore, that the Bonnie who operated in that world wasn’t real but a projection from another life, a former life that ended the moment she found herself in the nineties. College and coffeehouses and karaoke nights weren’t what she ached for, weren’t what slipped into her dreams and woke her up in the middle of the night hot and panting and yearning for more; what she did with him, what she felt when she was with him, that was. Kai knew this even if she wouldn’t admit it to him, he knew it in his gut, which made it difficult for him to explain why seeing Bonnie and Damon together elicited a fury in him that he wasn’t accustomed to.

They were sitting at a window booth in Fran’s, the local diner, sharing a sandwich. Damon was stealing her fries. She laughed and hit him playfully across the shoulder. Many times before this Kai had stood where he was standing now, halfway behind a tree, across the street from Fran’s, and watched Bonnie eat with different men. None of them had inspired jealousy. In fact he’d been amused by them all, knowing that none of them could sense much less wet Bonnie’s thirst for darkness, for carnality. Only he could do that. What was it about Damon, then, that set Kai’s teeth on edge? That made his heart thud?

Moving away from the tree to get a better view of the diner, Kai watched as Damon’s glance lingered on Bonnie. He noticed Damon’s hooded eyes and parted mouth, he studied the expression of reverence and hunger on his face — it was a look Kai recognized because he had the same expression whenever he gazed at Bonnie, he had the same expression whenever they were having sex, and seeing it on Damon’s face roused in Kai the wild urge to set everything around him on fire. Bonnie put her elbow on the table and then rested her head in her hand and she seemed to flutter her eyes a little, giving Damon a smile — Kai saw a salaciousness in the slow way she did it that made his throat tighten and he couldn’t help but wonder if Bonnie would want Damon the way she wanted him, if Damon could elicit the same furious passion in her. The thing that was theirs. And that, he realized, was why this lunch date was different from the others. The possibility that she could …

“No. That’s ours.”

Kai began to pace in quick circles, breathing heavily, feeling his heart race faster. He couldn’t look anymore. He had to look again. He put his hands on the back of his head, interlocking his fingers. He turned toward the diner window. Damon was leaning over, whispering something in Bonnie’s ear then he touched the corner of her mouth, wiping something away. Maybe ketchup. Or mayonnaise. It didn’t matter; all that Kai could focus on was Damon’s fingers on Bonnie’s lips and suddenly he could imagine everything: Damon’s hands on her waist, his lips on her chest, her nails gripping his shirt, his grin at making her gasp, her husky calls of, “Damon! Damon!” Kai let out a yell and slammed his fist against the tree. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, trying to free himself of his torturous imagination. He could still hear her calling his name. Damon! Damon!

“Stop!”

He felt a violence toward Damon, a violence of unfamiliar intensity. Homicidal inclinations were nothing new to Kai; the anger associated with those urges was his state of being for a large chunk of his life but this, what he was experiencing now, it wasn’t that. He didn’t want to kill Damon. He wanted to bludgeon him, beat him, he wanted to tear him apart.

Kai picked up a fallen tree branch; it felt sturdy yet light in his hand. He headed toward the diner, his eyes fixed on Damon and Bonnie at the window. They were hugging now and Damon was rubbing his hand up and down the length of Bonnie’s back.

Damon! Damon! Damon!

Kai wanted to bodily tear the imaginary echoes from his head. He banged open the door to Fran’s with such force that the glass shattered from the frame. Everyone turned to look at the entrance, Bonnie whipped around to face him.

“Kai,” she said.

Damon’s eyes narrowed like he was about to make a calculated move but before he had the chance to react, Kai extended his free arm, muttered a spell and pinned Damon to his seat. After this, there would be no more magic, Kai just needed enough time to —

wham!

With all of his force behind the blow, Kai used the tree branch to strike Damon across the face, savouring the cracking sound of a broken jaw, the splatter of blood across the table and floor and window, the yelp of pain that tore through his mouth. Kai cleared his throat. That should be enough to shut up the echoes in his head.

Bonnie shouted. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

The spell didn’t hold Damon for more than a few seconds and he was out of his chair, a quick blur, and he slammed Kai down onto another table, a butter knife already in hand, its jagged edge a breath away from Kai’s eyeball. This was something Kai expected. He didn’t want Damon pinned for the entirety of the fight, he didn’t want to use magic either. There was something about his anger that made him want to physically destroy Damon with his own two hands, that made him want to take his time, that made him want to go up against Damon rather than manipulate him into losing. It wasn’t about playing God, it was about, it was about —

Pain. Bursting pain. Damon let go of Kai and pressed his hands to his temples, his eyes screwed and his mouth open in a yell. Kai felt his body stiffen like he had no control over it. Bonnie stood behind them, her expression fiercely focused and her hand open in front of her.

“Bonnie,” said Kai through gritted teeth.

She didn’t answer and she didn’t lower her arm until Damon was kneeling on the floor, cradling his head. As soon as the pain began, it stopped and Bonnie lunged toward Kai, grasping him by the arm and yanking him off the table, leading him toward the glassless door. He could hear Damon mumbling in the background. “Bonnie, where are you going with him? Bonnie?!”

They walked a couple of blocks until she found an alleyway between two buildings and she shoved Kai into it. “Are you completely out of your mind?” she yelled. “What the hell was that?”

Kai said nothing but sagged against the brick, his teeth clenched.

“Kai,” said Bonnie. “What the hell was that?”

He didn’t say anything. Bonnie slapped him hard across the face. His eyes flashed dangerously and he pushed off from against the wall, standing up straight.

“Does he always touch you like that?”

“What?”

“Damon,” said Kai. “Does he always touch you like that?”

“You can’t be serious. Touch me like what?”

“Like me.”

“He doesn’t touch me like you.” Bonnie paused for a moment and then mumbled as an afterthought, “No one touches me like you.”

“Exactly,” said Kai.

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you jealous?”

“Well I don’t just go around hitting people with tree branches, Bonnie, if someone annoys me I usually just kill them. Of course I’m jealous!”

She stared at him too bewildered to do anything but frantically shake her head open-mouthed. “Get over it,” she said finally. “We’re not together.”

“I don’t care. I don’t like him touching you.”

“Kai, I just said — we aren’t a couple!”

“I don’t care. That part of you is mine,” said Kai, enunciating the word ‘mine’ with a guttural intensity that made Bonnie’s eyebrows crease. She slapped him for a second time.

“Nothing about me is yours!” she screamed. “Nothing about me is anyone’s but mine. I’m not a possession to be —”

Bonnie didn’t finish her sentence. Kai grabbed her beneath her chin and she used one hand to pry his fingers from her face and the other to push him back against the wall; he reached behind her to the back of her head and tugged her hair so that he could stare her square in the eye. She glared back. They were both breathing heavily. And Kai could feel it. All of it. Feel how furious she was that he took a hold of her with such boldness, that she was thrilled by it, he could feel the longing between them and how much she resented it but how much she wanted to see where it would lead. Most of all he could feel her lack of forgiveness, her hatred of his past indiscretions but how that hatred, like always, was turning into a need to own him, to make him hers even though she would never be his. She wanted him. She hated him almost as much as she hated herself for it but she wanted him. 

“Don’t tell me that this, what you’re feeling right now, don’t tell me that that’s not mine. Don’t tell me you’ve felt this way about anyone else. This belongs to me. And to you. It has to … I … I crave it, Bonnie. I—” he exhaled heavily. “It’s all I think about. This is ours. Only ours.”

Bonnie put her hand over his and lowered it from the back of her head so she could take a step back. “We don’t have anything.”

“We have this.”

“This is nothing, Kai.” 

“This is enough of something to make you come back for more. Your body begs for it. I can feel it. I feel it right now.”

“It’s called sex,” said Bonnie, her voice a near-shout. “It’s just sex.”

“And you only want it from me,” said Kai, his tone matching hers.

“You’re so sure?” said Bonnie. Kai paused and clenched his jaw, his eyes unblinking and intense. “Is that why you pummelled Damon? Because you’re so sure?”

“Bonnie,” he said. It was a warning.

“What if he did touch me like you do? What if I wanted him to? What if whenever we touched even if it was just for a second, I ached and felt it everywhere. On my skin. Between my thighs…”

“Stop it.” The echoes of her calling Damon’s name were etching back into Kai’s head and he felt himself unravelling; he was beginning to shake. He couldn’t listen to her say anymore, just the possibility of any of it being true was excruciating to consider.

“Maybe I fantasize…”

“Bonnie.”

“Maybe when we’re together it’s his face I see —”

Kai seized Bonnie by the shoulders, his grip so tight he knew it would bruise her. “Why are you trying to make me angry?”

“Because I hate this!” She broke out of his grip and pushed him away from her. “You make me feel in the worst possible way. You bring something out in me that is dangerous and wrong.”

“It’s always been there, Bonnie.”

“But I didn’t notice it before you.”

“And now you’re having the time of your life.”

“And now I’m sickened with myself because of it. I hate you for that!”

“You don’t know hate, Bonnie.”

She took a step closer to him, her face inches from his, her eyes determined and blazing. “I. Hate. You.”

“You hate me?” he whispered. “You hate me? I hate you. What you do to me. Look at me! Look at what I’m doing because of you! I can’t even think about you with anyone else without wanting to kill something!”

Bonnie’s expression changed. Her eyes were shining now and Kai knew she wouldn’t let go of those unshed tears; he knew they were tears of anger, too, of being shamefully confused about what she was feeling and why.

“Everything about you terrorizes me. Do you know what that’s like? To think about you all the time and not be able to think about anything else? The songs make it seem fun, you know, make it seem cute. It’s not. It literally drives you crazy. You drive me crazy.” Kai gesticulated wildly and then put his put his hand to his face, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “I can’t concentrate on anything except for when I get to see you again.” Almost instinctively, he stretched his arm to touch her. She didn’t move away from his reach. Kai closed his eyes in a sort of triumph. That was all he wanted.

“When I get to feel you again …” He put his hands on her hips and clenched the material of her leggings. She pressed her mouth together and lowered her eyes. “… kiss you again …” He inched closer to her, his head bent, looking at her downcast eyes, his lips at her forehead. “I’m a mess if I’m not touching you,” he whispered. She sighed. He started kissing her earlobe and she slipped her hands up his chest. “And I can’t stand it when I am touching you because I know that eventually I’ll have to stop …” He moved his hands up to her waist and squeezed, making her stand on her tiptoes. He moved her against the wall. She put her lips against his neck. He flexed his hands over her behind and then slid them up to the small of her back, to the top of her spine, smoothing his fingers over her spaghetti straps so that they lightly fell off her shoulders, he grazed his teeth against them, he ran his lips down the back of her neck, his fingernails digging into the material of her tank top, desperate to shred through it and touch her skin. For now he just wanted to feel her, wanted to savour his hands on her body, explore the deep shallows of her curves, experience the smoothness of her skin, run his fingers across the firmness of her legs.

“This is killing me, Bonnie,” he breathed into her ear, hooking into the waistband of her leggings. “Do you know what that’s like?” He slipped a finger in, tearing through her underwear until he got where wanted. Bonnie gasped and clasped his neck, bringing his face to hers but he didn’t kiss her; both of their mouths were open in raw yearning, both of their lips were touching, their eyes boring into each other. “All I do is wait for this,” he said.

“I know,” said Bonnie, her voice hoarse. “I know what that’s like.”

Kai sighed and increased the pressure of his fingers, making Bonnie throw her head back against the red brick. She clenched his shoulders. He withdrew his finger and trailed it across Bonnie’s lower lip, his eyes clouded and dark.

“Why’d you stop,” she whispered frantically.

“Because,” said Kai, lifting her. She wrapped her legs around him. “I don’t think you do know.” And he rocked into her, groaning with each thrust. She tried to keep quiet but with each intake of breath, each needy moan, Kai grinned. Madness. He wanted to drive her to madness. He rocked harder. Bonnie swore.

“Let’s go somewhere else,” she said breathlessly.

“No.”

“Please.”

“Why?”

“I want …” She dug her fingers deeper into Kai’s shoulder. “I want to do this for real.”

So did he but not yet.

“No,” he said again, his voice cracking. “You need to know.”

Bonnie put her hands on either side of her face and kissed him. Ferociously. Like she wanted all of his air. Kai thrust into her harder. She bit his bottom lip. He fisted through her hair. She squeezed her legs tighter around him. He ran his tongue down her chin.

“I know,” she said. It was almost a plead.

“Good,” said Kai, loosening his grip so she could slide down and stand back on the ground. He pressed her against the wall with his body, slipping his hands up and beneath her tank top, palming her breasts. Bonnie sighed through her kiss-swollen lips and reached for Kai’s zipper but he caught her by the wrist, raised her arm and pinned it above her head against the wall. He leaned toward her, gently dragging his teeth across her jaw, and he nibbled her earlobe. “No,” he whispered as his other hand continued to massage her chest. He could feel her tremble with ripe want.

“Kai,” she said.

“You drive me crazy,” he told her again.

She groaned. “I hate you.”

“I know,” he said, smiling against her neck. And he did know. Because it was theirs. “Only ours.”


	7. Spite

There was no one else driving on the road but Bonnie, her car’s high beams the only light in the darkness. It was a blustery night and high winds battered her jeep, stubbornly trying to push it into the shrubbery; she had to peer through heavy sheets of rain to stay on course. The radio had turned to static and the gravelly crack of thunder was the only noise she could hear — a menacing threat from the sky.

She told herself to keep breathing, to stay focused. The truth was, she had driven in worse conditions before: through flash floods and white fog. But she had never been so emotional that she had to remind herself to concentrate on driving safely. Like she was doing now. Until tonight Bonnie never appreciated guilt; its depth, its intricacies — unlike pride and grief, it was an emotion she rarely felt in her life. That had changed when she started sleeping with Kai a month or so ago. Their nights together unlocked in her a desire for the dark and the dangerous that had the sickening effect of empowering her and at the same time overwhelming her with shame. It probably would’ve been easier if she were simply attracted to a dangerous man instead of discovering, through that attraction, that she herself had terror in her and she relished its power. She couldn’t be who she was when she was with Kai and that was why she had ended it earlier that evening. It had been a hard thing to do; loss had taken over her the moment she said the severing words and she felt guilty because of it, guilty that even now, her skin burned for his lips and her body screamed for the freedom of darkness. In her gut she wanted depravity and the contempt at that fact was unbearable.

And then there was Damon.

Before seeing Kai she had been with Damon and there had been a moment between them — a kiss. It was confused and disconcerting but it happened. And it wasn’t brief. Or bad. Never in all of Bonnie’s time knowing Damon did she want him. Before they were friends he was the vampire she’d been patiently waiting to take down; he scared her and then he repulsed her but then he started to surprise her. With his loyalty. And his compassion. She learned to trust him, to count on him and she started to miss him when he wasn’t around but she never sought more than friendship; he was Elena’s and Bonnie didn’t want it any other way. She didn’t know, then, why what happened that afternoon happened but it didn’t change the guilt she felt at betraying the memory of one of her best friends or that she felt like she betrayed Kai, which really only made her feel guilty for feeling guilty about betraying a psychopath who inspired immorality, for feeling like she betrayed a non-relationship at all. It was a spiral of self-disgust that Bonnie had been drowning in all day and it was distracting her from the road.

Trees leaned precariously sideways in the wind; they were moments away from uprooting. The rain was a constant spray on Bonnie’s windshield and flurries of dead leaves blew down the road; the thunder grew steadily louder, everything seemed colourless. Bonnie had chosen to spend the night away from the dorm. She needed solitude and staying on campus meant sharing an enclosed space with Caroline who was both caring and intrusive with an annoying knack for deduction and Bonnie didn’t need her knowing everything she’d done. The original plan had been to go to her own house but it was too far to drive to in this weather. That only left the Salvatore Mansion. It felt wrong to go right to him after that afternoon and a new thread of guilt wove its way into Bonnie’s chest but with any luck, Damon would be out. He was out most nights. And if Stefan happened to be there instead of with Caroline, at least he would respect Bonnie’s space. They always got along that way.

She turned a corner and eased up the curved driveway to the Salvatore Mansion; it was an intimidating structure in the night. The lights were on in the windows because Damon and Stefan never turned them off but there were no cars parked outside. She had the house to herself even if only for a little while. It felt like she had barely let out a sigh of relief when forked lightning spliced the sky and illuminated a shadow in the trees, calling to her sense of ominous anticipation. The shock of white light disappeared and so did the shadow but Bonnie stayed on alert; she could feel her magic in her veins. She was ready. She was expectant. She was … yes, she was excited; a fight was what she needed right now.

Flash. Lightning. A shadow. And then —

Kai. It was Kai in the shadows. He was waiting patiently by the trees, seemingly undisturbed by the gust or the rain, his hands tucked into his pockets. He made no move toward the car but only stared at Bonnie through the windshield. Even from where she sat she knew he was smug and it irritated her beyond reason; the audacity of his presence, of how he thought he had the right to follow her. It was infuriating. Bonnie shook her head and tried instead to feel pity that he wouldn’t or couldn’t accept defeat but she couldn’t do it. Kai didn’t inspire her condolence no matter how condescending. He only inspired her wrath.

She got out of the car and slammed the door shut. “I tell you it’s over and your reaction is to follow me?”

Kai moved away from the trees and they both headed toward one another until they were standing in front of each other. “Walking away from a conversation doesn’t mean that it’s over,” he said.

“No, me saying it’s over means that it’s over.”

“It would if you meant it.”

“I do mean it.”

“You just wish that you meant it.”

“Don’t act like you know me.”

“Bonnie, I hate to break it to you but I probably know you better than anyone.”

She regarded him coldly and he gazed back almost in amusement. That look … it incensed the blood.

For many reasons.

Bonnie wiped the rain off her face and then almost instinctively swept her eyes over Kai’s. He always looked good wet and Bonnie was hit with the sudden urge to kiss the water droplets off his eyelids, lick them away from the corner of his mouth. And there was the guilt. She closed her eyes. Would those urges ever go away? She’d made a choice. A good choice.

“You can’t be here,” she said.

“That never stopped me before it sure as hell won’t stop me now.”

Bonnie knocked into his shoulder as she walked past him up the driveway but he caught her by the wrist and squeezed. The pain was instant. She felt intolerable heat around Kai’s hand; magic tearing away from her veins … it was excruciating. And it was terribly pleasant. Somehow it left her skin humming. Everything about it was cruel. Kai loosened his grip. Bonnie pushed her face into his and yelled. “Why did you siphon from me?”

“I need magic so you don’t spell me out of the house.”

“I haven’t even memorized that spell.”

“Of course you have,” said Kai. “You’re an excellent witch let’s not pretend otherwise,”

“Ugh.” Bonnie shoved him away so that he staggered a little down the driveway and then she continued on to the Salvatore Mansion. Tingles that pricked her back let her know that Kai was behind her and he was the first one into the foyer when she opened the door to the house.

Even with all of the lights on, the living room was dark. The lamps and chandeliers simply leant a dim and hazy glow that only emphasized the deep reds and rich browns of the sitting rooms. It would’ve been silent if the windows didn’t rattle with the weather and if the floorboards didn’t creak with movement. Bonnie ran her fingers through her hair and then shook her hand so water splattered the carpet. Kai made a gesture with his hands and the fireplaces ignited. She looked at him and sighed; it was a harsh sound.

“What do I have to do,” she said. “To get you out of my life.”

“When you’re out of mine,” he said, taking off his jacket and letting it fall onto the floor with a wet splat. “I’ll be out of yours.”

“I’m trying to —”

“Leaving doesn’t get you out of my life, Bonnie. Just like it doesn’t get me out of yours.”

Bonnie tossed her car keys on the coffee table in a gesture of exasperation. She repeated her question. “What will it take, Kai?”

“For you to mean it.”

“And yet me telling you that I mean it apparently isn’t enough!”

“When I stop hearing how fast you breathe around me, how your heart races around me, when you stop dreaming about fuc —”

“Stay out of my dreams and just maybe they’ll stop.”

“You and I both know I don’t need to cast a spell for you to dream about me.”

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. “You have a truly spectacular ego.”

“I just know when I’m right,” he said. “Your body speaks to me. Just because you won’t admit it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“That isn’t something that’s unique to you,” said Bonnie.

For a brief moment a shadow crept into Kai’s eyes and Bonnie could feel an electricity between them; a simmering rage. “Yes it is,” he said. “The way you crave it … yes it is.”

Bonne didn’t know if it was his arrogance or her guilt but she was suddenly overcome with impulsivity. “I wonder why I kissed Damon then,” she said.

___________

Kai didn’t know how long he was quiet for only that Bonnie’s words echoed throughout his body; he felt them everywhere — in his head, in his bones … they coiled in his gut and choked his windpipe and he was sick. He saw it all in his mind’s eye, pictured Damon’s hands all over her body, and he was sick with the imagery.

“What did you say,” he whispered.

“You heard what I said.”

“I want you to say it again.”

Bonnie stayed silent.

“Say it again!” His anger tore through his throat and a couple of windows shattered. Bonnie’s head snapped toward the noise. Rain splashed into the room; the curtains burrowed frantically in the wind.

“Damon and I kissed,” she said. Her voice was rough but not with fear of Kai’s anger but with anger of her own.

Kai started pacing and tried not to listen to the savage thudding of his heart pounding in his ears. Normally, fury calmed him, snapped him into a clarity. He could rely on it to put things into perspective. But this, with Bonnie … everything was a mess; he was all instinct and no intellect and he wanted to tear and he wanted to bite and he wanted to kiss and he wanted to kill and he wanted to scream and he wanted to touch and it was all ripping him apart. He could feel the rage in his blood, feel his teeth prickle with the urge to turn into fangs; he was sure his veins were starting to expose themselves beneath his eyes. He was losing control. She did that to him.

“What else?” he said.

“What do you mean what e–”

“I mean what. else? Did you sleep with him?”

“How is that any of your business?”

Kai stopped pacing and glared at her. “You decide it’s my business that you two kissed but you draw the line at telling me if you two screwed?”

Bonnie took a step forward, closer to him, her voice rising. “I just wanted to —”

“To what? Prove a point? Hurt me?” Kai picked up a lamp and threw it swiftly across the room, upending the table it was on. “Why stop there?”

“Why is this such a big deal to you? You told me once —”

“Stop changing the subject. I asked —”

“You told me once,” said Bonnie, talking over him. “That you didn’t care if I got a boyfriend.”

“And now Damon is your boyfriend?”

“You said you didn’t care, Kai. Not that you have the right to anyway since we aren’t even together.”

“Not him.”

“Why?”

“Because he wants you.”

Bonnie gesticulated wildly. “And other men don’t?”

“He wants you the way I want you!” The sound of bursting glass was deafening; the bulbs in all of the lamps and the chandeliers blasted apart, leaving only the fireplaces as sources of light. The entire house was black with flickers of orange glowing against the walls. “He wants you the way I want you but I swear to God, Bonnie, he won’t have you the way I have you. I will kill him if he tries. It’ll be easy.”

Bonnie picked up a crystal decanter half-filled with whiskey and hurled it at Kai’s head. He ducked and heard it smatter against the wall behind him.

“The only thing you have of mine is my spite,” she said.

“And you yearn for what I do with your spite.” He moved quickly, like a whisper, and he was in front of her. He stood as close as he could without touching her, his eyes piercing into hers, refusing to let her look away. “You get off on what I do with your spite.” He leaned into the space between them and heard her almost inaudible gasp, heard her swallow. “This. Right now. He won’t make you feel that.”

“Maybe that’s the damn point.”

“That would be the point with anyone else. Not him. He wants this. He wants what’s—”

“He wants what? What’s yours? I am not yours.”

“I don’t care if you hate me for it, I don’t care if you hate yourself for it, your desire is mine. Your rage is mine. Your …” In an instant, Kai’s gaze intensified and the air shifted; the tension heightened. He could hear Bonnie’s heart rate pick up in response to the sudden change. 

“Did he bite you?” Kai heard a danger in his voice that was unfamiliar to him, that came with his newfound vampirism. And beneath that he felt begging in his chest, the desperate need for Bonnie to answer ‘no’. It wasn’t something he could explain to himself, just a natural possessiveness over her blood, over her body. There wasn’t a moment since becoming a vampire that Kai didn’t suffer from ravenous hunger, from a primal must to feed; and everything about Bonnie was in that hunger, in his appetite — her blood, her skin, their sex — he needed to devour it all, little by little, and the sheer possibility of another vampire starving for her in that way …

He grabbed her by the arms and they moved again, slamming into a wall. “Did he bite you when you kissed?”

A pause.

“Dammit Bonnie.”

“YES.”

Kai crashed his fist into the spot of wall next to Bonnie’s head. She didn’t flinch. Her lower lip didn’t quiver. She only stared at him, her eyes wide with severity, and he loved her for it, for her fierceness.

“You’re lying,” he said. “You’re lying.” He grasped her beneath her chin. “It won’t make me leave. Nothing will make me leave.”

She gritted her teeth. “Fine, I lied,” she said. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t want him to.”

“Stop lying. Just stop! Just — —”

Kai smashed his mouth onto hers. He didn’t want to fight anymore. He didn’t want to talk anymore. Not now. Not for a while. He wanted to kiss her. Everywhere. All over. When he was finished, he didn’t want there to be one part of her skin his lips didn’t touch. He wanted her breathless. Moaning. Reckless. He bit her bottom lip hard so that she bled and she mewled in his mouth, reaching into his hair and tugging sharply. He groaned and pushed her harder into the wall, running his tongue over her cut; the taste of her blood frenzied his own and he kissed her with even more ferocity, his veins darkening. Her hands were on his waist, making quick work out of undoing his belt. He touched her wrist so she could stop. This wasn’t about him. This was about her. She put her hands on his back.

He moved his mouth to her throat, to her collarbone; when it reached the top of her shirt, he slid his hands up her curves, brushing the material away so that his fingers could skim her stomach. His fingers were on her shirt’s neckline and slowly, he began to rip the fabric away piece by piece so that only small amounts of skin showed with each tear and he kissed each exposure with voracity, making his way downward. Each of Bonnie’s gasps renewed in him his need to destroy the memory of her kiss with Damon; make her forget him, make her see him differently. Lesser. Less of a man. Kai had to make Bonnie his, even if it were for just that night. He stopped at her breasts and split her shirt wider, impatiently ridding her of her bra; he explored her with his fingers, kneaded her skin, sucked and caressed and traced his tongue around each nipple. Bonnie cried out and Kai could hear the fire intensify; the shadows on the wall were larger now.

Good.

He sank to his knees and undid her zipper, inching down her jeans, running his nose over her navel, over her underwear; he nuzzled her between her thighs and felt her legs quiver. He grasped them tightly so she wouldn’t drop to the floor. Her fingers gripped his shoulders, pulling at his sweater. He grazed his teeth down her inner thigh and lower and lower until she was out of her jeans. Panting, he looked up at her and she gazed down at him, her lips parted, her eyebrows creased. He quickly turned her around so that her front was against the wall. He watched her dig her fingernails into the wood in anticipation and he grinned. He slowly stood up, blowing on her skin as he did so that she shivered and sighed.

Kai leaned forward to touch her but then stopped and stared at her arched back that was prickled with goosebumps. He had done this to her and only he could do this to her. Right? He moved to leave but then Bonnie reached out behind her and grabbed him by the waistband so he wouldn’t walk away. She exhaled heavily. He bit his lip.

“Say what you want,” he said.

She didn’t say anything for a few moments and then — “You. Your … your body against me.”

Kai flattened his front against her back. “Like this?”

“Shirt off.”

His face flushed at the demand and he did what he was told, flattening against her once more; his burning skin against her smooth back. She groaned and he hardened even more, pressing his erection against her. With one hand he moved her hair from her ear and with the other, he reached to her front and skated his fingernails up and down her thigh. “You like this?” he breathed against her neck.

She groaned again.

“Hmm?” he teased.

“Yes.”

Bonnie turned around to kiss him and Kai lifted her onto him, her legs wrapped around his middle. He left the living room. Up the stairs, she kissed his neck and nibbled at his earlobe and he made a strangled sound deep in his throat. Down the hallway, she gnawed at his shoulder. He couldn’t take this. Swiftly, he walked into a room. All of the panelled windows were broken; the glass lay scattered in jagged pieces across the rain-swept floor. The wind howled through the empty doorframes and it knocked books and papers out of piles, it extinguished candles … only the fireplace remained untouched.

“This is Damon’s room,” said Bonnie, her tone vaguely bewildered. Her lips were by Kai’s ear and her whisper made him squeeze her tighter. He kissed her, putting one of his hands on the back of her head, fisting through her hair, and moved quickly to the bed, laying her down on the sheets. Bonnie put her hands on his arms and broke away from the kiss, gasping.

“You knew this was his room didn’t you?”

Kai didn’t answer and leaned toward her, being as close to her without making any contact and he moved his lips over the curves of her face, over the dips of her stomach … he wasn’t touching her but the sheer proximity of his lips to her skin made Bonnie quiver. He hovered over her thighs, his lips just barely grazing her underwear and her body bowed off the bed.

“Kai.”

“Yes, I knew,” he said harshly as his fingers teased her legs. “You want to stop?” Without taking his eyes off Bonnie’s face, he gently clenched the band of her underwear between his teeth and pulled so that it started slipping down her legs. Bonnie’s lips parted and she threw her head back down on the bed.

“No.”

Before Kai could respond, Bonnie put her hands on his shoulders and twisted so that they both rolled toward the edge of the bed; him ending up beneath her. She kissed him and he massaged her bare hips as they writhed on top of his groin. He groaned. He needed out of the rest of his clothes. Now. He needed all of him to be touching all of her. And then he felt it. Bonnie’s fingers undoing his fly, her hands tugging down his jeans; he felt her mouth on him and he cried out, gripping the sheets as his fangs descended and his blood roiled beneath his skin. She grabbed his throat and tilted his head up so he was looking directly at her when she eased onto him; his eyes darkened to a deep red and he unsheathed his fangs. Quickly, he sat up so that he and Bonnie were nose to nose. He started to move, slowly, almost languidly and he grinned as Bonnie moaned both in pleasure and frustration. She put her open lips to his jaw and bared her teeth on his skin, gently biting down. The sensation was incredible; it nearly distracted him from keeping pace.

“Faster,” she whispered.

“No.” Kai thrust into her deeply, making her gasp and then eased out, making her claw at his back and dig her teeth harder into his cheek.

“Kai.”

He kept his pace.

“Kai.”

He heard it — the huskiness. Kai brought Bonnie’s face to his; her expression a raw display of need and thirst …a raw display of appetite. For him. He sighed and closed his eyes and when he opened them, his pupils were such a dark red they nearly looked black. He thrust hard into Bonnie causing her to scratch him fast and deep on his chest and with a grunt he pushed forward, slamming her back down onto the mattress, her head hanging off the foot of the bed. He thrust into her faster and faster, each of her moans urging him on and without warning or prelude he sank his fangs into her neck and felt his body shudder in arousal at the taste of Bonnie’s blood.

____________

The pleasure was instantaneous this time and Bonnie gripped the sheets so hard they tore; her body was overstimulated, wrecked with gratification and she wondered if she would black out. She could feel Kai everywhere, she could sense him laying claim to her body and it both enraged her and turned her on with inexplicable intensity.

Kai withdrew from her neck, his eyes still a dark red and kissed Bonnie savagely, swirling her blood around her tongue. He rocked into her again and again. “Come,” he breathed.

Bonnie clenched his back. “No.”

“Yes.” He shifted and gyrated then sank his fangs into her neck one more time. A loud moan escaped Bonnie’s lips and the bedroom doors came off their hinges. Someone swore in the distance.

Wait, what?

Bonnie threw her head back down so that it dangled off the foot of the bed again and told herself to concentrate, to remove herself from the sex, from the pleasure, to keep herself from descending … and then she saw him at the doorway.

“Kai,” she whispered, pulling at his hair so his head snapped up to the entrance of the room. There was a pause.

“Damon,” said Kai.


	8. Mine

Damon hastily coiled the rope around Kai’s neck and squeezed, putting all his weight behind each pull so that Kai clawed at his face trying to free himself of the noose. His skin flushed red and his expression was pained as he gritted his teeth and Damon’s cut and swollen lip split into a vicious smile as each of his brutal tugs brought him closer to his goal of decapitating Kai. It had been a long fight, a brutal fight. Damon’s body was broken and shattered, bloodied and bruised — his healing abilities almost nonexistent; no doubt because Kai had worked some magic beforehand. But now he had the upper hand, he would finally once and for all kill —

Pain. Excruciating, head-splitting pain. Damon let go of the rope and put his hands to his temples, crashing onto his knees, his eyes screwed tight. Stop, stop, stop, this had to stop. Let him pass out. Hell, let him die. Anything but this. Nothing in the world had felt so painful. Damon concentrated on opening his eyes and with a few minutes, he managed to snap them open and he blinked in the sight of Bonnie Bennett standing in front of him, her arm outstretched. She looked resolute.

“Bonnie…” Damon cradled his head again. “Bonnie!”

Finally, she lowered her hand and looked at him like an insolent child. There was a pause and then a swish and Kai was on his feet, his face smugly triumphant and vengeful. He took a step toward Damon but Bonnie blocked him.

“Don’t,” she said.

Kai glared at her but did nothing else. Damon panted and looked between them, confused. He had listened to her. Why would Kai listen to Bonnie? 

“What the hell are you doing?” said Damon. “I was about to kill him!”

“And I couldn’t let you take that away from me,” said Bonnie. “He’s mine to kill.”

“I was doing it for you!”

“That’s not the same thing,” said Bonnie. “It has to be me. No one else. It’s my right.”

Damon stared at her appraisingly and then started to stand up. “I said that about Stefan once,” he said. “That no one could kill him but me. You know why?”

“Because he’s your brother,” said Bonnie.

“Because I didn’t want him to die,” said Damon harshly. He paused. “You don’t want Kai dead.”

“How would you know what I want?” said Bonnie. “Of course I want Kai dead.”

Damon rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid, Bonnie.”

Kai snorted. “That sentence kind of proves how stupid you are.”

Bonnie cut her eye toward him. “Shut up, Kai,” she said and he scowled at her.

“You see, this. This is what I’m talking about!” said Damon. “What is it with you and him?”

"I’m not afraid of him.”

“Because you love him.”

A resounding silence followed his words in which Kai turned to look at Bonnie but Damon gestured angrily. “Don’t look at her. Don’t you dare look at her!”

“And don’t speak like you speak on behalf of her!”

“What the hell, Bonnie? Is the sex really that good?”

“You have no idea,” said Kai mischievously, a vindictive grin twisting his lips.

Damon moved to charge at him and Kai readied his stance but Bonnie yelled. “Enough!”

Another silence descended and both men looked at her, their expressions mulish. Damon was the first to speak. “I can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t stand here and see this. You and him. You’re Bonnie Bennett. Bonnie Bennett doesn’t stoop this low.” He turned to leave and with a whisper of speed he was gone.

Bonnie stayed facing the direction he left as Kai moved behind her. “He’s right you know,” he said.

“Don’t be stupid. I don’t love you,” she said without turning around.

“But you can’t let anyone kill me.”

“Well no,” said Bonnie simply. “Your life is mine.”

Kai blinked a couple of times and passed his eyes over the back of her figure, his lips parted. Bonnie turned her head a little toward him without turning around to face him. “You are mine, Kai.”

And then she took a few steps forward, disappearing from view, leaving Kai standing alone.


	9. Honesty

The knocking was loud, thunderous. Bonnie had been listening to it for the past forty-five minutes. More than once the urge to yell, fuck off and go away! itched at her throat but that would’ve ruined the she-wasn’t-in-her-dorm ruse she’d been putting on even though she knew that Kai knew she was home. Even though she knew he wouldn’t go away until she opened the door.

As if on cue, he began to yell. “I know you’re in there, Bonnie! And honestly I think I deserve credit for staying outside and not breaking the door down like I want to!”

Still she said nothing.

“Bonnie, just open the door! You remember Say Anything? Were you even around for Say Anything? John Cusack? Ione Skye? Anyway, you remember the boombox and bedroom window scene? You see where this is going?”

Bonnie rolled her eyes at the image of Kai standing outside her building with a huge radio above his head, blasting Peter Gabriel. He wasn’t that type of guy. They weren’t that type of … Bonnie closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She couldn’t bring herself to say the word. Couple. They weren’t a couple — they did none of the things that couples did — no dates, no parental meet and greets. And she didn’t want any of that. Not with him.

“Dammit, Bonnie!”

She covered her ears with her hands and started rocking her head back and forth, squeezing her eyes shut as if that would make the knocking stop.

“So you admitted to having feelings for me, so what. It’s nothing I didn’t already know!”

Bonnie stopped cradling her head and turned sharply toward the door. What? Feelings? Was he insane? Quickly, she got up from her bed, fury her catalyst, and rushed toward the door. She wrenched it open with such force the hinges squeaked in protest. 

“I never said I had feelings for you!” she yelled. “Never. Are you delusional? Do you recall those words ever coming out of my mouth because they did not!”

Kai grinned. “There she is.” 

Bonnie narrowed her eyes and groaned in frustration, clenching one of her hands into a fist.

“You can hit me if it’ll make you feel better about answering the door.”

“Do not tempt me, Kai.” 

His grin widened into a smile and he pushed past her so that Bonnie had to move to the side. He walked into her dorm. “I’ve never seen your room in the daylight.”

“I didn’t say you could come in!”

“That’s never stopped me before.”

“What do you want?”

“You don’t always get to dictate when I see you.”

“What are you talking about? I never get to dictate when I see you. You keep showing up unannounced and agitated and —”

“Yeah after not seeing you for three weeks because you’re going through one of your freakouts. Which is what you were going to do now because you said you had feel—”

“I never said that!”

“You said I was yours.”

“That doesn’t mean—” Bonnie stopped talking. A spot on the corner of Kai’s shirt caught her eye. It was small. And red. Blood. Dried blood. Bonnie swallowed.

“Did you feed before coming here?”

“Yeah,” said Kai. “Why?”

“Nothing,” said Bonnie, an edge to her voice. “No reason.”

Kai raised his eyebrows and Bonnie looked determinedly above his shoulder to nothing in particular.

“You don’t like it that I fed.”

“Of course I don’t like it that you fed.” She paused and then muttered beneath her breath, “Vampires.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Kai kept staring at her and Bonnie suddenly felt the impulse to slap him so he’d stop. “You’re jealous,” he said.

“You,” said Bonnie. “Are an idiot.”

“Tell me you’re not jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You’re lying.”

“You always think I’m lying when I tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

“Because you’re always lying when you do.”

Bonnie turned around so that her back was to him and put her hand to her forehead. He was right. She couldn’t stand it that he’d fed from someone else and it terrorized her with guilt, with disgust at the yearning she suffered, at the yearning she suffered daily, hourly, every minute she was apart from him, the yearning for his fangs in her skin, for the sense of power that electrified her body when he drank from her. It was a unique sensation; it was the kind of pleasure that only came with a desire for danger, that only came with surrendering to your own depravity. It was thrilling. Exhilarating. Arousing. And for someone else to experience that with him … Bonnie clenched her jaw and ran her fingers through her hair. What the hell is wrong with me? Whoever Kai fed from didn’t ask for his bite. Whoever Kai fed from was probably dead. And while that fact intensified her guilt, it also fuelled her hatred and as long as she hated Kai, she wouldn’t be free of him; she’d want to conquer him. Master him. She’d want him. Bonnie never thought being driven crazy by desire was possible. Not until she met him.

“Bonnie,” said Kai.

“Don’t,” she snapped.

“Bonnie, do you know how many people I’ve killed just so I could try and forget the taste of your blood?”

“Oh my God!” Bonnie whirled around to face him again. “What is wrong with you? Is that supposed to make me happy?”

“No,” said Kai. “I’m just telling you the truth. I can’t feed from you alone. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop, I’d kill you.”

“Well at least I wouldn’t feel this way anymore if I were dead.”

“And what about me?” said Kai. “I’d just have to live with the fact that I killed you? Live with that forever? You would really be that spiteful?”

“It’d probably be the only way we’d be even,” said Bonnie harshly. She looked at Kai’s expression and sighed heavily. “But I wouldn’t give my life just to terrorize yours, there are other ways of doing that no matter how less effective they may be. I’d never die for you.”

“Well it’s good to know there’s one person you wouldn’t die for.”

“You’re not funny,” she said.

“It wasn’t a joke,” said Kai waspishly.

“Kai—”

“What did you mean when you said I was yours?”

“Since when did we need to define what this is?”

“It’s a simple question.”

“Nothing about this is simple! Nothing about this is normal. Nothing about this is right!”

“So fine, answer me this,” said Kai. “Do you really want me to leave you alone or do you want to continue what this is?”

Bonnie looked at him, her lips pressed together, her expression resigned and her eyes shining with tears she’d never shed. She looked at Kai for a long time before answering. 

“Both,” she said.


	10. Killing Me

It was a sensation he would never get used to — the agony that consumed his entire body whenever Bonnie was away from him for more than a few hours, for more than a few minutes; it was almost as, if not just as, intense as the lustful need that suffocated him every second he was near her. He hadn't seen her in eleven days — eight days more than the last time she disappeared without warning; her wilful absences were unsurprising and at this point, Kai could almost predict when Bonnie would withdraw from his life. Yet that did nothing to ease his agitation, to stop his brain from torturing him with memories of the feel of her, the feel of him inside her and the thrill that prickled his spine, his groin, whenever his movements compelled her to groan his name, husky and insistent, a plea in his ear. He was crazed with thoughts of her, with an urgent desire to see her face, to see her smile reluctantly at one of his jokes and the little flutter of joy that leapt in his chest at the image of Bonnie smiling because of something he said terrorized him; angered him. She had a hold on him, on his sanity, and he wanted it all back, he wanted to belong to himself again except that would mean a world without Bonnie Bennett and a world without Bonnie … even the thought of it sent Kai into enraged despair, which only infuriated him further because how dare he feel? How dare he care? But he did. It was inescapable; she was in him now — in his mind, in his blood.

It was why he could never stay away from her long.

He was starved of her presence and her abandonment had already set him down a volatile path as he'd fed and devoured in search of satiation and oblivion, in the hopes of a cure, however temporary, for his yearning of her. Like always he found neither. And like always he cursed Bonnie for depriving him of her and he set fire to everything and everyone around him in aggrieved frustration, relishing the relief it brought him to vent, but a relief that left as suddenly as it came. So now, like always, he was on his way to see her.

It didn't take long for him to reach her dorm; the sight of the brown building, the edges of the roof seemingly touching the night sky, sent him into a frenzy of anticipation that was excruciating to bear — his skin burned as if on fire and his throat was dry; it hurt simply to swallow. He had barely made it inside, his foot on the first step up toward her floor when he heard her voice reverberate in his ear.

"Elena isn't here."

"Of course not. No, she's probably with Stefan."

That voice. Kai gritted his teeth. His hands intuitively balled into fists. He could feel it; feel how his breathing increased, feel how his gums itched, wanting his fangs to descend. His eyes were wide with concentration and he listened to the creak of a floorboard sinking beneath the weight of a footstep.

"You know what, just tell me why," said Damon's voice. "Why Kai? After everything's he done…"

"You cannot be serious. You're judging me? With your track record, you're judging me?"

"I'm not judging you!" His tone was imploring. "I just want to know why, Bonnie."

"Damon…" Bonnie sighed. "Why do you care so much?"

A pause. Kai's head snapped upward to the ceiling, to where Bonnie's dorm was situated. An image appeared unbidden before his eyes. "No," he whispered. Quiet as a shadow, Kai sped up the stairs to the doorway of Bonnie's room and he saw it as it happened — Damon grabbing the sides of Bonnie's head and thrusting his lips onto hers; the image in Kai's mind realized in present time.

It was instantaneous; the violence that overcame him. It was a violence he'd only ever experienced at seeing Damon and Bonnie together but he'd never felt it with such brutality, like he was physically coming apart with rage. The fury was primal, instinctual and Kai felt the magic he had in him roil and excite his blood, making the lights in the entire building flicker, causing the bulbs in the dorm to shatter and burst. His eyes had blackened to a sinister scarlet; dark veins splintered his face and his fangs had fully descended.

Kai couldn't say anything, he only growled and then rushed toward Damon and Bonnie, grabbing Damon by the shirt and throwing him bodily across the room so that he hit a wall, cracking the plaster. It was only a matter of seconds before Damon was on his feet but even so he was too slow; Kai was in front of him. He grabbed Damon by the throat, holding him in place and punched him repeatedly, rapidly, fighting like a man possessed; his knuckles cracking Damon's teeth. Kai could hear Bonnie in the background yelling at him to stop, powerless to pull the two of them apart without her magic.

"Kai, that's enough!"

He didn't listen. He couldn't listen. She didn't understand that seeing another man kiss her had shifted something within him. Kai punched Damon again, his fist spattered with his blood. It didn't matter that Damon would heal as repeatedly as Kai hit him; it didn't matter that Kai had magic, which would make the entire process easier; he didn't want easy, he wanted Damon to break beneath the power of his bare hands and he wanted Damon to break over and over and over again. Kai's grip on Damon's throat tightened and he lifted him up and then smashed Damon onto the floor, making him cry out in pain. He dug his fingers into the sides of Damon's neck and slowly pierced his nails further and further into Damon's skin, causing him to shriek.

"Kai, stop it!" said Bonnie.

Damon grabbed Kai's wrist and pulled in an effort to force Kai to let go but Kai used his other hand to pry Damon's fingers off, pressing his nails harder into Damon's throat. The image sprung into Kai's mind — Damon's hands on Bonnie's face, Damon's lips on Bonnie's lips. His face contorted with distress and he burrowed his nails in deeper, seeing red lines appear around Damon's neck. The same image flashed before Kai's eyes again. And again. He shook his head frantically in an effort to wipe his memory of what he saw but the images just came back. It just wouldn't stop. Kai increased the pressure of his hold on Damon; he'd decapitate him with his own hand and he'd do it slowly.

The pain was unexpected. Sharp and piercing and in his lower back. Kai blinked in surprise until he realized he'd been stabbed. He'd been staked. He turned toward Bonnie who stood holding the other end of a broom, her eyes teary but defiant. A gust of wind told him that Damon had gotten to his feet for a second time.

Bonnie's voice rang out. "Do not touch him!"

"Don't — don't touch — are you? He just tried to kill me, Bonnie."

"Everyone tries to kill you, Damon, it's like a rite of passage," snapped Bonnie.

"Bonnie—"

"Don't. Touch him."

Kai heard Damon scoff. "Both of you can go to hell." And then with another gust of wind, he'd left the room.

Bonnie watched as Kai pulled the broomstick out of his back. He winced with effort and pain with every tug. The moment the bloodied makeshift stake was out and on the floor, he turned swiftly toward Bonnie, his eyes and face still red and veined, his fangs like daggers. He glowered at her, a menacing growl rumbling in his chest, his hands shaking, his shoulders heaving with his laborious breathing. Bonnie held his gaze, her body as still as it could be. After a while, he closed his eyes and then let out a yell that cracked the windows. The sound ripped through Bonnie and for the first time since she'd been with Kai, she felt afraid.

But for him.

She'd never heard anything so anguished and the sheer torment was terrifying to listen to. Quickly, her fear transitioned into anger at him for scaring her, anger at herself for being scared at all, and she threw the broomstick to the side.

"You were going to kill him and I couldn't let that happen," she said. "I don't care if you're angry."

Kai's eyes snapped open; they'd returned to their normal brown. His entire face had reverted back to its regular appearance. "Angry?" He repeated, his voice low. "Angry?" He was shouting now. "Bonnie, if you were anyone else you'd be dead. That stake, the one you stabbed me with, would be lodged in your chest or I'd break your neck or just squeeze the life out of you and you know that that's true, but you aren't anyone else! And no matter how much I want to kill you right now, I want to be with you more and it's tearing me apart! I wish I could kill you just to make these feelings stop but I can't. I never could, not even in the nineties. And then seeing you with someone else just…" He cradled his head in his hands. "You're driving me crazy. I can't take this anymore."

"Oh join the freaking club, Kai."

"No." He took an abrupt step forward so that he was only a breath away from Bonnie; she had to raise her head to meet his gaze. "Don't do that. You have no idea what this is like. I'm in love with you." He said it harshly and it made Bonnie's eyes narrow; only Kai could say those five words like they were a curse. "I'm in love with you to the point that I can't function, it's physical, Bonnie. Every time you leave I feel like I'm desiccating, like my nerves are shot and my entire body just screams for release, to be near you. And when you're here, I can't breathe, I can't breathe until your body is next to me and even then I'm going out of my mind because I can never lose myself in you completely. It's fucking unbearable! And then I see you with him!"

"He kissed me!"

"You didn't seem to mind."

"How the hell would you know? You were trying to kill him before I could even do anything myself. God, what is it with you and him?"

"Because I watched it all! I watched you two fight. I watched you leave him only to come back. Every. Single. Time. The thought of me killing him was what triggered your magic. Your history with him isn't that much different than my history with you."

"It is different. Me and you aren't the same thing as —"

"As what? You and him? I hate that there's a you and him at all!"

"That's too damn bad, Kai! You don't have the right to —"

"Well, what do I have the right to, Bonnie?"

She paused and stared at him for a long time before speaking. "You ass," she said, her voice quiet with fury. "What do you have the right—" She cut herself off and pressed her lips together, shaking her head. "I could've killed you tonight. I could've staked you through the heart, it was the perfect opportunity and I couldn't do it. Even after everything you've done to me, stabbing me, stalking me, siphoning from me, abandoning me, even after all of that I couldn't kill you, I couldn't let Damon kill you. What more do you want from me?" She pushed Kai hard against the chest so that he stumbled backward. "What do you want from me? What, you want to walk around holding hands, go to the movies —"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

Bonnie screamed. "Then what the hell do you want? You want to 'lose yourself' in me, is that it?"

"Stop."

Bonnie saw Kai's eyes begin to cloud at the suggestion. She stormed up to him, resolute.

"No, that's what you want." She put her hands to her collar and tugged so that the shirt ripped apart, the material falling away from her bare back. "Go nuts, Kai!"

"Bonnie, stop."

His voice was cracking, there was a primal quality to it and Bonnie reached over to Elena's desk, picking up the same scissors she'd used in a demonstration only eleven days earlier, and dragged the edges across her neck so that blood oozed from her skin in a scarlet line. Kai's face was veined now, his mouth was curled so that his fangs showed, his eyes were dark red and raw. Bonnie walked even closer to him.

"Do it!"

And he snapped forward, sinking his fangs into Bonnie's self-inflicted wound. She could feel him harden against her the moment his tongue tasted her blood, the second his hands clung to her back. Bonnie dragged her nails down the nape of Kai's neck, trying to release herself of some of the excess; it seemed like she was going to be absolutely shredded by the pleasure — her entire body was sensitized. It felt like she was being destroyed and she thought recklessly that she wanted to be destroyed if this was what it felt like. There was something different about this bite; something desperate and savage and she could feel Kai gorging, feel his frantic gluttony for her blood, hear him moan with arousal and satiation and it sparked a panicked desire deep in her gut. He pulled away from her neck, his fangs still grazing her skin and Bonnie thought he'd had his fill but then she heard him grunt and he sunk back into her with such enthusiasm that she cried out.

Without pulling away from her cut, Kai put his hands beneath Bonnie's butt and lifted her onto him, her legs wrapped around his waist, and he walked across the room. The instant he slammed her down on the bed, the fireplace roared to life and the cracked window burst completely apart. Kai rocked into her as he drank, pinning one of her hands above her head, holding her down by the wrist; wind blew strong and heavy through the glassless window and started agitating the fire so that Bonnie could see its dancing shadows on the ceiling. Her vision was beginning to blur and she felt herself falling away, falling away into the gratification and into nothingness … the nothingness was familiar, she'd been there before, many times before, it was trying to claim her, welcoming her back … Kai shifted his weight, pushing into her groin even harder, making Bonnie moan, making her eyes flutter, and his fangs dug harder into her neck, his tongue greedily lapping her blood. Bonnie felt faint and every inch of her skin tingled, her free hand began to slacken from Kai's neck and she felt herself descending into that nothingness; it felt good not like the other times — it blurred in with the pleasure of Kai's bite, of Kai's body on hers. Bonnie's eyes closed and she felt herself go limp and then she felt light like a weight had been lifted from her and before she fell away completely, she heard Kai swear.

Breath! Heartbeat! Bonnie gasped as she felt her lungs fill with air, she took deep gulps as if she were getting used to the sensation of breathing. Her body felt more real somehow, like she was sturdy, like she wouldn't slip away. Magic. This had to be magic. Suddenly, she was being dragged up and she was face to face with Kai, his expression panicked and furious. Beyond furious.

"What the hell are you trying to do to me?" He shook her violently. "I almost killed you! Godammit, Bonnie!"

He moved away from her and started pacing at the foot of the bed, picking up Elena's desk and throwing it against the wall. "You can't kill me but you sure as hell want me to suffer!" He put his hands at the back of his head and clenched his hair, breathing heavily. He looked at her. "If you had died…" He squeezed his eyes shut, turned away from Bonnie and yelled, a strangled sound, kicking a chair to the side so that it broke apart.

"It was what you wanted," said Bonnie.

He whirled around to her, his voice so loud, his words were almost indiscernible. "You dead is not what I want! It's what you want for me! What I want is—"

"What?" said Bonnie, shouting back. "What do you want, Kai? You want this to be easy because it never will be! How many times have you told me that?"

"I don't want it to be easy, I just want you! All of you!"

Silence followed his words; it was as if they echoed throughout the dorm, a phantom of his actual utterance. Bonnie and Kai stared at each other for a long time until Kai lowered his eyes and started to walk toward the door. Bonnie got up from the bed. "Do not walk away from me!"

He turned back toward her. "After all of the times you've walked away from me? No, I'm leaving."

"Kai—"

"Say it and I'll stay."

Bonnie looked at him and said nothing. Kai laughed humourlessly. "I hate how much I need to hear you say it. I hate that you won't for once just say what you know you fucking feel! I hate that I can't just drain you dry and forget you."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't. I can't be here anymore. Looking at you is killing me, Bonnie. I just… No." And with a whisper of speed he was gone.

Bonnie looked at the empty doorway for a long time before sighing, her eyes shining. "You idiot," she whispered so softly that it was almost like she wasn't saying anything at all. "After all this … how the hell could you think you don't have me?" And she let a single tear slide down her cheek for the words she'd allowed herself to speak.


	11. Inflamed Insanity

Tonight was hotter than all of the summer nights before it; ripe and muggy and claustrophobically warm — charged like the very air was anticipating something or like it was holding onto something that imbued everything — the trees, the sky, the dirt — with an awful excitement.

On campus Bonnie tossed and turned in bed, groaning in frustration, sweat prickling her forehead and upper lip and the bridge of her nose; she was trying to get comfortable, trying to find the right position so she could sleep. Except she was asleep. She was even dreaming.

It was just in flashes.

Strong hands. Seductive lips. Wicked eyes. An … experienced tongue. They were all over her body; teasing her breasts and thighs, forcing her to ache in the worst possible way, terrorizing her with lustful yearning. The owner of these eyes, those lips, that tongue, he wasn't fully visible; there was no complete face, no actual indication. But it all felt devastatingly familiar to Bonnie. It all felt like Kai.

In bed Bonnie slipped her hand beneath the covers, her fingers grazing her belly and slowly they made their way to her underwear; they brushed the lacey material and she whimpered out loud, already sensitive and wet and expectant. She eased her fingers in and groaned as they found her ache. That dreamed tongue, that dreamed experienced tongue found its way to her ache too and agitated it; twirling and flicking, licking and lapping, giving no quarter, showing no mercy. Bonnie's fingers mirrored the motions; the combined sensation making her squirm, making her body bow off the bed — she felt wrecked and light at the same time; faint and consumed like she was floating and drowning. She moaned aloud once more and those dreamed hands kneaded her nipples then moved down to her behind, caressing her skin, and holding in her place as the tongue increased its pressure at the apex of her thighs, compelling Bonnie to grind against the movement, tilting her pelvis up toward the mouth. Bonnie rubbed herself harder and faster, imitating the swivel of her hips and she bit down on her lip, feeling her body tremor within the dream and out of it.

She was close. On the edge. And she was conflicted between the desire to ride the feeling as long as she could or to let go and feel herself shatter from the power this orgasm was sure to bring. The night grew unbearably hot, she was covered in sweat and her pyjamas were sticking to her. She wanted to stop, she wanted to continue, she wanted to dream forever; she felt like she needed to get out of her skin, out of her own body, that the pleasure of it all would tear her apart if she didn't. This was it, surely this was it. The tongue was swirling faster and harder, pushing her even higher, all of her concentration was on that one spot and the build was giving way, everything was going to burst … … ….

And then abruptly the dream stopped.

Nothing but darkness.

Bonnie opened her eyes, muscles still clenched around her fingers, bothered and bereft. Her body was screaming for release, to be unwound; her skin was on fire. She almost didn't realize that she was levitating, hovering above the bed and just below the ceiling. She squeezed her eyes shut.

The hell?

Suddenly, she crashed back down onto her mattress and her eyes snapped open once again; the sun was just beginning to rise and a cool, steady breeze blew through the open windows. It wasn't hot. It wasn't even night. Did she dream those things too? It felt so real. It all felt so real.

"Bonnie?"

She jerked upright in bed and saw Caroline and Elena were sitting up in each of theirs too, their hair ruffled from a sound sleep.

"You OK? You were groaning in your sleep," said Elena.

"Again," added Caroline. "It's been like this for five weeks now. Are you sure you don't want me to compel you to just have a good night's sleep? At least once?"

Bonnie shook her head frantically. "Did either of you see that?"

"See what?"

"I just … never mind, if you saw it you'd know. Forget about it."

Bonnie put her head in her hands and then quickly removed them from her face; any touch her body suffered was uncomfortable now, almost painful. Everything was too sensitized and unfulfilled. She sighed to herself, slightly disturbed. She was levitating, though. That had been real. That had to have been real. Or was it just that what was threatening to happen for five weeks happened now and she'd finally lost her mind?

"Bonnie…"

"I'm taking a shower," she said tersely, flinging the sheets off of her bed, wincing as the material skimmed the inside of her leg as the blankets were thrown aside.

She made sure the water was freezing when she went into the girls' restrooms. It felt good to have the cold droplets thunder her body like bullets — her overheated skin needed rough and cruel treatment. She needed the aftershock of that dream, of the ache that dream spawned deep in her gut to be pounded out of her so she could spend the day focusing on school, on anything and not be aggravated with pent-up energy, thirsty and crazed with the begging wish to just … let go. But she knew that this shower wouldn't work. It never worked in the five weeks she'd taken them, in the five weeks she'd had the same dream, in the five weeks since Kai walked out on her.

Bonnie pressed her head against the wall of the shower, the cold water beating her back. Their last encounter echoed in her mind.

"Do not walk away from me!"

"After all of the times you've walked away from me?"

Since then she hadn't seen him. He didn't force his way into her room three or seven or twelve days after their fight, distraught and wild and desperate for her like he'd normally done. His absence caused Bonnie to seethe with confused emotion: loss and indignation and fear and resentment; all of it transformed into noise in her head, refusing her peace or rest or stillness. And all of it enraged her. She didn't ask for this, for him, for them; she had the right to walk away whenever she felt like it but he didn't. Not after everything he'd done to her, not after everything he brought out in her. She hated herself for the worry that tinged every thought she had, the worry that he wouldn't come back; it was a vague anxiety but it stayed with her, a consistent pester at the back of her mind.

She hated herself even more for missing him because it wasn't simply missing him, it was going mad with thoughts of him, with memories of them, together and entwined and breathless. Bonnie didn't sleep, she didn't listen in class, she did nothing but remember the delicious pain, the agonizing pleasure that would excite her the moment, the very instant his fangs penetrated her skin; she did nothing but fantasize about his body, hard and eager, against hers and when she lost focus in lectures or during lunch dates with Caroline and Elena and envisioned Kai buried in her, thrusting and gyrating, panting her name like a mantra or a prayer, it took every ounce of her self-control to keep from touching herself right then and there and to just let herself burn with the imagery of Kai above her, smug and aroused and concentrated. On her. Not that she could bring herself any relief anyway — it'd been five weeks since she'd been able to climax, five weeks of a constant building deep in her belly that only got more and more intense with each passing second, driving her wild with need, making the very act of living, of existing difficult, almost intolerable. She had never known lust to be like this. She had never known desire, any kind of desire, to be an excruciating sensation that overran her life; it had never felt this way with Jeremy or with Luka or with Jamie.

Seeing Kai, Bonnie knew, would be the only way to get what she so desperately craved but she refused to do it even though her refusal tormented her. Even though most days she hallucinated him around campus or in The Grill or even in her dorm, leaning against a wall or sipping coffee by a tree or else simply standing right in front of her, and then she'd blink and he'd be gone and she'd angrily lament her sanity, lament that Kai Parker was what was ripping it away from her. But she couldn't give him the satisfaction of admitting that her own satisfaction depended on him to the point that without it, she was falling apart. He didn't deserve to know that, not after leaving her the way he did. Anyway, wasn't she the one who nearly died? Where the hell did he get off being angry at her for nearly killing her? You did egg him on though … Bonnie thought to herself and then she told herself to shut up.

She turned toward the shower handle and extended her arm, muttering something in Latin. Nothing happened. Her magic hadn't returned. Bonnie groaned. This meant that her levitation had to have been a hallucination. Or that she'd still been dreaming. She decided to go with the second idea; it was easier to think that she hadn't woken up from a vivid almost nightmarish dream instead of admitting to finding another piece of evidence proving that she was going through a psychotic break. Over Kai.

Manually, she turned off the shower and stepped out into the washroom, wrapping a white towel around herself. She glanced up for a second and then flinched in surprise. She paused. A shirtless Kai was in front of her, surveying the length of her body with interest. Bonnie opened her mouth but then she blinked and he was gone; there was no one else in the room. She closed her eyes and inwardly screamed. She'd been thinking about him so much that she'd managed to dredge up another delusion.

"Get. It. Together."

Bonnie walked out of the restroom, down the hall and back toward her dorm. The door was slightly open and before she pushed through into the room, she heard Caroline speaking.

"I'm worried about her," she said. "She has been acting beyond strange for over a month now. She's…"

"Restless?" Elena offered.

"It's beyond that. It's like she's … crazed or something. Always distracted and dishevelled. She can't even sit still anymore. Like at all."

"I know what you mean," said Elena. "Maybe we can compel her to tell us what's going on with her?"

"I'd feel weird doing that," said Caroline. "And I'm not sure that would work anyway. Bonnie knows all of our tricks."

"What should we do then?"

"I don't know. I'm just saying, she's definitely not acting like herself. I mean there have been—" Caroline lowered her voice "— deaths all over Mystic Falls in the past month. Like an insane number of deaths that could only be supernatural, probably vampires, and it's like Bonnie doesn't even care. We used to have to tell her to stay out of this sort of thing and now…"

Bonnie's stomach squirmed guiltily and she lowered her eyes. The deaths weren't news to her, she'd known about them even before Caroline and Elena did because before there were deaths, there'd been disappearances and they started three days after she and Kai had their fight. A week after that, the disappearances had stopped and people were simply found dead where they'd been killed. Bonnie had spent nights on her laptop looking at pictures of the bodies, examining the tears, the near decapitations, the ligature marks, the charred flesh that could only be achieved through magic …

It was Kai. All of it. It had to be.

But she couldn't tell anyone that, there'd be too many awkward questions that demanded answers and as Damon didn't seem to have told anyone about his discovery, Bonnie didn't want to admit anything unless she absolutely had to. I guess dead bodies aren't enough of a reason then, huh? Bonnie felt her guilt deepen so that her throat was tight with the urge and resistance to cry. And if she was being honest it was more than not wanting to let anyone know it was Kai, it was that the smallest part of her, the part of her that stirred most whenever Kai was around to awaken it, hoped that he was responsible for all of the destruction because that would mean he was as crazed by her memory as she was of his and that he hadn't won. Shame crashed over Bonnie in waves and she could feel her eyes well with tears at how sick her logic had become but she blinked them back and opened the door fully to walk into the dorm; she wouldn't cry on top of feeling everything else.

"Hey," she said as she headed over to her bed. "What're you guys talking about?"

"Schrodinger's Cat," said Elena promptly.

Bonnie caught a glimpse of Caroline throwing Elena a that-was-so-stupid look and Elena shrugging in response.

"Right," said Bonnie, picking up a bottle of lotion.

"Well, we should hurry if we want breakfast before class starts," said Caroline. "Wait for us to be done with our showers, Bonnie?"

"Yeah sure."

Bonnie waited for an hour and a half before the others were ready to get breakfast. They were sitting at a table in the mess hall, three bowls of cereal and a pitcher of milk in front of them. Caroline was yammering about her audition for the Drama Department's musical while Elena managed to get a word or two in whenever Caroline stopped talking to take a breath. Bonnie started to say something in an effort to be engaged with the world around her and join in on the conversation, but then she felt a pulse, like she slammed into something hard and she was momentarily out of breath. A split second later, there was Kai. Beside her. Again. He was staring at her, a smirk on his face. Bonnie felt a mixture of panic and thrill.

In quick succession he yanked Bonnie up from her chair and kissed her, lifting her onto him. With his free hand he pushed the bowls of cereal off the table so that they crashed onto the floor with resounding clunks and ignoring the scandalized look on Elena's face and the outraged yell of, "What the hell?" from Caroline, he slammed Bonnie down onto the table, climbing on top of her. He pushed his pelvis hard into her groin over and over again, his jeans barely containing his erection, and he kissed Bonnie's neck, sucking the fleshy underside of her jaw, making her claw at his back, her nails hooking into the material of his shirt. She moaned loud and deep and Elena and Caroline jumped away from the table, yelling things Bonnie didn't care to discern; she was vaguely aware that the entire cafeteria was probably watching this display now, that she'd probably be expelled but God, none of that mattered. Kai brushed Bonnie's dress upward, his hands grazing her skin so that her stomach convulsed and she felt him reach forward; suddenly, the pitcher of milk was in his hand and he poured the liquid onto her midriff. Bonnie whimpered. It was cold. His lips were kissing her stomach and licking the milk from her body, his tongue trailing up to her breasts, his pelvis thrusting even harder into her, Bonnie slipped her hands into his waistband and pressed him into her, urging him to keep rocking into her as hard as he could. He pulled away from her.

"Bonnie…" he said.

There was something strange about his voice. It was garbled. And higher.

He said her name again. "Bonnie…"

Yeah, it was definitely higher. It was almost feminine.

"BONNIE."

Bonnie twitched violently and snapped her head to the side. Caroline and Elena were looking at her with expressions of alarm and annoyance. What? The usual morning clattering of the cafeteria sounded around them. Nothing was out of the ordinary. She'd been hallucinating. Again. Again. She'd been sucked into her own daydream. When would this stop?

"Bonnie, what's wrong? Are you going to be sick?"

Bonnie realized that she had her hand on her stomach and she moved it away quickly. "No, I'm not, I'm…" She couldn't concentrate on finding the right words, the right lies, her nerve endings were shot; her entire body was raw from this morning and from this most recent fantasy. "I just need to go."

As she pushed out her chair, she knocked into someone so that they fell over and their tray and books and breakfast fell with them.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry." Bonnie got up from her seat and bent down to help her victim.

"Don't worry about it, I'll live."

She glanced up and saw that who she knocked into was Terrence, a guy from her Art History class. He looked at her and smiled. It really was a stunning smile; maybe she'd have been dazzled by it if it were any other time.

"Well look at that, Bonnie Bennett lives. Haven't seen you in class lately."

"Yeah, I know," said Bonnie, picking up Terrence's textbooks so that the pages wouldn't sodden in the spilt milk. "I've just had a lot on my mind lately…"

"I've noticed."

Bonnie laughed. "Yeah."

"Well, finals are coming up, you're going to need notes. I take really good ones if you need any…"

"She would love that," said Caroline suddenly.

"Yes," said Elena, joining in. "She'd like them tonight if that works for you."

Terrence blinked at the two of them, bemused. Bonnie was too frenzied to be annoyed.

"Would she like to get dinner tonight at around eight and we can exchange notes then?" said Terrence to Elena and Caroline.

"That sounds great," said Elena.

"Yeah, she'll be there." Caroline looked at Bonnie. "Right, Bonnie?"

Bonnie began to respond but she was hit with a flash of images again; ringed fingers pinning her wrist, a bare back writhing between her legs, her eyes closed in sheer, unadulterated pleasure, a jerking headboard…

"No. I can't take this, I —" Bonnie stood up hastily and started heading toward the exit of the cafeteria. "I'm sorry, guys. Terrence. I just… I … no, I've gotta go. I have a thing. I … yeah. Bye." And she broke out into a fast walk, leaving the cafeteria, leaving campus itself.

The house Bonnie remembered Kai squatting in last had been a dilapidated mansion. The white stucco was browned and dirtied with time, the walls and columns were covered in vines, even the roof looked on the verge of collapse. As Bonnie stomped up the steps and rammed through the front door into the derelict foyer, she couldn't be too sure that the house wouldn't fall apart with all of the commotion she was making. But it was a risk she was damned well going to take.

She didn't bother announcing her presence; she knew Kai was there and she knew he'd already known she was coming from miles away. She stormed down the faded hallway, her heels clacking furiously on the floorboards, until she reached the last room — his bedroom. When she entered, she saw him sitting at the foot of his bed, his scruff neat and trimmed, his eyes casually expectant; he would've looked unbothered if his jaw wasn't clenched. Bonnie felt her body respond to his presence, her skin was almost humming — it was instinctual, she couldn't help or stop the way heat overtook her or how her lips swelled or how she moistened at the sight of him. Bonnie felt her breathing get shallow and took in his appearance and … wait, was that … he was in the same dark jeans and white T-shirt he was wearing during her fantasy. The anger was sudden and powerful and possessed her other feelings so that they fuelled her rage.

"Whatever you're doing to me, stop it. Now. Just stop it."

"You're going to have to be more specific," said Kai.

Bonnie took a step closer to the bed. "I am seeing you everywhere. I can't do anything without thinking about you, fantasizing about you, wanting you." Bonnie enunciated the word 'want' with such guttural disgust that Kai's eyebrows raised. "I know you did this, you cast a spell to torture me, there's no other explanation."

"Except the explanation where you miss me and just can't stop thinking about me."

"Mine is more likely than yours," said Bonnie harshly.

"Which is ironic since it's wrong. I didn't do this to you, Bonnie."

"Cut the crap, Kai."

"I'm not lying." Bonnie heard an edge to his voice, slightly disrupting the cool demeanour he'd been putting on. "Whatever you're feeling that's all you. If I've been on your mind everyday all day and it's driving you crazy, it's because you want me on your mind, I've kept my distance, I've been busy."

"Yeah that's right, you've been too preoccupied with killing people. All over my town. What the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking what I've always been thinking. I kill people. That's no surprise."

"Not like this! Not this many."

"I need the bloodlust, Bonnie." Kai stood up from the bed now. "I need something to get you out of my head."

"And you needed to do it in Mystic Falls?"

"There are consequences to leaving me."

Bonnie gesticulated wildly and shouted. "You left me!"

"And you let me leave!" Kai took a step closer to Bonnie.

"Right, and you wouldn't want to punish me for that, huh?" said Bonnie angrily. "You wouldn't want to cast a spell for that?"

"I already told you that's not the spell I cast."

"Wait, 'the' spell? The spell? So you did cast a spell then!" Bonnie glared at him, her eyes narrowed as she thought about the last five weeks, trying to figure out what he could've done. "Oh my God…" she said, comprehension dawning her face. "You son of a bitch, you're the reason. You're the reason why I can't finish, aren't you? Aren't you?"

"Yes," said Kai, snarling. "I may not be with you right now but I sure as hell wasn't going to let you be with anyone else. Not satisfactorily anyway."

Bonnie screamed. "That's my body, Kai! You have no right to mess with that! You crossed a line!"

"You crossed a line five weeks ago when you did everything you could so that I almost lost control with you!"

"And yet again, that had to do with my body."

"And my sanity! For five weeks all I could think about is what would've happened if I couldn't stop myself, the guilt, the pain that would haunt me, an eternity of suffering, which you wanted me to feel! For five weeks all I could think about was Damon's lips on yours, you really think I could handle even the possibility of another guy making you come?"

"That's pathetic and insecure."

"I don't care!"

"No, you're lying," said Bonnie. "This has nothing to do with other men, you don't care about other men unless it's Damon and you already took care of that, no, this is about something else, this is about me."

"Of course it's about you," said Kai impatiently.

"And not being able to finish?" said Bonnie incredulously.

"It's the only way you'd understand how I feel whenever you decide you don't want this anymore," said Kai, the words bursting out loud and fragmented. "The way your body has been aching, the way you haven't been able to concentrate on anything at all, the way you think you'll go out of your mind with longing, now you know how I feel! Every time."

"I cannot believe this. You're sick."

"And you're cruel," Kai shot back. "And don't act like there haven't been other men, what about that guy this morning in the cafeteria?"

Bonnie stared at him for a few seconds before speaking, her voice deceptively soft. "How would you know about Terrence if you've kept your distance, Kai?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "All this time, all this time I thought I was hallucinating you and you've actually been there?"

"Not all the time just sometimes," said Kai. "Other times I cloaked myself and watched you hallucinate me. I just…" He gritted his teeth and growled in frustration. "I just, God, I just can't stay away from you. I never freaking could."

"But you let me think…" Bonnie tried to control her breathing. Her voice was shaking with barely suppressed fury. "You let me think I was going crazy?"

"You were going crazy," said Kai defiantly. "And yes I did because like I said you need to know what it's like to be so agitated and frustrated and desperate that you have to storm into my house just to see me."

"To make this stop!"

"How is that different from what I just said?" yelled Kai. "You need to know, Bonnie!"

Bonnie didn't say anything, her face contorted with rage, her body shaking with the urge to do something, hit something, throw something. Anything. And Bonnie headed straight for Kai; she could see him brace himself for a slap but instead of cuffing him, Bonnie put her hands on his chest and slammed him against the wall behind him.

"Don't move. Don't speak."

Roughly she started undoing his belt buckle, her eyes remaining on his, goading him. Her current anger and her five-week-old yearning had melded together, turning into a lustful must for vengeance, a carnal desire to own him. So she needed to know what it 'felt like' did she?

Kai reached up to touch her but Bonnie slapped his hand away so that it fell back to his side; the sound rang in the air.

"Ouch," he said in amused reproach.

"Shut up. I said don't speak."

Bonnie slid his belt out of his jeans' loops and made a whipping motion with her wrist as she threw it to the side. She unbuttoned his fly and then without hesitation thrust her hand in, feeling his manhood, making Kai close his eyes and groan. Bonnie took a quick minute to silently marvel at how hard he already was; rocklike even. It had to be almost painful to be pulsating with such readiness and the thought inflamed Bonnie with arousal. She squeezed, relishing the feel of him in her hand, and he groaned again, louder and desperately, raising his head so that it rested against the wall. Forcibly, she tugged his jeans and boxers down then dropped to her knees, taking him in her mouth. He cried out and the mirror in the bedroom shattered; he grabbed the back of Bonnie's head and started panting. She sucked hard, gripping his hips and she felt his knees tremble, heard his breathing turn into nonsensical mumbling, his hold on the back of her head getting tighter. Running her tongue along and over his tip, Bonnie started massaging his shaft and he pulled her hair.

"Shit." He swore through gritted teeth. His voice was hoarse and strangled and full of need and as Bonnie took him deeper in her mouth, he called out her name so that it echoed around the room; wind started rattling the windows, threatening to break through the glass. Bonnie peered up at him through her eyelashes, his mouth was open and his fangs were descended; deep green veins streaked his face and his eyes were red and blazing, his forehead was creased. He was coming undone. Completely undone. Bonnie swirled her tongue around again and again and heard him plead.

"Please … I… fuck."

The wind finally shattered the windowpanes and blew through the room, knocking over books, disturbing papers so that they flew around in the gust. Bonnie itched his tip with her tongue again and he flexed his hips to push deeper into her mouth, moaning so loudly that the noise shook the walls, the very foundation of the house. He was getting close, she could sense it, and she started sucking with more enthusiasm, bobbing her head so that his legs nearly buckled, his pelvis writhing with her motion.

"This feels … I can't … please…"

Bonnie felt it in her bones, felt his conflicted desires, the ones she suffered through earlier that morning, the want to crest the feeling for as long as he could because nothing nothing had ever felt this good, this exceptional and the reckless need to reach the climax of that exceptionality, to combust with pleasure.

"I'm close," Kai panted. "God, I'm … Bonnie, I'm going to … Bonnie."

Bonnie released Kai from her mouth and stood up, her defiant eyes piercing into his bewildered ones, his expression harried and devastated. Wordlessly, she turned on her heel and left the bedroom, walking determinedly down the hall to the front door. There, she thought viciously. He can see what it's like, he can be agitated and bothered and burning. He can feel what it's like to really go out of your mind. The jackass. She opened the front door but then suddenly it was slammed shut again and Bonnie saw Kai's hand on the stain glass in the centre. She looked beside her, glancing at him; his jeans were back on but they were unbuttoned and his eyes were … she'd never seen them this intense before; they were almost angry but not quite. No, it wasn't anger, it was resolution, like he had a point to make, like he was on a mission.

Kai grabbed Bonnie around the waist and using his speed, led them back to his room, stopping a few feet away from his bed. He pushed Bonnie so that she was flung onto the mattress, the springs bouncing from the force, and he followed her onto it. In one quick motion he tore her dress in half, making Bonnie gasp at how harsh and abrupt the action was and she lay, splayed, in nothing but her bra and underwear. Kai thrust his mouth onto hers, kissing her fiercely, ferociously, like he was about to die and kissing her was the last thing he'd ever do and Bonnie ran her fingers hurriedly through his hair, matching his savagery with her own, releasing some of the pent-up energy that had been frustrating her body into this embrace, her tongue massaging his, her nails now curled at the base of his head. Kai wrenched away from Bonnie and then slipped his hands behind her to her back, unhooking her bra and then he palmed her breasts, making her moan and squeeze her eyes shut, his fingers rubbing and tugging her nipples, making them harden. Bonnie started shifting on the bed to rid herself of some of the excess, gritting her teeth so she wouldn't cry out; she wouldn't do it, not yet. Suddenly, she didn't feel his hands anymore and her bra was completely gone from her body. She snapped her eyes open to see what he was doing. He was taking off the straps of her bra … what was he going to …

His eyes never leaving Bonnie's, Kai took her left wrist and held it up to the wrought iron headboard, tying it in place with one of her bra straps. Before he could reach for her right one, there was a vibrating coming from the floor beside the bed.

"Phone," said Bonnie.

Kai picked it up, reading the screen. "It's Caroline."

"Voicemail will get it."

Kai looked up from the cell back to Bonnie, his expression dangerous. "Answer it," he said.

"What? No."

"Answer it or I will."

"Fine." Bonnie held out her free hand but Kai shook his head and pressed the speaker button putting the phone down on the rotted wooden nightstand.

"Hello?" Caroline's voice rang out. "Hello, is anyone there?"

"Caroline, hi."

"Oh my God, Bonnie it's you. Elena, I've got Bonnie!"

"Yeah, hi, I…" Bonnie couldn't finish her sentence. Kai had taken her other wrist and tied it to the other end of the headboard, he leaned toward her, his lips at her ear. "No matter what, don't stop talking," he breathed, nibbling her earlobe. Bonnie quaked in response.

"Bonnie?" It was Elena now. "Are you OK?"

"Yes," said Bonnie. Her voice was too breathy. She cleared her throat, trying to sound normal. "Sorry I left like that, I just was feeling so uh, so—"

Kai put his hands between Bonnie's thighs, rubbing and squeezing her skin, and then pried her legs apart so he could kneel between them. He hovered above her and then ran his nails along her curves; it was just not painful and Bonnie felt the movement reverberate in her groin, making her arch her back — a moan half-suppressed at the base of her throat. He lowered his head, kissing her stomach, at first his parted lips skimmed her skin so that Bonnie erupted into shivers and then he nipped and sucked, making her pull against her restraints.

"Feeling so what?" said Caroline. "You didn't finish your sentence. You sound weird are you OK?"

"Yes, yes, yes, I'm fine," said Bonnie frantically. "Just sick. Needed to get out of there. Felt like, felt like…shit."

"What?" said Elena urgently. "What's wrong? Bonnie?"

Kai's mouth was on her breasts, nuzzling them with something more than enthusiasm … it was meant to be torturous not reverent and Bonnie felt it; felt it in the way his teeth gently tugged her right nipple while his left hand massaged and kneaded and grazed her left breast, making her entire body burn with want. His right hand stroked her inner thigh up and down and back again, slowly getting closer to her underwear, teasing her every time he reached the material, pressing down slightly so that her heart leapt and then moving back to her thigh.

"Bonnie, what's wrong?" Elena repeated.

"Nothing, I'm … it's … argh, Kai!" Bonnie cried out as Kai slipped a finger in her, shredding her underwear, leisurely stroking and circling, easing his finger in and out with agonizing slowness. He looked up at her, his eyes blistering, his expression almost punitive.

"Kai? Kai's with you? What's going on? Are you in trouble?"

"No, no trouble. No."

Kai eased a second finger in and Bonnie pulled hard against the straps, the small buckles cutting into her skin. She wanted to move forward, to grab Kai by the hand and increase the pressure of his fingers but she had no magic and her restraints were fastened tight, all she could do was watch him, feel him. She tilted her pelvis up to gyrate her hips to the motion Kai's fingers were making but he took his left hand and pressed her down onto the mattress, keeping her from shifting at all, and Bonnie groaned in response. His fingers continued their measured torture and Bonnie threw her head back, fully aware that he was watching her every reaction.

"Bonnie, what is going on? Why is Kai with you? Does he have you hostage?"

Kai grinned at those words and then quickly pulled what was left of Bonnie's underwear down her legs and put his mouth on her, making Bonnie mewl loudly and buck her hips, her arms throbbing from being tied. He swirled his tongue, his hands stretched out over her torso, rubbing her body down, his tongue lapping harder the faster Bonnie grinded against his mouth. She moaned loudly.

"Bonnie?" said Elena and Caroline together.

Bonnie couldn't respond, her thoughts were fragmented and scattered and nonsensical, this was going to shred her completely. She felt herself building, deep in her belly, and she moved her hips even harder, greedily urging Kai on, desperate for a release she'd been denied for five weeks and then Kai withdrew and blew on her instead.

She screamed. "Kai."

"Dammit, Bonnie," said Caroline. "Where the hell are you?"

Kai rose from between Bonnie's thighs and picked up the phone from the nightstand table. "Sorry, Caroline, Elena," he said. "But Bonnie's going to have to call you back." And he tossed the phone to the side so that it fell to the floor next to the bed.

He stretched over Bonnie, undoing one of her restraints. "I hate you," she groaned.

"Good," he said harshly, untying her other wrist. Bonnie didn't realize it before but his eyes had clouded to the darkest red she'd ever seen and his face was veined again. He was just as undone by his torture of her than she was; he stopped because he couldn't handle it anymore, he needed to be against her, inside her, he was hungering for her.

Bonnie reached forward and took off his shirt in haste but when she moved to undo his jeans further, Kai flipped her so that she was on her stomach, her face in a pillow. He widened her legs, sinking into her, both of them groaning in unison. He started flexing his hips, pounding at the ache he'd caused with his tongue, his stomach on her back, the material of his jeans rubbing against the back of Bonnie's legs. Bonnie clenched the sides of the pillow as Kai kept easing into her, his teeth biting her ear. He snaked his hand up Bonnie's chest, grabbing her throat and turned her head at her chin so that he could kiss her feverishly and Bonnie reached behind her, putting her hand on the nape of his neck, her behind grinding against him.

"This is all I've wanted for thirty-five days," he breathed, thrusting into her, his pace unhurried and deliberate. "Why, Bonnie. Why did you make me wait five weeks? Didn't you miss me?"

Bonnie groaned and gripped Kai's hair as he grazed his teeth — fangs?— along her jaw, pushing into her. "Didn't you?" he asked again, slipping a finger into her, circling around, making her whimper and swear, his finger's movements matching the flex of his hips. "Bonnie."

"Yes," she moaned. "Yes, I missed you. Don't…"

"Don't what?" he whispered, gyrating his hips, making Bonnie's eyes roll to the back of her head.

"Shit."

"Don't what?" he pressed.

"Leave," said Bonnie, gasping. "Don't do that again. I'll kill you if you do."

Kai groaned loudly and kissed her fervently again, holding her chin, keeping her head in place as he increased his speed, slamming into her, making Bonnie squeal into his mouth, the headboard banging against the wall, cracking the plaster. Sweat prickled Bonnie's body; she was inflamed with pleasure, ignited with amorous anticipation, reckless with abandon and she felt the muscles deep inside her clench and quiver around Kai, his harsh breathing and strangled murmurs incensing her skin. She felt herself roil and churn, Kai's movements making her quicken, but this build was different, intense, it was making her burn everywhere, she was raw and seething, she was losing track of where she started and where Kai began, he was making her skin hum again, it was like an electric current sparked throughout her body. Then abruptly his fangs pierced Bonnie's neck and she screamed, exploding into that release she so urgently craved for five weeks and then just as abruptly, the edges of the bed ignited into fire so that Kai and Bonnie were boxed in by flame. Kai didn't seem to notice or care and continued to guzzle from Bonnie's neck, circling his hips and finger, Bonnie closing her eyes and mewling, neither of them paying attention to the phone on the floor, the reflection of the flames on its screen.


	12. Desire

Bonnie laughed loudly at a joke Terrence had just said, her mouth curved upward into a toothy smile. They were sitting at a table outside in the quad, lattes in their hands, the sky turning to dusk above them. It hadn't been something Bonnie planned — a coffee date with Terrence but when she'd reached her dorm room after class, her mind on leaving as quickly as possible, Caroline and Elena informed her that Terrence would be picking her up in ten minutes and to get ready. They'd been trying to get her alone with him for days, a weirdly obsessive persistence behind their encouragements, but Bonnie had been spending the last six nights off-campus and would rush out of the dorm before she could find herself in Terrence's company. Until now.

"Just meet him," said Elena, walking over to her dresser and rummaging through her drawers. "Terrence is funny and cute and—"

"Forget cute, he's hot. Like it-should-be-illegal-for-anyone-to-look-that-good hot," said Caroline. "So I don't get the blockage. Unless—" and she paused. "Is there anything you want to tell us, Bonnie?"

Elena had stopped searching through her vanity set and looked at Bonnie pointedly. She furrowed her eyebrows. "No. What would I have to tell you?"  
Caroline shrugged her shoulders, her eyes fixed on Bonnie's face. "I don't know. Just something you forgot to tell us."

"Well, there's nothing."

"Good," said Elena brightly. "Now, I'm thinking red lipstick."

They'd been right. Terrence was hot in that obvious, it's-basically-a-fact kind of way and he was good-humoured; Bonnie laughed easily and often on this date like she had done whenever they spoke in Art History class. He was charming without the bitter bite of slyness — open. Honest.

And it didn't matter.

That Bonnie was having a genuinely good time with him mattered even less because she was sitting across from him, smiling and talking yet burning for someone else. To be somewhere else. Her body ached with the memory of the night before and the night before that, of Kai's ringed hands smoothed across her skin, prying apart her legs, his eager lips between her thighs — it was almost enough to make her moan with longing. Terrence was receiving the bare amount of Bonnie's attention, her enjoyment of his company was in the same vein as enjoying a mildly interesting TV show, and it wasn't anything she could help; every time she blinked, her mind was seized with a recollection of the previous six nights, an abrupt image of her trysts: tied wrists blink a scratched back blink gyrating hips blink a clenched bedsheet. Impatience to relive these moments inflamed her skin so that she had to focus most of her concentration on not to shift in her seat or to leave abruptly but to sit still and politely. She was restless with desire and it made her want to scream. Her hankering was different from when she hadn't seen Kai for weeks and weeks on end. Then, she'd been tortured with lustful loss, agitated and crazed; she'd been out of her mind with want for him. But now. This …

It was a craving that consumed her, consumed every moment she was away from him, a thirst to return, to delve even deeper into the sensation Kai kindled within her, and she thought of nothing except for being entwined with him again. Everything else was meaningless to her in this state, even the daylight and the responsibilities it brought — from lectures to appointments to socializing with friends — felt like hindrances to Bonnie, petty annoyances, and so now it was as if her everyday life was interrupting her time with Kai rather than the other way around.

"Did you want to get something to eat?" said Terrence suddenly.

"Yeah I do actually," said Bonnie, shaking her head slightly so she could muster her full attention. She'd felt a dull sort of hunger all day that didn't seem to go away no matter what she ate.

"Great, I was thinking—"

"Oh you meant with you!" Bonnie slapped her palm over her mouth, her eyes widened with embarrassment. "Sorry, that was rude, of course you meant with you. Not that I don't want to, I just … I have to study," said Bonnie frantically.

"And I didn't really expect us to go out tonight. It was sort of—"

"Unplanned?" said Terrence, finishing her sentence. He smiled good-naturedly.

"I kind of figured when I picked you up. Don't worry about it. There's always next time."

"Right…"

"Well, if you hurry you might be able to catch the dining hall before it closes. Did you want me to walk you to—?"

"You're sweet," said Bonnie, standing up. "But I'm fine. Maybe next time like you said. I'll see you later, Terrence."

And she left.

She rushed into the Hart House building, running toward the dining hall, hoping she had time to at least pick up a slice of lukewarm pie, but when she reached the entrance, a 'closed' sign hung in the window. Yet Bonnie found that she was able to push through the doors and walk inside. The lights were off, the tables deserted, and there was only one figure in the room with her, standing at the table she'd sat at six days earlier before reaching her wit's end and sprinting off campus to the dilapidated mansion. The figure's back was to Bonnie, his arms bent like he was eating something. Bonnie rolled her eyes and sighed. She wasn't even surprised to see him here. "Kai."

He turned around to face her, a bowl of cereal in his hand. He put another spoonful in his mouth and chewed slowly, thoughtfully, regarding Bonnie with smug and appraising eyes. "How was your date?"

"I think you know," she said.

"He likes you."

Bonnie folded her arms. "Why do you say it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're amused."

"Because I am."

"You think it's amusing that a guy likes me?"

"I think it's amusing that he thinks he has a shot."

Bonnie scowled. She hated his arrogance and more importantly that he had a reason to be arrogant at all. "You don't know that he doesn't," she said stubbornly. "I liked him too."

Kai smiled and put another spoonful in his mouth. "Don't pretend that liking someone is enough for you, Bonnie. There's no power in that."

"I guess we won't know that until I sleep with him," she said. Her tone was casual but her expression was harsh and while Kai kept smiling, his hand faltered slightly when he went to put the spoon back into the bowl.

"You'd sleep with him just to prove a point?" he said.

"No," said Bonnie. "I'd sleep with him because I think he's cute. And sweet. And—"

"Details," said Kai, cutting her off. "That wouldn't be enough for you to finish."

"Why," said Bonnie through gritted teeth, her irritation slowly swelling into anger. "Because you'd cast another spell on me?"

"I wouldn't need to. Stop acting like he'd know how to speak to your body like I do, like he could bring out in you what I can. You told me not to leave for a reason."

"You never know," said Bonnie, maliciously insistent. "Being with you set a bed on fire, being with him could burn down the entire dorm."

"Don't," said Kai sharply, his smugness suddenly gone. "Don't joke about that."

Bonnie looked at him for a moment before unfolding her arms. "So is that why you're here, in the cafeteria? You saw that I was coming this way and you wanted to … what exactly?"

"I don't know why I'm here," said Kai. "It's weird actually, just felt a kind of pull to come here."

"Really," said Bonnie sarcastically. "You just came here without knowing why. The fact that this is where I fantasized us has nothing to do with it."

Kai raised his eyebrows, his expression wickedly curious. "Fantasy?"

"Yeah, six days ago before we…" Bonnie regarded him. "I thought you put yourself in my head. I thought you lived it too."

"What was the fantasy?" said Kai.

Bonnie pressed her lips together, already there was a sort of engorged readiness to them and she was annoyed at how her body instantly betrayed her; it was ridiculous — she was irritated with him a second ago.

Kai seemed to know what she was thinking and he grinned, repeating the question, his tone soft. "The fantasy. What was it?"

"You took me," said Bonnie. "There." She inclined her head.

Kai put the cereal bowl down on the table Bonnie was nodding her head toward and ran his fingers delicately along the curved edges, staring at the surface with interest. Bonnie watched Kai graze his fingertips along the sides of the table and imagined them skimming her skin and she parted her lips so shallow breathing could escape into the air. Kai turned toward her, a hint of red in his eyes. "So that's it? I just took you. Here?"

"Well no," said Bonnie. "I mean you … it was breakfast, I was sitting down first."

"Where?"

It was a simple question but Bonnie could sense the challenge in his tone and she felt her indignation transform into boldness. Without looking away from him, she walked purposefully toward where he was standing and sat in the chair she'd been in that morning but kept her legs facing out so that she was sitting next to the table rather than at it. "Caroline and Elena were sitting over there," she said, gesturing to the other seats across from her but Kai didn't break their gaze to see where she was pointing.

"And where was I?"

"Where you are now," said Bonnie. "Smirking like you are now."

Kai's hand moved from the table to the back of Bonnie's chair, his fingers running across the wooden frame so that they almost stroked Bonnie's bare back but they didn't quite graze her; her shoulders erupted into goosebumps and she shivered from his near-touch. There was a pulse between her thighs, a begging for him to simply take her like he did in her fantasy but Bonnie stared resolutely at him, determined not to break.

"Then what happened?"

"You grabbed me."

Kai swiftly reached around to the nape of Bonnie's neck, gripping her hair and tugging downward, making Bonnie gasp as her head was yanked back into an upright position.

"Like this?" he whispered, his voice hoarse.

"No," said Bonnie, the word almost a sigh. "You pulled me up so I was standing. Then you kissed me and put me on the table…"

Kai swallowed hard. "In front of Caroline and Elena?"

Bonnie nodded wordlessly; the pulse was intensifying — it seemed to almost radiate deep in her gut and to incense her blood. She could see the veins on Kai's face darken, his expression serious and raw.

"This was when you knocked Terrence over with your chair." Kai's tone was guttural now, urgent and aroused. "Because you were fantasizing about this."

"Yes," said Bonnie. "I couldn't think straight and —"

It happened suddenly. Kai bent down and took Bonnie by the hips so that he lifted her onto him in one quick movement, her legs wrapped around him and his mouth on hers. He kissed her with a type of fervour Bonnie didn't know existed until she'd been with him — a fervour more savage than passion and more intimate than lust. He bit down on her lower lip and then nuzzled her neck, running the tip of his tongue down her throat so that Bonnie's chin rested atop the bridge of his nose, her panting loud, her nails piercing his skin. He squeezed her beneath her thighs and pushed her into his hardness, making direct contact with the maddening pulse in her groin so that Bonnie mewled unexpectedly, clutching his shoulder. Kai chuckled — an arrogant sound — as he kissed her along her jaw and the need to repay him in kind was now an uncontrollable desire that raged throughout Bonnie's body.

She lowered her head, pressed her lips against Kai's ear and breathed, "Turn around and move back." She tugged on his earlobe with her teeth and instinctively he grasped her thigh for a second time then he rotated around and walked back a couple of steps; he was standing against the table now and Bonnie could feel its cold surface beneath her knees. She put her hands on Kai's chest and then pushed him down so that his back slammed flat onto the table, making his bowl of cereal clamour onto the floor. Before Kai could say anything Bonnie bent down and kissed him roughly, rocking back and forth on his pelvis so that he groaned into her mouth, kissing her with ferocious enthusiasm; when he reached up to touch Bonnie's hair, she pulled away from him, sitting upright and quickly tore open his shirt, her nails dragging across his bare chest.

"Argh!" He yelped in pain and Bonnie grinned as she lifted herself slightly, hastily undoing Kai's fly and lowered herself onto him again. She shifted her position so that Kai's erection pressed into her most sensitive spot and she began to writhe, the lace material of her underwear rubbing against his hardness and he squeezed his eyes shut, his expression one of tortured pleasure. He wanted more, she could tell. His agitation at being denied full access to her by such a flimsy barrier inflamed Bonnie's skin and she rocked harder on him, his frustration fuelling her arousal, fuelling her want to simply frustrate him more. She sighed heavily, everything in her screaming with the desire to take him, let him take her, but she needed to do this first, it was beyond rational explanation. Kai put his palms on Bonnie's thighs, slowly slipping his hands beneath her skirt. She allowed his fingertips to touch her underwear before grabbing him by the wrists and putting his arms above his head on the table. He growled.

"Please."

"Please what."

"You know what."

"No, I don't," said Bonnie, wriggling; now that she was at an angle, sloped over Kai, her hands pinning his wrists, the friction of him against her underwear and the underwear against her ache was even more intense and she moaned loudly, which made Kai groan in response.

"Take them off. Your underwear, take them off," he said, frenzied.

"No," said Bonnie.

Kai moved to sit up from the table, his back raised off the surface but Bonnie slammed him back down again, stiffening her thighs, making Kai cry out, a strangled sound.

"Why not?"

"I don't…" Bonnie groaned as she writhed harder. "I don't want to."

"Yes you do."

She did. God, she did. But she couldn't yet. Thoughts of him, of them, suffocated her with longing, her body was perpetually aching for his touch and whatever he'd told her in the past, she didn't believe he really understood that, the physicality of wanting someone that much. She wriggled again and Kai grunted, using his speed to move a fraction; it was too quick for Bonnie to stop it and he ripped her underwear off so that the material fell away from her hips. Bonnie clasped her hand around Kai's throat in response.

"I liked these," she said breathlessly. "They were my favourite pair."

"I'll get you new ones, I'll get you anything you want," said Kai wildly. "Just Bonnie … you have to, you have to…"

Bonnie said nothing but simply took the shredded lace in her free hand and cocked her eyebrow, looking down into Kai's defiant and blistering eyes. She thought back to how he'd tied her wrists to his bed with her own bra straps and, hit with abrupt inspiration, she covered his eyes with what was left of her black underwear, fastening the lace behind his head, watching as he hardened even more.

"Oh my God, you're killing me," he murmured.

It was Bonnie's turn to chuckle and she took a hold of Kai's erection, her fingers stroking him so that he moaned loud and deep in his throat. "Jesus," he hissed. His whisper was a caress on Bonnie's skin, the raw yearning in his voice made her quake and she moved so that his manhood grazed her clitoris, a high-pitched mewl escaping her mouth, and she allowed herself to enclose around his tip only to move again, releasing Kai from her body, massaging his shaft with her hands. He swore loudly.

"NO!" he yelled, his voice cracking, his head turning from side to side. "Why are you doing this to me? I'll do anything you want, I just — I just need to be inside you."

"Like this?" And she took him again, deeper this time, but didn't move her hips but simply clenched her muscles around his member then relaxed herself and clenched around him again.

"Shit, Bonnie." His voice was a mixture of amazement and frustration. She did it again, resisting the overwhelming urge to sink onto him further, completely. Kai bowed off the table, his face pressing into the black lace that covered his eyes. Bonnie released him from her altogether and he roared; plates and glasses shattered in the kitchen, which was a room away behind a pair of double doors, but Bonnie could hear the dishware smashing apart.

"I can't take this anymore," said Kai, whimpering. "You're driving me crazy."

And Bonnie could feel his desperation — it added to her own agitation. There was a pang deep in her gut that she knew didn't belong to her and yet it pained her like how hunger pained the stomach — a twinge similar but considerably more intense than what she'd been feeling all day. It was a torturous void that seemed to be almost alive somehow — it begged to be filled, it grumbled and roared with need of … her, of them and her skin reverberated with its plea, her entire body seemed to scream her own name. And suddenly, she understood. She was experiencing Kai's desire, suffering his … hunger. His hunger for her. And his appetite was endless, truly insatiable. Bonnie groaned.

She tore the lace off of Kai's eyes and before she could do anything else he grabbed her behind the head and pushed her mouth onto his, Bonnie responding with a viciousness that she didn't know she had in her, her mouth opening Kai's, her tongue exploring his. He put his hands on her back, hooking his nails into her tank top and then ripped the material haphazardly apart, slipping his palms to her front, rubbing his hands on her chest, squeezing and kneading her breasts; he sat up to graze his lips on her nipples, kissing and sucking so that Bonnie moaned.

She pushed Kai back down onto the table for a third time, her hand on his throat beneath his chin so that his eyes pierced directly into hers as she shifted her position and sank onto him fully, both of their mouths hanging open from the cruelly pleasurable sensation. She started to sway and Kai immediately clasped her hips as he tilted up into her, a loud groan escaping his lips. Bonnie gyrated harder, relishing the full feeling of him inside her, enjoying what she'd denied them both for too long. Her hand pressed down on Kai's throat as her index finger moved up to his lips and he enclosed her fingertip in his mouth, sucking hard, which made Bonnie grind faster on him and Kai closed his eyes.  
Bonnie's body was heated by her own desire, sweat prickled her skin, and she felt herself burning utterly with want for more as the pang in her gut intensified, growing so that it seemed to overpower her senses, possess the very fibres of her being and the harder her muscles tightened around Kai, the more the pang grew within her and so within him. It was all enough to drive her mad; she was devastated with pleasure past endurance, the only thing more intense than the carnality was her and Kai's mutual desire for more of it — a desire that was wreaking havoc on Bonnie's body.

This was going to tear her apart.

Bonnie felt herself building; Kai's hands were squeezing her hips almost painfully, a continuous moan issuing through his gritted teeth and he mumbled her name in breathy pants, which only encouraged her to ride him faster. She could feel herself rise, the delicious ache between her thighs almost giving way, and she threw her head back, eyes closed, teeth biting down on her lower lip. It wasn't until she opened her eyes that she realized they were no longer o the table but a few feet above it, levitating toward the ceiling like she'd done when she'd been dreaming six nights ago.

"Holy shit," she whispered.

Kai kept his eyes on Bonnie and held onto her tighter, his eyebrows furrowed with anticipation, his face veined and taut. "Forget about that," he whispered. "Keep going. Don't stop. Please, don't stop, Bonnie."

She couldn't stop even if she wanted to. Bonnie swivelled her hips, her muscles quivering and quaking around Kai, his erection deep within her. And she felt it, felt her belly churn, her gut roil, her body rise, her pang, their pang, grow, her skin burn…all of the sensations sensitized her nerves so that she was ready to combust and then finally, spectacularly, she cried out, her whimper melding in with Kai's, her hand pressed against the ceiling for support. Then swiftly gravity pulled them back down so that they crashed onto the table, breaking it in half. Bonnie was sure that her knees were bloody, she could feel the scrapes and cuts on her skin but she didn't care, she was spent in the best possible way, satiated even though she knew it was only temporary, as she felt her skin hum with greediness, with the need for more despite the fact that she wouldn't be able to handle anything more. She dislodged from Kai who was panting, his fangs descended, and then rolled onto her back beside him, the broken table digging painfully into her spine.

"I hope no one saw that," she said after a while.

"Well if Terrence did then that's OK," said Kai and Bonnie turned to him, rolling her eyes.


	13. A Woman Possessed

The note said to be at the Salvatore Mansion at two-thirty in the afternoon. Bonnie had woken up to find a thick cream-coloured card on the pillow next to her, Caroline's precise and swirly handwriting on the front. It was almost like an invitation.

Salvatore Mansion. 2:30 Sharp. Do not blow this off, Bonnie.

The word sharp had been underlined three times and Caroline had chosen a Tuesday to call this meeting or whatever it was — a day Bonnie had only two morning classes and was free from noon on. It had to be important. Probably supernatural-forces-running-amok-in-Mystic-Falls important and this was the only way Caroline could think to get a hold of her. Bonnie knew she had been a hard person to reach lately; never in the dorm, barely present during lectures, forever sneaking off just after dusk and sneaking back in just before dawn …

Bonnie had been a woman possessed for the past week, driving down roads and walking through campus hallways as if in a fog, only brought to life when she experienced his touch, his gaze — the only thing that could devastate her with yearning and suffocate her with frustration; the only thing that could make her feel anything deeply.

Kai.

Nights with him had cost her her daily life and she had allowed them to but now it seemed as if her daily life needed her back and so she made it a point to take the note seriously. It was two twenty-eight when she opened the door to the Salvatore Mansion. Bonnie had expected to see everyone in the living room: Caroline, Elena, Stefan, Damon, Tyler, Matt, Alaric. The whole gang. Instead she only saw Elena sitting tensely on the couch and Caroline putting a fruit platter on the coffee table. After a minute she saw that Damon was there too, skulking in the corner and glowering at the room, his arms folded.

This was weird.

"Uh … am I early?"

Quickly, Elena stood up from the couch and rubbed the front of her jeans with her hands. "Bonnie, hi," she said.

Caroline turned her head away from the coffee table to look at the living room entrance. "Oh, right on time! Come in. We have a fruit platter."

Damon snorted just as Bonnie said, "Yeah, I can see that. Where's everyone else?"

"Everyone else?"

"Yeah, aren't we … isn't there something wrong?"

"Yes," said Caroline.

"No," said Elena, walking up to Caroline and standing next to her. "Not wrong. Well, nothing supernatural at least."

"But it's only Tuesday," said Damon.

Bonnie ignored him. "So then why are we all here?"

"Well," said Elena. "We're here, uh, we're here for you, Bonnie. Because we're worried about you."

"Why would you be worried about me?"

Caroline's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me? We've—"

Elena nudged Caroline in the ribs and shot her a reproachful look. Immediately, Caroline pressed her lips together and then looked at Bonnie with a mixture of sheepishness and defiance. When she spoke again, Bonnie could tell she was choosing her words carefully. "We've noticed some … changes in you lately, drastic changes and we wanted to talk to you about them, about the choices you're making."

Bonnie furrowed her eyebrows. "The choices I'm making? What choices? What changes?"

"Oh I don't know, the staying out all night, the cutting class, the bailing on hot guys like Terrence, the mystery disappearances, the vague excuses for not spending any time with us, the—"

"Bonnie, look," said Elena, cutting Caroline off. "We just want to talk. This isn't about judging you." And with these words Elena glanced at Caroline pointedly and Caroline sighed deeply, nodding her head.

"I don't get it," said Bonnie. "What would you be judging me for?"

"Oh come on! We know you've been sleeping with Kai!" said Caroline, throwing her hands up in the air.

There was nothing but resounding silence after Caroline's exclamation and Bonnie felt herself experience a myriad of emotions. Panic was the most urgent and overwhelming of her reactions but beneath that there was guilt, the same guilt that soured her stomach whenever she and Kai lay next to each other breathless and spent yet hungry for more of each other, for more of what they made each other feel, it was a guilt that had become less consuming over time but still churned inconveniently in her gut whenever she descended to that darkness that always existed within her but that only became seductive whenever she and Kai lost themselves in one another. Beyond that guilt she felt bewilderment — how did they find out she and Kai were sleeping together? And then it came back to her. The day she and Kai had their "makeup" sex, if you could call it that, she hadn't been too convincing on the phone, sighing and panting, sometimes moaning whenever Kai's mouth made contact with her body, he'd done that to cause this. He probably didn't turn off the phone when he took it away from her either. And the bewilderment turned to anger at Kai for forcing this confrontation and yet that anger gave way to an odd sense of relief because now she and Kai were no longer a secret, which somehow made it feel less … sinful because her best friends knew and she no longer had to hide. But in a bizarre way, that relief transformed into disappointment because as much as the secret of being with Kai chewed away at her, it also empowered her; it was something that was entirely hers and hers alone, something she didn't have to share with anyone else when she'd spent so much time giving pieces of herself to those around her and getting nothing return. And finally the disappointment fell away to indignation and resentment at her friends for summoning her here because they obviously felt that they had the moral high ground in this situation.

After everything they've done…

Bonnie cleared her throat and then looked from Caroline to Elena to Damon to the fruit platter. She just realized that there were cue cards on the coffee table. How long have they been planning this?

She looked to Caroline and Elena again. "Are you hosting an intervention for me because I'm sleeping with Kai?"

"Bingo!" said Damon. He didn't move from his corner.

Bonnie scoffed, shaking her head. "I can't believe this."

"We're only doing this because we care," said Caroline.

"Really? Because it seems like it's just a reason to stand around and feel superior."

"Bonnie, that's not fair," said Elena, shocked. "Like we said we're worried about you and that's why—"

The sound of glasses clinking made Elena stop talking and she turned around to look at the living room. Damon was pouring himself a drink from the bar.

"Damon," said Caroline. "You don't drink alcohol at an intervention!"

"You don't drink alcohol at an intervention for alcoholism, which this isn't so I can. I mean …" He took a sip of bourbon. "If I was nose deep in pu—"

"OK enough," said Bonnie, raising her hand. "No one asked for your commentary."

"In fact no one asked you to be here, Damon," said Caroline, turning around so she could glare at him from behind her shoulder. "So why are you? This is just for friends."

Damon didn't respond but simply looked at Bonnie, his eyes locking with hers, as he took another large gulp of bourbon from his glass, his expression vehement and almost pained.

"OK, I think we're getting sidetracked," said Elena.

"Right," said Caroline, turning back to Bonnie. "Like Elena said, this isn't about judging you. We called this intervention because we think you're making a serious mistake and—"

"You care about me," said Bonnie, finishing the sentence. "That's why you brought me here, right?"

"Yes," said Caroline and Elena at the same time.

"And you two, you care about each other, right?"

"How could you even ask that? We've all been best friends since we were kids, practically since we were babies," said Elena.

"Exactly, of course me and Elena care about each other," said Caroline.

"OK so where was either of your interventions?" said Bonnie, folding her arms.

There was a pause.

"I'm sorry, what?" said Elena.

"Well when you chose Damon over Stefan," said Bonnie, inclining her head to where Damon was standing. "I don't remember us holding an intervention for you."

Elena opened her mouth and then closed it and then opened it again. "Well it wasn't like you two brought out the welcome wagon when we first got together, Bonnie."

"Because he tried to kill me?" said Bonnie.

"Kai has also tried to kill me."

"Why should that stop me from sleeping with him when Damon trying to kill me didn't stop you?"

"It did for —"

"For what?" said Bonnie. "For a while? Was that what you were going to say? But it wasn't enough to keep you from seeing him altogether. Him turning Vicki wasn't enough or him trying to kill Jeremy twice or him killing Tyler's uncle or him compelling Caroline or —"

"Hey! I'm right here!" said Damon emphatically.

Bonnie looked at him. "And?"

He scowled and drained his glass, opening the decanter to pour himself another drink. "I don't know why I felt I had to come to this," he mumbled.

"I fell in love with him, Bonnie," said Elena quietly. "And I fought it for as long as I could but he — he made up for everything he's done —"

"Why? Because you said so? Because he made it up to you when it was other people he hurt?"

"Still right here!"

"Shut up, Damon," snapped Caroline. "Bonnie, are you forgetting that Kai left you in a prison world to die? Didn't he stab you in the gut?"

"Didn't Tyler bite you and infect you with werewolf venom?"

"Only because Klaus used the Sirebond and forced him to!"

"Yeah and then you slept with Klaus. And he also stabbed you and bit you. And he killed Tyler's mom."

"I should've never slept with Klaus," said Caroline.

"But you did and there was no intervention for you was there?"

"The way you're defending Kai, Bonnie," said Elena. Bonnie saw Damon about to take a sip of his drink but then stop and look in her direction. "What is it between you two?"

Bonnie shook her head and sighed. "I'm not defending Kai, I'm defending my privacy and my right to do what I want."

"Which is having sex with Kai," said Caroline.

"Yes," said Bonnie.

"Jesus, the sex can't be that good," said Damon, opening the decanter yet again to top off his glass.

"You wouldn't be able to handle it if I told you just how good it was, Damon," said Bonnie waspishly.

Damon's jaw tightened. He looked like he was about to say something when another voice forestalled him.

"How good what was?"

Another loud silence filled the empty room; everyone stilled. That voice…

Slowly, Bonnie turned around. "Jeremy," she whispered.

Jeremy stood in the foyer, a large duffle bag hanging off his shoulder. His hair was longer than it was when she saw him last, almost floppy like it had been when they were in high school.

"Hi, Bonnie." His voice was quiet, the way he said her name, it was almost soft. The tenderness in his tone sent an initial shock of anger through Bonnie that dissipated as abruptly as it came forth and then Bonnie suffered thousands of emotions at once, more intense than what she'd felt when Caroline had told her they knew about Kai because now her emotions were attached to images, memories. Her and Jeremy's first kiss. The night she channelled him and lost her powers. Him talking to Anna's ghost in front of her. The tears she'd shed when she found out he'd kissed Anna. The day he left Mystic Falls. The night she gave her own life for his. The first time they'd made love. Their last phone call before she'd gone to the prison world. The numerous calls she'd made when she found her way back from hell. The constant voicemails. The never-ending dial tone. The abandonment, the love, the loss, the longing, the betrayal, the heartbreak, the inevitable numbness … and it all had transformed into another bout of anger, shades of which were directed at him but most of which was directed at herself.

Bonnie turned to Elena. "You called him here?"

"I thought that you maybe needed to see him."

"You shouldn't've…"

"What's going on? I could hear the yelling from outside."

"An intervention, Little Gilbert," said Damon. "I could've told Vampire Barbie it would go sideways. Interventions never end well. I should know. I have a ripper for a brother."

"We should've used the cue cards," said Caroline, mumbling to herself.

"Wait, an intervention for what?" said Jeremy. "For who?"

"Well —"

"Damon," said Elena, her voice a warning. She shook her head.

Damon sighed. "Not important," he said.

Jeremy switched his gaze from Damon back to Bonnie, a significant look intensifying his expression, and he walked toward her but she moved away.

"I can't, I can't do this. I have somewhere else I need to be," said Bonnie, moving toward the front entrance.

Caroline and Elena took a step toward her. "Bonnie, where are you going?"

"Yeah," said Jeremy, inching closer to her. "I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you. There's so much I've wanted to say…"

Bonnie looked at him, her lips parted and she felt a familiar warmth twinge in her chest; a warmth unique to Jeremy except it was dulled now and somehow distant, almost like an echo. She blinked. "I'm sorry," she said. "Maybe later."

She left the Mansion quickly, Jeremy's expression a dominant image in her mind, the feel of Damon's eyes as they watched her back a shadow on her skin. She could still hear Elena's moralistic concern and Caroline's self-righteous worriedness as she charged down the driveway. When she finally got back into her car, she started to drive without a destination in mind, the need to just aimlessly wander and decompress her motivation to put her foot to the gas. It had been months since she'd seen Jeremy; not even seen but heard — he didn't return one of the many messages she'd left when she'd returned from the prison world much less visit her to see if she was really back in the flesh. It had wounded her. Deeply. Jeremy was the first person she'd ever really loved, the first person she realized she'd do absolutely anything for, he had been her everything before she'd gone to the prison world. There'd been nothing she wouldn't have given him and she had given her life for his not one but two times to prove it. And he hadn't returned even one of her phone calls when she finally clawed her way out of the magical nineties.

But that's not the problem …

No. That wasn't the problem. At least not anymore. The problem was … she hadn't forgotten about Jeremy because that would be impossible, utterly unfathomable, but he didn't belong to her anymore and she didn't belong to him and that divorce of connection went beyond the simplicity of labels like girlfriend and boyfriend. No, ever since the prison world, Bonnie's life had been split in two. Pre-1990s Bonnie and Post-1990s Bonnie. And Jeremy didn't mean to Post-1990s Bonnie what he meant to Pre-1990s Bonnie. It wasn't just that he didn't fit into her current life, the love she'd had for him and the love he'd had for her, the way it had made her feel, it didn't move her now, it barely even made sense to her, remembering Jeremy was like remembering another life, like looking into the memories of someone who wasn't her.

And now he was back.

Now he was here. In Mystic Falls. In her vicinity. Maybe he didn't expect anything, maybe he knew not to ask for them to get back together but there'd been an unspoken understanding between him and Pre-1990s Bonnie, that in some way, shape or form, they were forever. No matter how much life changed or how far apart they grew, the understanding was that their love would be a constant and something they'd both give in to even if it was only for a week or a day or an hour. They could always return to each other. But that Bonnie was dead. He'd gazed at her in the Salvatore Mansion ready to return to her but there was no one there to return to him. And it angered her. It angered her that a piece of herself, a piece of herself that could revel in the simplicity of love, that could be content with warmth, that could appreciate innocence, was gone. It angered her that this Bonnie had found herself parked outside Kai's house even though she'd had no intention of stopping there or anywhere, to just keep driving. It angered her that even now, even with everything going on within her, she was still a woman possessed, a woman drawn to the person who had complicated everything for her.


	14. Euphoria

The stench of death was immediate. Bonnie stepped into Kai's foyer and was automatically filled with dread and righteous anger; Kai had fed here recently. Bonnie could sense it, feel it.

"Kai!" Bonnie stormed through the halls, looking in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom. "Kai!" She walked upstairs and found him watching TV in his bed, eating the remainder of a slice of apple pie.

"Where's the body, Kai?" said Bonnie.

"Don't you love eating in bed?" he said. "There's nothing like it. It's just so… decadent." He put another forkful of pie into his mouth.

"The body." Bonnie repeated. "Where's the—"The blare of the Friends theme song interrupted her.

"Ah, Friends," said Kai. "The nineties might've been hell— literally but at least it had Friends. I bet you were into Monica and Chandler. Not me. Ross and Rachel … people don't fight that much if there isn't something real there."

"Kai, where is the damn body?"

"Gone," said Kai, his eyes remaining on the TV.

"Gone?"

"Yeah, I disposed of it," he said as he put another piece of pie in his mouth, chewing as he laughed at something Chandler said.

"You don't even have the decency to at least try and lie to me about killing someone? Or at least try and act like you care that you took someone else's life?"

"Why would I care? And why would you expect me to. You know who I am."

"I do know who you are," said Bonnie, nodding her head, her face etched with angry repulsion. "You're a monster."

"And you're sleeping with me so what does that make you?"

"Worse," said Bonnie. She watched him eat the last of his pie and she felt something in her snap; there was something about the way he was always eating that enraged Bonnie, it was an embodiment of Kai's smugness, of his cavalier devilishness — an embodiment of what attracted her to him and angered her about him. "How are you still eating when you just fed?"

"Ironically, feeding makes me hungry for human food, like food humans eat," said Kai. "Well no, feeding makes me hungry for you but I didn't think I'd see you for a while with you know, the intervention and everything."

Bonnie didn't bother to ask how he knew about the intervention; Kai always knew about everything that happened to her. He had his ways. She had long since given up on questioning what methods he used to acquire information about her daily life, the life separate from him.

"Everything about you, about this, is just wrong on every level; morally, legally —"

Kai put his plate on the bedside table and stood up, walking toward Bonnie with that deceptively lazy gait he adopted when he wanted to appear harmless but was actually preparing himself to strike. "You came here looking to pick a fight," he said. "Don't start freaking out because Jeremy showed up."

"Don't you dare say his name," said Bonnie sharply, the threat in her tone sliced through the air and split the window so that the glass spider-webbed.

Kai raised his eyebrows appraisingly and Bonnie glared back, her hands clenched in fury. It was a gut reaction; hearing Jeremy's name come out of Kai's mouth spiked her with indescribable fright that was both violent and heavy with guilt. It wasn't something she could explain, only something she could feel and it felt unbearable.

"Me saying Jeremy's name isn't going to corrupt his soul," said Kai. "Which is too bad for him. He would've still had a shot with you if it did."

"A shot with me? A shot with me? He isn't some guy I met at the campus bar, he's—"

"The boy you loved."

"The man I love still."

"You're protective of him you're not in love with him."

"How the hell would you know? You know nothing about me and him, what we were — I died for him, Kai, something like that, what we went through, it doesn't just go away. I can't just wake up one morning not loving him."

"Who are you trying to convince?"

"Don't you —"

"And even if that's true," said Kai, interrupting her. "You know it doesn't matter. Love doesn't mean the same thing to you as it did before, what you two were, what you two had, you don't want that anymore, you can't want that, not after you've had this. Simplicity just doesn't cut it for you now and that's all Jeremy is. Simple."

"You piece of shit," said Bonnie, her voice low and dangerous. The lights in the room began to flicker. "I am so sick of you acting like you know everything about me."

"I do know everything about you!" Kai yelled, his voice reverberating throughout the house, cracking the ceiling so that the flicking chandelier started to descend. "Why else would you be so goddamn angry? Because you know I'm right and you hate yourself for it. This, us, it's in you now. You fiend for it, for the places I take you, you spend all your waking hours thinking about it, driving yourself crazy with need for it and you can't ever go back to the girl who stupidly died because she felt the warm, gooey feelings they sing about in love songs."

"Oh get a hold of yourself, it isn't that deep!"

"Then why are you here, Bonnie?" The chandelier crashed to the floor and the cracked windows shattered completely. "The boy you say you love —"

"Stop calling him a boy!"

"The boy you say you love shows up after all this time and where the hell are you? Not with him! No, you're here. With me. Your friends ambush you with an intervention about how much you've changed—"

"The intervention was about me fucking a sociopath," said Bonnie venomously.

"And that's not indicative of how much you've changed?" said Kai. He didn't wait for Bonnie to answer. "Whatever the intervention was about, the point is, you're not with them, working things out, you're here yelling at me. And Damon —"

Bonnie let out a frustrated yell that sent a tremor through the entire house, causing the floorboards to shake. "Don't start on Damon!"

"Do not defend him," bellowed Kai.

"I can't believe you. My ex-boyfriend shows up but you're hung up on Damon?"

"Jeremy wants someone who doesn't exist anymore. He's way out of his depth. Damon —"

"Is with Elena!"

"Don't act like that means he doesn't want you! He belongs to Elena but he thinks you belong to him and that's something I can't fucking stand!"

"What century are you in? I hate it when you do that. 'Belong'? I don't belong to anyone!"

"Well certainly not to Jeremy."

"You're despicable," said Bonnie, her mouth contorted with fury, her voice ragged with vitriol. "I don't know why I didn't just let Caroline and Elena intervene."

Bonnie charged out of the room and down the hall but Kai followed her, yelling as he trailed her footsteps down the staircase to the foyer. "Yeah, Bonnie, why didn't you let them? Pretty defensive on my behalf, weren't you?"

Bonnie whirled around so quickly that Kai flinched but didn't take a step back. The floorboards had stopped shaking but the television and radio turned on to white noise and static, the microwave started to beep.

"I was defensive on my own behalf," screamed Bonnie." I just couldn't believe the nerve they all had to pass judgement on me when they've all also screwed mass murderers!" She started to walk again.

"Stop acting like this is just about sex," said Kai. He pushed the front door shut just as Bonnie wrenched it open but used so much force that one of the hinges fell off.

"It is just about sex!" Bonnie turned to Kai, gesturing wildly. "There is nothing else here."

"What do you call what you're doing to my house?" said Kai. "I work you up this much that you're destroying it! There's power between us, there's power in you that only I know how to reach."

"This is just rage!"

"Passion."

"And hate! God, I hate you. I hate you so much I can't —I can't even — I can't control how I react around you!"

"Freedom."

"Are we just saying words now? Fine! How about these ones: pain, guilt, disgust, shame. Those are the emotions in me only you know how to reach."

"If you didn't get off on that then you wouldn't be coming back every single time!"

"I come back because the sex—"

"It isn't just sex, it's fucking euphoria." Snap! Pop! The sounds of appliances exploding. "You've never had it so good. You've never felt so good. You've never wanted anything as much as the pain and the guilt and the disgust and the shame and that's why you're here! You don't want to escape this!"

"Stop telling me what I want!"

Bonnie turned to leave again but Kai grabbed her by the wrist and jerked her to him so that her back collided with his torso. His lips pressed against her ear. "Escape it then."

Suddenly, they weren't in his house anymore.

They were …

Not they. She. She was alone. Kai was gone. And she was in her dorm. The lights were off. Candles were lit. She was standing in front of them, holding a lighter and she was in a blue sundress … wait, she knew this scene, this night. The night after she'd returned from the Other Side. The night she and Jeremy first …

A vision. Kai had used his vampirism to implant a vision in her mind; to make a memory resurface and engulf her.

The door opened. Footsteps. And then she heard herself say the words, "I'll admit it." She kept trying to get the lighter to ignite. "I miss magic."

The footsteps got closer to her and Bonnie quickly glanced behind her to see Jeremy walking further into the room, a small grin on his face. Warmth spread throughout her chest as she listened to him approach; it was a fuzzy feeling, gentle and light and then —

It was like her entire body pulsated.

She was still in that blue sundress, her hair cut into the same short bob it had been on that night but now she was in the corner of the dorm watching herself and Jeremy, watching her own memory. "Step away from the candles," said Jeremy.

"Not one for the element of surprise, was he?" said a voice; it was low and smug and mischievous, full of promise. Before she could respond, Bonnie felt lips graze the back of her neck, tickling her skin, sending her body into a shock of shivers. Strong, careful hands slowly circled her waist, making her heart pound hard against her chest. Already, her breathing was shallow. Already she ached between her thighs. Already, the rage that had overcome her during their argument morphed into a riotous desire churning uncomfortably within her. He could do this with just one touch? No matter the situation? No. Bonnie couldn't allow that.

"Kai, what's the point of —" She started to turn around to face him but Kai took her by the arms and angled her back so that she was once again looking at her past self and Jeremy.

Kai whispered into Bonnie's ear. "Watch," he breathed, nibbling her earlobe. His lips trailed down to kiss and nip her neck, steadily intensifying the pulsating ache in her gut. He leisurely ran his fingers up and down the length of her midriff, stroking her skin through the material of her dress and the effect was immediate, almost magnetic; Bonnie reached behind her and grasped his shirt, her back arching off of his torso. She started to close her eyes.

"Watch," he breathed again and Bonnie opened her eyes, pressing her lips together as Kai's hand slid down and pressed against her groin, rubbing her dress against her panties, which rubbed against her. "That, what you're seeing," Kai's voice was husky as he rubbed Bonnie harder. "That's what you still want, right?"

Bonnie watched as Jeremy and her past self started to kiss. It was slow. Sweet. Hesitant. Like they had been. She remembered how at the time she'd felt like it was a life-changing moment, how that warmth had enveloped her, how —

One of Kai's hands slipped beneath the hem of Bonnie's dress, his fingers caressing her legs, up and down and back again, teasing her, taunting her; he stroked her softly but there was a menace to it, a deviousness to his softness that agitated Bonnie with delicious anticipation; that inflamed her skin with a lustful need for more and more now.

What the hell is wrong with me?

The thought was a distracted one. It was hard to concentrate on anything other than the feel of Kai behind her, against her, on her, overwhelming her senses so that the only thing she could experience was him but she knew, she knew even now that the promise of depravity, of her depravity the way he unleashed it attracted her like nothing else had in the past and nothing else would in the future and that killed her.

Kai's other hand crept onto Bonnie's collarbone. He curled his fingers beneath her chin, holding her head in place so that she couldn't look away from her past self and Jeremy kissing. The fingers on Kai's other hand brushed the underside of Bonnie's underwear as he looked at her looking at Jeremy and Pre-1990s Bonnie. She hated how she moistened at Kai's touch; hated how she was in this memory with him, watching herself with Jeremy; hated that she had the power to disengage from this memory, from this game Kai was playing but she didn't have the strength to.

Jeremy lifted Past Bonnie onto him and turned around so that she was sitting on the bed and she started undoing his shirt with what she'd thought was frenzy at the time but that now looked woefully restrained.

"He doesn't know what to do with you," said Kai, moving his hand from Bonnie's chin. "He doesn't know who you are in bed. The depths you can plummet to…" He placed his hand on Bonnie's wrist and then moved her hand to his mouth, wrapping his lips around her index finger. He sucked. Hard. Bonnie gasped. Her knees almost buckled and Kai pressed her against him to keep her from falling. He withdrew Bonnie's finger from his mouth.

"That's what you want? That's enough for you now? "

He brought Bonnie's hand back down to her side, slipping it beneath her dress and past her panties, guiding her fingers into herself. He moved her wrist in circles so that she started massaging her clitoris.

"Oh." Bonnie moaned, swaying her hips with the movement she was making, with the movement Kai was orchestrating her to make. She grinded back on him and he hardened against her, causing a trill of arousal to burn deep in her gut. She rested the back of her head on his shoulder.

"Watch," said Kai, his voice hoarse. He grabbed her beneath the chin again as his other hand worked her wrist into faster circles. "Tell me that what you're seeing is what you want now."

Jeremy and Past Bonnie were kissing again and Jeremy had grabbed her to him so that Past Bonnie had to stand up to continue the kiss; they switched positions so that Jeremy was the one sitting on the bed, he was kissing her neck, she was starting to take off the straps of her dress…

"If that were me I wouldn't have been able to wait," whispered Kai. He slid his hand down her neck to her chest to her breast, his tongue running along her jaw. "I would've torn that dress off you the minute I saw you in it. I would've said 'fuck the party'."

Bonnie tried not to let his words lay claim to her body; tried to not only remember but relive what she'd felt the night she and Jeremy first had sex; tried to appreciate the feelings he'd inspired in her at that time but she couldn't. She was devastated with lacking, harsh disappointment; suffocated with the knowledge that Kai was denying her, holding back from her, not giving all of himself over to her but promising to with his touch because sex with Kai … each time it unlocked something within Bonnie, brought her to a part of herself she didn't know existed before him, took her to depths that wrecked her with pleasure, that brought her to a hedonistic bliss that charged her with a strange empowerment, that brought her to … to …

"Say it," whispered Kai.

No.

"Bonnie, say it."

She wouldn't. No, instead she would — quickly, Bonnie turned around but before she could kiss him, Kai sunk to the floor, kneeling in front of her, throwing one of her legs over his shoulder. He kissed her leg with a voracity that left Bonnie breathless and he trailed his nose down her stomach, his lips skating over her navel, over her panties; he nuzzled her between her thighs, tugging at her underwear with his teeth, agitating her ache. Bonnie fisted her hand through Kai's hair, clenching tightly onto his strands, pressing his face further into her, her entire body slick with sweat. His mouth had found its way to her ache and Bonnie mewled as Kai flicked his tongue and she tugged on his hair, demanding, begging that he continue, that he do more but he only teased her, gently licking and then pressing his lips against the lace of her underwear, inflaming her ache and refusing to satiate it. Bonnie couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips and she saw Past Bonnie stop kissing Jeremy and look up but instead of seeing Jesse like she had done that night, she saw herself with Kai kneeling before her. Bonnie and Past Bonnie had locked eyes.

"Oh my God…" said Past Bonnie, staring at the corner.

Distantly, Bonnie knew that this was when she'd said "I think Jesse's dead" but she didn't know if Kai had allowed her to say that in this constructed memory. She couldn't ask. Didn't want to. Kai had chosen this moment to slide his hands up Bonnie's curves, massaging the dips of her skin, his palms kneading and squeezing her breasts, rubbing her nipples and a red streak of pleasure flashed before Bonnie's eyes, making her lightheaded, making her entire body hot.

"Kai…"

"Say it," he murmured against her skin.

Bonnie made a sound halfway between a sigh of frustration and a groan of arousal. She watched as Past Bonnie and Jeremy started to talk. "You. And Me. And this…This is worth it. Any consequence is worth this."

How she had meant that then. How being with Jeremy had taken precedence over physical pain, over personal consequences, over her own life. How that type of devotion wasn't one that spoke to her anymore.

Past Bonnie kissed Jeremy and started to move toward the bed. The moment she put her hand down and inched on to the mattress, Kai had grabbed Bonnie from behind, his face still pressed against her pelvis, and swung her other leg onto his other shoulder so that only his hands supported her and she grabbed onto his neck to strengthen that support. Jeremy followed Past Bonnie onto the bed and Kai had moved forward so that Bonnie's back slammed down against the floor, her thighs cushioning his head.

He took no prisoners then.

Abruptly, Kai pushed Bonnie's dress up and grabbed her beneath the chin yet again, turning her head so that she was facing Jeremy and her past self. Kai tore through Bonnie's underwear with his teeth and then stroked her clitoris with his tongue, twirling and lapping, burrowing his face between her thighs, grunting with greed. He eased a finger into her, making her cry out and she wanted to move, writhe as his tongue and finger swirled pleasure into her body, but she could only watch Jeremy and Past Bonnie together and suffer the waves of guilt that crashed over her because she'd felt disturbed by the situation but she was too aroused to care. Kai withdrew his finger and then pressed it against Bonnie's lips; she enclosed it in her mouth, sucking on it, tasting herself on Kai's skin, as she watched Past Bonnie raise her head to kiss Jeremy. Jeremy had gently pushed Past Bonnie back down onto the bed so he could nibble at her neck…

Kai increased the pressure of his tongue and Bonnie sucked his finger even harder, dragging her nails down the nape of his neck, moaning loudly, desperately. She tilted her pelvis upward, urging Kai on, and she felt her ache start to throb into a build that sent her entire body into convulsions.

And then he stopped.

Bonnie had never before suffered such violent frustration. It tore through her, making her entire body scream. The word No! reverberated against her bones, her blood boiled.

Kai raised his head, moving his hand from Bonnie's chin so that she could turn away from Past Bonnie and Jeremy kissing and look at him.

"Say. It." Kai's eyes were intense. Red. Veins darkened his face. He stared at Bonnie with wicked longing — there was haughty stubbornness there, the determination to keep teasing her until she gave in but the gluttony for her lurked beneath that, his desperation for her to just say what he needed to hear so they could lose themselves in each other, so he could bury himself in her. And even with all the pain and the guilt and the disgust and the shame, Bonnie lived for it. The way she could torture him. The way he could torture her. The power she felt over him and because of him and wrapped up in him; the savage gratification. It wasn't something she'd ever experienced with anyone else, it wasn't something she could experience with anyone else. Least of all Jeremy.

"Bonnie," he whispered frantically.

"Euphoria," said Bonnie. "You bring me to euphoria."

And then his mouth was on hers, a moan low and deep and primal in his throat as he kissed her with a frenzy so passionate it made Bonnie's entire body sing Kai's name. His lips were everywhere: her jaw, her collarbone, her breasts; the tip of his tongue trailing down her throat, he sucked her neck , pushing his hardness into her groin, making her mewl into his mouth. Bonnie hooked her nails into his shirt and tore, ripping it in half so that she felt his bare back, felt his muscles work beneath her palms. She ran her hands all over his chest, feeling his tautness, hastily removing what was left of his shirt so she could kiss his shoulders, biting down so that he groaned. He moved away from her, settling on his knees and hastily began undoing the belt to his jeans and Bonnie's body screamed again; she needed him against her, she needed to feel him, it was physical, any space between them was torturous. Bonnie sat up and without hesitation pressed her lips against Kai's neck, kissing her way down his chest, tasting him with her tongue, teasing him with her mouth; his breathing turned ragged, his hands slipped beneath her dress and squeezed her bare behind, which made her squeal, which made him laugh. Her mouth reached his fly and Bonnie's unbuttoned his jeans and tugged down his zipper with her teeth. He inhaled sharply and she grinned. Then he was in her mouth. He clutched her behind even harder, stroking its roundness with his thumbs. Bonnie eased him further into her mouth, bobbing her head.

"Shit," he breathed.

Bonnie sucked harder, Kai's groaning and swearing mixing in with the mingled sighs of Past Bonnie and Jeremy entwined together; she saw them in her mind's eye, the gentle almost insecure way Jeremy had rocked into her and as she saw them, she felt Kai, not only in her mouth but on her skin; his pleasure incensed her. One of his hands was now on the back of her head, clenching her hair and urging her on and Bonnie twirled her tongue around him, itching the tip of his manhood with the tip of her tongue, feeling herself giving in to some sort of satisfaction of pleasuring him here, in this memory.

It was wrong. And it was depraved. And she didn't care. She knew she would later but later was forever from now.

She moved away from Kai, leaving him wanting like he left her and she started to slide the straps off her dress but Kai grabbed her by the wrist to stop her and then yanked her to him so that her mouth smashed against his. He kissed her now with an urgency beyond desperation now that they were both so close and so ready. Abruptly, Kai wrenched away and flipped Bonnie around so that she was lying on her stomach and no longer facing him. He rubbed his hands on her ankles and then smoothed them up her calves, pushing up her dress, his palms brushing over her behind, his lips suddenly on the base of her spine and then on her back, on the nape of her neck … Bonnie closed her eyes and groaned.

"Say it again," he whispered.

"Euphoria," said Bonnie.

He eased into her and Bonnie's hands turned to claws on the floor, her nails scratching the hardwood. She swore as Kai started to flex and gyrate his hips, his torso now flat against her back, his arms on top of hers, his palms on the back of her hands, his fingers entwined with hers. He tugged on her earlobe as he rocked into her, his thrusts making sweet contact with her ache. He kissed the part of her back that was bare as he maintained his rhythm and then removed one of his hands, sliding it beneath Bonnie and then into her and she couldn't help but scream from all of the sensitization. Searing red and a deep blue, vast blackness … colours, vivid and intense, flashed into Bonnie's mind — visual embodiments of desire, of pleasure; she was faint, her entire body tingled, everything around her seemed to flicker, and she felt herself build, felt herself rise to an eruption that was sure to wreck her completely; this was a different from when Kai bit her, this wasn't vampirism, this was magic, this was … it was …

Oh God.

Bonnie couldn't think, she couldn't concentrate, she couldn't remember, she could only feel, she could only experience, she could only let that far corner of her mind unlock with each of Kai's thrusts, his primal grunts constant in her ear. Bonnie put her hand over Kai's and stroked his wrist as it stroked her and then she turned her head to the side in time to see Jeremy rest his head on Past Bonnie's shoulder. Then —

She felt the muscles deep inside her clench and quiver around Kai, his erection deep within her, his harsh breathing and strangled murmurs radiating throughout her body. She felt herself roil and churn, Kai's movements making her quicken and then she cried out, feeling herself shatter into thousands of pieces, giving way to oblivion, giving way to that vast blackness that flashed through her mind; the pleasure too great, too intense, too extreme for one body.

Euphoria.


	15. Yours

Bonnie lay next to Kai on the floor of the foyer. She was flat on her back so that her eyes were staring directly at the ceiling she'd cracked with her anger only moments before and her sundress was pulled down to her waist so that her breasts were bare and exposed, her skin splotched and bruised, red and purple with hickeys. It had been a few minutes since she and Kai disentangled from one another but she was still in the midst of catching her breath, her chest heaving up and down, her body spent with exhaustion but her blood singing with exhilaration. Bonnie bit her lip with the knowledge of what had just happened: she and Kai fucking in a memory, the memory of the first time she and Jeremy had made love; Kai's fingers in her as he told her to watch herself and Jeremy kiss and undress and prove their love to each other; her listening to his direction, her moaning as Kai thrust into her while her head was turned to Jeremy entwining himself around a Bonnie that no longer existed.

She'd gotten off on it; on feeling the power of who she was now while watching, scorning the innocence, the weakness of who she'd been then. And now she was sick. Now she couldn't stand to be in her own skin. But that hunger was still there, gnawing at her insides, chewing a chasm in her gut that was aching for satiation, aching for devastation, aching for Kai. Bonnie took a deep breath.

"I don't think you know," she said quietly, her eyes remaining on the ceiling. "I don't think you know just how much I hate you."

Kai didn't look away from the ceiling either. "I know it's enough to never break free of this," he said.

Bonnie didn't respond. He was right. The moment she didn't hate him, the moment her anger, riotous and uncontrollable as it was, cooled to indifference, to apathy was the moment she would be able to walk away from him. But she hated him too much to ever think of forgiving him. He'd bound her to him with rage and he kept doing things to tighten that bond so that she was strangled by it.

"You could always just let me go," said Bonnie dully.

"No I couldn't."

"Why the hell not?"

"You always do this," said Kai. "You think you're the only one who's in this. You think I don't hate you too?"

"I've done nothing to encourage that."

Kai laughed; it was a short and bitter sound. "You mean besides stabbing me and leaving me for dead?"

"You don't care about that, you deserved that."

"Maybe," said Kai. "But I feel for you. I felt for you even before the merge and then after it …" Kai closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. "I can't breathe. I can't breathe when you're away from me, I can't breathe when you're with me … Even right now. I'm torn apart with how much I want you, with how much I need you to want me. And I hate it, Bonnie. I hate it so much I want to kill you to make it all stop. But I can't. And I can't let you walk away either. I'll never be able to." Kai exhaled heavily and opened his eyes. "Not that you want to."

"I do want to," said Bonnie forcefully.

"Not as much as you want this."

"If I knew how not to want this, I wouldn't."

"No you wouldn't. But that doesn't change the fact that you don't know how not to want this like how I don't know how to not want you. And I do, Bonnie," said Kai, his voice strangled. "Want you."

"And that just makes me hate you more."

"Like I said," said Kai. "You can't break free of this."

His words coiled around Bonnie's windpipe and choked her with its implications. She sighed and sat up, hastily pulling her straps onto her shoulders, smoothing out her hair.

"And she's off," said Kai, flinging his arm across his forehead. "Trying to run away again."

"I'm not running away," said Bonnie, straightening her dress.

"You're trying to."

"I'm leaving," said Bonnie. "Where are my shoes? Better yet, where's my underwear?" She looked at the ripped lace scatted across the floor. "Jesus."

"You're leaving because you don't want anything to happen."

Bonnie stood up. "And what could ha — ?"

Kai sat up abruptly and grabbed Bonnie by the ankle, flipping her so that she fell back down onto the floor. The minute her back was slammed down on the tile, he rolled over so that he was on top of her; his mouth was on her with no hesitation, the tip of his tongue skating down to her breasts, kissing her with a gluttonous devotion that made Bonnie's back arch off the floor. She moaned and instinctively put her hands on the back of Kai's head, his hair bunched between her fingers, her nails digging into his neck. Kai took a hold of her wrists and pulled her hands way from him, pinning them back down on to the floor, his tongue twirling around her nipple.

"Kai," said Bonnie, sighing. "I want to go."

"Who's stopping you?" He grazed his lips along Bonnie's midriff, kissing her stomach, gripping the material of her dress with his teeth so that she whimpered.

"You're an ass," said Bonnie breathlessly.

"And you're wet," said Kai. He moved to slip his fingers beneath Bonnie's dress but she caught him by the wrist, staying his hand. She sat up, pushing Kai forward so that he was the one flat on his back, his head almost crashing against the door, and she straddled him. Bonnie shifted her weight, making Kai squeeze his eyes shut and groan. He lifted his free arm to clasp Bonnie's hip but she slapped his hand away, holding his wrist to the floor as she shifted again; she felt the intensity of his readiness between her thighs — his boxers barely containing it and the urge to ride him flushed Bonnie with a heat that made her breathless and she shifted again, his tip pressing against material to her ache; she mewled and Kai moaned, his eyes raw and desperate and fixed on her face.

"Bonnie." His voice was cracking. "Don't deny me this."

"Why not, you deserve it."

Bonnie watched as Kai's expression contorted into frustrated lust on the brink of furious desire but then something ominous and surprised passed over his face.

"What is it?" said Bonnie. She shifted again more out of a need to see his face better than anything else but Kai squeezed his eyes shut and grumbled.

"Kai, what is it?"

"Nothing. Who cares?"

Bonnie narrowed her eyes and then slipped her hand beneath the waistband of his boxers, grazing her fingers against his erection, circling her thumb along the head, squeezing lightly, teasing him so that he cried out.

"Fuck." The word echoed around the foyer, shattering windows that were already spider-webbed from before. "Keep going. Please keep going."

"Kai, what is it?"

"A car, it's a car," he said frantically, his head moving from side to side on the floor. "Someone's coming, I think. Damon, Elena, Caroline, Jeremy, whatever, who the fuck cares? Just don't get —"

"Shit." Bonnie stood up.

"NO." The impact of Kai's yell caused the ceiling to cave in so that plaster fell in chunks around them and the word reverberated throughout Bonnie's body so that her gut clenched with arousal at how frustrated she could make him.

"You can't do this to me," said Kai.

"I'm sure you can take care of yourself," said Bonnie, scrambling around for her sandals.

"No, no. You don't get it. You never got it. It has to be you. You're fucking killing me."

"Then I'll be sure to make it slow."

Bonnie picked up her shoes and wrenched open the front door, rushing down the porch steps to the driveway. She was on the last stair before she realized that Damon's car was parked behind hers and he was leaning against the passenger door, arms crossed. There was silence for a few moments, Damon's eyebrows furrowed, his face rigid and then suddenly he was in front of her.

"So Little Gilbert comes back to town and the first thing you do is shag the guy your friends held an intervention for you about," he said.

"Don't you dare lecture me," said Bonnie. "You slept with Elena the day after she and Stefan broke up."

"Well I'm a shitty person, aren't I, Bonnie?" said Damon. "I do shitty things. But you—"

"What about me? You don't know anything about me."

"I know that this can't be you. The Bonnie I knew would never let Kai —"

"Never let Kai what? Kiss me?" said Bonnie, her face etched with defiance, with malevolent intent. "Touch me, caress me?"

"Stop it," said Damon shortly.

"Let his hands slide down between my thighs?"

"I don't want to hear this. Stop."

"Let him ram me over and over and —"

"STOP IT." Damon seized her by the arms and shook her. "I can't stand listening to you talk about him! I can't stand thinking about it, picturing it. STOP."

"Let go of me!" Bonnie set her jaw and glared. For a brief second the part of her skin Damon was touching glowed a bright red and he abruptly let go of her, his hands smoking and peeling.

"The hell, Bonnie?"

"You don't get to touch me whenever you want, wherever you want just because you want to!"

"But he does?"

"What the hell is the matter with you? I have been with other men, Damon! You have seen me and Jeremy kiss—"

"This is different. He is different."

"HOW?"

"Because you're different with him. You left us for him! You left me! I was going to kill him for what he did to you. I wasn't going to rest until I tore him apart with my own two hands for taking you away from me and then I find out that you're screwing him?"

"If you somehow think this is a betrayal to you—"

"You turned your back on us."

Bonnie opened her mouth to speak but then stopped when she realized what he meant. She shook her head. "Nothing was ever going to happen, Damon."

"Of course nothing was ever going to happen but you wanted it to," he said loudly, gesticulating wildly. "You wanted it to like how I wanted it to but nothing was going to come of it because I was in love with Elena and you were in love with Jeremy and Elena's your best friend and you're Bonnie Freaking Bennett, one of the most decent, respectable, loyal people I know. But it was there. It was always there and it was always going to be there but then you started fucking Kai and — "

"Damon."

"It was gone."

"Damon, stop."

They stared at each other and Bonnie raised her head, her eyes locking to his. "I am not yours," she said.

Damon regarded her. "So does that mean that you're his?"

"It means that I'm mine and I do what I want."

"And what you want is him."

That question. That damn question. Bonnie lowered her gaze. She didn't respond but got into the car.

"And what you want is him?" said Damon again.

He watched as Bonnie pulled out of the driveway and turned onto the street. Her car was only a distant speck down the road before he turned around and walked up the stairs to the front door, kicking it off its hinges.

Damon walked into the foyer where Kai was already standing; jeans on but shirtless. There was a brief pause and then the two of them rushed toward each other, their eyes a murderous scarlet, their faces etched blue with veins, and their fangs lethal points. Kai swung and Damon ducked, tackling Kai to the floor; he kneeled in front of him. "I told you," he said between punches. "To never lay a fucking hand on her!" Damon clasped his hand around Kai's throat, choking his windpipe. "She's using you! She'll kill you the minute she's bored! You're just a thing to her!"

"Maybe," said Kai, his voice squeezed and small. "But I'm the thing that she likes to play with. That she can't get enough of."

Kai lifted his legs, kicking Damon backward so that he crashed against the wall, splintering the surface with his impact, and then slid onto the floor. Quickly, Kai stood up and sped toward Damon, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, lifting him off the ground and then throwing him back onto it so that his head broke apart the tile. Kai knocked his fist into Damon's face, his knuckles smashing against his jaw, his rings smattered with blood with each pummel. Kai raised his fist again.

"It kills you doesn't it?" said Damon, spitting out blood onto the floor. "That I'm the one she wanted first."

"She never wanted you."

"Sure she did," he said. "You spied on us for months, you saw it. You saw us. No one comes back thirteen times if there isn't something there."

Kai pierced his nails into Damon's neck so that he screamed; blood oozing from the wounds. "She may've come back to you thirteen times but I've made her come thirteen times," said Kai. "I've made her scream my name so loud that it's broken windows and that drives you crazy, that you're not the one can take her to those places."

"Only because we've never actually had sex," said Damon, wincing with every word. "Maybe that's what she thinks about every time you're inside her."

"But that's just it, isn't it, I'm the one who's inside her. And you'll never get the chance."

"Well you know what they say," said Damon, grabbing Kai's wrist in an attempt to pry away his hand. "Never say never."

Kai grasped Damon's neck, his palm crushing Damon's Adam apple, making him gurgle and sputter, and he slowly lifted Damon back to his feet so that they were eye to eye. "I know what you want from her," he said quietly. "And if you do anything to try and get it, I swear to God I will torture and murder you." And with one twist of his hands, Kai snapped Damon's neck, watching him crumple onto the floor.

It was half an hour before Bonnie arrived at her house. She decided against going back to campus in case Caroline and Elena decided to wait for her in the dorm; her mood was volatile, her mind a frenzied mess and she wasn't in the best place to deal with them, especially if it called for civility. Her whole body was wired. It was a strange phenomenon but ever since she and Kai had started sleeping together, she felt like what she was sure humans transitioning to vampirism felt like — hyper-sensitized, consumed with her own emotions; she felt like she was going half-crazy when she wasn't with him and when she was with him, it did nothing to calm the madness and only unleashed it to its full extent. The chaos took over. There was no winning.

She walked up the steps and found Jeremy sitting by her front door, making her freeze in place. "Jeremy," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

"This really isn't the best time…"

"Bonnie, please," said Jeremy, walking up to her. "I know I have a lot to explain."

"No," said Bonnie. Jeremy furrowed her eyebrows and Bonnie sighed. "I mean yeah you do, like where you've been for the past how many months but I —"

"No, no 'buts', I want to talk to you."

"Jeremy, honestly, I…"

Jeremy took another step closer to Bonnie and took her hands, caressing them with his thumbs. "You have to know that I never stopped thinking about you, that I never stopped missing you, that I never stopped being yours. You have to know that."

Bonnie stared at him, the earnestness in his gaze awakening the guilt heavy in her chest, the resentment that had calcified her bones, and the hunger that always burdened her gut with an ache that only seemed to grow and never diminish. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this right now."

She turned around and hurried down the porch steps, ignoring Jeremy's calls of her name, and got back into her car, speeding out of the driveway.

"I hate him," she said to herself as she continued down the main road. "God, I hate him so much."


	16. Fiending

You steal me away  
With your eyes and with your mouth  
And just take me back to a room in your house  
And stare at me with the lights off  
To feel something [x4]

\- Daughter, Touch

The fire was the only source of light in the entire house - an orange glow that threw the living room into an ominous haze; shadows of the flames danced across Kai's face as he sat on the couch completely immobile save for his hands, which were gripping the sofa so tightly that his knuckles whitened, that his nails were scratched with scraps of the material.

It kills you doesn't it? That I'm the one she wanted first.

Damon's words had stayed with Kai ever since they were uttered three days ago, burrowing into his mind and taking hold of him, taunting him, so that they deprived him of any sleep, so that he thought of nothing else but what they meant, what they could mean, what they implied, what they threatened. It had always been something that sickened him with jealousy - the unspoken tension between Bonnie and Damon, the not-so-quiet lechery in his eyes when he gazed at her, the vague curiosity in Bonnie's expressions when she noticed it. Kai had driven himself crazy going over and over and over different scenarios of the two of them together, his body devastated with uncontrollable fury at the sight of Damon simply touching Bonnie, the urge to maim and destroy and utterly break Damon apart an overpowering burning in his gut. But that was before. That was when all Kai had was his cruel imagination. That was before words were said with malicious smugness, words that told him Bonnie had wanted Damon and that given the chance, would sleep with him, have sex with him, fuck him. A tremor passed over Kai's face and abruptly, he stood up, grabbing the coffee table as he did, throwing it with such forceful rage it splintered into pieces against the wall.

The volatility those words incited in Kai was new to even him; a murderous jealousy so intense that he didn't even feel like a person, a desperate rage that consumed his every movement, his every breath, his every thought that he felt like his body would break apart with the pain of it. Those words, that conversation, memories of seeing the two of them together, recollections of arguments he and Bonnie had over Damon, images of the two of them entwined, it all reverberated in Kai's head, echoing in his ears, crowding his mind so that he saw everything and heard everything with every cell in his body, his entire being overwhelmed with the torture of it.

It kills you doesn't it?

I knew Bonnie would show. She always comes back, all thirteen times.

That I'm the one she wanted first.

I guess that's how you two show your love.

"Stop it," said Kai out loud, putting his hands to his head, grabbing his hair.

Only because we've never had sex.

Sex. With Damon. Bonnie. With Damon.

You and me aren't the same thing as -

What, you and him? I hate that there's a you and him at all!

That's too damn bad, Kai!

"Get out of my head!" He started to pace, his movements quick and wild, his eyes screwed shut, his face contorted in anguish.

Maybe that's what she thinks about when you're inside her.

Writhing. Sighing. Moaning. Bonnie's thighs. Damon's lips. Damon's hands. Bonnie's breasts. Bonnie's tongue. Damon's chest. Bonnie's face. Pleasure. Damon's back. Writhing. Sheets. Headboard. Pinned wrists.

"ENOUGH."

The fire erupted, the flames licking the carpet, and Kai destroyed everything in sight, fragmenting vases, upending tables, smashing mirrors, the television, throwing down cabinets, tearing apart chandeliers; he did nothing to stop the fire from searing across the floor, he couldn't - the visions, the echoes in his head urged him to break and shatter and hurl until the living room was torn absolutely apart. A strangled yell in his throat, Kai upended the sofa, causing it to crash onto the carpet with a thud so that it was devoured by the fire, and he watched it burn, panting heavily, his body trembling with the devastation inflicted by those words.

He wouldn't be able to rest until he knew for sure, until he heard Bonnie's words and didn't keep reliving the horror of Damon's. He'd stayed away from Bonnie for the three days since the fight with Damon, spending those 72 hours, those 4320 minutes, those 259200 seconds fiending for her blood, frantic for her touch, wrecked with memories of her voice breathy and amorous and calling his name; his body hard and frustrated from being away from her for so long. But he had to do it. The chaos within him was too unpredictable for him to be near her, the urge to overwhelm her, devour her, kill her so she was his completely made his blood scream.

And he couldn't do it.

But he couldn't do this either.

"How did you get in here?"

Bonnie was standing in the doorway to her childhood home, the key still in the lock. Elena was sitting on the couch in the living room, her head turned to the foyer like she'd been patiently waiting for Bonnie for hours. Bonnie hadn't been at the dorm in three days, driving to campus only for class and coming back to Mystic Falls to sleep. She wasn't ready to be around Caroline and especially Elena; not after the intervention, not after what Damon had almost confessed.

"You still keep the spare key in the ceramic frog on the lawn," said Elena.

"Right." Bonnie closed the door then walked into the living room. She tossed her keys on a side table and then leaned against the wall, folding her arms. "So what are you doing here?"

"You haven't spoken to Jeremy since he's come back," said Elena. "You've been dodging his calls, if he comes to campus you ignore him, if he comes here he tells me you pretend like you're not home -"

"I know what I've been doing, Elena. I'm the one doing it."

"Well why are you?" Elena stood up, shaking her hair from her face. "He loves you, Bonnie."

"You said since he's got back so does that mean he's back? For good?"

"I don't know," said Elena, walking toward Bonnie so that they were only a few feet away from each other. "We haven't spoken about it."

"Imagine my surprise."

"How long are you going to keep punishing him?"

Bonnie closed her eyes. "Elena…"

"You don't know what you being dead did to him, you don't know how hard it was for him."

Her eyes snapped open. "How hard it was for him? Imagine how hard it was for me!"

"He barely survived it, Bonnie."

"Neither did I!" Bonnie shook her head and sighed, defeated. She moved away from the wall, walking toward the armchair "This isn't about punishing him, OK?"

"No," said Elena. "It's about Kai."

Bonnie turned sharply toward Elena but said nothing as Elena stared at her, her expression indignant on her brother's behalf. "Make me understand," she said.

"You never could."

Elena shrugged her shoulders. "Try anyway."

"And why should I? I don't owe you an explanation for the things that I do. And I don't remember you ever giving me an explanation about you choosing Damon."

"Damon has good in him, Bonnie. You've seen it, you see it otherwise you wouldn't be friends with him. Kai is irredeemable."

"You know," said Bonnie. "Some people would say the same thing about Damon."

"Again with the defending him. Are you in love with him? Are you in love with Kai?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair, her hands shaking with frustration. "This isn't about love."

"Then what is it about? Tell me. Is it the impulsiveness, the danger -"

"Stop trying to put why you fell for Damon onto what it is I have with Kai."

"I'm just trying to understand this!" said Elena. "The Bonnie I know -"

"Is dead." Bonnie's voice was so severe, it made Elena flinch. "That's what you don't get. The Bonnie you know doesn't exist anymore. I'm not the same person I was before I went to the prison world."

"And isn't that Kai's fault? He stabbed you and stalked you and terrorized you. Damon came back wanting to murder him. I thought you hated him for what he did to you!"

"I do!" Bonnie screamed, throwing her hands up in the air. "I do hate him, OK? That's what this is about. Hating him so much I can't breathe, hating that I want him so much that it's taken over my mind. It's driving me crazy. And I mean that. Honestly. But you could never understand it!"

"And why couldn't I?"

Bonnie sat down on the armchair, burying her face in her hands, rubbing her temples with her fingers.

"And why couldn't I, Bonnie?"

"Because I don't hate him for what he did to me in the nineties, I hate that he's the only one who can make me feel after what he put me through in the nineties," snapped Bonnie, looking up at Elena. "Most of the time, I feel like a freaking ghost, Elena. Like I'm back on the Other Side watching you all live your lives and I'm just stuck, in neutral. Except when I'm with him. I only ever feel like I'm alive, like actually alive, like I'm actually a part of this world, when I'm around him because when I see him I want to kill him, I want to make him suffer for what he did to me, I'm overcome with how much I despise him, consumed with emotion that I can't ignore, but when he touches me …" Bonne bit her lip and shook her head. "Even when he touched me then, I don't know if it's chemistry, I don't know if it's magic but I know that it's strong, it's physical, it's real and it brings something out in me, in my magic and I want him horribly. I want him because our sex isn't just sex it's …" Bonnie started gesticulating, at a loss for words. "It's … damn him, it's euphoric. In the worst possible way. It feels like a fucking sin against nature, Elena, but what's worse is that the impulse to do it comes so naturally, and that makes me hate him more! I hate him. And that's what this entire thing is about."

Elena stared at Bonnie in disbelief. "Bonnie…" Her mouth was agape, moving but saying no words. "That's …" She rubbed her forehead. "You need to stop seeing him."

Bonnie yelled in frustration so that the bulbs in the lamp splintered. Elena jumped back. "Calm down, what's wrong with you?"

"Don't you think I would stop seeing him if I could? God, Elena. When you talk about how Damon consumes you, you just mean that you love him a lot. Kai is in me, chewing at my insides, he's his own damn emotion, he's fucking inescapable, he's … he's …" Bonnie stood up quickly. "He's here."

Elena furrowed her eyebrows and looked around to the door. "What do you mean he's here?"  
"I mean what I said, he's here. Or almost here."

"How do you know?"

"I always know."

Bonnie turned around to head back toward the foyer but in a swish of speed Elena was in front of her, blocking her path. "Where are you going?!"

"You need to leave. You can't be here now."

"No."

"He will kill you. I'm not joking."

"So you're just going to go to him?"

"I'm not going to him, he's here. He won't leave until he sees me."

"She's right," said a voice. Bonnie and Elena turned their heads toward the front door. "Invite me inside, Bonnie."

Bonnie started to move but Elena held her in place, grasping her shoulders. "Bonnie, don't."

"I don't want to use magic on you, Elena, but I will."

"For Kai?"

"For you to get out of my way. Now move." Bonnie grabbed Elena's wrist and pried it off her shoulder, moving her so it was like a gust of wind blew her back. She walked into the foyer and opened the front door. Kai was standing on the porch, jaw clenched, manic determination in his eye; it was a look Bonnie knew well, the look he had when her absence became physically intolerable for him.

"Invite me in," he said.

"No. It's not a good time."

Kai squeezed his eyes shut. "Invite. Me. In."

"No! You don't get to just show up unannounced, Kai, I have a life, I have-"

"Bonnie, if you don't invite me in, I will burn down this house and force you out. I need to talk to you now."

"She said to go away," said Elena, walking up behind Bonnie.

Kai clenched his hand into a fist. "This is none of your business."

"This is absolutely my business. Bonnie's my best friend."

"When it's convenient."

"You know nothing about me, about our friendship."

Kai turned to Bonnie. "I may not be able to come in because I'm a vampire but I'm still also a witch. I will kill her, Bonnie. I will liquefy her lungs."

"Stop being petty," said Bonnie.

"Does it look like I'm being petty?"

Bonnie sighed and put her hand to her forehead. "Elena, I told you before, you can't be here."

"I'm not afraid of him."

"This isn't about that. I'm telling you to go."

Elena looked at her incredulously. "Why?"

"Because Kai is right. This isn't any of your business."

"But you told him to leave and-"

"And I'll deal with it. But now it's time for you to go."

"Bonnie-"

"Elena, just-"

"I'm not about to leave you with -"

"ELENA GO," Bonnie started yelling. "GO NOW. LEAVE. Or I will spell you out!"

Elena furrowed her eyebrows, her face frozen in surprise. "You're right," she said finally. "I don't know who you are anymore." She walked out onto the porch, knocking past Kai as she went back into her car.

Bonnie watched her back out the driveway and speed down the road before turning to Kai. "Get in," she said.

Kai stepped over the threshold into the house and Bonnie glared at him, making a throaty noise of disgust and then she stormed down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Don't walk away from me!"

"I'm getting a drink. I can get a fucking drink!" She wrenched open the cabinet above the stove and pulled out a bottle of bourbon, pouring a healthy measure into a glass, guzzling and sighing, clearing her throat.

Kai joined her in the kitchen. "I need to talk to you."

Bonnie took another gulp. "Well I'm not in the damn mood to listen to you."

"Too bad. I don't care."

Bonnie moved the glass away from her mouth and laughed harshly. "What else is new?"

Kai shook his head. "Don't blame me for Elena being a hypocrite and judging you."

"No, I blame you for outing us with that trick with the phone," said Bonnie. "I blame you for refusing to let me go. I blame you for destroying everything about my life in the first place!"

"Destroying everything about your life."

"YES."

"Because you were so happy in it? Being everyone's saviour and no one's priority."

"I'm sure as hell not happy now being your fool!"

"You're my fool? You're my fool?" Kai started to laugh hysterically. "That's amazing, that's, that's rich."

Bonnie slammed her glass down on the counter. "I just kicked out one of my oldest and best friends for what? For you? For the man who terrorized me in a prison world built specifically for him because he's a literal sociopath who tried to kill his entire family? HOW AM I NOT A FOOL FOR THAT?"

"I haven't slept in three days, Bonnie. Three days, seventy-two fucking hours because there is literally one thing on my mind that I can't stop thinking about, that has -" Kai stopped talking, watching as Bonnie picked up the bottle and started pouring more liquor into her glass. "What are you drinking?"

"Bourbon, what does it look like?"

The image of Damon sipping bourbon from the crystal in the Salvatore Mansion flashed in Kai's mind and he grabbed the bottle out of Bonnie's hand and threw it so that it smashed against the cabinet. Bonnie looked at Kai for a brief moment, her eyes wide with shock, disbelief and anger, and then she hurtled her own glass at him, cutting open his forehead, eliciting a cry of pain.

"FUCK."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she screamed. "What makes you think you can come into my house and start throwing shit around?"

Kai closed his eyes, his breathing so heavy that his entire torso seemed to be heaving up and down. Bonnie reached behind her to the knife block and flung a butcher knife in his direction so that he had to duck.

"ANSWER ME."

"I HATE IT." Kai's words were louder than yells, they were almost primal roars that were so thunderous the entire kitchen vibrated. "I hate that you drink what he drinks!"

"What he…? Oh my God." Bonnie shook her hands in frustrated incredulity. "This is about Damon? You actually came to my house and blew everything up because you needed me to stroke your ego? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Kai growled with furious impatience and picked up a dish rack, hurtling it to the floor. "This is bigger than ego! This is blood, this is sanity, this is-"

"Oh enough! I don't care what it is, man the hell up!"

Kai moved from across the room to directly in front of Bonnie so abruptly that she backed up against the kitchen counter. "Don't tell me to man up! I will find Damon, bring him here and rip him to shreds right in front of you and then you'll see what kind of fucking man I am!"

The slap was almost immediate, the force of Bonnie's magic behind it so that Kai's lip spliced open on his teeth, the quick sound almost like a bullet in the air, causing the pieces of glass and broken dishes to shudder and clink on the counter and floor. Bonnie shoved Kai away so that he staggered backward and started walking down the hall back to the living room but he grabbed her by the wrist and turned her roughly around toward him, pushing her against the wall.

"Let go of me! It's bourbon, Kai. Get over it!"  
"It's not just bourbon! It's not just pancakes! And you know it!" Kai was stricken with the same images: Bonnie's thighs. Damon's lips. Damon's hands. Bonnie's breasts. Bonnie's tongue. Damon's chest. Bonnie's face. Contorted in pleasure. Damon's back. Writhing. Sheets. Headboard. Pinned wrists. He felt it everywhere, in the way a bitterness flushed his throat, in the way his gut soured, in the way rage frenzied his blood, compelling him to punch a hole in the wall next to Bonnie's head. "Was he right? Did you want him first? Did you want him?"

Bonnie glowered at him.

"Goddammit, Bonnie! Did you want him?"

"And what if I did?" she shouted into his face. "What if every time he glared at me, a small part of me wondered what it'd feel like to have him stare at me naked?"

Kai clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth, his eyes slitted with anger.

"What if every time me and him argued I was a little curious about what his mouth on me would feel like?"

A grumble sounded in Kai's chest and he banged his fist against the wall.

"What if all of that were true, what the hell are you going to do about it, Kai? Are you going to kill me? Because you can't stand me wanting -"

Kai seized Bonnie by either side of her her head and thrust her toward him, kissing her with enraged conviction, his mouth opening hers with a possessive determination that bruised her lips and triggered a hungry moan deep in her throat; he pressed his entire body against hers, flattening her against the wall, overwhelming her, laying claim to her, squeezing her waist, his fingers rubbing the dips of her body, as his lips grazed her neck, kissing her with wide, leisure circles, the tip of his tongue skating along her skin, tasting it, savouring it so that he groaned, his teeth nipping at her, causing trills of pain and shocks of excitement to erupt along Bonnie's spine and ache her groin; she arched her back and gasped.

"Like this? Did you imagine him kissing you like this?"

Bonnie clasped the back of his head and pushed him deeper into her, raising her head, stretching out her neck.

"He couldn't do this. He couldn't know your body like this," said Kai breathlessly. "You couldn't fiend for him like this, you're mine."

Bonnie groaned in lustful frustration."No, I'm not."

Kai rocked himself into her so that Bonnie made a guttural sound of pleasure. "Yes you are."

The arousal that throbbed between Bonnie's thighs spawned an indignant fury deep in her belly; it angered her - that Kai could shatter what remnants of her old life she had left into so many pieces that it was all almost completely unrecognizable and that he felt arrogant enough to claim her as his, like she didn't have a choice. And she didn't.

She released his head from her hands and pushed him away so that she could move from the wall; she felt his presence at her back, a shadow following her. She stopped walking in the living room, Kai stayed a few feet behind her in the hallway; and she turned around to look at him, her eyes appraising and evaluative.

"Yours. Yours." She said the word over and over again, as if she were getting used to the feel of it in on her tongue. "What does being 'yours' mean? That if another man fucks me, if he even touches me-"

"Stop."

Bonnie regarded him maliciously. "What about me?" She started unbuttoning her shirt and she felt it - the way something in Kai stilled, the way his attention on her intensified into such fixed focus that she felt his stare all over her body and her skin flushed from the heat of it. "Can I touch myself?" The shirt dropped to the floor and Bonnie unhooked the front-clasp to her bra, freeing her breasts; Kai's eyes were clouding to a scarlet and Bonnie saw the veins on his face momentarily darken. She ran her fingers lightly across the beads of sweat along her collarbone and she and Kai sighed in unison; her hands found her way to her breasts and she massaged them, kneading them, biting her lip as her nipples hardened beneath her own touch.

"Can I do this?" said Bonnie, panting.

Kai walked determinedly toward her but when he tried to step over the threshold from the hallway to the living room, he couldn't. He was blocked, like he hit a barrier. He hit his fist against the air and felt his knuckles collide with something solid. He clenched his teeth. "Bonnie..."

She walked up to the threshold so that she and Kai were only inches away from each other, close enough that if Kai reached out his hand he'd be able to touch her. He couldn't help it and tried to extend his hand again and only came in contact with that same solid barrier. "Bonnie!"

"What about this?" she said, unbuttoning her jeans. Slowly, she inched out of them and Kai's eyes followed the smooth motion of the material slipping off the roundness of her hips and down the curves of her legs, his chest rising and falling, his eyes turning steadily redder. She brushed her hand against the lace of her underwear and moaned - Kai hardened instantaneously, his gums itching with the urge for his fangs to descend.

"Take it down. The spell. Take it down."

His voice was demanding but the edge of desperation to his tone was unmistakable and Bonnie grinned as she wrapped her mouth around her index finger and sucked, trailing her fingertip down her stomach to the waistband of her underwear; she looked up at Kai from beneath her eyelashes and saw his lips part, his eyes turn raw and she slipped into herself, her mouth hanging open as she pressed her hand against the invisible wall. Kai banged against the wall, his blood screaming within him, setting his skin ablaze with a lustful desire so severe it obliterated everything from his mind but the hunger for Bonnie against him, atop him, enclosing him - it was a violent craving that rendered him senseless so that all he could do was smash against the barrier, a harsh growl in his throat, hardening to the point of painful throbbing.

"TAKE IT DOWN. UNDO IT. THE SPELL. JUST LET ME - GOD, TAKE IT DOWN."

Bonnie's gaze remained on Kai as she stepped out of her underwear - he fell to his knees; she continued to rub herself, throwing her head back, panting and sighing, grinning and whimpering as her hips swayed to her own movements. "Oh god," she whispered, her voice choked.

Kai made a noise; the same roar he made in the kitchen but full of a dangerous need that compelled him to try and tear open a hole in the unseen obstruction. He knew he could break the spell himself if he could just concentrate on siphoning magic from his vampirism but he couldn't concentrate; he couldn't do anything but want her with such horrible ardor that he was wild with thirst, irrational with arousal and wrecked with frustration.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?"

Bonnie only smirked in response and let out a long, drawn-out moan, gazing at Kai through hooded eyes, her hand clawing at the barrier and then Kai groaned too - he was suddenly overwhelmed with a hedonistic pleasure that aggravated his carnal frustration to the point of utter madness, and he knew. Bonnie had linked him to her so that he could feel what she felt - so he could feel her pleasuring herself. She massaged herself and Kai felt simultaneously gratified and bereft, enjoying experiencing Bonnie's pleasure the way she felt it, the way she made herself feel it but starved of the pleasure she gave him, of the pleasure he could make her feel.

"No! No! This is too much! Stop, please stop!"

Bonnie's motions got quicker and quicker and Kai could feel her building, making him clench his hair in fists, tearing out strands.

"Yes." Her whisper inflamed Kai, exacerbating his own pulsation; she was on the brink, pushing herself against the barrier, she was going to - she was about to -

"NO."

The force of Kai's yell had more than volume, more than desperation, it had magic, the will to break, destroy, to overcome and the barrier had dissolved. Kai grabbed Bonnie by the waist, yanking her toward him and tried to bring her down to him but she pried his hands off of her and brought his head to the apex of her thighs so that his mouth was brought to her ache, his tongue flicking at her sensitivity and she took a sharp intake of breath. She felt Kai grin against her and his hands began to snake up her legs; she slapped them away.

"I didn't say you could touch me."

He growled, stymied and increased the pressure of his tongue in retaliation so that Bonnie gasped so forcibly, it tore her throat. Kai chuckled.

"Bastard,"she mewled.

Kai moaned at hearing the huskiness in Bonnie's throat, in the huskiness he compelled and instinctively, he lifted his hands again, reaching up to touch, to feel her bare bare stomach, to palm and explore her breasts but then remembering her disapproval, he put them back to his sides, digging his nails into his jeans with the want to touch her. Bonnie ran her fingers through his hair, grasping his head, pulling him closer to her, deeper into her and he grunted with pleasure. Without decreasing the laps and flicks of his tongue, Kai reached for the waistband of his jeans but the moment he made to do anything else, Bonnie raked her nails along the back of his neck so that he whimpered.

"I didn't …" Bonnie closed her eyes. "Shit," she breathed. "I didn't say you could touch yourself either."

Kai growled. He couldn't take this much longer; every atom in his body was calling for her, howling for her touch, for her skin, for her blood, for her pleasure and his magic was pure chaos within him, his urges descending to a level of hunger he'd never before suffered in his tenure as a vampire; his wanting was excruciating, crossing over to homicidal. He twirled his tongue and Bonnie almost sighed.

"Kai."

No, that was it. He had reached his breaking point. Kai withdrew from Bonnie, relishing the expression of lustful indignation on her face before he grabbed her behind the knees and tilted her, flinging her over his shoulder as he stood up, clapping his palm against her behind, making her moan and growl at the same time, her foot kicking up. He walked a few paces to the couch and slammed her down on it, grabbing one of her ankles and pulling her forward so that she slid down onto the sofa cushions, lying on her back.

"Kai-"

"Shut up."

He grabbed her other ankle and shifted his position so that each foot was on either shoulder. Kai's eyes pierced into Bonnie's, his expression punitive and aroused; hers anticipatory and resentful. Hastily he unbuckled his belt, undoing his fly, too willing and ready to bother ridding himself of his shirt or even pulling his jeans down completely; this was going to be quick, she'd deprived him of herself for too long for him to be able to take his time with her. He jerked Bonnie even closer to him and then plunged into her, thrusting with a vigor that made her yelp; the pleasure harsh and impatient, blinding her with sensation, causing her to grip at the couch with each of Kai's slams. Kai felt himself come undone with each of his strokes, with seeing how his movements made Bonnie convulse with want for more, quaking with the sheer power of the kind of gratification he could give her; she was biting her lip with the stubborn refusal to do more than groan and Kai could see the skin start to tear from the effort. He would have her cries; he'd hold on long enough to elicit them. He yearned to hear them, he needed to hear them, after what she'd put him through, he deserved to hear them.

Kai moved between Bonnie's thighs, moving her feet from his shoulders, wrapping her legs around his waist, bending over so that his hand clutched the back of the couch, pushing himself even deeper into her so that she mewled as he swore. He felt himself start to shudder but willed himself to keep control as he gyrated his hips, rotating and plunging, Bonnie's nails clawing at the back of his shirt; the couch started to move backward from the force, scratching against the floor. Kai tugged on her earlobe with his teeth as he pummelled into her, biting her neck and then heard it. Bonnie started to scream and Kai looked up at her, vindictive triumph on his face, clasping his hand around her throat to keep her head in place, eyes on him as he moved faster and faster and Bonnie bucked her hips, her muscles clenching around him, quivering and writhing so that he moaned loudly and continuously. There was something base about the way he lost himself in her and his movements became more and more erratic and uncontrolled, Bonnie's screams cracking the walls and urging Kai forward, the couch was starting to break apart. Kai thrust his lips against Bonnie's, their teeth clashing and she bit down on his bottom lip as they both shattered into orgasm, the back of the couch breaking off completely so that they fell backward.

"Ow."

Kai rolled off her onto his side; both of their ragged breathing in unison. "I hate you," he said between pants. "I hate you for doing that to me."

"Well, now you know," said Bonnie, trying to steady herself.

"Know what?"

"I'm not yours, you're mine."

"Fuck, Bonnie. I already knew that," said Kai.

"Yeah. But now you won't forget.


	17. Mercy

"She sleeps all day. Dreams of you in both worlds. Tills the blood, in and out of uterus. Wakes up smelling of zinc, grief sedated by orgasm, orgasm heightened by grief. God was in the room when the man said to the woman, "I love you so much. Wrap your legs around me. Pull me in, pull me in, pull me in." Sometimes when he'd have her nipple in his mouth, she'd whisper, "Oh, my God." That, too, is a form of worship.

Her hips grind, pestle and mortar, cinnamon and cloves. Whenever he pulls out … loss. Dear moon, we blame you for floods … for the flush of blood … for men who are also wolves. We blame for the night for the dark, for the ghosts."

— Warsan Shire/Beyonce, Lemonade

This wasn't even how she wanted to spend her Saturday. But Bonnie had promised Caroline. All of the girls on the cheer squad had been volun-told into helping out with The Sexy Suds Car Wash and as Caroline's best friend, Bonnie had to pick up the slack when everyone else was goofing around. So here she was on a Saturday afternoon clad in a brown bikini top and white shorts, wiping down cars when she could've been at home. Or at Grams'.

They were only a few hours in and it already felt like a long day. But, Bonnie thought idly, not a boring one. Lots of drama. For the first time in months, Elena actually looked good. And she looked good with Stefan. She smiled and laughed and engaged. All with Stefan. The Hot New Guy with the Romance Novel Stare that no one knew anything real about. That Bonnie still didn't completely trust despite their get-to-know-you dinner a few nights before. There was something about him that went beyond brooding, beyond mystery to secrecy. Painful secrecy. The energy she got from him wasn't bad exactly but it was dark and it scared her. And then there was Matt. Who couldn't stop watching Elena and Stefan together, broken eyes and a wounded pout that saddened his face with each kiss, each giggle, each hug between them. Elena was her best friend but Bonnie had also known Matt since they were kids and seeing him hurt wasn't easy.

"Uh uh, no," she'd said when she'd caught him staring at them kissing by a car a few feet away. "None of that tortured, pining stuff."

"I'm just observing."

"Mhmm."

Bonnie had caught Matt furtively glancing at them at least ten times since that conversation. Caroline was also acting … well, like Caroline but also decidedly not. She'd been oscillating between her normal neurosis and a frightened distraction that Bonnie had never seen before. It had been three days since Damon, Stefan's brother, left town without a word and Caroline had been acting weirdly since, jumping at voices that weren't there, doubling-down on her already heightened control-freak behaviour. It had caused Bonnie to be simultaneously exasperated and worried.

And then there was Bonnie herself, silently breaking down, silently clinging on to whatever peace of mind she had left, silently but frantically questioning whether or not she was actually, literally going crazy. It was one of the reasons why she'd wanted to stay in today, why she'd been thinking about consulting with Grams. Things had been… happening around her, lately. Or, well, because of her. Like … the energies. Before the school year started, she didn't know anything about energies. She didn't know anything about them now. But she felt them. Could read them. Like how she could sense Stefan's. Like how she was able to read Elena's past. And then there was the incident with the candles at the Founder's Party. She'd done it. She knew she'd done it. Lit the candle just by staring at it. Lighting all the other ones in the process. But that was magic. And magic didn't exist. That was insane. Actually insane. But then … there was today. There was Tiki. She'd gotten on Bonnie's nerves with her attitude, picking on those too timid to stand up for themselves, like that guy who brought his car to be washed. Bonnie wanted to humiliate Tiki the same way Tiki humiliated that guy and before she knew it the hose had gone haywire, soaking Tiki from head to toe so that Matt had to rush over and help her get it off. Bonnie didn't know how but she knew she was responsible, she knew she caused the hose to gush out water

So now she was leaning against the hood a jeep, trying to stay calm and relaxed, trying to collect herself so that she could go throughout the day unbothered or at least seemingly without a care. It wasn't the time to have a break down. Not at Caroline's event. Not when Elena was finally starting to get her life back on track. Bonnie stared at nothing in particular taking deep breaths in and out when she heard her voice.

"Sweeper duty."

Bonnie snapped her head to the front and inwardly sighed at seeing Tiki in front of her. "What?" she said.

"You have to clean the pavement," said Tiki, holding a broom in her hand.

Bonnie did not have the time for this. "It's a car wash. By definition, the pavement is clean."

"But not dry."

Her vague irritation started souring to anger so that Bonnie felt her heartrate pick up, her skin burn with indignant rage. "And I'm doing this why?"

"Caroline bailed so that leaves me in charge."

Tiki grinned as she walked away, handing Bonnie the broom. Bonnie swore beneath her breath and then looked dejectedly at the pavement. It was soaked with water. There was no possible way to get it dry with a broom. It was a fool's errand. Which was exactly why Tiki gave it to her to do. Bonnie sighed, moving away from the jeep to start sweeping but as she stared at the wet pavement, she wondered … had she become too timid to stand up for herself? Did Tiki find her an easy target? Was she an easy target? The task was bullshit and she didn't even want to be here in the first place and Caroline had bailed on her own event, an event that she dragged Bonnie to, and Elena was nowhere to be found and now Mega Bitch Tiki is giving her a damn broom to sweep up water at a car wash event that was supposed to go on for another two or three hours? This was how Bonnie had to spend her fucking Saturday?

And then the water ignited. Bonnie gasped at seeing the fire erupt but as the flames blazed a trail, she grinned at the power of it, at the power of herself, of what she could do. Savage delight seared deep in her gut as the fire began to engulf the blue car in front of her. People around her were screaming but she took no notice, vague echoes distant in her ears, the fire held all of her focus and the more destruction it caused, the more powerful she felt and it felt good to feel this powerful; it was a strange type of good, a reckless good, a potent good, almost … an erotic good.

Her name. "Bonnie?" She was being shaken. "Bonnie? Bonnie!"

That feeling. It stopped. Like she'd been doused in cold water. Abruptly, the fire disappeared, leaving the car intact and Bonnie turned swiftly around to see Stefan in front of her. "Are you OK?" he asked.

"What just happened?"

"You were in some kind of trance."

Bonnie snapped her head around back to the car and saw the smoke and the charred metal, the frightened expressions on everyone's faces. Holy shit.

"Did I do this?" she asked Stefan.

He paused to look at the wreckage she caused. "I think so, yeah."

Oh God, what had she done? "Nobody else saw, did they?" When Stefan shook his head, an inkling of relief blossomed in Bonnie's chest but it did nothing to lessen the guilt and the fear that now wreaked havoc on her mind. She had to get the hell out of here. "Don't tell anybody. Please." She waited for Stefan to nod his head and then she turned around and ran. And kept running.

Bonnie hadn't paid attention to the direction she'd chosen to go in, she only knew that she didn't feel safe around people. No. She didn't feel safe to be around. That was probably why her feet had taken her into the woods where no one would be this early in the day, when everyone who was anyone would be at the car wash. She'd ran for what felt like ten minutes before slowing down to catch her breath, bending over, hands on her knees.

And then she felt it.

Something strange. Almost feverish. She felt faint and wired at the same time, like every nerve in her body was sensitized, attuned to something or … someone. Her heartrate picked up like how it had done when she'd spoken to Tiki and she heard the reverberations of something, a clap? Was that clapping? Someone was here. Close to her. Bonnie spun around on the spot, searching for the mystery.

She'd found it.

A guy. Not much older than her if older than her at all. Tattered grey shirt, denim jacket fit snugly over broad shoulders, dark jeans. Tall. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Chiselled jaw. He clapped as he leaned casually against a tree, one foot cross over the other, a benign grin on his face. But Bonnie could sense there was nothing casual about this man at all; his eyes were sharp and mischievous and intent on her. He had an air of danger, true danger, about him, the kind of danger that was lethal, almost menacing and it … intrigued Bonnie. She held her breath with anxiety but not with fear, she was curious. Dangerously curious. Excited by his presence. He was calling to something in her that Bonnie couldn't properly explain.

He stopped clapping. "That was quite a show."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

The guy raised his eyebrows sceptically. "Lying is a sin, you know. Or so I've been told."

Bonnie narrowed her eyes; he was a stranger and yet her irritation at his knowing tone felt familiar. So did the urge that tickled her, the urge to throw herself at him and attack him with force, with …

"I'm not lying. I don't even know what this is about."

"So you didn't just set a car on fire?"

Bonnie coughed derisively and rolled her eyes. "I don't have any matches. How would I have set a car on fire?"

He moved away from the tree and widened his eyes, waggling his fingers conspiratorially. "With your mind."

Bonnie swallowed hard but then forced herself to laugh. "You're crazy," she said.

"Just observant." Slowly, he began to walk toward her, a measured determination in his gait. "And I've been observing you, Bonnie Bennett." The benign grin on his face had twisted itself into something more roguish and Bonnie felt something within her contract and then was immediately, inexplicably angry with herself.

"You know my name? What are you, some of kind stalker?"

"That's such an ugly word," he said. "I'm simply interested."

"In me," said Bonnie.

He was only a few feet away from her now, hands in his pockets, a small smile on his face, smouldering concentration in his eye. "In everything about you."

How was it possible for words to caress the skin? Bonnie flushed, suffocated with a discomfort that was intense but not unpleasant, that burned her with yearning.

He was dangerous. She knew it in her gut, he was dangerous. Strange men don't approach you in the woods unless they're dangerous. But … there was something dangerous going on within her too; something that matched the energy she got from him. What the hell was going on?

"If me knowing your name is what makes you uncomfortable, I can tell you mine," he said. "It's Malachai. Actually, no. That does sound like a stalker name, doesn't it? You can just call me Kai."

"OK," said Bonnie.

Kai moved closer, closing the gap between them, circling her so that she felt the tension of a near-touch, of his body rotating around hers but she kept her head facing forward. She wouldn't follow him with her eyes. She had the feeling it would satisfy him and she had the natural inclination to refuse him.

"Don't you want to say my name?"

"Why would I?"

"So you can know how it feels on your tongue."

That smugness. Bonnie groaned and then turned her head to the side so that she could hold her gaze, his face was closer to hers than she'd anticipated, his jaw clenched, his gaze holding hers. Infinitesimally, Bonnie parted her lips. "Kai." He closed his eyes, a small sigh escaping his mouth, and she caught her breath as the name sent shivers through her.

What. Was. Happening?

"Who the hell are you, Kai?"

He moaned, his eyes still closed. "It certainly feels good. Hearing my name on your lips."

Bonnie shook her head, putting her hands on the back of her neck. "This is seriously creepy."

"And yet you're not creeped out," said Kai. He started circling her again. "You know who I am, or what I am. You knew it from the moment you saw me."

"Can you stop speaking in riddles and just spit it out?"

"Trust your instincts, Bonnie. Trust what you feel."

"What I feel is like slapping you," said Bonnie harshly.

Kai chuckled. "That's a feeling you're going to have to curb for now."

Swiftly, Bonnie turned to strike him but Kai caught her by the wrist, their bodies crashing into each other so that their noses touched. "There'll be time for this later," he said.

Bonnie growled in frustration and pushed him away so that he staggered back. He laughed. "You like this feeling. Don't you? Like the feeling at the car wash."

"Nothing happened at the stupid car wash."

"That anger. It's what gives you power. That power is what gives you joy. That wild, ferocious, fucking amazing joy. You keep running from it. Shrinking yourself to lighting candles, why light candles, when you can ignite the world? Have everyone at your mercy."

"You sound legitimately insane. Like you need professional help insane. Who are you?"

"A witch. Just like you," said Kai. "Well no, not exactly like you. There's no one like you. Not even another Bennett witch."

"I'm not —"

"Don't," said Kai, walking up to her again, close enough so that Bonnie felt his breath on her ear. Instinctively, she licked her lips and pressed them together. "Don't run from this feeling. You're a—"

"Psychic. I know things I know that I know things. And being a psychic—"

"You're a witch."

Bonnie snapped her head toward him. "I'm not a witch!" Kai was thrown back against one of the trees, his hands pinned beside him so that he was splayed, spread-eagled against the trunk.

"Well now, you've got me at your mercy. What do you plan on doing with me?"

Bonnie didn't answer the question. She only stared, her chest heaving up and down from her rapid breathing. She'd done that. She'd moved a person with her mind. It was exhilarating. Seeing Kai there, helpless, vulnerable, completely at her mercy because of her power … there was a harsh satisfaction that clenched her insides at seeing it. He was right. She was. A witch. She really was.

"Grams," she whispered.

"She can't help you."

Bonnie narrowed her eyes and walked up to the tree Kai was pinned against. He stared down at her, his expression a mixture of odd pride and what Bonnie thought looked like desire. It certainly irritated her. But it also … incensed her. He kept her in a constant state of agitation. Agitation that made her quake.

Stay on point.

"How would you know what my grandmother can do? She's—"

"Limited," said Kai. "It's not her fault. Morality leads to self-righteousness, which leads to blocking yourself from certain power."

"Morality," Bonnie repeated. "So what you're saying is, you can teach me to be immoral, you can teach me to be evil?"

"Well, I didn't say anything about myself, actually," said Kai, grinning.

Abruptly Bonnie reached forward and grabbed Kai's chin, her fingers pressing hard against his jaw. She wanted to squeeze that smirk away, snuff out the arrogance etched in his features. It was a violent need that overcame her with such impulsive swiftness. Kai lowered his head a little so that his bottom lip brushed against her index finger, grazing her skin so that she swallowed hard. Bonnie wrenched her hand away and turned on her heel, putting her hands to her forehead, gritting her teeth.

"I could teach you how to give in," said Kai.

Bonnie whirled around. "Give in?"

"You're repressive."

"You don't know when to shut up."

"True," said Kai. "But that really just means I'm honest about things people don't want to hear."

"I am not repressive. I'm—"

"Scared."

"I am not scared of you."

"Again, I didn't say anything about me. I must be really under your skin."

Bonnie whipped her head to the side, glaring at Kai so that he started to sputter, his mouth opening and closing for air. "You're not under anything," she snapped.

After a minute or two, she looked away so that her hold on him was released; she could hear him gasping and puffing but his wheezing turned into chuckling. "God, your power. Even then, now …That is what you're repressing, what you're scared of when you let yourself feel it. Your own power, your own rawness, your own desire."

"It's dangerous."

"Yes."

"I could've killed you," said Bonnie. "And I am not a killer. Not for any reason."

"You'd be surprised," said Kai.

Bonnie furrowed her eyebrows and walked back up to the tree trunk. She didn't know what made her do it but she inched closer to Kai so that their faces were a breath away from each other and she passed her eyes over his face, locking her gaze with his, resentment and intrigue and anger and curiosity churning in her gut, roiling beneath her skin, forging something between them as he stared back at her, his lips parted. "And what does that mean? Do you want me to kill you, is that it?" said Bonnie. "Who are you?"

"Someone you hate."

"So why should I listen to you?"

Kai strained against his invisible bonds so that their lips nearly touched. "Because you want to," he said. "I could show you how to dig into that feeling. You know I can."

Bonnie leaned forward as if she were about to kiss him, Kai stretched his neck even further to meet her lips but Bonnie moved her head away, Kai still reaching for her, his mouth quivering. She raised her head and released him from his restraints.

And she felt like she made a terrible mistake.

Like she'd welcomed the devil into her mind.

But she was curious. She was drawn. She was at his … … …

"I don't trust you," she said as Kai stepped behind her.

He pressed his lips against her temple and breathed into her ear. "It wouldn't be nearly as interesting if you did." Gently, he tugged on the bottom of her earlobe and Bonnie took a sharp intake of breath. Her eyes fluttered. She turned around and pushed him so that he staggered back, a grin on his face.

"In fact I, I despise you," she spat. "I have never had such a strong reaction to someone I don't even know."

"Nor will you ever again," said Kai.

"Oh shut up," said Bonnie. She took a beat to process her response and then closed her eyes and growled in frustration. "Why do I feel like this? I know it's wrong but I want to kill you," she said frantically. "The urge is overpowering. I know I would be doing me a favour, the world a favour if I killed you."

"You don't know how to yet," said Kai. He started walking up to her. "I'd have to teach you."

Bonnie tilted her head sceptically. "You would teach me how to murder you?"

"I've known for a long time that I'd meet my end at your hands, Bonnie." He was directly in front of her now. "In more ways than one."

"I don't know what that means," she murmured, staring up at him. Their proximity to each other was dizzying, Bonnie was flushed with heat, she could barely see straight, she was uncomfortable in the best way, she was angry in the worst way and she could feel it, feel that she had the same effect on him. It was intoxicating. They were intoxicating. In the most guilt-inducing way.

"But you want to find out," he said.

Bonnie opened her mouth to disagree but found herself speechless. Kai reached forward to touch her wrist but she jerked her hand back.

"Don't touch me," she said.

"But I have to," said Kai quietly. "I need to." He extended his hand again and this time Bonnie didn't move away, allowing him access to her. He traced his thumb over the veins on her wrist and then trailed his fingertips up her arm, turning Bonnie's breathing shallow. His eyes molten and intense with concentration, watching every expression pass over her face, Kai slowly began to step behind her, his hand slipping to her hips, fingers skating across her stomach so that her back arched, her behind connecting to his pelvis, making him squeeze his eyes shut. He nuzzled the nape of her neck, his hands flirting with the waistband of her shorts. Bonnie bit on the insides of her cheeks to keep from any noise of pleasure escaping and betraying her. Kai's hands explored her torso, his fingers skirting beneath her bikini top, running back down to her shorts, slipping beneath the waistband, circling her hips, toying with the knots that held together her string bikini.

"Ready for me to show you what your power can do?"

He pressed his lips against Bonnie's shoulder and she sighed. "Yes."

Kai gripped her hips and it was instantaneous pain. And instantaneous pleasure. Bonnie felt her veins ripping open, felt the draining of an intimate part to herself, a fundamental part of herself so that she was weaker, anguished, she gritted her teeth to keep from crying out. But then there was that pleasure beneath the discomfort, a thrill that trilled her blood, that increased her heart rate. This was entirely messed up.

Finally, he let go and Bonnie spun around to face him, her hand on his throat. "What just happened?" she demanded.

"You're a part of me now," said Kai. "If only for a little while." He extended his hand forward and then said, "Incendia."

Three trees combusted into flames and Bonnie roared in surprised anger, looking around wildly at the burning flora. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Look at what you could do with your power."

Bonnie fumed with pure, unadulterated outrage; anger for the life Kai had destroyed, anger at him for using her magic to do it. She was beside herself with fury, with hatred at his methods, at their connection, at him. She wanted to destroy him for this. As the fury worked through her muscles, boiling her blood, she felt power gather within her, felt herself become formidable and unrestrained and that same savage delight she felt at the car wash bloomed in her gut more intense, more reckless, the sensation was —

"It's practically orgasmic, isn't it?" said Kai.

"Don't act like you know me!"

Her rage pushed forward a yell that crashed through the woods, splitting trunks and logs, igniting six more trees; inflamed branches crashed to the ground, black smoke furled in the air, birds squawked and flew far away, rodents dashed for cover, for escape, everything around them was burning violently. Kai stared at her with a lustful awe that Bonnie felt all over her skin and she shoved him, her fury deepening. "Don't look at me like that! I will blind you if you keep looking at me like that!" Strong winds started to gather, blowing the flames, breaking a part branches that were still intact, spreading the fire.

Kai shook his head, his expression grave and mesmerized. "God, you're amazing. This weather is apocalyptic. Do you know how much power it takes to cause this? How good it feels knowing I bring this out in you?"

"Good? Good?" Bonnie lunged forward and yelled in his face. "I hate it!" Thunder cracked, forked lightening sliced the sky, embers twirled in the air around them, cutting across their skin.

"Then stop doing it!"

Bonnie glared at him. She was breathing rapidly and deeply and with each intake, that erotic sensation engulfed her, that savagery, that power — she was completely drunk off it. She couldn't stop. Not as long as Kai was around her. And she couldn't make him leave. She couldn't bring herself to stop the feelings ensnaring her, empowering her, guilting her. She was at their mercy. She was at his mercy.

"Who are you?" she asked again.

"Someone you hate," he repeated.

"I do," she said. "God, I fucking hate you."

Bonnie started to move forward but Kai reached her first, thrusting his lips against hers, kissing her with a readiness, a ferocity that told Bonnie that he had been burning with the desire to feel her mouth on his with a torturous intensity. She grabbed a hold of his head, clenching his hair painfully tight as he shrugged off his jean jacket, letting it fall to the ground, flames licking the cuff of his sleeve. Bonnie pulled away, running her tongue along his jaw, causing him to moan, which in turn made her ache with a gratification she wasn't accustomed to. She itched the tip of her tongue against his ear, gently biting down on his earlobe so that a moan cracked in his throat and he hastily undid her bikini top, sliding his hand down to her hips, sliding between her thighs, massaging her through the material of her shorts, causing Bonnie to breathe "Shit," in his ear. Another growl of thunder, the flames razed the woods. She was destroying everything.

"Tell me you're the only one who can curse me with this feeling," said Bonnie breathlessly.

"It's a promise."

Kai kissed her again, the swirl of his tongue, the urgency of his lips calling to something deep within her, the home to her magic, to her desire, to her power, to her lust, to her emotion bringing it forth with such force that the fire rose twenty, thirty feet in the air, the trees, the grass, the bushes, all of them consumed with flames. Noises in the distance.

"Sirens," said Bonnie.

"I don't care," said Kai.

He started to kneel, his mouth on her neck, on her collarbone, kissing her breasts so that she gasped as another flash of lightning split the sky; he enclosed her nipple in his mouth, groaning low in his throat, rubbing her waist, the tip of his tongue skating down her stomach, tickling her skin so that Bonnie laughed and cursed him. As he sunk to his knees, her ran his hand up and down the inside of her thigh, looking up at her as his teeth gripped her short's waistband. Bonnie wanted to break their gaze, break their bond, their sick, intoxicating, horrible, addictive bond. But she watched him watch her as he unbuttoned her shorts, as he slowly untied her bikini bottoms, as he moved forward, his mouth making contact with the apex of her thighs. Her head shot back and Kai pressed her to him, easing in a finger, stimulating her ache so that she mewled and bit down on her lip. She touched herself, palming her breasts to the same rhythm of Kai's tongue, the action caused Kai to groan and increase the pressure of his lapping, he reached up, putting his palms on Bonnie's hands, directing her motions.

"Kai," she moaned.

He closed his eyes and started unbuckling his belt. He couldn't wait anymore. He needed to be beneath her, atop her, inside her, he needed —

Bonnie woke up with a start, sitting upright, panting heavily. Wait, where was she? Where were the woods? Was she … was this … she was at home? From her spot in the living room she saw shattered glass in the kitchen, a hole in the hallway wall. Right. The fight she and Kai had. That led to them screwing each other's brains out on the couch. Bonnie looked down, she was lying down on the sofa cushions instead of on the broken backrest. Kai was sitting on the coffee table, his elbows on his knees, clasped hands beneath his chin.

"Bonnie—"

"What the hell did you do?" she yelled.

"I proved a point."

"You messed with my memories!"

"I showed you who you really are," said Kai.

"You violated —"

"I didn't violate anything!" he yelled. "I brought you back to your memories and I put myself in there."

"For what? What point did you prove, Kai?"

"That you would always be mine. You would always find your way here, to this moment."

Bonnie's eyes widened with anger and then she screamed, shifting her position on the couch so that her feet were planted firmly on the ground and she could look Kai dead in the eye. "Are you insane?

"You blame me for who you are now, you blame me for making you this way but you were always this way, Bonnie. You were always dangerous, you always had this darkness, even then, even when you were pure, scared, martyr Pre-1990s Bonnie. Pre-Kai Bonnie. I just showed that to you."

"You could've manipulated that entire sequence!"

"To what end?"

"To this end! You and your fucking games!" Bonnie started to get up from the couch but Kai grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her so that she looked at him.

"I do play games and I always win," he said, staring at her. "Maybe because sometimes I cheat, maybe because sometimes I don't play fair but not with you. It always has to be a fair playing field with you. It's how I know I won. I was there. You were you. That was real."

"Then you would've completely fucked up the future, our present and everything looks the same as it was!"

"And I did change things. Going back to that moment … that kind of magic … I created an alternate universe. Another one anyway."

"An alternate universe?"

"What, have you never mind-jumped and constructed alternate alternate universes before?"

Bonnie broke away from Kai's grasp and pushed her fingers against his forehead so that his head snapped backward. She walked back down the hall. Kai stood up.

"Admit it, Bonnie. You always enjoyed it, the kind of power I bring out in you. You enjoyed it with expressionism, you enjoyed it even before you knew anything about magic, you just shut it down. But you can't with me because it's more than magic. It's you. I see you."

"You see the worst in me."

"I see everything in you," said Kai. "I bring out everything in you. You're yourself with me, the true Bonnie Bennett who doesn't repress—"

"I want to repress!" screamed Bonnie. "I want to be the girl that represses, the girl that chose morality, the girl who fought for something, who would die for something because at least I could live with myself then but I can't go back to that! I try and I can't!"

"You can't because you don't want to."

"I can't because you're still in my life, fuelling everything."

"Then get rid of me."

"You won't let me go!"

"Would it matter if I did?"

Bonnie stared at him for a while, teary-eyed and indignant. "I don't …" She cleared her throat and shook her head. "I don't know how to be free of you. Sometimes I think I'll never be free of you. And it kills me. You are killing me, Kai."

"I can't stop," he said. "And I wouldn't if I could."

"I know that," snapped Bonnie. "You're not the good guy."

"And you aren't as predictable as the loyal, repressive martyr so eager to shrink herself to what's acceptable, that's why you're in this. I'm not in in it alone."

Bonnie glared at him. "I didn't say I wasn't killing myself too."

A sudden rapping on the front door caused Bonnie to jump. "Bonnie. Bonnie, I know you're in there."

Bonnie closed her eyes and swore. "Jeremy."

"I'm not going away, Bonnie."

"Jeremy, it's not a good time!" she called.

"Then I will camp out on this porch. I'm serious."

Bonnie rubbed her temples.

"Invite him in," said Kai.

"Don't be an ass," said Bonnie. "I'll meet you at the Mansion," she called to Jeremy.

Kai's eyes narrowed and Bonnie felt the air shift. "Don't start with me," she said.

"You're going to Damon?"

"I am meeting him at Damon's."

"No."

Bonnie raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"No, Bonnie," said Jeremy. "I'm not falling for that. You just want me to go. I'm not leaving." He kept knocking on the door.

"Just invite Little Gilbert in," said Kai.

"He can't see you," said Bonnie. "He can't see this." She pointed to the broken couch and the smashed glass, the cracked wall. "I'm not that cruel."

"He needs to see this," said Kai. "He needs to know his place."

"His place?"

"He can never bring it out in you. The intensity that caused this. No one can bring it out in you," said Kai, walking closer to Bonnie so that he stood directly in front of her. "Only I can bring it out in you," he whispered.

"I'm cursed with you," said Bonnie.

Kai slid his hands around Bonnie's hips. "Yes."

"I'll never forgive you for that."

He grazed his lips along her neck so that she sighed. "No."

"I'm…"

Kai slipped his hand into Bonnie's underwear, gently running his index finger along her sex so that her knees buckled. She held onto Kai's shoulder for support. "Yes?"

"Bonnie!"

"Jer, just." She bit Kai's shoulder as his finger swivelled. Kai's breathing turned rapid, he whispered. "Yes?"

"Jer, I promise, I—"

Kai guided Bonnie to the wall, hitching her leg onto his hip, pushing his pelvis into her groin so that she clawed at his neck. "Yes, Bonnie?" he repeated.

"I'm…"

"Bonnie, open the door!"

"Jeremy," said Bonnie breathlessly. "I will meet you at The Mansion in an hour. I promise!"

Kai put his lips to her ear as he rocked into her again. "Yes, Bonnie? You…"

"I'm at your mercy," said Bonnie finally, pressing her hands against his back, pushing him into her. "In this moment, I'm at your mercy."

Kai groaned and undid his fly.

"An hour Bonnie! I'm trusting you to be there!"

Bonnie heard Jeremy stomp off the porch to walk down to the driveway. She pushed Kai back and moved away from the wall.

"What are you doing?" he said.

"I'm going to the Mansion," said Bonnie. "He trusts me to be there."


	18. And It Burns, Burns, Burns...

"I didn't think you'd show."

"I said I would," said Bonnie. 'I've never lied to you, Jer."

He looked up at her, his eyebrows furrowed, his expression pained and angry. Bonnie's lips parted at seeing the shine in his eyes.

"Jer…"

"You've never lied to me?" he repeated.

"Jeremy."

"Our last night together, what do you call that? Our last few days together?"

"I didn't want to ruin—"

"Yeah, you'd said that. Your exact words, 'If I told you the truth, it would've changed our last days together and I didn't want it to change. We were happy.' I remember, Bonnie."

Bonnie opened her mouth to say something but Jeremy shook his head and turned away from her. She were in the Salvatore living room, Jeremy on the sofa, Bonnie standing in front of the fireplace where they'd shared their first kiss after she'd been resurrected from the Other Side. That night didn't even feel like a memory of her own but one implanted from someone else's life. It paled in comparison to the immediacy of Kai's lingering touch. There was still a phantom ache between her thighs from when Kai rocked into her only an hour before, her body still hummed from the feel of his lips skimming her skin. Guilt overcame Bonnie, making her own eyes shine, her throat was blocked with a disgust too profound to utter and she sat down next to Jeremy, putting her hand to her forehead.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice thick and choked. "I didn't want this. I didn't want … …" She swallowed hard. "At the time I thought it was the best thing for us. At the time what mattered was us being together, being happy."

"I would've rathered you be alive."

"There was nothing you could've done."

"That doesn't matter, I would've tried. You took away my choice to try," said Jeremy, his voice rising. "You took away my goodbye."

Bonnie turned sharply toward him. "We said goodbye."

"You said goodbye. I didn't — I —" Abruptly Jeremy stood up. He put his hands on his neck, gritting his teeth in frustration, and walked over to the bar across the room. He started taking out the crystal to pour himself a drink. "I was left. I didn't get to say anything, I didn't get to feel anything, I couldn't even process, I… I didn't get to—"

It happened against Bonnie's better judgement, Jeremy's words faded in her ears, turning completely mute as a vision consumed her. All she could see was the memory of her hitched on the bar, her fist shattering the glass as Kai's lips found their way between her legs. Even the sofa she was now sitting on struck her with the image of her mounted on the couch they broke earlier that day, she ached with the remembrance of his thrusts and the hedonistic euphoria they brought her to; the urge to press her thighs together sharpened the ache and Bonnie clenched her jaw. The way Kai's tongue could suspend all thought, the way his touch could make her seethe with wanting — it obliterated everything from mind even if he wasn't with her, even if she was with someone she loved and loved dearly. His power burned her with a rage that showed no prejudice and with excruciating swiftness she was swallowed whole by a many-shaded hatred; a hatred for Kai that was familiar and yet seemingly more intense, for she'd just discovered a new depth to his hold on her, a hold that made her beg for his presence and for his destruction simultaneously; a hatred for herself for being weak, for allowing the devil to slither into her mind and lay claim to her body; a hatred for…

Bonnie stared at Jeremy as he took a sip of whiskey, her insides writhing with a volatility she could barely contain. She stood up from the couch. "Well it's getting late, I think I'm just going to —"

"Yeah I know," said Jeremy bitterly. His voice was loud. "Never mind that you just got here. You're going to go home or to the library, have to meet up with Caroline or Damon or Elena, you have an early class or you need to call your mom —"

Bonnie felt herself harden with indignation. "What's the matter with you?"

"Funny since I've been asking myself the same thing about you since I came back home."

"I don't know what you're talking ab—"

"I thought you just said you never lied to me," said Jeremy. "Come on, Bon, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I haven't seen you since I got back, even if by miracle we're in the same house, I come into a room and you leave it."

Bonnie shook her head. "That isn't true."

"You're doing it right now!"

"There's no conspiracy, Jeremy. I just have to go."

"Where? Where do you have to go that's so important? I haven't seen you in months."

"And whose fault is that?" snapped Bonnie. Jeremy lowered the glass from his lips and looked at her. She closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm not doing this right now." She turned toward the foyer.

"Well when are we going to do it? Stop running away!"

Bonnie whirled around. "Don't talk to me about running away!"

"Is that what this is, you're mad at me?"

Bonnie couldn't help it and started yelling, the turmoil within her churning in her gut, souring her heart with a venomous tilt; past anger and current guilt scratching at her throat. "And why would I be mad at you? Because I was in a prison world for months and when I finally got out, when I finally wasn't dead anymore, you couldn't drop by and see how I was doing? You couldn't even return one of my dozen messages? You couldn't email? YOU COULDN'T EVEN SEND A DAMN TEXT?"

Jeremy stormed toward her. "Just like how you couldn't even tell me that you were going to die?"

"I did tell—"

"Minutes before you died, that doesn't count! Like that is … that's just so …" Jeremy gesticulated wildly. "Do you know how much that messes up a person?! Like completely fucks up?"

"I can guarantee not as much as being stuck in a prison world with literally no one else around you for months only to claw yourself out of it and not hear from the one person you thought would be by your side, the one person you loved more than anyone, more than anything, the minute you made it out alive!"

"I tried to get you out. I got Kai to —"

Jeremy stopped talking and regarded Bonnie closely, his eyes searching her face, his jaw tightened. "What was that look?"

"What look?"

"I said Kai's name and you…"

"I what? You brought up the man who terrorized me in a literal hell dimension, I'm going to have a look on my face, Jeremy."

"But it was guilty. And embarrassed. The same look I had when…"

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. "When what? When you cheated on me with Anna?"

"Is that's what's happening?" said Jeremy quietly.

"Nothing is happening," said Bonnie. "I tried to kill Kai. Twice. Maybe that's what you're picking up on from my so-called look."

"You're answering these questions pretty quickly."

"And what, you'd prefer me to take my time so it looks like I'm not trying to hide anything?"

"Who said anything about you trying to hide something?"

"You did," said Bonnie. "You said it without saying anything, don't forget that I know you."

"And I know you," said Jeremy. "I know when you're keeping something from me."

"Oh please, you didn't know I was going to die last year until I told you I was going to die. Or the year before that for that matter."

"Do you really think that throwing in my face all the times you've successfully kept something from me is really helping your case right now? And I thought you never lied to me."

"Keeping you safe by withholding information isn't the same thing as lying."

"Is that what you told yourself? Is that what you're telling yourself now?"

"I don't have any reason to tell myself anything, not then and especially not now. I don't even know why we're talking about Kai."

"Because I asked Elena about him and she was being just as cagey as you're being right now."

"Elena? What godforsaken reason would make you go to Elena—"

"Because I heard you groan his name," said Jeremy; the hostility in his voice at odds with the crumple of his forehead. "When I was at your house I heard it."

"Just because —"

"You're never around. You don't pick up when I call, when Elena calls. Most nights no one knows where the hell you are."

"That doesn't mean —"

"Don't lie. Stop lying! I deserve to know—"

"You deserve to know? What makes you think you deserve to know anything anymore?"

"Because I love you! I will never stop loving you. That gives me the right to —"

"You love me? You abandoned me!"

"Stop avoiding the question! Just tell me!"

Bonnie shook her head, running her fingers through her hair. "Jeremy, stop it."

"No! Why do I feel like, like, you're gone? What happened to you?" Jeremy stared at her. "Who happened to you? Who is Kai to you?"

"I can't go through another one of these."

"Why not? Why can't you answer me?" Jeremy looked at Bonnie, his shining eyes finally giving way to ready tears. "Are you in love with him?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"It's not as mundane as that," said another voice.

Swiftly, Bonnie and Jeremy turned around and their eyes landed on Kai standing in the entryway to the living room, his hands tucked in his jean pockets. No one said anything for a beat, the house screaming with a pregnant silence and then without warning, Bonnie threw her hand up and the chandelier wrenched away from the ceiling. Kai used his speed and moved from where he stood so that the chandelier crashed down onto the floor instead of onto his head. He slammed Bonnie against a wall.

"NO!" Jeremy shouted.

Kai's hands squeezed Bonnie beneath the shoulders and pain shot through her arms. He was ripping her apart, magic tearing away from her veins, splitting from her blood and siphoning into his own. Yet even now, Bonnie's eyes fluttered slightly at the pleasure that tinted the brutality of the process; it felt like somehow Kai was giving in as much as he was taking out. There was something penetrative about the sensation that it elicited a stifled moan from Bonnie's lips. And she saw it. The glint in his eye, the slight curve at the corner of his mouth; saw the carnal satisfaction that clouded his expression.

"UGH."

Bonnie pushed Kai backward, using her magic as a force to send him across the room. She turned toward the bar, a sharp knife lay on the surface in case anyone wanted their drink with a twist. She pointed her hand toward it.

"Modus!"

The knife flew in the air, hurtling toward Kai at a lethal speed. He caught it in his hand just as it looked like the knife would slide cleanly through his eye. He threw it back toward Bonnie who managed to duck so that the blade punctured the wall behind her.

Jeremy kept shouting. "STOP. BONNIE."

Kai charged toward Bonnie who blew him back a second time so that he collided into the couch that skidded a few feet down the living room.

Jeremy's chest constricted with a nervousness that felt alive in him. His hand twitched, his eyes keened, his entire body began attuning itself to the battle in front of him. They were surfacing. His hunter senses. They would be what would save Bonnie from Kai. But even as Jeremy thought it, he knew. This wasn't a battle. It wasn't even a fight. It was a lover's quarrel. And the fear that flooded him was a fear for himself, not for Bonnie, but for his disappearing place in her heart. There was an intimacy to the violence he couldn't quite explain to himself, an intimacy that incensed him with a jealousy he wasn't accustomed to; there was energy between Bonnie and Kai, a viscera that was unique, that invaded a room, that was … wrong. It all felt so completely, fundamentally wrong — corrupted. There was an excitement between them, and Jeremy could sense the ripeness of arousal, over this, over mutual destruction. It thoroughly unnerved him but he was envious of it. Of what was theirs and theirs alone.

Bonnie looked at the fireplace. "Incendia."

Fire billowed out onto the carpet, blazing a trail toward the couch. Jeremy lept back. "BONNIE."

The wildness in her eyes startled him but not as much as the pleasure etched in her features, at the desire that darkened her gaze as she watched the fire, as she watched Kai. Her breathing quickened, sweat dappled her chest and she ran her fingers across her glistening skin, her eyes boring into Kai's from across the room as she let out another stifled moan.

Jeremy felt the air shift and was devastated by the eroticism of the tension around him, panicked about the fire that the other two people in the room saw fit to play with. He started to cough.

"Bonnie, put it out!"

The flames consumed materials quickly, licking the fabric of the sofa so that Kai had to rush back to the centre of the living room, back to Bonnie. When he reached her, he brought her to the ground, twisting so that he ended up above her. Quickly Bonnie reached up and dragged her nails down his cheek, four long scratch marks bloodied his face, causing him to cry out in frustrated pain, before his skin healed entirely. He grabbed Bonnie's wrists and pinned them to the floor above her head, bringing his face closer to hers so that their lips were a breath away from each other.

"At my mercy," he whispered.

Bonnie didn't say anything in response but held Kai's gaze, her eyes fixed on his as the flames around them grew hotter, climbed even higher. A recklessness had unlocked in her the minute she saw Kai in the archway and she gave way to the power that that freedom unleashed, a freedom that Kai inspired in her — the freedom to consume. She would consume the living room, the house, she would consume Kai, undo him completely because having him at her mercy — something in her contracted at the thought.

Bonnie shifted her hips and watched as Kai instinctively closed his eyes, his grasp on her wrists tightening. She bent her legs, opening herself up to him so that when she started squirming, she felt his hardness as it intensified with each circle of her movements. His lips parted to release panting and he started to push into her, urging her. Bonnie grinned. It wouldn't be enough for him. Nothing was ever enough for him. He —

A yell. A piece of wood. Through Kai's stomach.

Bonnie yelled. "JEREMY."

Immediately, the flames extinguished.

Kai looked down at the makeshift stake through his stomach and in one fluid motion, pulled it out of his torso with a pained growl and whirled around, grabbing Jeremy by the throat, roaring so that his veins darkened and his fangs descended.

Bonnie screamed. "Kai if you kill him, I —"

Kai paused.

Frantically, she stood up and ran to the wall, pulling out the knife. She held it to her neck. "I'll slit my throat. I swear to God."

Kai turned sharply toward her, his eyes wide and intense.

"Or maybe that isn't good enough," said Bonnie. "I will find a vampire to drain me dry."

Bonnie felt the intensity in Kai's eyes shiver through her as it turned both savage and fearful.

"To drink me," said Bonnie, enunciating every word. "To gorge on my blood until there's nothing left."

"ENOUGH." Kai released Jeremy from his grasp, shoving him to the side.

Jeremy wheezed, gasping for breath as he massaged his throat. Bonnie was willing to die for him. Again. And yet he knew that wasn't the point. It had little if anything to do with him. As that realization struck him, shattering him, he caught Bonnie's eye, her expression devastated. She could see it; he was ruined. By her. By Kai. By her and Kai. She had completely forgotten that he was in the room, bearing witness to what she and Kai were, she had forgotten about everything except for what she and Kai were, nothing else was real.

"What are you doing to me?" she whispered. "Why did you come here? You knew, you had to know that I would never forgive you for this!"

Kai looked at her, his expression unabashed and vaguely malicious. "I was counting on it."

Bonnie gritted her teeth, clenching her fists and then slapped him hard, the impact so sharp it spiderwebbed glass.


	19. Resentment

Jeremy flinched at the harsh sound of Bonnie's palm hard against Kai's cheek and couldn't help the resentment that flooded him, the resentment that he'd never inspired in Bonnie the urge to react so violently, so passionately toward him.

"You destroy everything that is good in my life!" Bonnie yelled.

Kai glared at her. "He isn't your life anymore or have you forgotten? You chose this. You chose us."

"I didn't choose any of this!"

"No," said Kai. "No you can't help it, can you? I'm a part of you."

"Don't you dare," said Bonnie. She pointed at Jeremy who was starting to stand up. "Jeremy is a part of me. Jeremy will always be a part of me. You -" her face twisted into an ugly expression. "You are a virus, Kai, eating away at me until there's nothing left but hate and shame and -"

"And what? What?" Kai yelled so loudly that his voice reverberated throughout the room, causing the floorboards to shake, making Jeremy look around frantically for any sign of the living room breaking apart. "And disgust and grief?"

"YES. ALL OF IT."

"Hate, shame, disgust, grief, you know why you feel that, right? Because nothing feels as good as me inside you, nothing feels as good when you're riding me, when you're mastering me, when I'm bending you to my will."

Bonnie opened her mouth but didn't speak; there was nothing to say. What Kai brought out in her, the lust, the carnality, it was beyond powerful, it was overpowering. Her desire for him, her desire to hurt him, her desire to own him, consumed her with such painful intensity that it eclipsed all else, it blinded her to everything and anything but the riotous ache only he spawned in her. The instant Kai had appeared in the living room, he was all she could see; she had quite literally forgotten that Jeremy was there with them, she had quite literally forgotten where she was, why she was there - his presence snuffed everything out but her murderous want of him, her erotic hatred toward him. Even now, she had to remind herself constantly that Jeremy was there, each mention of his name jolted her with surprise at his existence in the room, looking in on the destructive dysfunction that had become her life.

"We've been through this a thousand times and we'll go through it a thousand times more but I don't care, I live for it. I live for how much you hate me, how you try to fuck me into insignificance."

Bonnie could feel Jeremy's heartache shiver through her and his anguish splintered her chest with guilt, with gut-wrenching empathy. She threw the knife at Kai for a second time."Shut up!"

"No," said Kai harshly. "He has to hear this."

"Why? I thought you weren't threatened by him! I thought he was just a stupid boy to you, what is the point of you doing this? Why are you here?"

"Because you need to accept his place, you need to accept how much he doesn't matter anymore. You did it with Elena, now it's his turn."

"It's not enough that you have stalked me, stabbed me, and abandoned me, it's not enough that you have cursed me with this, with this - ugh!" Bonnie screamed and clenched her hair with her hands. "You have to go around burning every bridge to my old life?" She stormed up to Kai, jutting her head forward, shouting in his face. "You're fucking despicable!"

He took an abrupt step forward so that Bonnie had to take half a step back so they wouldn't collide into each other. "And you revel in it!"

Bonnie felt it. She hated herself, hated her body for betraying her conscience, but she felt it - the throbbing between her thighs, the heat that flushed her skin; her fingers tingled, her lips swelled, her heart thudded so frantically that she was breathless with anticipation, with arousal. Kai's proximity to her was dizzying, her need to shut him up, make him hers, own him, own the situation - it was intoxicating. Horrible and exhilarating.

Kai shifted forward and she knew he was going to seize her, smash into her, slam her against a wall, but then a yell snapped them out of their hedonistic reverie.

"Do not touch her!"

Both of them turned towards Jeremy who was holding the bloodied makeshift stake he'd stabbed Kai with only moments before, his face contorted with grievous rage.

"I swear I will kill you if you touch her in front of me again."

Bonnie heard Kai chuckle and his arrogance angered her, his intent to humiliate Jeremy, and the knowledge that he could do so without putting much effort shaded her already multifaceted hatred for him.

"Do your best, Little Gilbert," said Kai. "But I bet I can liquefy your lungs before you even take one step toward me."

"Don't," Bonnie snapped. She walked up to Jeremy, determination in her stride. "Jer?"

He didn't look at her but kept his gaze on Kai, eyes steely, jaw clenched; he gripped the stake tightly.

"Jeremy, look at me."

"Think about what you want to do because if I kill you, you're dead. Not like Gilbert Ring dead or Other Side dead but dead dead."

"Jeremy, listen." Bonnie put her hands on either side of his face and brought his gaze down to her. "He won't kill you, I swear I will die before I let him hurt you. I mean it."

Jeremy stared at Bonnie, his steely eyes turning teary. "I know you would," he said, his voice thick. "But that isn't the point is it?"

"What do -?"

"It's not that you're willing to die for me, it's that you're willing to hurt him. The lengths you're willing to go to make sure he suffers, you know what you dead would do to him because he loves you."

"Don't say that," said Bonnie.

"He does. He loves you and it ruins everything." Jeremy flicked his eyes up toward Kai. "You ruined her."

"Jeremy -"

"She isn't ruined you just don't know her anymore," said Kai. "You've never seen her like this, you never knew that someone could push her limits like this and you can't stomach it."

Jeremy removed Bonnie's hands from his face and took a step forward, raising his stake slightly.

"JEREMY."

He turned sharply to Bonnie. She shook her head. Jeremy hesitated for a moment and then threw the stake down on the floor, turning around to head to the foyer.

Bonnie screamed. "I don't -" Jeremy paused. "I don't love him. I don't. But you." She bit her lip. "You I will always love. You are …" She sighed. "You are pure and decent and good and -"

"Something for you to protect," said Jeremy. "It's what you do, Bonnie, you protect me. You sacrifice for me. You die for me. But with him…" Bonnie swallowed at the vitriol in Jeremy's voice, at the way he twisted the word 'him' into such a repulsive sound. "You're tied to him," he said. "In a way you were never tied to me. And you hate him in a way you never hated Damon. And I can't be here anymore, I can't stand around and watch you two act out this, this thing that you have, that you can't get enough of. He's right, I can't stomach it."

Bonnie called his name as he continued walking to the foyer. He didn't respond or slow down but wrenched open the front door, allowing the furious lashing of what sounded like a thunderstorm to echo throughout the house. Bonnie felt a mixture of relief and guilt and anger when the door slammed behind Jeremy, grateful that he hadn't turned around and waited for her to say something that would make sense of what was happening, of what she'd become. She didn't have those words.

The instant the door clanged shut she rounded on Kai. "Everything good in my life," she repeated quietly. When he didn't respond, Bonnie started shouting, it was uncontrollable and wild, the rage he inspired in her was as riotous as the lust. "You destroy everything good in my life until there's nothing left but you!"

"Good is boring," said Kai finally. "Good is mediocre. Good is beneath you."

"I miss boring."

"You'd miss this more."

"I'd freaking rejoice if I were free of you, Kai!'

He roared. "THEN GO."

Bonnie paused for a beat, narrowing her eyes and then she spoke, her voice a hiss between clenched teeth. "Gladly." She turned on her heel and headed out the same way as Jeremy.

Kai watched as Bonnie stormed toward the foyer and was overcome with frustration and excitement. It thrilled him, the way she always tried to walk away from him, from them, from this, because then he could make her stay, make her surrender to him with a kiss, with a stroke, with a thrust; he could prove to her that his prowess was something she secretly lived for, silently begged for. Hearing her cry out his name, resentful and earnest, aroused and disgusted, it was enough to undo him and sometimes it took all he had to keep going and not erupt at the husky caress of her voice. But it killed him too. The way she always tried to walk away from him. Suffocated him with a vehemence that compelled him to burn and keep burning, to scorch everything around him until everything he could see was on fire; her absence shifted something in his mind, unhinged him, tortured him with a thirst for her presence, her body, and all he could do to take his mind off of her for only but a moment was kill and feed and rip into throats until he regurgitated all of the blood he consumed and black out from over-indulgence.

That wouldn't be his fate. Not tonight.

Kai heard the click of the front door opening and he sped to the foyer, colliding into Bonnie so that his front smashed against her back. The door was open a crack and he pushed it shut; he used one hand to keep it closed and the other to move Bonnie's hair from her neck so he could kiss her. He heard Bonnie sigh, deep and wet, and then heard her throaty exclaim of frustration, "Ugh! No!" She dug her shoulder painfully into his chest, pushing him away from her but Kai took her by the arms and slammed them on the door, laying her hands flat against the wood, pinning her wrists. He nuzzled the side of her neck, grazing his lips along her skin so that goosebumps erupted and she gasped; he used his body to press her against the door and grinned as her back arched so that she pushed back against him, making his breath hitch in his throat.

"Stop it," she panted.

"Why?"

"I'm leaving."

Kai widened his legs and pushed into her again, eliciting a stifled moan from Bonnie's lips. He closed his eyes, savouring the sound, relishing and resenting the desire that roiled beneath his skin. "No you're not."

"I'm going after Jeremy."

Kai released her wrists and put his hands firmly on her hips, pushing her into him. Bonnie reached behind her, her hand on the back of Kai's neck as she started circling her hips, rubbing her behind against his pelvis so that he grasped her even tighter and instinctively started to mirror her movements, his hardness pulsating with such intense readiness he was lightheaded. He slipped his hand into her skirt, beneath the waistband of her underwear and slid into her, his fingers making the same circular motions as their hips. Bonnie swore, loud and unguarded, and Kai moved his finger faster, his breath harsh and ragged against her ear, his gums aching with the need for his fangs to descend, the magic in his veins unbridled so that his entire body hardened and hummed with the all-consuming, nearly painful need to bury himself in her. Bonnie started banging on the door.

"I'm going after Jeremy," she repeated, her voice shaky.

"No you're not," said Kai.

Abruptly, Bonnie turned around and pushed Kai away from her, her chest heaving up and down. "Yes I am."

She wrenched the door open and hurried outside. A beast arose in Kai. NO. His entire body seemed to scream the word. Everything was hazy. It wasn't that she was determined to find Jeremy, it was that she was determined to deny him her, determined to leave him with a yearning that devastated him, that made it impossible to think or see or even breathe. He needed this. He wouldn't be able to function without eliciting her pleasure. Echoes of her screaming his name rang throughout Kai's head and he tore after her.

Bonnie was running down the driveway, her sandals splashing in the small puddles that dappled the gravel until she reached her car. Clumsily, she reached into her pocket and took out the keys, fumbling around with with them, trying to find the right one through the dark and the rain. Kai grabbed them from her and threw them to the side, turning her around, slamming her against the car door, thrusting his lips onto hers and suddenly, frighteningly, thunder cracked loud and ominous, lightning brightened the sky in flashes of eerie white. Bonnie grasped the back of Kai's head as his mouth opened hers with a furious desire to devour her, to claim her; he wouldn't give her room to think, air to breathe, everything she had would be his. He sucked on her lower lip, running his tongue along the curve of her rain-lashed neck, her skin warm and moist, her scent frenzying his blood. Kai felt Bonnie's hands clutch him, pull him closer, her breathing was ragged and uneven, moans pushed at the back of her throat and each mewl only intensified the swelling in his jeans, burning him with a maddening arousal. He hooked his fingers into her skirt and Bonnie pushed him away for a second time.

She muttered something quickly and suddenly her keys were in her hand. She turned swiftly around to unlock the car and she slipped into the driver's seat, hastily shutting the door. Kai shook his head and sped to the passenger's side. The moment his hand was on the handle, the locks went down.

"Don't," said Bonnie, staring at him.

"I will wrench this door off its hinges," said Kai.

Bonnie gritted her teeth in irritation and Kai watched as she rested her head against the headrest, closed her eyes and screamed, the storm drowning out the noise. Finally, she unlocked the door and glared at him as he got into the passenger seat, his clothes and hair dripping, the air in the car ripe with rain and anger and hankering. They started yelling at the same time, their furious words jumbling into each other, their raised voices increasing the rainfall, sharpening the vividness of the lightning; magic swirled around them, heightening already tumultuous emotions until finally Kai's voice overpowered everything. "I KNOW YOU WANT THIS, STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DON'T."

Bonnie paused for a beat and Kai studied her expression, her narrowed eyes, her clenched jaw, and then suddenly she launched herself at him, kissing him hard on the mouth. Kai responded immediately, leaning into the kiss as he pulled Bonnie over to him, her foot kicking against the gearshift, and placed her on his lap so she sat astride him. He fisted through her hair, carelessly ruffling the strands, as she gripped either side of his face, holding him still while she sucked his tongue and tugged on his lower lip with her teeth, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and groan. Kai wrenched away from Bonnie and hastily ripped open the front of her shirt, freeing her breasts; he immediately enclosed a nipple in his mouth and sucked with amorous sincerity when a mewl escaped Bonnie's lips. He squeezed Bonnie's waist, massaging the dips of her curves, stroking her stomach with his thumbs and he kissed her chest and collarbone, skating the tip of his tongue down her throat, compelling her to throw her head back and reach her hand up to the ceiling. He wanted to make her enjoy herself, make her lose herself to passion, to him, make her forget about Jeremy and Damon, make her forget about the world, make her crave his touch the way he hungered for hers; she tried to fuck him into insignificance, yes, but he wanted to fuck her into being a believer.

Kai slipped his hands beneath her skirt, tugging away the lacey material of her underwear but then Bonnie took him by the wrist and put his hand on the gearshift, keeping it there with her own. She bent down and skated her lips along his jawline, nipping at his earlobe; she shifted her weight so that Kai could feel her crevice against his bulge and his intake of breath was so sharp the rain started falling like bullets, they pummelled the car in rapid succession. Bonnie started toying with his ear, twirling her tongue around, as she reached below her and started unbuckling Kai's belt. There was a blurry panic at the back of his mind that if her hand so much as grasped him, he would come forcefully and prematurely. But he'd control it. His want for her. He needed to so she could feel the devastation of that want; so he could kill Bonnie in the only way he could.

Bonnie held Kai, naked and exposed, guided him to her but she hadn't removed her flimsy barrier. He rubbed up against her underwear as she rocked above him, she pulled down the ceiling handle and gripped it as Kai bent forward and started kissing her bare shoulder, making her sway with more conviction.

"Bonnie," said Kai, his voice clipped.

She held Kai's chin, pressing his head against the headrest, her eyes piercing into his, as she clenched around him.

"Bonnie, you're fucking killing me," said Kai, his voice choked and cracked. He held onto her hips, squeezing her, urging her to stop and continue and stop and … She clenched again and that beast in Kai clawed at his gut, making him resent Bonnie with such ferocity, resent her for causing a hardness so intense he thought he would combust with want for her, resent her for not taking pity on him and surrendering herself so she could feel the effects of that hardness, of that want. She squirmed.

"Bonnie, I'm going to black out," he panted desperately.

She pressed her lips against his ear. "Isn't this what you want?"

Bonnie shifted again so that his tip burrowed into the centre of her underwear so that Kai threw his head back. "You know," he said frantically, madly. "You know what I want."

"Tell me," said Bonnie, her voice breathy. "Tell me, Kai."

His name on her tongue, it excited him like nothing else and he felt himself coming undone; his face was veined now, his eyes scarlet, his mouth furled - the beast had taken over, he'd crossed over into pure viscera, instinct, and Kai could see the hint of malicious triumph in Bonnie's gaze. Her victory angered and aroused him and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Get up."

Bonnie looked at him. "What are you-?"

"Now! Get up now. Now," he said dangerously.. "Fuck. Now!"

Bonnie raised herself off of Kai and moved to open the door but Kai swiftly grabbed her wrist. "I didn't say to leave."

She glared at him, her head stooped so that she wouldn't knock against ceiling. Quickly, Kai started taking off his belt, raising himself off of the seat so he could fully un-loop it. He brought Bonnie's hands behind her, knitting her wrists on top of each other, binding them with his belt. He kissed her then, roughly, their teeth clashed for a brief moment, and he slid his hands up her legs, fondling her between her thighs, stroking her up and down and back again so that she moaned into his mouth. Finally, he could feel the material of her underwear against his palms and he brushed his finger along the bottom, making Bonnie squeal and bite down on his lip, which made Kai groan. He pulled away from her, yanked her underwear down and then abruptly gripped Bonnie by the hips and brought her back to his lap so that he entered her..

Kai's eyes glinted at seeing the way Bonnie's forehead crinkled, the way her mouth hung open at the feel of him within her. She started grinding down on him and his groans were instant and loud; he tilted himself upward, filling her, reaching up and palming her breasts so that she moaned. He would turn those moans into screams. He had to. He wouldn't be able to do anything until she gave herself over, until the passion he inspired in her obliterated all else from her mind. He had to do it quickly too. Each sway of her hips accelerated his heart rate, increased the building in his groin, brought him closer to the edge and he couldn't enjoy the intense relief of climax until he made Bonnie a believer, no matter how momentary, no matter how resentful.

Kai gripped her hips, intensifying the pace, urging her on, pushing into her faster and further so that she mewled. The feral quality to her whimper incensed Kai's blood and he increased the already punishing rhythm, flexing deeply into her as she bounced down so that the car started to rock with their movements, the rain pummelling against the roof and windows of the car. Kai threw his head back, his eyes raw and scarlet and cloudy; he peered up at Bonnie and saw the restraint in her pleasure-taut face. He leaned forward and started kissing her chest, her breasts, sucking her nipple, smoothing his palms along her behind, gripping her, bouncing her; he could hear her pull against the restraints, her moans husky and loud - but not what he craved. He slipped a finger into her, stroking her, massaging her as he thrust into her, his lips on her cleavage. Bonnie's movements became more erratic and uncontrolled, faster and urgent and then she was screaming.

"Shit. Kai."

He looked up at her, vindictive pleasure, carnal triumph in his eyes. He felt her tremble around him and when she climaxed, she called out again.

"Fuck."

Her cries were resonant, powerful, there was magic in them like how his guttural roars brought out his magic back at her house. Forked lightning cut across the sky, searing a tree in half, the crown smashing onto the hood of the car. Kai didn't stop moving. Bonnie didn't tell him to. Her wrists were free from her restraints now, she'd pulled at them as she came, the force of her magic breaking her literal bonds, and she gripped the headrest as she bobbed. Kai watched her face contort and her expressions of pleasure did nothing to satiate his need for her screams, for her desire, for her. He wanted more. He always wanted more. There was never enough of her. It never stopped.

His fangs descended and Kai reared his head to sink into her but Bonnie grabbed him beneath his chin, and pierced her eyes into him as she gyrated, as she moaned. No. No. She couldn't do this, she couldn't deny him this. He had to taste her, drink from her, indulge in her. His blood scorched his body, burned his skin with need of hers.

Kai begged her with each pelvic thrust, bucking into her so that her eyes rolled, so that she squealed. He begged her with his eyes, with the grip of his hand on her waist, with the tremor of his lips. Didn't she know she killed him little by little with each passing moment she denied him her blood?

"Bonnie…"

Her smile was brief but what he needed and Kai sunk into her.

The instant Kai's fangs punctured Bonnie's neck, she slammed her hand against the windshield, cracking the glass. Lightning struck again and four or five trees were the casualties. The pleasure was always new in its intensity, in the hellish euphoria it descended her to. The low, guttural moans that escaped Kai's lips as he gorged on her blood inflamed Bonnie's skin and he was thrusting into her with such need, with such urgency that she was overstimulated with sensation; her vision was marred by black spots, she couldn't see straight, she couldn't see anything and she hit her second climax. Then her third. Her fourth.

He had to stop, she couldn't take anymore.

"Kai."

He withdrew from her neck and came loudly, pushing himself deep into her, his cry was strangled and earsplitting, carried out by the thunder instead of snuffed by it; car alarms blocks away started ringing, the only sound that matched it was Bonnie's scream as she came for the fifth last time, her high-pitched mewl shattering the windows in the car, the rain splashing in and soaking their already moist bodies.

Kai kissed her neck lazily as Bonnie willed her heart rate to slow down. She couldn't get off of him, she couldn't move, she couldn't do anything but try to breathe again. Her exhaustion was profound and only punctured by the rumblings of a renewed hunger for this experience, for this exhaustion, for Kai. Bonnie felt weakly resentful of how her body never seemed to stop craving him but she was too tired and too satisfied and too satiated to resent herself and Kai with much earnest.

"You'd trade this for mediocrity?" said Kai.

"I'd trade my soul to be rid of you if you hadn't already taken it."

Kai held her by the chin and looked at her, his expression smug yet inquiring. "Would you really?"

Bonnie sighed and finally dislodged herself, crumpling back into the driver's seat. "Get out. Once I get the feeling back in my legs, I'm driving home and you can't be there. I can't repeat this. I can't repeat the couch. Not tonight. I'll die or … I need to sleep."

Kai started doing up his fly. "One day," he said. "You're going to answer my question."

"I expect I'll be truly lost when that day comes."

Kai raised his eyebrows. "I hope so." And he got out of the car.


	20. The Gambit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *note* the next nine chapters will be wildly historically inaccurate and definitely anachronisitc but the time period was requested and although it may not seem like it, these next few sections are very much entwined with this series, so just go with it ;) *

It is very common to travel through different lives with the same group of souls — I call these groupings, soul mates or soul companions, or soul families. We seem to learn our spiritual lessons and accumulate or resolve our karma with our soul groups. Relationships may change from life to life, but the souls are the same.

— Brian Weiss, MD

The garden was quiet and the servants were still, standing silently with pitchers of wine and water in their hands. Next to the fountain, two women sat across from each other, their feet tucked beneath a table draped in white linen. Elena beckoned for more water and giggled as a servant came forward and refilled her cup. She looked at the woman opposite her, trying not to smile; Elena had a face with an easy expression, one that made clear that she laughed often and loudly. The woman across the table, Bonnie, was her sister though no one would be able to tell at first glance; their complexions were in stark contrast to one another and Elena's brown eyes were warm, inviting, as many suitors had said to her. Bonnie's green ones had a depth about them, a precarious beauty truly reminiscent of the sea. There wasn't an ease to her air but a sense of opacity, almost mystique and each time she looked at Elena, she seemed to render her sister speechless with nervous, almost anxious laughter.

A deck of cards sat atop the table with a small pile of florins in the centre. Elena smiled as she discarded a card but she said nothing. Bonnie looked up at Elena through her eyelashes as she picked up a card from the deck. She grinned. "Repique."

Elena yelped in frustration.

"I believe that makes one hundred," said Bonnie.

Elena tossed her cards to the side. "How is it possible that you have won again?"

Bonnie shrugged enigmatically as she brought the coins over to her side of the table. "I suppose I'm just lucky."

"Oh don't be coy, it's infuriating."

Bonnie laughed. "Shall we play again?"

"I'm tired of piquet, let's play something else."

"All Fours, then?"

"No," said Elena emphatically. "No more cards."

"You should learn to lose gracefully," said Bonnie.

"And you should learn to win humbly."

"There's no point in winning if you have to be humble about it."

Elena rolled her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but was forestalled by a booming voice. "What have we here, two visions sitting by a fountain?"

Elena stood up from her seat and smiled as a man walked toward her. "Damon," she said, hugging him. "Bonnie, have you not noticed who's here?"

"Yes, hello, Damon," said Bonnie as she gathered the cards from the table. "Have you come to play cards with us, dear cousin?"

"I know better than to bet against you in a game of piquet," said Damon.

Bonnie smirked. "So what brings you here? Did our father send you? I'd have thought nothing could tear you away from court."

"The precise reason I've come back here," said Damon. He turned to Elena. "His Majesty Malachai de Parke will be in Naples in a fortnight. He will be a guest at court."

"The king of England will be coming here?" said Elena, her voice shook with excitement.

"Indeed," said Damon, smiling. "It would please your father and me if you two would return to court during his stay. Would that not be something you would also enjoy?"

Elena looked from Bonnie to Damon. "Of course!"

Damon peered at Bonnie. "Do you not share Elena's excitement, cousin?"

"It's always a pleasure to stay at court," said Bonnie blandly. "Though the sudden urgency with which you and our loving father require us to return is curious."

"Bonnie, do you not wish to gaze upon the King of England?" said Elena.

"Indeed, Bonnie," said Damon.

"We've held audience with the King of Naples on several occasions, I suppose I don't understand the fervour with which you two hold the King of England."

"The King of Naples is one thing, the King of England, our homeland, is quite another," said Elena.

"I suppose," said Bonnie.

Damon pressed his lips together and after a few moments spoke. "Bonnie, would you chance a walk around the garden? It's been far too long since I've been back home."

"With pleasure," said Bonnie. She stood up from her seat. "Think of a game to play when I return." She kissed Elena atop her head and joined Damon's side as he started strolling around the grounds.

When they were out of earshot of the servants, Damon started whispering furiously. "You were always difficult even when we were children."

"I'm merely curious in what you hope to accomplish with my sister."

"Half-sister," said Damon. "I think you ought to remember how close you came to being a bastard. Some still whisper about your legitimacy."

"Let them whisper. I'm as much my father's daughter as Elena."

"Exactly," said Damon. "You should be as invested in our plans."

"Which are, pray tell."

"For the king to notice Elena as you very well know. His appetite for beautiful women is no secret and Elena captivates men with ease, it's frankly almost frightening. With the right circumstances, she would be able to have the King's ear, which would aid in the elevation of this family."

"You and father seem to have this all figured out, I don't understand why I must return to court as well."

"Elena is the beautiful sister, you are the cunning one. It is not enough for her to win the King's attention, she needs to retain it. We would have you help her in this respect."

"Is my duty to be a madam then. To aid in the whoring of my sister's dignity."

Damon took a hold of Bonnie's wrist and forcefully brought her to him. "Your duty is to elevate this family, Bonnie."

They glared at each other, Bonnie's eyes wide with alarmed fury. Damon slackened his grip and Bonnie wrenched her arm away.

"You're speaking as if this is a common man," said Damon. "This is the King of England. You are a pragmatic woman, think about the opportunity. It should also be noted that you may find a suitable husband for yourself at court."

Bonnie pursed her lips but said nothing.

"I've tried reasoning with you. Your feelings on the matter are irrelevant. I expect to see you and Elena at court tomorrow morning."

"Of course," said Bonnie sardonically. "For the family, then." And she turned around, heading back to the fountain, her dress of deep purple grazing the grass.

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"So soon?"

"My father is lacking in the virtue of patience."

Bonnie lay on the ground, her face to the sun, as she twirled her fingers around a few blades of grass. Her hair was fanned out behind her, the laces to her kirtle undone. A man lay next to her. They were alone in the woods far behind her estate.

"I could follow you there."

Bonnie sighed. "Lorenzo."

"It's not impossible," he said. He shifted his weight so that his body was turned to her and he reached over, running a finger along the dips of her face. "Many noblemen have offered to give me patronage. I could accept; play the lute for His Majesty."

Bonine looked at Lorenzo's bearded face, his olive skin, black hair and pointed nose. He was handsome and poetic, the soul of an artist, and he inspired in her nothing but detachment.

"Unless …" he said. "Do you not want me to come to court?"

"You're free to do whatever you want."

"That wasn't what I asked."

"How is your wife?" said Bonnie, her tone harsh.

Lorenzo paused. He settled back onto the ground, his face turned away from her. "I wish you wouldn't call her that."

"Why not, you're married."

"We're separated."

"But the marriage hasn't been dissolved."

"Do you want me to try to get it dissolved?"

"I don't care what you do."

"You really don't, do you?"

Bonnie felt Lorenzo's gaze on her but continued to look at the wisps of cloud, staring directly into the sun, challenging herself to withstand the brightness for as long as she could until the rays burned her eyes.

"You're merciless," said Lorenzo.

"Better to be merciless than foolish," said Bonnie.

"I'm in love with you, Bonnie."

"Then you are fool. It's not the greatest feeling in the world is it?"

"How can you mock me when I'm unburdening my heart to you?"

"Artists are very free with their hearts, I'm sure your wife would agree."

"I would try to get my marriage dissolved if it meant you would be my wife."

"My father would never allow it," said Bonnie. "It's not what I want anyway."

In a quick motion, Lorenzo stood up, his face contorted. He put his hands to his head. "Then what are you doing with me? What is this to you?"

Bonnie raised her head to look at him and then slowly sat up, exhaling heavily. "It won't continue," she said. "It's why I came today, to tell you we won't be seeing each other anymore."

Lorenzo clenched his hair, his mouth opening and closing. "Is it so easy for you to cut ties with me?"

"Is that a question you would like me to answer?"

He stared at her for a few moments, his eyes wild and anguished, and then rushed forward and kissed her hard on the mouth. After a beat Bonnie raised her hands to put them on the sides of his head.

"One day, Bonnie Bennett," said Lorenzo between kisses. "One day I hope you will fall madly in love. I hope a man will consume your every thought, your every waking breath so you can suffer this torture."

Bonnie guided Lorenzo's head to her neck. "Unlikely," she said.


	21. The Moon

"You can't hide the thunderbolt. When it hits you, everybody can see it. Christ, man, don't be ashamed of it, some men pray for the thunderbolt. You're a lucky fellow."

— Mario Puzo, The Godfather

Malachai's expression was one of stony displeasure as a servant showed him the features of his bedroom in the guest apartments. It was a gaudy disaster and he took it as an indication of what to expect during his visit. He was advised to make peace, to strive for renown rather than infamy. Infamy was the word his advisors used, he described his plan to thoroughly cripple, eviscerate the Neapolitan army as one that would bring him fearful reverence and one that would be remembered throughout history. Naples had started it after all; assassinating his uncle was cause enough for war. Alas, no one wanted war or bloodshed, to bear the guilty conscience of death, to bear the brunt of raising taxes to support an army.

"Your appetite for war is understandable, you still have your youth and you have the heart of a lion," they'd said. "But you must ask yourself if war is beneficial to the country, for are you not a king who loves his people, your Royal Heinous?"

Idiots. He didn't have the heart of a lion; there was no beast that could compete with his ferocity. Yet he tempered his passions. For the good of the country. He signed a treaty and promised his sister to the son of King Matteo. A compromise he'd regretted from the moment he arrived in this godforsaken kingdom.

The servant extended his hand to the bed. "A bed fit for a king."

"His Majesty sleeps in a bed twice that size," said a voice.

Malachai smirked and glanced quickly to his right; Charles Tyler, his confidant, stood next to him, staring the servant down.

"My apologies, your Grace, we had thought—"

"Never mind. I'll take it from here. My belongings are in my apartment I imagine."

"Yes, Your Grace." The servant shifted on the spot, opened his mouth then closed it. He cleared his throat. "There is another matter. To show his hospitality and to welcome you to the great kingdom of Naples, His Majesty King Matteo urges you to sample some of our land's … delicacies…"

The servant clapped his hands twice and the overly-ornate doors opened. A woman stepped into the room, rosy-cheeked and cream-skinned; her blonde curls dropped past her shoulders, her face delicate like porcelain. Malachai stirred.

"Your Majesty," she said, bowing.

He stared at her for a beat, imagining her bare-breasted and on her back, screaming as he thrust into her on that laughably small bed. He turned to the servant. "What does your master take me for?"

"Your Majesty?"

"Does he believe I need help bedding a woman?" said Malachai, his voice rising. "Does he believe me incapable? Impotent?"

"No, of course not. Your Majesty—"

"From what I hear, King Matteo should do some sampling of his own!" Malachai's face had flushed red with anger, his voice just below a thunderous tenor. "Maybe that way he wouldn't be a cuckold!"

"Your Majesty are you, are you suggesting —"

"That Queen Isabella has a stock of lovers that she beckons to her bedchambers sometimes three at a time! Who's to say his son is even his, that he deserves the hand of my sister, the princess of England!"

The servant sputtered. "That is — That is —"

"What? That is what?"

Malachai felt a gentle tug on his sleeve and a hiss in his ear. "Kai," said Tyler. "We've barely been here but an hour isn't this supposed to be a peaceful visit?"

He sighed and stared at the kneeling woman. It seemed a waste, not to accept such a gift but Malachai found her presence too offensive to enjoy. "Get out," he said. "All of you. Except you, Tyler."

The servant bowed and started walking backward out the door as the woman followed him. When the door closed, Tyler rounded him, his face bewildered.

"Are you mad? That woman was in a sore need of a good riding and I've heard tales of these, how did he put it, Italian delicacies."

"Then you fuck her," said Malachai, sinking into a chair.

"With Your Majesty's permission," said Tyler, grinning. "I have yet to christen my bed."

Malachai laughed. "No not now. Later. Tell me what's on the agenda for today."

"The day has been left open for Your Majesty to settle in. There will be a feast and masquerade in your honour tonight."

Malachai groaned. "The Neapolitan people don't know anything about a good masque."

"I'm sure Your Majesty's presence will elevate the affair."

"Are you flattering me, Tyler?"

"There's no flattery in the truth just simple fact."

Malachai snorted, an acceptance of Tyler's explanation. "We should go on a hunt then. Tell them to ready the horses."

Tyler bowed his head slightly. "Your Majesty."

Bonnie had just finished fastening her mask when Elena glided into her apartment, draped in gold silk, a white feathered mask adorning the top half of her face. Bonnie turned to look at her and Elena gasped.

"Bonnie, you're a spectacle," she said, taking in the deep crimsons and scarlets of her petticoats. She reached forward and touched the bejeweled swan mask. "You look absolutely striking."

"And you, dear sister," said Bonnie. "Beautiful as always. Gold is definitely your colour."

Elena giggled as she lowered her hand and started rooting through Bonnie's dresser for a necklace. "It's nice being back at court, I didn't realize how much I missed it."

"Or how many of your old admirers are here," said Bonnie, smirking. "I'm surprised no one has proposed yet."

"Well the night is still young," said Elena as she draped a gold necklace around Bonnie's neck and fastened the clasp. "Father said that three men have asked to call on me tomorrow."

"Be sure to dance with one of them tonight," said Bonnie. "Only one, though. You're enchanting when you dance."

"As are you," said Elena.

"Tonight is not about me. It's about you, your charms, and you must display them or risk our father's displeasure."

"Do you really believe King Malachai will notice me?"

Bonnie smiled and touched Elena's cheek. "I wish he wouldn't," she said. "This will not be easy, Elena. Alas, everyone notices you."

Elena opened her mouth to respond when the door banged open. Damon appeared in the entryway, dressed in a brown doublet with russet hose, and a gold mask that covered most of his face. "Elena, Bonnie," he said, bowing slightly.

Elena curtseyed. "Damon."

"Cousin," said Bonnie.

"Elena, you look ravishing," said Damon. He walked toward her and put his hands on either side of her face. "Every eye in the room will be on you."

"I'm afraid only the one eye, for the other will be gazing at Bonnie with wonder. Does she not look spectacular?"

Damon glanced at her and his lips parted slightly. He cleared his throat. "Sensational," he said.

"You flatter me," said Bonnie blandly. "Shall we make our way to the hall?"

"Of course." Damon crooked both of his elbows so that Elena took one arm and Bonnie took another. As they walked out of the apartment down the corridor, he whispered in Bonnie's ear. "Did you prepare her?"

"This is not what Elena needs help with," Bonnie whispered back. "As you said she can be noticed easily enough, it's afterward that she may need my guidance."

"I would not have you leave her side until she's been beckoned by one of the king's servants."

"Oh?" said Bonnie. "And here I thought I was coming to court to find a suitable husband. Is that not what you said, cousin?"

"Would you like to have this conversation with your father?"

Elena's voice interrupted them. "What are you two conspiring about?"

"Nothing, dear sister," said Bonnie.

"I was only telling Bonnie not to be so envious of your beauty," said Damon. "It's only natural that the sun outshines the moon."

Bonnie stared ahead and said nothing.

The hall was already alive with chatter and music when Bonnie, Damon and Elena entered. Not a single person was without a mask or a glass of wine; the crowds milled around the dance floor and grouped themselves in corners, toasting and gossiping and colluding. The flickering candles upon the chandelier created an intimate atmosphere despite the vastness of the room and Bonnie watched lazily as men bowed to her sister with each step she took, how women simpered at her cousin, hopeful to be noticed, ignorant of his ways. Bonnie sussed out a few eyes upon her, gazing at her with an intent, with a covetousness that darkened their expressions. She knew she should be scouting for a husband, someone to tie her fortunes to but it seemed impossible amidst the weight that burdened her mind.

"My lady."

A man appeared before her, bowing with his arms stretched outward. She recognized his voice and her eyes widened beneath her mask as she allowed him to take her hand and kiss it.

"Lorenzo," said Damon. "Is that you under there?"

He turned to Damon and bowed his head slightly. "Good ear."

"Lorenzo," said Elena, smiling, as he moved to kiss her hand. "I didn't know you had come to court."

"I was fortunate enough to find a patron," said Lorenzo, turning back to Bonnie. "I have interests here."

Bonnie clenched her teeth. "I don't see your lute. Will you be playing something for His Majesty?"

"Should he wish it once he and the King of England arrive."

"I can't wait," said Damon. "You're very talented, Lorenzo. But if you would excuse us, I think I have just seen my uncle."

"Give Alaric my regards," said Lorenzo. "Elena. Bonnie." He bowed again before stepping to the side allowing the trio to pass.

"I think Lorenzo has taken a bit of a fancy to you, Bonnie," said Elena.

"Indeed," said Damon coldly.

They had made it to the front of the hall, as close as they could to the high table where they saw a man with white hair standing in front of it, sipping deeply from his wine goblet. Bonnie reached forward and touched his back. "Papa," she said.

"My dear daughters." He kissed Bonnie once on each cheek and then did the same to Elena who let go of Damon's arm to greet her father. He clasped Elena by the hands and smiled at her. "Do you like being back at court?"

"Yes, Papa. Very much."

"Hopefully you'll return to the English court soon by His Majesty's invitation."

"Where is His Majesty?"

"Fashionably late of course. These things never start on time," said Alaric. He lowered his voice. "Has your cousin spoken to you, Elena?"

She smiled nervously and nodded.

"Excellent and should everything go according to plan, I would like you to be … generous with your charms. Am I understood?"

Bonnie cleared her throat derisively and Alaric turned to her. "Aid your sister in whatever she needs."

Even beneath his mask, Bonnie could picture the cold fury in her father's eye, the one that dared disobedience only to serve punishment. It was a look she was accustomed to and one she couldn't help but strive to banish, for the warmth that softened his face when she pleased him was a reward she unwillingly held dear.

"You and I share the same disposition," he'd said to her once. "It's a pity you were not born a son."

Bonnie bowed slightly. "I will do so, Papa."

As soon as the words left Bonnie's mouth there was a loud banging and a loud voice. "Your Majesties, King Matteo of Naples and King Malachai of England."

Almost in unison everyone in the room bowed as Malachai and Matteo walked up the platform to their seats at the high table. As one of the servants pulled out a chair for Malachai to sit in, he chanced a glance around the room, peering out from behind his mask to the court beneath him. His eyes found a lady in red, she was in the process of readying herself to bow with the other courtiers but stopped when her eyes found his mask the same instant his found hers. Malachai stared at her,

Bonnie couldn't move. It was a grave offence to stand before royalty without permission to do so, just short of treason, of blasphemy even but she was rendered still by his gaze; in awe of his stature, cloaked in a deep velvet black so that he appeared embraced by night sky. His stare enlivened her, compelled her heart to thud so intensely she was sure it would crack her chest; she couldn't see his eyes and yet they swallowed her whole and everything inside her screamed for her to bow and save her head, save her family's dignity but she couldn't move because if she did, she would be spit back out.

Someone beside her coughed. "My God," Bonnie whispered. Hastily she bowed.

"Your Majesty?" said Matteo, smiling. He was already sitting down.

Malachai blinked a couple of times, shook his head slightly and took his seat. When his sister, Josephine, sat as well, the courtiers rose. Damon and Alaric glared at Bonnie as she stood up.

Matteo began to speak, welcoming Malachai to the palace, expressing his relief and happiness that their two countries weren't going to war. Bonnie normally paid attention to these proceedings, the language used, it provided insight on the state of the world and by proxy the state of her family, the state of her own well-being, but concentrating on anything other than the strong jaw of the King, his black stubble, his full lips, it was an impossibility.

Bonnie willed herself not to stare too intently, not to cause further embarrassment, display anymore brazenness, but she could no sooner pluck out her eyes; each time the King glanced her way and met her gaze, no matter how briefly, her entire body seemed to pulsate; her belly dropped and she felt faint, as if she were descending into darkness. Surely, this was what death felt like? And yet each time he looked away, she silently begged him to find his way back to her.

There was laughter and clapping. Bonnie had no idea what happened but Malachai had stood up to shake Matteo's hand. Before she could bring herself firmly back to reality, there was a grip on her wrist and she was being dragged sideways to a corner of the room.

Damon whispered furiously. "Have you lost your senses? You didn't bow to the King of England!"

"I did bow!"

"Not immediately. The whole court is going to be talking about this!"

Bonnie opened her mouth to argue but sighed instead; she felt dizzy, intoxicated. "I know. It was most irregular. He just looked at me and …"

Her breathing became ragged, her eyesight blurred and she flattened her palm against her chest. "And it …"

She thought back to the afternoon before, to staring up at the sun until its rays were too bright for her to bear. "I can't breathe," she said. "Damon, I can't breathe."

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked up to the high table. "He's still looking at you, Bonnie. The King's eye … it doesn't leave you for long."

"I know, I can feel it everywhere, burning me, I … my skin is … I just …"

Damon placed the back of his hand against her forehead. "You're feverish," he said. He chewed on his bottom lip. "There's been a change of plan, you will go in Elena's stead."

"Excuse me?"

"We were very careful in placing Elena in his direct line of sight and yet his eye keeps finding you, even behind that mask it's obvious. You have the King's attention, we would have you do something productive with it."

"Damon, I —"

"Do not forget your duty, Bonnie."

"Yes but I —"

"For the love of God." Damon clasped her beneath the elbow, pulled her behind one of the many curtains that draped the walls and pushed her against the wall. "You're enough to drive the sanest man mad, do you know that?" he said through clenched teeth.

Bonnie stared up at Damon and she could see it in his expression, the same look he would give her on occasion, one she saw all too often in Lorenzo's eyes.

"Damon…"

He let go of her and backed away from the wall, putting space between them. Bonnie needed something to do with her hands and so fixed her mask; her fingers trembled and her skin felt stretched tight, she yearned to go back into the hall, back into the crowd so His Majesty could find her again, being obscured from his presence made her want to claw at her skin. "Most irregular," she repeated beneath her breath.

Get a hold of yourself, Bonnie.

She cleared her throat. "His liaisons are well known for their brevity, cousin," she said, returning to her snappish tone. "The King is quite fickle, even if he had me who's to say it would be for more than a few rendezvous."

"Do not play coy, cousin. Elena is right it is most infuriating," said Damon. "I know you know ways to retain his interest, play his passions. Put them to use. We shall see this family rise, I don't want to hear anything more about it."

There was a shift in music and some more clapping. It was time to dance.

"I had originally planned to dance with Elena but as our faith now resides in you, you will accompany me in this dance and find your way to His Majesty. Take my arm."

Bonnie sighed heavily and the slipped her hand in the crook of Damon's elbow.

It was instant and indescribable all at once — a longing so intense that it momentarily robbed Malachai of breath. His fingertips tingled. His entire body hummed. All he could see was the lady in red, the rest of the court was lost in darkness; he was barely aware of the steps he took across the floor, of his sister Josephine's hand in his as they danced to the harps and the flutes alike. He no longer belonged to himself.

Josephine said something; a dispute against her upcoming marriage he was sure but he couldn't even bring himself to listen idly, he couldn't bring himself to do anything but will his body to sense the lady's presence in the room. He'd always enjoyed beautiful women, looking at them, ravishing them; his appetite for their company was insatiable and his lust nearly always immediate. Yet this feeling was entirely distinctive from his usual fancies. The masquerade prevented Malachai from seeing the lady's face; she was a scarlet swan in dresses of crimson but she claimed his attention, possessed his gaze, entirely, unyieldingly. With each step they took toward each other, desire shivered through Malachai and he ached with a readiness, an urgency to claim her, possess her; her body, her soul, her mind, her very being. It was entirely novel, this need to devour, and still it overwhelmed him.

"Malachai, are you listening to me?" said Josephine.

"No."

"But —"

"Your king has made his decision. Do not contradict me."

"I—"

Malachai extended his hand, twirling Josephine away from him so that she could face her next partner and in her place — the lady. Malachai stared at her, his mouth slightly agape, his gaze piercing through the red mask to her eyes; vivid green and dauntless, a hint of brazenness that made his mouth dry and body harden. He committed everything he could to memory; her dusky complexion and ocean of black hair, dappled and bejeweled with rubies; her lips, a perfect heart, that plagued Malachai with a violent frustration because he was not at that moment kissing them, owning them with his own. Her hand in his inflamed him so that he felt himself sweat; a heat burned beneath his skin and flooded his gut, there was a charge between them, he felt it radiate from her being as much as his.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Bonnie, Your Majesty," said the lady. "Bonnie Bennett."

They started to twirl around each other, as close as they could without touching and Malachai was devastated with the sensation, the tension of nearly touching her; he itched to grab her, hold her, to feel her soft skin beneath his hands.

"You're not Italian," he whispered.

Malachai's breathy murumr in Bonnie's ear caused her to sigh deeply, which in turn made Malachai's breath catch in his throat.

"No, your Majesty," said Bonnie, willing her voice to remain steady and unaffected. "However, my sister and I haven't been in England for a few years." She circled him as the other women circled their dance partners but Malachai couldn't help himself and turned his head to follow Bonnie's movements, to ensure there was never a moment he couldn't see her.

When she found her way back in front of him, Malachai's lips parted. He needed to know everything he could about her before the song was over and the dance was done. "You have a sister then."

"Yes. Elena," said Bonnie. "I'm sure you've noticed her, she's like the sun."

"I've seen no sun in this court, only the lustrous beauty of the moon."

Bonnie grinned, trying to find humble words. "I'm sure the sun will rise soon enough in court. I've been told it's only natural that the sun outshines the moon."

She and Malachai glided toward one another, the noses of their masks nearly touching, his blue eyes piercing into her green ones as they twirled in a tight circle. Bonnie held her breath; she would surely lose herself in his gaze, shivers erupted all along her body, along her arms and back, along her legs and breasts, his stare touched every part of her body. "But is it not true, Lady Bonnie, that the moon eclipses the sun?"

She couldn't speak.

They spun away from each other and bowed as the music stopped playing. "I expect to see you and your family at the English court soon," said Malachai.

And before Bonnie could say more than "Your Majesty", he had turned on his heel and walked back to the high table, his sister's hand in


	22. Winded

"Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting."  
― Khaled Housseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

Malachai grabbed the lady by the ankle and pulled her across the bed toward him so that she was halfway beneath him. He bent down and kissed her back in a frenzy, reaching upward to caress her breasts, making her giggle loudly. Her name was Anne and she was a vision, a beauty with russet curls and rosy cheeks; every time he'd had her, he'd felt invigorated and was left satiated. She was never a disappointment.

Until now.

Malachai pressed himself against her buttocks, eliciting a squeal from her mouth but it did nothing for him; all he could think about was her. The scarlet swan. Her voice echoed in his head.

"Bonnie, Your Majesty. Bonnie Bennett."

He closed his eyes and thought back to their dance, how his entire body ignited at the mere touch of her hand in his, the way the deep red of her dress illuminated her skin. He stiffened at the memory and opened his eyes, hastily ripping open Anne's nightgown to take advantage of his abrupt readiness. He knew this would not extinguish any and all thoughts of the Lady Bonnie but perhaps a quick dalliance would slake his immediate preoccupation with her, perhaps it would allow him to focus on matters other than when she would come to court.

Anne had flipped around on her back, smiling up at Malachai, eager and willing, and he saw … none of it. None of the intrigue that had cloaked Bonnie nor the quiet temerity that emboldened her. Those green eyes, brilliant and disarming were burned into his mind and Malachi was overcome with a violent frustration that he had to settle for something he didn't truly want. He sighed at his persistent softness and then dislodged from Anne, throwing himself down on the bed. "It's no good," he said. "You're no good."

Anne remained kneeling on the sheets and her lips quivered with confusion. "Your Majesty?"

"You have a strange air about you, rids a man of all his urgencies."

"My apologies," she said, lowering her head. "Is there anything I might do that could remedy the situation?"

"Yes," said Malachai turning to his side. "Leave. Now."

Anne hesitated for a second and then Malachai felt her slide off the bed. There was a pause in which she bowed to his back and then he heard the door open as she left. He stayed on his side, silently seething. He had barely said ten words to the lady Bonnie and yet she had utter possession over his mind, his body, his passions. It was aggravating. No, it was infuriating. She hadn't even bowed to him when he entered the ballroom, an offence deserving of a beheading. He could do it, thought Malachai harshly. Kill her. He'd be justified. And it would rid him of her, he could belong to himself again because this … this was … it was … she wasn't even at court! He had requested her presence over a week earlier and still she had not appeared; had she rejected him? Him? Royalty? The royalty? Malachai shot upright.

"AM I NOT THE KING OF ENGLAND?" he bellowed.

There was a quick rapping on the door and a servant entered the room.

"What?" snapped Malachai. "What is it?"

"Your Majesty, the Queen has sent word that she would like to see you."

"Sent word?" Malachai repeated. He got up from the bed and walked over to the servant who was shrinking into himself with each step Malachai took toward him. "Sent word? No one sends for the King! She does not summon me!"

"No, Your Majesty," said the servant quickly. "She merely requested your presence if you weren't previously engaged and the lady Anne had—"

"ALRIGHT!" said Malachai, snatching up his robe and throwing it around himself. He pushed open a set of double doors that led another apartment. The servants cleaning it stopped dusting and sweeping to bow. "Your Majesty." Malachai kept walking and pushed past another set of doors and another until he reached the Queen's apartments.

She was standing in the middle of the first room surrounded by a few ladies in waiting; each of them bowed when they saw Malachai was in their presence, murmuring "Your Majesty" in unison.

"Malachai? You came?"

"Caroline," said Malachai stiffly. He stared at the woman in front of him; blonde hair that encircled her regal face, as pale and frigid as fresh snow. There had been a time when she had intimidated him, a time when she had his adoration but now all she had was his dissatisfaction, his resentment.

"What is so pressing that you had to call me away?" said Malachai. "I do have a country to run."

"My apologies," said Caroline. The sincerity in her voice made Malachai want to retch. "I didn't realize you were meeting with the Chief Minister."

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to know how Naples went, how your sister enjoyed the country that will soon be her home."

"Is that all? This is why you feel you have the right to summon me to your apartments?"

"No one can summon the King of England, I merely requested to see you," said Caroline.

"It was fine. Josephine enjoyed Naples very much. Next time you can ask to see her."

"I was only thinking that perhaps an alliance with Spain would —"

Malachai's gaze hardened and he held up a hand to silence her. "Come here," he said.

Caroline walked over to Malachai and he opened his arms to embrace her, when their bodies touched, he whispered in her ear. "Have you lost your senses? You do not instruct me on my affairs, you are my wife."

Caroline pulled away from him. "Then I would like to be your wife. Malachai, it has been nearly fourteen days since you have shared my bed. Will you not come to my chambers tonight?"

He took a step backward. Her bed was poisoned, cursed with ineptitude and infertility. Each time they had been entwined on it the only outcome was miscarriage and one daughter.

"I must go," he said.

"Wait, there's one matter," said Caroline. "I have received a letter about our daughter. She is excelling in her studies."

Through the revulsion a strand of pride blossomed in Malachai's chest and he smiled tightly.

"She has a great affinity to music I've been told," said Caroline, smiling. "You have great cause to be proud of her."

"I am proud of her," said Malachai defensively. "Mary is the light of my life, you know that."

Caroline sighed sweetly. "Malachai when you say these things —"

He shook his head. "I have matters to attend to, Caroline."

As Malachai turned on his heel to leave the room, the door opened and Bonnie Bennett walked through draped in furs. He stopped moving. Everything within him stilled. Lady Bonnie without the burden of a mask, the moon unobstructed by cloud; it was more than beauty, it was magnificence.

Bonnie held his gaze, her lips parted and Malachai felt her eyes pierce into him, drawing him to the depths of their vividness, a green sea he could drown in at any moment. There was an energy he'd never felt before, binding him to her or her to him, a hypnosis that could not be interrupted save for the urges that plagued him with each second he looked up on her, the urge to trace his finger along her plump lip, the urge to see her naked and splayed , there for him to devour; the image made him light-headed and Malachai clenched his jaw to steady his resolve. He swallowed hard and noticed the stiffness of Bonnie's neck, an indication that she was holding her breath. The possibility made him anxious, he flushed red with arousal, his fingers experienced the same tingling sensation as when he had first seen her in Naples. Was she as impacted by his presence as he was by hers? The presence of him as a man and not of him as a King? Could he ensnare her so, rob her of sleep or of rational thought? She appeared to be a woman who wasn't so easily taken and should he be the one to overwhelm her … Malachai knew that then and only then would he know what true satisfaction felt like.

Bonnie blinked and lowered her head, startling Malachai out of his reverie, leaving him with a sense of overpowering loss and … pain, as if he were being ripped away from an artery. She was bowing to him.

"Your Majesty," she said.

He stared at the top of her head, spending a moment willing her to look up so he could be submerged once more in such fierce green, and then he turned to Caroline. He cleared his throat. "This girl," he said. "Will she be one of your ladies in waiting?"

"Yes," said Caroline, staring at Bonnie with a frostiness. "Lady Bonnie Bennett, I believe."

Malachai nodded his head. He pushed open the door to the next apartment and once he closed it, slumped against the wall, winded. A group of servants rushed toward him.

"Your Majesty," they said. "Are you all right, Your Majesty?"

"I can't breathe," he said. "She won't let me breathe. I can't breathe."


	23. Tonight

" The only heaven I'll be sent to  
Is when I'm alone with you  
I was born sick, but I love it  
Command me to be well"

— Hozier, Take Me To Church

A choir of children sang in ghostly beautiful tones that echoed throughout the crowded yet quiet cathedral. King Malachai and Queen Caroline knelt before the priest as Bonnie stood to the side with the other ladies-in-waiting, her eyes fixed on the pulpit. She felt it, though. His presence. Everything in her body was attuned to it, everything in her head was singing, screaming, and each time he glanced at her for the briefest of seconds, her heart skipped or it stopped, she was arrested by something that felt like death then he would look away and she would, could go back to living. Not too long after, a frost would chill her skin and she knew Queen Caroline's eyes had found her as well usually moments after her husband had gazed at her.

"You must put yourself in his way," Damon had said a fortnight earlier. They'd been in Naples then, emptying the family estate of their things. Elena had been in her bedroom, directing the servants on what to pack away and Bonnie, Damon and her father had been in the study, communing.

"Of course you must be subtle," said Alaric. He was sitting at his desk, reading. His tone was innocuous but Bonnie knew his ears were peeled to detect any sort of flaw in their plan. "We don't need the court thinking you are some kind of strumpet."

"Yes, Papa," said Bonnie.

"Be delicate but willful," said Damon. "You must leave an impression but not be too conspicuous."

Alaric put down his book. "Oh come now, Damon," he said. "We don't really need to coach her like this, our Bonnie is an expert in seduction."

Bonnie felt the implicit threat in his tone, the demand that she rise to the challenge and exceed expectations, for success would endear her to him forever but failure would be met with brutal repercussion; possibly disownment — illegitimacy.

"Seduction or manipulation?" said Damon, a little churlishly.

"Synonyms, dear nephew," said Alaric.

A servant appeared in the doorway. "Excuse me, my Lord, Lady Elena would like a word with you."

Alaric nodded once and the servant scurried away. He stood up from his chair. "I expect you two to continue in my absence," he said, walking out of the room.

"I think we've gone over this enough times already." Bonnie had moved to leave when Damon blocked her path.

"Whatever you may be feeling, you musn't spread your legs for the King so easily."

"I believe I was the one who brought up that point, cousin," said Bonnie, her eyes angry slits. "I was the one who cited the King's fickleness if I'm not mistaken."

"That was before you danced with him."

"What does that have to do with — ?"

"I saw you two together, everyone saw you two together," said Damon.

"It was but a moment," said Bonnie.

"Many things can happen in a moment. The illusion of your chastity must stay intact for as long as possible."

"I have no idea —"

"The musician," said Damon waspishly. Bonnie's eyes widened fractionally.

"Don't tell me you fooled yourself into believing I didn't know about that." Bonnie said nothing as Damon's gaze darkened. "You are not to see him anymore."

Bonnie rolled her eyes and made to continue walking but Damon grabbed her by the wrist, keeping her in place. "You are not to see him, Bonnie. He could ruin everything."

She wrenched her arm away. "Of course I am not going to see him, I would be an idiot to continue seeing him and I am not an idiot."

"No," said Damon. "That you are not."

Bonnie stared at him. "You really must decide, Damon."

"And what is that, cousin?"

"Whether you hate me or love me. I don't care which it is but pick one and act accordingly," said Bonnie, walking out of the room.

The mass finished and everyone in the cathedral crossed themselves. Malachai began to stand up and Bonnie held her breath as he turned around to look at her. She clasped her hands together so she could dig her nails into her knuckles, so the discomfort could keep her from slipping away from reality and into … him.

"Lady Bonnie."

His voice intoxicated her and she nearly swayed on the spot. "Your Majesty," said Bonnie, her voice was no more than a gasp.

He tarried for a moment, quickly passing his eyes over Bonnie's physique and she kept telling herself not to swoon. To her simultaneous dismay and relief, Malachai exited the cathedral, releasing Bonnie from his presence, Caroline following him, exuding cold indifference. Bonnie could hear the other ladies whisper beside her. "Unconscionably brazen." "She looked directly at His Majesty."

Bonnie turned to the side and saw Damon and Alaric in the pews not too far behind her, they both gave their heads subtle nods of approval.

"Lady Bonnie," said an annoyed voice. "We must follow Her Majesty."

She shook her head slightly and led the way to the door. Once outside the church, the First Lady took her to the side.

"Continue on, ladies," she said to the other women. She turned back to Bonnie. "Lady Bonnie do you understand that this office requires a certain level of decorum?"

Bonnie raised her eyebrows, trying not to show her indignation. "Of course I do."

"Then perhaps you ought to show it."

"I need no lesson in the necessity of decorum, Lady Isabelle. Perhaps your instruction will be better suited elsewhere such as Lady Celia's stitch work."

Lady Isabelle's eyes flashed. "You speak without thought," she said. "Perhaps you should take your down time a bit early and reflect on your behaviour."

Bonnie smiled with subtle irony and curtseyed slightly, before walking off, leaving Lady Isabelle in stunned silence.

Malachai sat next to Caroline before the court, vacantly watching the people idle before them. Two emissaries from France were coming and everyone was waiting for them. He did not care. Caroline was speaking to him and he cared about that even less. His mind was on repeat, bringing him back to the morning, to the lady Bonnie, the intensity of her gaze, the parting of her lips, to the husky quality of her voice. It was all he could see, all he could hear, pushing out every other thought in his head, blurring every other noise or vision, those brief, precious moments in the cathedral consumed him to the point of aggravation. He had to focus on the matter at hand, he had to be kingly but his priorities couldn't break through and stop the repetition of those moments playing in his head, overwhelming him with a desire to speak more than a few words to her, to know her, to have her. He burned for her. He sat on the throne, his hands clutching the armrests, completely still, completely silent in fear of one movement, one utterance leading him to abandon his post and find the Lady Bonnie.

"Malachai, are you feeling well, my love?"

He turned slightly to look at Caroline. He'd loved her once. A long time ago. She was impeccable, a Queen of Queens, her lineage was immaculate. He'd expected a son from her, many sons, many heirs. He expected a great deal and she'd failed him in every possible way.

"I'm fine."

A sudden impact overtook Malachai's body, pulling at him, drawing him to the front of the room. She was here. She had to be. Malachai turned away from Caroline and saw Bonnie with her sister Elena in a corner of the room. She was robed in dresses of gold and white, looking absolutely devastating. Malachai swallowed hard, tracing her outline with his eyes, lingering on her neck, graceful and elegant, an image flashed before Malachai's eyes, his lips on her neck, skimming the smoothness of her skin. He clenched his teeth as he felt himself harden and then shifted in his seat, clearing his throat. Lady Bonnie's presence had the opposite effect of what Malachai expected. Her being near him was meant to diminish his agitation not inflame it; relieve him of fantasies of her not double them. He wanted her to look at him again, pull him into the green sea of her eyes, pull him into her.

Look at me, he willed. Look At Me. LOOK AT ME.

She didn't. Rather, a man nudged his way in between her and her sister. He was pale, black-haired and blue-eyed. Malachai despised him already. He leaned to the side, whispered into Bonnie's ear and everything within Malachai started screaming, roaring. He clutched his armrest even tighter until his knuckles were white, his face was taut, eyes wide. That man … that man was touching … Malachai was overcome with a murderous rage. He could tell he was frightening the courtiers with his expressions; people were muttering and staring at him with great concern.

Caroline spoke once more. "Malachai, are you sure you're feeling quite well?"

"I'm fine," he snapped. He turned to his right at Tyler standing in the corner with his other two companions and motioned for him to come.

Tyler excused himself and walked up the step to Malachai's side. Caroline stared ahead, remaining in a queenly stature but Malachai could feel her resentful curiosity as he bent toward Tyler and whispered in his ear. When he finished relaying his message he pulled away and looked at Tyler to see if he understood. Tyler gave his head a nod and Malachai gave a responding one as he walked away.

"The Emissaries, my love," said Caroline.

The court quieted and Malachai turned to the business at hand as Tyler flattened himself against the wall, slipping through the crowd. When he reached Bonnie, he stood behind her, blending in with the tapestry and took a minute to regard her. Her beauty was peculiar he decided, there was something dangerous about it, she wasn't simply visually appealing, she was alluring in the truest sense of the word. Tyler glanced up to the King and despite talking to the emissaries, Tyler could sense that Malachai was watching him and growing impatient with his silence. Tyler cleared his throat and shifted forward.

"Don't turn around," he said beneath his breath. "Find yourself unencumbered at the corridor by the kitchens at 10:30 tonight. Nod your head if you understand."

Bonnie kept her eyes on the emissaries as she gave her head a slow nod. She felt Tyler slip away behind her and infinitesimally, Damon leaned toward her. "What was that about?" he murmured.

"I'm to meet the King," said Bonnie between her teeth. "Alone."

The words ensnared her, choking her windpipe with a nervousness that made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. Tonight. She was to meet the King tonight.

Bonnie tried to slow her breathing as she waited in the corridor, hiding behind a wall that led down another hallway. She was a step away from hyperventilating and the noise was sure to give her away.

"Don't forget to act amazed to be in His Majesty's presence," Alaric had said.

Bonnie felt him before she saw him, before she heard him. She was hot and cold at the same time, her body shook from shivers but her gut seethed with a sultriness that ached her gut. She felt his presence, heard his footsteps and yet it was a shock when Malachai appeared before her. Bonnie felt like she should acknowledge him, murmur "Your Majesty" but the words didn't come, all she could do was stare at him and feel the storm raging within her.

Neither of them said anything for a few moments, each of them in awe at being in the other's presence and then slowly, Malachai reached forward and took Bonnie's hand in his, gently pulling her toward him. His touch … her touch … the touch of a lover was meant to be soothing, that was what the poems said, but the feel of their skin meeting inspired chaos in them not calm, a wild abandon they both itched to unleash but forced themselves to contain.

"I have thought of nothing but this moment since meeting you," said Malachai quietly.

Bonnie said nothing and focused instead on breathing. His touch would haunt her forever, nothing else would ever feel the same because Bonnie had experienced a touch that could ignite her, her soul. Nothing, no one had ever made feel so deeply and she knew instantly that he was her curse.

"I love your neck," he murmured. With his eyes on her, his gaze steadily holding hers, Malachai reached with his other hand and skimmed his index finger along her neck, making Bonnie's lips part to let out a sigh. Abruptly, his hand closed around the nape of her neck and he jerked her head forward, making Bonnie's eyes flash with anger and arousal. "That man you were with today," said Malachai, his voice low and dangerous. "Who. Is. He?"

Bonnie pursed her lips, showing subtle amusement. "My cousin," she said. Malachai continued to stare at her. "Only my cousin."

It took a few moments for Malachai's expression to clear and Bonnie felt a certain level of joy at being able to inspire such jealousy in him, such powerful emotion. There was a shine to her eye now that made Malachai's heart thud. "Thoughts of you have inflamed me for days," said Bonnie.

Malachai lunged forward and thrust his lips onto Bonnie's, his hand on her throat; she knew she should act chaste, act taken aback and coy, scurry away with a giggle, but Malachai's mouth on her frenzied Bonnie's blood, it caused her entire body to vibrate with a desire that threatened to break her. Bonnie responded, a sigh in her throat that called to a moan in Malachai's, his groin aching, his skin flushed and heated, his hands itching to feel the dips and curves of her body. He wanted her. He wanted her with a primal intensity he'd never before suffered and he shifted his body, pressing himself against her and her against the wall. Bonnie felt herself open up, ready to accept him, to lay waste to him and she knew that stopping this would be painful, would be torture, that doing anything but kiss him would surely kill her but she pulled away.

"I must go," she whispered, walking down the hall. He grabbed her hand.

"But Bonnie…"

"Her Majesty expects me, I must go."

Bonnie ran down the hall without looking back, leaving Malachai in a rapture of frustrated lust that consumed his very being. There was no forgetting her now, she was in his system, chewing away anything that he found significant before her.


	24. Ensnared

Malachai was bored; a dull sensation he'd become accustomed to. What was unfamiliar was the agitation that roiled beneath the boredom. Nothing held his interest for long, his mind drifted each time he was meant to focus but his lips still burned from the kiss he shared with the Lady Bonnie two nights previously. The urge to feel her beneath him was still a tremor through his hands, his groin ached with the tangible fantasy of burying himself in her; his body was impatient for her and it made everything around him even less fascinating.

He sat next to Queen Caroline in the Royal Box overseeing the jousting tournament. He glanced at her; the air of dignity she emanated ignited the crowd as much as the matches did. She was a good woman; they were a good match and she had, at least, given him their daughter, the pearl of his world. Alas, he was in need of assurance, legacy, not ornament. What he yearned for was passion, investment, not the pretence of affection — the love she had for him was honest, he knew, but all he felt for her was a distant respect and an urgent disappointment.

Caroline raised her hand, beckoning subtly for more wine and Malachai's equilibrium shifted, causing him to feel faint as Bonnie leaned forward from behind their thrones to pour into Caroline's goblet. She didn't look at Malachai, her eyes remained fixed on the task at hand but he couldn't help but look at her, drink her in; she was as intoxicating as any wine, ensnaring his senses, dizzying him to the point of breathlessness. How he wanted her. Right there. In that box. Quickly, Malachai stood up and Bonnie took a step backward, bowing as she did. Caroline looked up at him.

"What is it, my love?"

"I'm in the mood to joust," he said abruptly.

The servants led him out of the box to the changing area. He needed to rid himself of the energy that had taken hold of him and more than that, he felt the need to impress the Lady Bonnie, dazzle her with a display of power and virility. He needed to overcome her thoughts as she had overcome his.

The announcer bellowed, "The King has entered the tournament!"

Malachai rode his destrier out onto the field to the applause of the crowd. He directed her to the Royal Box and stopped in front of Caroline, shifting his lance. "My Queen, would you do me the honour of letting me wear your favour?"

Caroline smiled and began to tie the cloth around the tip of Malachai's lance. He didn't shift his gaze from her but Bonnie's heated his skin, frenzying his blood so that his insides screamed with tension; no armour could protect him from her influence. Entering the games began to feel reckless. His mind wasn't concentrated on the match, it was focused on her and yet the recklessness emboldened him with an adrenaline he'd never experienced.

Malachai set his horse into a light gallop to his side of the field as his opponent took the position opposite him. He gave his lance to the helper so he could put on his helmet, the horse beneath him eager to gallop at full-speed, as agitated and restless as he was. The boy handed Malachai his lance and abruptly, the flag signalling the beginning of the match swooped down and Malachai shot forward, his horse running at full speed. He heard yells of "Your Majesty!" but couldn't make out the rest of the cries and he was hit with a pang of anxiety in his chest and he had the odd sensation that the Lady Bonnie was worried about him. Suddenly, Malachai collided with his opponent's lance and felt the tip crash into his face just beneath his eye. He'd forgotten his visor. He toppled off the horse.

"YOUR MAJESTY."

"Get the physician!"

Malachai lay on the dirt, suspended between pain and relief, and then he was dragged up. Tyler's voice. "Your Majesty, your Majesty can you hear me? Take off his helmet for God's sake!"

Gingerly, Malachai was relieved of his helmet and he blinked in the sight of the sky and the physician and the Queen Caroline.

"Malachai, Malachai, are you all right?"

"The lance missed his eye," said the physician. "He will be fine with some rest."

"I'm all right," said Malachai, holding onto Caroline. Her worry endeared him, made him remember he'd loved her once; for all the resentment he begrudged her now, he didn't want her to suffer. "I am fine. It will take more than this to bring me down."

His opponent dropped down before him, his helmet off. Malachai recognized him. Sir Stefan, a knight of considerable skill who he'd been admiring all tournament. "Your Majesty, please forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive," said Malachai. "Now up on your horse."

"But my love, do you think it wise?"

"I need them to know," said Malachai urgently. Her, Lady Bonnie, he needed her to know. "I need them to know that I'm unharmed, that I'm damned near invincible."

"If you think it's best," said Caroline.

"Up on your horse, Sir Stefan."

Malachai registered the dread on Stefan's face and felt a vicious satisfaction at the fear he inspired in the man. He was about to be gravely wounded and they both knew it.

Caroline headed back to the Royal Box as Tyler helped Malachai up to his feet so they could walk back to the starting position. "I want him in my tent after this is over," said Malachai. Tyler nodded his head.

The crowd cheered as Malachai mounted his horse and in his periphery he could see Bonnie's expression, her eyes narrowed with a slight grin on her face, cautiously impressed. He watched Stefan prepare for their next match. "ARE YOU READY FOR ME, STEFAN?" he yelled.

There was another wave of the flag and Malachai and Stefan charged their horses at each other and all too soon, Malachai crashed his lance into Stefan so that he dropped from his horse with a thud, blood spurting from his helmet along with gargles of agony.

Malachai stared down at him from his horse, savagely delighted yet distantly impressed by Stefan's earlier best of him. He would reward the knight for his pains at court somehow. Malachai glanced up at the clapping crowd, his gaze seemingly on Caroline, his eyes in reality searching for the Lady Bonnie whose grin had widened to a twisted smile; she'd transitioned from cautiously impressed to stirred. He grinned and led his horse back to his tent.

"Wine!" he barked once inside.

One servant began to take off his armour as another poured him a cup of wine. Malachai sat down, exhaling heavily, the image of Bonnie's smile burned in his memory, breaking over his body. Laughing slightly, he picked up his goblet and took a large sip. At that moment Tyler entered the tent, bowing his head slightly.

"Your Majesty, he's here."

Malachai sat upright in his seat. "Send him in."

Tyler opened the flaps of the tent to let in an old, stooped man who was carrying something beneath his arm. The man bowed. "Your Majesty."

"Show me."

The man took out a rolled-up cloth from beneath his arm and unravelled it on the table next to the wine goblet, displaying four pieces of jewellery. "Jewels fit for a queen."

Malachai stared at them. The one in the middle was a domineering brooch; a large red ruby embedded in ringlets of gold studded with smaller rubies. The impact of it on the eyes reminded him of when he first saw Bonnie, a scarlet swan, the Lady in Red. The necklace in the left corner, a large emerald pendant encircled in gold with a clasp and a small emerald drop was provocative, mesmerizing like the Lady's eyes. The pearl earrings and necklace of opals were far less striking, safer, common in their beauty.

"She will have them all," said Malachai. He wanted to bestow on Bonnie beauty of every shade. He beckoned for Tyler to approach him. "Entrust this charge to your most valued servant."

"Of course."

The man wrapped the pieces back in the cloth, tucking it beneath his arm once more, and he followed Tyler out of the tent as Malachai grinned at the thought of Bonnie's expression upon receiving his gifts.

Bonnie sat at a table with Elena, quietly playing cards as Damon and her father discussed the jousting accident in great detail.

"Damned fools nearly got the King blinded," said Damon. "Or worse yet, killed. Where would we be then?"

"God knows it wasn't time for him to die," said Alaric. "He wants to see our family elevated."

Bonnie enclosed herself in a brittle quiet as Elena placed her cards on the table. "Bonnie," she said. "It's your turn."

"Oh of course." Bonnie showed Elena her hand and Elena rolled her eyes, plopping backward in her chair.

"Even when your mind is elsewhere you best me," she said. "It's some sort of witchcraft I'm sure of it."

Bonnie laughed and started collecting the coins on the table. "Envy does not become you, sister."

"Where has your mind been these last few moments," said Elena. "Your silence is different."

Bonnie arched her eyebrow. "I have different silences now?"

"Oh yes," said Elena, smiling. "I know all of your silences."

"And I know all of your smiles," said Bonnie shrewdly. "What do you have to be so gleeful about?"

"Nothing," said Elena. "I just … I had forgotten how exciting a jousting tournament can be. The horses, the knights…"

"Ah," said Bonnie, nodding. "By knights I'm sure you mean Sir Stefan."

Elena twisted her mouth to keep from giggling and Bonnie felt both envy and irritation at her innocence. "He has a certain vigour," she said. "He's quite…"

"He's a handsome man," said Bonnie. "Beautiful eyes."

"But his eyes were not the ones you were concerned with were they, sister?" said Elena. "I thought your heart would leap out of your chest when Sir Stefan knocked the King off his horse."

Bonne said nothing and thought back to the scream that never left her throat when the lance struck Malachai's helmet, forcing him to crash to the ground. Time ceased to exist in the moments between the fall and the second match, her mind swimming with worry and anticipation, a need to see him unharmed. She hated it. Hated feeling for him. It unravelled her.

"What loyal subject would not be grieved to see her King so close to harm?" said Bonnie. She picked up the cards and started to shuffle the deck.

Elena tilted her head to the side. "Bonnie…"

"Stefan is a knight," said Bonnie sharply. "He's beneath us. Father would never allow it."

Elena pushed her mouth to the side. "I was merely looking," she said.

"Excuse me," said a voice.

Bonnie and Elena stopped talking and looked to the entry of the living room. A man was standing in the entryway leading from the foyer of the apartments, holding a package. "I must deliver this to the Lady Bonnie Bennett."

Alaric stepped forward. "I can take that."

"Forgive me, my Lord, but I was told to deliver this into the hands of Lady Bonnie herself and no other."

"She is my daughter, I am responsible for her. Whatever is hers is mine," said Alaric dangerously.

"Of course, my Lord," said the servant. "However, my instructions were quite clear…"

"And who gave you these instructions?" said Damon.

"His Majesty the King," said the servant.

Bonnie's eyes widened and she stood up from her chair, her chest tight so that she had to breathe through her mouth. Damon, Alaric and Elena looked at her as she walked over to the servant, her vision tunnelled to only the package in front of her. When she reached the servant she moved to take the cloth from his hands but then hesitated. "Open it," she said.

"My Lady…"

"Open. It."

The servant gave his head a nod and then unravelled the brown cloth, revealing the four jewels wrapped within it. Bonnie sighed, feeling the air leave her body, blood rushed in her ears and she saw Elena gasp and Damon and Alaric murmur.

Those jewels … they were … she had never seen anything so fine, so overwhelmingly exquisite. It was overbearing … he was overbearing … her feeling for him was …

Bonnie raised a trembling hand to the cloth and gently touched the ringlets around the ruby brooch. She exhaled heavily at the feel of the gold beneath her fingertips because each touch struck her with the image of him, the sensation of him. She skated her fingers along the ruby and saw, felt Malachai's tongue skim the length of her neck; her thumb traced the emerald and Malachai's lips grazed her stomach. Her skin was prickled with shivers, her blood was heated, her lips swelled. Bonnie stroked the opals along the gold necklace and felt Malachai's hands encircle her waist, caress her skin. It was difficult to breathe. Voices of the others echoed in her ears.

"This is excellent news," said Damon.

"We aren't quite there yet," said Alaric.

"My dearest sister, would you allow me to wear one? The pearls or the opals perhaps?" said Elena.

Bonnie licked her lips and touched the earrings and felt Malachai between her thighs, against her groin, torturing her body with a deliciously unbearable ache. She was bound to him somehow, the curse of their kiss had chewed away at her mind, his presence in these gifts wrecked her body with longing, she felt herself perspire, she was faint, she needed to relieve herself of him and yet wordlessly revelled in the torture, in his seduction. This would surely drive her mad. She couldn't abide it.

Abruptly, Bonnie removed her hand.

"Return it to him," she said breathlessly.

"Are you mad?" said Elena.

"Return it to him," she said even more clearly.

"That is a great offence, a spit in His Majesty's face!" said Alaric.

"I know what I am doing." She turned on her heel and walked swiftly toward another room in the apartments. She looked over her shoulder to the servant. "Stand right here and wait. I must also give the King something." The servant hesitated for a moment, looking at Alaric, and then followed Bonnie's instructions, walking to the spot she directed to.

Bonnie entered her father's study and walked swiftly over to his desk where she picked up his quill, dipping it in ink. She began to scribble furiously on a sheet of parchment, forming a letter, battling between unburdening her heart and remaining tactical. As she signed her name at the bottom of the parchment, the door clicked open and Damon stormed inside.

"What are you doing?" he said. "Are you purposefully trying to sabotage us?"

"Of course not," snapped Bonnie.

"You do not return a gift from a King, especially not this King."

"I am writing a letter explaining myself," said Bonnie, folding the parchment and enclosing it with the family seal.

"What good will a letter do? Do not be overly confident, Bonnie, you are not yet in the position we need you to be in to set our plans in motion. Denouncing Lockwood will be no easy feat, the King loves him and it will take some time for him to trust me as much as he trusts that oaf Tyler. Giving back his gift will only infuriate him. Have you not heard rumours of his temper, he will fly into a rage at the insult," said Damon.

Bonnie shook her head dismissively, heading to the door. She opened it slightly but Damon blocked her before she could leave. "What is this about?" he whispered. "You're not … you're not falling in love with him are you?"

Damon glared down at her and Bonnie narrowed her eyes in regard; the expression on his face was the same one Lorenzo had whenever she told him of a man who came courting except there wasn't sorrow beneath Damon's jealousy like with Lorenzo, there was only venom. He'd chosen both, to hate her and to love her and his indecision irritated Bonnie as it made her life more difficult.

"What I am doing will enrapture him, command his attention," said Bonnie. "I am doing something no woman has done before and that will endear me to him."

Bonnie put her hand on the handle but Damon grabbed her by the arm turning her toward him so their faces were a breath away from each other.

"You haven't answered my question."

"I don't have to answer to you," said Bonnie. "Cousin."

She turned back toward the door and saw that it hadn't been closed properly. The servant stared at her through the open sliver, shifting his weight. She opened the door fully and handed him her letter. "Give this to His Majesty along with his gift," she said. "But I would have you wait a day."

"My Lady?"

"I don't like to repeat myself. You will wait one day before returning these gits and giving His Majesty this letter."

"Yes, my Lady."

"And if you open it there will be hell to pay. My cousin will make sure of it."

"Understood, my Lady," said the servant, glancing at Damon. He gave his head a little bow and then walked promptly out of the apartments.

"Bonnie, why would you do that?" said Elena. "Why would you ask the boy to wait a day before giving His Majesty pertinent information?"

"Because I want to be gone when He gets the news," said Bonnie. "I'm going to our family estate."

"But why?" said Elena.

"Because," said Bonnie. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's the saying isn't it?"

Alaric started to laugh. "This is very good, very well-done," he said. "You were always the smart daughter, Bonnie."

"Yes," said Bonnie distantly, turning back to face the study. "Smart."

Malachai sat still, glaring at the servant who stood before him, holding the brown cloth he'd ordered the boy to deliver a day earlier.

"Tell me again what she said," said Malachai.

"Your Majesty, she told me to return the gifts and —"

"Return the gifts," said Malachai quietly. Abruptly he stood up and threw the chair he was sitting on across the room. "RETRUN THE GIFTS TO ME? THE KING OF ENGLAND?" He swiped his hand across the table, knocking over wine-filled goblets, sending platters of food to the ground. "DID SHE SAY WHY?"

"No, Your Majesty, she simply —"

"And you! You wait an entire day before telling me this?"

"She told me not to —"

"SHE TOLD YOU? SHE TOLD YOU? WHO IS YOUR MASTER?"

"You, of course, Your Majesty, I —" the servant started quiver, his words coming out in stutters. "S-she, she, gave me a le-letter, t-to give you."

"A letter?" Malachai grabbed the table separating him and the servant and heaved it upward, tossing it on its side so that the servant flinched. He walked over to him, standing directly in front of him so that the servant cowered. "The Lady Bonnie gave me a letter and you only now tell me about it?"

"I—"

Malachai struck the servant upside the head. "Idiot," he said in exasperation.

"Here you are, Your Majesty."

Malachai grabbed the letter and the cloth out of the servant's hands. "Out."

The servant bowed and then walked hurriedly out of the room. Malachai walked over to a chair next to the one he smashed in two and sank onto it. He was seething with insult, indignation at the Lady Bonnie's audacity, her daring to overstep, but what truly frenzied him was the possibility that she wanted nothing to do with him, that she sent back the gifts as a way of decline. He wouldn't survive that rejection and it killed him to be so completely at the mercy of her whims.

He sighed. "Get this over with."

Your Gracious Majesty,

It is with a heavy heart and with the utmost anguish that I return these gifts to you but to keep them would only serve to remind me of how undeserving I am of their exquisite beauty. It fills me with indescribable sorrow that you have bestowed these jewels unto me, for it means you believe me to be someone I am not, someone worthy of you and it is my duty to tell Your Majesty that while you are everything, I am simply nothing. I have left for my family's estate; being so close and yet so far from you is too much to bear. I will think of you on my journey home. I will think of you always.

Your ever-loving servant,

Bonnie Bennett.

Malachai stared at the note, Bonnie's voice clouding his head, coiling around his mind, his throat, tightening around him so that he heard nothing else. He traced each word with his index finger and felt her presence with each letter he outlined, calling to him, beckoning him, ensnaring him. He earnestness devastated him, heightened his own keenness for her, and now she had fled. The news that she left court crushed him i

n a way that was physically painful, as if an appendage had ripped itself away from his body. It was not a fancy or a game, his need for her was essential to his sanity. Worthy or unworthy, she was his, he would make sure of it, she was his alone and if she agreed, he would be hers alone as well, he would burn everything to ground to ensure that they were the last people on earth if that was what it took, but she would be his.

"Boy!" he yelled. "Ready the horses!"


	25. Mad

"Lady Bonnie! Lady Bonnie!"

A servant came rushing into Bonnie's bedroom, making her put down her copy of Utopia. "Jane, you're shaking. What is it?"

"His Majesty! His Majesty is heading this way! I saw his brigade from the courtyard."

Bonnie's gut coiled into knots. She'd suspected he'd appear at her front door. No king handled rejection well but especially not a king like Malachai de Parke. Returning his gifts had ignited a resentful obsession, an insult to pride that would compel him to pursue the perpetrator. Bonnie had known this when she'd made the decision, she'd calculated his reaction. And yet … and yet a part of her wondered if it was the King who rode to see her or the man, the man whose desire for her was so intense it drove him to irrationality.

She shook her head. "Foolish thought."

"My lady?"

Bonnie turned to Jane and pressed her lips together, taking a moment to think. "Meet the King in the foyer, I will be downstairs shortly."

Jane curtseyed slightly and left the room. Bonnie stood up and smoothed her hands down the front of her bodice, glad she had chosen to wear her dress of black satin, a dress that flattered her dearly. Elena had left the estate for the day, giving Bonnie a vague excuse that Bonnie knew meant she was meeting Stefan at a private rendezvous point. Both Alaric and Damon were back at court attending business, for which Bonnie was truly grateful — no prying eyes, no intrusive ears, she would be able to speak … … … Bonnie closed her eyes and sighed, frustrated with herself. Speaking freely was irrelevant, every word, every touch, every breath was all in service to the ploy, to the family.

"Nothing real," she whispered.

The sound of the doors banging open snapped Bonnie into action and she walked out of her bedroom, down the stairs to the foyer where Malachai stood in the entryway with Jane bowing in front of him. For a split second, Bonnie's mind turned suspicious, debating whether or not Jane was the type of woman Malachai was accustomed to bedding, if he was fantasizing about bedding her at that moment. She chased the thought away.

"Leave us," said Malachai.

Jane scurried out of the foyer and Bonnie stood, frozen, at the foot of the steps, taking in the King's strong jaw and black stubble, his blue eyes and broad shoulders. Neither she nor Malachai said anything but the silence between them was screaming, heavy with a tension that made Bonnie want to crawl out of her skin; he was suffocating her with his presence, torturing her with his distance. She had never experienced such desire, one that agonized and burned; she was about to bow just to do something with herself when Malachai rushed forward and thrust his lips against hers. Bonnie instantly put her hands on the back of his head, pushing him into her, her fingers gripping his hair as his hand slid up to her neck. She had yearned for his touch for days, craved the feel of his lips against hers ever since their first kiss in the corridor, ever since the experiential fantasy that took a hold of her when she gazed upon the jewellery he bequeathed upon her. She had never wanted anything so much and now that she was reveling in it, drowning it, it was terrible because the instant they pulled away from each other, her hunger for him would only intensify.

Malachai wrenched away from her. "You've consumed me entirely," he said, breathless. "You've made it impossible for me to function."

"You've made it impossible for me to breathe," Bonnie countered.

Malachai kissed her again and Bonnie moaned softly, prompting Malachai to press his lips harder against hers, his mouth opened hers with a passionate urgency that agitated Bonnie. "Give yourself to me," he whispered between kisses. "It's the only way to keep either of us from going mad." Bonnie leaned forward and kissed him again, causing Malachai to splay his fingers on her throat. "If you promise me and only me your body and soul," he said. "I will take no other woman, I will love no other woman, I will serve no other woman. Say you will, Bonnie. Be my maitresse en titre."

Bonnie moved, it was a slight shift away from him, barely noticeable but Malachai felt the distance and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What?" he said. "What is it?"

Bonnie's expression cooled, her demeanour hardened, she was turning to stone as Elena would say whenever Bonnie was too angry at her to yell and so detached herself instead. His proposition wasn't surprising, it was yet another reaction she had calculated, one any King would make. It was her own reaction that Bonnie had not expected; nothing within her was collected or detached, inside she was in turmoil, inside she was a wreck. She'd planned what she would say to him if he made this offer and yet Bonnie couldn't find the words she'd devised; she could only say what she felt.

"Your mistress?" she repeated.

"My official mistress," said Malachai. "My only mistress."

"Is that all you see me as then? Someone to be used and discarded at your leisure?"

Malachai's eyes flashed with an angry incredulity. "Do you think so little of me that I would mar you with such dishonour? I am committing myself to you. I am bonding myself to you. I only ask you do the same."

"You're asking no such thing. You're asking me to spread my legs for you at your convenience!"

Malachai started shouting. "You dare speak to your King this way? You dare look him in his eye?"

Bonnie knew she was on dangerous ground but she couldn't stop; he made her impulsive, reckless. "I dare to call an impossible situation impossible. I have already bonded myself to my husband and only he, whoever he may be, will be graced with my maidenhead!"

Malachai turned away, throwing his hands up in the air, pacing the foyer. "I am the King of England, Bonnie!" he yelled. "Do not pretend not to understand my responsibilities! Do not feign ignorance of my position!"

"And do not feign ignorance of mine! I know what happens when women are made to be mistresses, official or otherwise! A woman's reputation is the only card she has to play in this life and I intend to keep mine unsullied."

"Are you saying that binding your name to mine will sully yours?"

"I am saying that people will talk!"

"Then l will cut out their tongues!" he roared.

Bonnie's lips parted as Malachai strode over to her. He placed his hands on either side of her face, piercing his eyes into hers. "I will strike down anyone who dares to speak out against you!"

She trembled slightly at the earnest fury in Malachai's voice. He meant it. Every word. "It's not enough," she whispered. It was true. "I will not share you."

Malachai gritted his teeth and turned away again. He put his hands on the nape of his neck and raised his head to the ceiling. "I apologize if I offended you," he said quietly. He looked at her, his expression anguished. "I spoke too freely of my affections."

He walked swiftly out of the foyer back to the courtyard and Bonnie felt herself break slightly. "Your Majesty—" She took a step toward the door but stopped herself. A tremor ran through her body and she felt herself come apart; she didn't know if she had ended something or escalated it and the ambiguity rendered her speechless, for if she tried to say even one word, she would say nothing and only weep.

Malachai bent low so Mary ran into his arms and then he picked her up, twirling her around. "Papa!" she giggled.

"Mary," he said, closing his eyes. "Your father has missed you."

"I missed you too, Papa."

"How are your studies going?"

"I can count to 100 in French!"

"C'est vrai? Laisse-moi écouter."

"Un, deux, trois…"

Malachai smiled as he listened to his daughter, reveling in the peace she brought him, the only peace he'd had in weeks. He had sent for her upon knowledge that the King of France was making a visit to betroth his youngest son to Mary. When Malachai saw Tyler approach he set Mary down and handed her to the First Lady.

"Take her around the garden," he said.

"Majesty." Lady Isabelle led Mary away and she ran through the labyrinth of hedges. Malachai turned to Tyler.

"What is it?"

"The King of France will be here in a day's time."

"Mm." Malachai nodded his head.

"If Your Majesty will forgive me …" Tyler hesitated, moving his hands, trying to find the right words. "It might fair better if you could reconcile with the Queen for this visit. Act as husband and wife to ease the King's concerns."

"He has concerns?"

Tyler pressed his lips together at the note of danger in Malachai's tone. "I only meant that closing the distance between yourself and Queen Caroline could allow proceedings to move more smoothly and efficiently."

Malachai sighed. "Fine."

"Of course it is your right to alleviate your passions, Your Majesty," said Tyler slyly. "A few new ladies in the Queen's service have caught my eye. I could —"

"Nevermind that," said Malachai brusquely. "They don't have what I need."

"Ah," said Tyler. "Is the Lady Bonnie such a woman that she has forever shamed all women who follow? I must confess harbouring curiosity of how she likes to be ridden —"

Abruptly, Malachai clasped his hands around Tyler's throat and squeezed so that Tyler began kneeling on the ground. "Do not ever speak of the Lady Bonnie in such a manner, do you understand me?" said Malachai, his eyes wide with fury. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

"Yes, Your Majesty," said Tyler, wheezing. "Forgive — Forgive me …"

Malachai released Tyler from his grasp and he stayed kneeling on the ground, gasping for breath. Malachai stared at him, a mixture of resentment and regret battling within him. "Rise," he said.

Tyler stood up, red in the face.

"Where is Her Majesty now?" said Malachai.

"At prayer," said Tyler. "Then I believe she will be handing out alms."

"A Queen of Queens," Malachai muttered.

"That she is, Your Majesty," said Tyler. "The kingdom is always in high spirits when she walks amongst the people."

"Yes," said Malachai dully. If only her influence had effect on what most mattered — himself.

Malachai sat at the centre of the long table watching the courtiers dance before him. The proceedings introducing Mary to the dauphin had already taken place and now they were in the middle of a feast. Caroline sat to his right, speaking to King Luc in rapid French and every few seconds he laughed, charmed. She was an excellent diplomat, a gracious Queen. Malachai took her hand in his and she glanced briefly at him, smiling brightly before returning to the conversation with King Luc.

He barely felt it, her skin against his, when the Lady Bonnie's touch still electrified his blood days later. He had chosen to commit himself to the act of a husband deeply devoted to his wife, attempting to force the affection he had felt for Caroline years ago but his heart, his loins, his gut would not take direction from his mind, they were aching. Aching for her.

Malachai detected Sir Stefan slipping out from behind a curtain, a foolish grin on his face. Moments later the Lady Elena crept out from behind the same curtain, suppressing a fit of giggles. Malachai smirked; he was bearing witness to the beginnings of a pure, excited love, wholly different from the desire he shared with Bonnie, the one that cursed him with sweats and sleepless nights and a longing that hardened him to the point of distraction.

He itched for news of her and started to tell a servant to bring Stefan to him so he could inquire about the Lady Elena and by extension Bonnie. Halfway through his command he saw Alaric move through the crowd and decided to be more direct. Malachai raised his hand as Alaric looked up to the table and he beckoned the lord to him.

"My Lord Saltzman," said Malachai.

"Your Majesty," said Alaric, bowing his head. He turned to Caroline. "My Queen." He looked at King Luc. "Your Highness."

Caroline smiled and King Luc nodded his head in acceptance before returning to his meal.

"I only wanted to tell you in person that I have noticed the strides you're making your office," said Malachai.

"Oh thank you, Your Majesty, I live to serve, your pleasure does me great honour."

"Your loyalty warms the heart," said Malachai. "As such I would like to make you Comptroller of the Royal House."

Alaric raised his eyebrows at the sudden elevation and Malachai could sense the cold incredulity in Caroline's gaze, though she said nothing and remained politely tight-lipped.

"Your Majesty is most gracious," said Alaric, beaming. "I will do everything in my power to ensure that I am deserved of the title."

"Oh I know you will," said Malachai, an implicit threat in his tone. "Your nephew…"

"Damon," Alaric offered.

"Yes, Damon." The corners of Malachai's eyes narrowed before he spoke. "I hear great things about him as well. Exceeds all expectations."

"He is quite efficient, extremely loyal to the crown," said Alaric.

Malachai regarded him for a few moments. "He will be afforded a position in the Knighthood of the Garter."

"Your, Your Majesty…" Alaric bowed. "You are most kind. Most gracious. Thank you. The news will be most receptive by Damon, he is very much like a son to me."

"Alas, you have no sons. Only daughters."

"Yes, Your Majesty," said Alaric.

"I see one of them at court. The other…"

"Bonnie," said Alaric.

"Yes, Bonnie." Malachai felt Caroline's coldness enhance but continued to speak. "My Queen misses her in her service. How is she? Well?"

"Yes," said Alaric. "Quite well."

Malachai's jaw tensed and his chest constricted. "Quite well" was she? Their separation had not affected her even in the slightest fashion? She was able to live her days as though her heart hadn't been ripped in half? The notion enraged Malachai with grief.

"Well actually…" said Alaric.

Malachai looked at him. "Yes?"

"Your Majesty if I can speak plainly, I must confess that my dear Bonnie has been stricken with melancholy of late. I am not sure of the cause."

Malachai tried to conceal the smile that played at the corner of his lips. "I am sure it will pass. Whatever it is," he said. "Enjoy the festivities."

Alaric bowed and returned to the crowd. Caroline turned to him, smiling. "Colour has returned to your cheeks, my love," she said. "You seem in higher spirits."

Malachai took a sip of wine. "It is a beautiful night," he said.

The joy that uplifted him at the news of Bonnie's sorrow was only matched by the pressing need to rid them both of their agony. "Excuse me," he said, standing up from his seat. "I will return in a moment."

A servant pulled out his chair, allowing Malachai to leave the table, exiting a back door that led him to private quarters. He stood by the entryway, his eyes searching for a desk. On it he spotted some parchment and a quill.

"Leave," he told the servant.

When he slipped out of the room, Malachai rushed over to the desk and without bothering to sit down, took the quill out of its ink bottle and started to write.

Bonnie sat by the window, Alaric and Damon a few feet away from her. "Well," said Alaric. "Read it."

She cleared her throat. A least she had the opportunity to read the letter before her father and cousin heard of it. "My dearest Bonnie," she began. "I have made many an effort to carry on with my life as if you had never been a part of it but I could no sooner stop the sun from rising. You have overwhelmed me, burrowed into me. Please accept this gift as a token of my affection, the thought of it against your skin warms mine. It is a pain beyond endurance that you have refused to be my mistress. I'm going mad not seeing you, mad with thoughts of you …" Bonnie stopped reading, biting her bottom lip in embarrassment. This was private. Intimate. Between them. And yet, it was her duty to divulge every detail so as to better plan the strategy.

"Continue, dear daughter," said Alaric.

"… mad with thoughts of you, your lips, your breasts, the pleasures I have yet to indulge in. I beseech you, reconsider."

Alaric laughed and clapped his hands once, triumphant. "You have done well," he said.

"Yes," said Damon quietly. "The King is in love with you."

Bonnie looked up at him and seeing the subtle rage in his eyes, glanced away.

"He spoke of a gift, what gift?" said Alaric.

Bonnie sighed and moved her hair away from her face, brushing the strands off her shoulders, revealing a pearled cross draped around her neck.

"My God," said Alaric. "This one you decided to keep then?"

"Yes, I …" Bonnie lowered her eyes. "It seemed the wise choice."

"We have the King exactly where we want him, now is when we move to strike against Lockwood," said Damon.

"No, not yet."

"He promoted you to a much coveted office," said Damon. "I have been anointed a member of the Knighthood of the Garter. He is elevating our family more quickly than imaginable."

"Tyler is beloved by the King," said Alaric. "He will not part from him easily, this requires yet more finessing. This is when we start to plant seeds of doubt in his mind and you, Damon, you must show your face to the King more." He turned to Bonnie. "How do you like your charge?"

Bonnie's lips trembled as she tried to speak diplomatically. "I confess I did not like the idea of being offered to the King but Malachai …"

"Malachai?" said Damon, raising his eyebrows.

"Dearest daughter, be careful not to be fooled by your own deception," said Alaric. "We need you focused on the task at hand."

"Yes," said Bonnie, thoughtlessly stroking the cross around her neck, stricken with images of Malachai's fingers trailing her throat, her chest … "Focused."

Malachai lay in bed, his arms and back sliced. The physicians had decided to bleed him, rid him of the toxins that caused his fever, that turned his skin pallid. He'd been ill for two days after a riding accident, in which he nearly drowned in a swamp. The horse that threw him off had since been put down but the news brought him no relief. Upon entering the thirty-sixth hour of nausea and cold sweats, Malachai realized that he would find no relief until he righted his wrongs. In the dimness of the candlelight, Malachai could barely make out two figures approaching his bed, one was Tyler, the other his councilor, Jeremiah.

"Your Majesty," they both murmured.

Malachai glared at them, indignant of their soft tone as if they were speaking to someone on his death bed. He sighed.

"Speak properly, I am not yet dead," said Malachai.

They glanced at each other and then nodded.

"Ingrates," he muttered. "It will take more of a swamp to destroy me."

"Of course. Your Majesty is indestructible," said Jeremiah. "A God among men."

"Enough," said Malachai, irritated. Jeremiah sobered. "I am not dead," Malachai repeated. "However, this is the second time in a few short weeks that I have nearly died." He paused. "God is punishing me."

"Punishing you?" said Tyler. "Your Majesty, I don't understand, I…"

"Caroline," said Malachai. "God is punishing me for marrying my brother's wife. Our marriage is a sin."

"But the papal dispensation—" said Tyler.

"I have no male heirs," said Malachai. "Caroline has lost each one. Is that not proof, Lockwood? I have nearly died. Again."

"Your Majesty," said Jeremiah. "What are you saying?"

Malachai turned his head upward to the ceiling. "A divorce," he said. "I want a divorce."

"YAH!"

Malachai urged his horse onward so that it galloped at a pace that his guards had difficulty keeping pace with. They were riding through the forest to the Saltzman estate, Bonnie's letter compelling Malachai to press his horse faster. It had come just that afternoon, three simple, glorious words: Come to me. Enclosed was a locket containing a miniature portrait of her in a red dress, the words Ever yours engraved in the gold. He had set off from the palace immediately after receiving it.

Yes. She was saying yes.

Bonnie head the gallops of horse hoofs and ran down the stairs to the foyer. It was imprudent, impractical, illogical. Damon would be furious if he found out, her father would be profoundly displeased, it could ruin everything, it could destroy her, but all of that paled to how much Bonnie wanted him. She had to have him. Gossip spread of Malachai's desire for divorce and the news did something to Bonnie, unleashed her, provoked her. He was proving himself hers and the need to claim him overwhelmed her, chewed away at her until there was nothing left but yearning.

Bonnie reached the bottom of the stairs as the door banged open and before she had the chance to take him in, Malachai ran toward her, kissing her instantly, his lips hard and insistent, his tongue massaging hers, a groan deep in his throat. Bonnie's skin tingled, her heart thudded; she was faint and breathless, it felt like death, the sweetest death, and she inwardly begged for it to envelop her.

Malachai pulled away. "Yes," he said. "You're saying 'yes'?"

"Yes," said Bonnie.

A soft growl escaped his lips and Malachai kissed her again, allowing his hands to explore. Bonnie could feel his eagerness in the way he clenched her waist, his fingers rubbing the dips of her curves, his hands slipped up her bodice to her breasts, cupping them, making her sigh into his mouth so that he groaned

Suddenly his hands were beneath her and he lifted her onto him so that Bonnie wrapped his legs around his middle. He kissed her neck, running the tip of his tongue along her throat, she clenched his head, burying his face deeper into her cleavage.

"Upstairs," she gasped.

"No, I won't wait any longer," he whispered back. He set her on the stairs and Bonnie could feel him against her leg, his readiness inflamed her, spawning an ache in her groin that pulsated throughout her entire body. He'd been right all those weeks ago; denying themselves each other would drive the both of them mad. She needed this.

He hovered above her. "You're mine," he whispered. "Your maidenhead, I claim it."

Bonnie brought him down to her, kissing him with a fervour that compelled him to rock into her. She yelped. "And when we're married," she whispered. "We'll have many sons. So many sons."

Malachai stopped and pulled away from Bonnie. Everything within him was screaming, he was crazed beyond reason, being so close to her but not in her, above her, overwhelming her. His aching for her made his entire body tremor, it inflamed him, he could barely think, barely see, she was all he wanted and all he ever would want with such potency but he couldn't, he couldn't let it happen, not like this.

"I won't," he said. "I will…" He closed his eyes, the anguish of his words tearing through him. "I will respect your maidenhead. We won't consummate until marriage."

Bonnie sat up, bewildered and pleased as Malachai backed down a few steps to the floor. He had to leave, he couldn't be around her, not now, not like this, when he was so close to burying himself in her, he was too sensitized, her mere presence was temptation.

"Malachai…"

It was the first time she said his name and he was ready to erupt at the sound of it on her tongue. Quickly, he dashed forward, kissing her hard on the lips and then he walked swiftly out of the foyer back to the woods. He couldn't ride like this, he would surely kill himself, distracted by the thought of her. He slipped behind a tree and lowered his hose, the image of Bonnie left on the stairs, wanting and breathless and moist for him in his mind as he stroked himself for relief. He would have her. He would marry her. By God he would.


	26. Paranoia

Bonnie walked behind Queen Caroline, closed-lipped and stiff-legged, an emerald broach around her neck — a gift from His Majesty. The weight of the jewel against her chest was a constant source of frustration, it served to remind her of Malachai himself, the thought of him, the thought of them, entwined and breathless and writhing, it was a fantasy that stirred her, distracted her, overwhelmed her. Then the jewel only served to remind her that it seemed as if such visceral bliss was to never come and she seethed with anger, bereft by the slight taste she had experienced all those months ago, the way he'd rocked into her, torturing her with such hedonistic joy. It burned her, to be in the employment of the woman that stood in the way of what she desired most, that she had to bend and scrape and serve and wait and wait some more … although Malachai had bestowed on her some benefits, one of which she had the pleasure of experiencing at that exact moment.

The courtiers in the hall bowed as Caroline walked down the corridor and didn't stand up until Bonnie passed by them. It had been a new decree, for everyone to show Bonnie their respect , to treat her as they would a princess. Bonnie felt the other ladies glare at her, their jealousy and outrage slitting their eyes. She didn't care. The King wanted this. The King wanted her.

Abruptly, a man stepped in front of Bonnie, bowing so low he nearly touched the floor. "Lady Bonnie."

Wait. No. She knew that voice. Bonnie's eyes widened as Lorenzo straightened upward and she nearly yelled out his name, biting the inside of her cheeks to keep from giving any more of a reaction.

"May I have a word, Lady Bonnie?"

"I'm afraid not, I'm busy tending my Mistress and—"

"I'll allow it," said Caroline, her face a mask of icy vindictiveness.

Bonnie tried her best not to glower and bowed her head slightly to Caroline, stepping to the side to speak to Lorenzo. "Seeing you here is a pleasant surprise dear Lorenzo, I thought you were staying at the Neapolitan Court," she said in a voice, loud enough for the other courtiers to hear. She lowered her voice to a waspish whisper. "What are you doing here?"

"Fortunately my patron is partial to travelling, which allows me to visit Europe's beauties, such as England," said Lorenzo. He whispered frantically, "I had to come. I'm going mad not seeing you."

"Perhaps you will be able to play something at the feast tonight," said Bonnie, smiling around. "Go back to Naples, I do not want you here."

"That is a fine suggestion. You can't do this to me, I am going out of my mind. Bonnie, I —"

Bonnie raised her hand to silence Lorenzo. She closed her eyes as a shiver passed through her, causing her skin to tingle as if vibrating. She could feel him.

"His Majesty, the King," announced a voice.

Malachai swept down the hallway and all of the courtiers bowed once again, refusing to stand up as long as he was in their presence. With each step Malachai took, Bonnie's heart beat accelerated so that her chest heaved, her skin heated, she yearned for him to draw level with her, yearned for it with her entire being and once he did she dreaded his presence because it only inflamed her desire to a height that required all of her self control to not launch herself at him. He crept closer to her so that they were only a breath apart, his lips nearly grazing her ear and jaw, it took all her strength to not buckle at the knees. He ran his finger along the gold chain of her broach and Bonnie envisioned his finger skating the curve of her calf … or her buxom … or her behind… Her gut clenched.

"You smell intoxicating," he breathed in her ear.

Bonnie's eyes rolled to the back as she closed them. She turned her head to look at him so their noses nearly touched. "I've missed you all day."

Malachai grinned and opened his mouth but didn't say anything as his eyes glanced toward Lorenzo who was bowing but whose head was slightly raised. Upon realizing Malachai was looking at him, he lowered his head so that his chin rested against his chest. There was a beat in which Bonnie felt Malachai's intensity shift toward intimidation and he moved toward Lorenzo, motioning for him to stand up. Lorenzo straightened. "Your Majesty," he said.

"You're new to court," said Malachai. "I haven't seen you before."

"Yes, Your Majesty, I have only just arrived under the patronage of Sir William."

"Ah," said Malachai, passing his eyes over Lorenzo. "You're a musician."

"Indeed, Your Majesty."

"And what do you play? The lute?"

"Very good, Your Majesty," said Lorenzo, slightly bewildered.

Malachai grinned. "I have a good eye," he said, turning to Bonnie. She swallowed hard but tried to keep her face impassive. "You shall play something at tonight's feast."

"Your Majesty, I would be most honoured."

"Mm." Malachai nodded his head. "Well I should be on my way, and you, Lady Bonnie, should be off attending your Mistress, no?" he said.

Bonnie curtseyed. "Your Majesty."

Malachai continued his way down the corridor and when he turned the corner, the courtiers stood up. Bonnie glared at Lorenzo before joining the rest of the ladies behind Caroline and she clenched her jaw, keeping her eyes forward as the courtiers whispered frantically, staring at her with unabashed distaste and shock.

"In public no less … brazen … shameful …"

Bonnie kept walking.

In Caroline's apartments, the ladies milled around, continuing embroidery, reading from the large Bible in the middle of the room or else helping Caroline change. Bonnie took off her cloak.

"I know what you are doing," said Caroline, staring at her. "You haven't been the first although I admit you are the only one to have such serpentine qualities. But like the others, he will soon tire of you, you will bore him, and I will remain, for I am the only one who holds the King's true heart."

Bonnie bit down on her teeth as she started combing Caroline's hair.

"That gift around your neck means nothing," Caroline continued. "He gave Lady Catherine a similar gift once until its shine was the only one that remained while hers faded once he had his fill of her."

Bonnie quickly glanced over her shoulder to Catherine who had quickly picked up a book to feign removal from the conversation at hand. Something within Bonnie flared, making her insides writhe uncomfortably.

"Be not mistaken, Lady Bonnie, that will be your fate after he has used you up."

"I have not bedded His Majesty," said Bonnie. She was speaking out of turn, which wasn't smart or calculated, which could risk her position in the Queen's service but she couldn't stop herself. She looked Caroline in the eye. "I love his Majesty and I believe he loves me, the sooner you come to that realization, the sooner we can all be happy."

Caroline gasped in outrage. "How dare you speak to me? Your Queen. You were not given leave to utter a single word or to look me in the eye! I should have you whipped!"

There was the sound of a door opening and a man's voice. "His Majesty wishes to see the Lady Bonnie."

Caroline glared at the servant with a frigid rage that made him shrink in her presence. She turned to Bonnie. "Go!"

Bonnie curtseyed slightly, a slight smirk twisting her lips and walked out of the apartments, following the servant down a corridor, through a door that led to another room.

"Just this way," said the servant.

Bonnie continued to walk through various rooms, the smirk on her face fading quickly. She tried not to think of it, of Malachai and Catherine rolling around in white sheets, their sweat-slicked bodies heaving together, but the images flashed in her mind with increasing vividness. She had known he was a man of voracious appetite and she had known that his appetites had always been well-satisfied but to be confronted with his past so brutally, so abruptly it inflamed Bonnie with jealousy; she couldn't bear it, the thought of him with another woman, it killed her.

The servant stopped walking and stood to the side of an entryway, pushing open a door for Bonnie to walk through. When she entered, the servant closed the door behind her and Bonnie found herself in a large room, modest for the King's standards. A long oval table was in the centre and a chair lay, broken, on the floor along with an upturned silver platter and scattered grapes and cherries and pieces of chicken.

Malachai sat at the head of the table, his heavy breathing the only sign that he'd had a rage before Bonnie came into the room. He was peeling a green apple with a knife and didn't look at Bonnie as she stood at the other end of the table.

"Your Majesty—"

"Who was that man in the corridor?" said Malachai, as the skin of the apple spiralled onto the table.

Bonnie blinked before saying anything. "Lorenzo? He's a musician, you know who he is," she said.

Malachai sliced a sliver of apple and looked up at Bonnie, his expression deceptively blank. "Who is he," he said, putting the slice in his mouth, "to you?"

"He's no one, a friend of the family."

"A friend of the family," said Malachai, his voice steady. "He spent time with your father?"

"And cousin. He entertained guests when the occasion called for it," said Bonnie.

Malachai raised his eyebrows and continued to slice the apple. "He never courted you?"

"He's a musician," said Bonnie distastefully. "You believe my worth so low that my father would even deign to consider a proposal."

"I believe," said Malachai sharply. "That he is in love with you. What happened?"

"Nothing happened."

Malachai banged his fist on the table, slamming the knife down. "DO NOT LIE TO ME!" he roared. "The way he looked at you—"

"And how did he look at me? The way you look at other women?"

Malachai stood up so quickly his chair crashed onto the floor. His eyes were blazing with fury. "I have looked at no other women. I can't even see any other woman since we've met. The only woman I can ever see is you!"

"And how many of your conquests have you said this to?"

Malachai strode up to her. "Are you calling me dishonest?"

Bonnie stuck out her neck and lifted the broach, tugging the chain so it bit into her neck. "Who else have you given jewels like these to? Catherine? When you fucked her?" Bonnie shook her head frantically and turned away from Malachai, rubbing her temples. She laughed. "You're probably still fucking her now!"

"I haven't been with a woman for six months! I have resorted to self-abuse for you, risking my immortal soul to the perils of hell for you! Six months, Bonnie!"

She whirled around on him. "What are you trying to say, that you want to be with other women? Are you asking for my permission? Maybe you want to be with Caroline, is that it? Is that what you want?"

Malachai seized Bonnie by the arms and thrust her to him so that their noses nearly touched. "I want you!" he yelled. "I want you so much I can't think! For the life of me, I can't breathe without thoughts of you! What do I have to do to prove that I love you?"

"MAKE ME YOUR WIFE."

"I AM TRYING!" Malachai yelled. Abruptly, he let go of Bonnie so that she staggered backward and he started to pace. "What do you think has been happening these past few months? I may be warring with France and Spain, the treasury is slowly depleting, there might be an outbreak of sweating sickness in the kingdom but I have dispatched everyone I can to deal with this Great Matter. I am trying, Bonnie."

"Not hard enough," she said, folding her arms. "You won't listen to me about Lockwood."

Malachai growled. "Not this again!"

"He is deliberately standing in the way of this divorce, he favours Caroline."

"He favours me!"

"He hates me! He always has and now he is keeping you from what is rightfully yours, which is anything! Everything! All these delays, all these excuses —"

"He is meeting with the conclave now! He assures me they will rule in our favour."

"And you just take him at his word?"

"Yes!"

Bonnie scoffed. "This is just a game to you isn't it? I could've been married by now!"

Malachai looked sharply at her. "What did you just say?"

Bonnie felt herself tremble, her legs felt weak, the adrenaline and excitement of the argument was impacting her body. This wasn't how she was supposed to broach the subject of Tyler. Damon and her father had wanted her to apply gentle pressure, subtle hints, to plant seeds of doubt so small that when Malachai felt the need to dispatch Tyler, he would think the idea entirely his own. But Bonnie couldn't do that. She'd been whispering doubt about Tyler for weeks but now she was beyond manipulation and scheming, she was frenzied and wanting and desperate to be with the King and Tyler's investment in making that happen seemed half-hearted at best.

"I said I could be married to a dutiful husband who loves me and I could've been with child by now, a son, which is the best a woman can hope for in this life. I could've had it but I am here instead, wasting my youth and my time waiting for a question that will never be asked!"

"I will ask it! We will have sons!"

"No, we will have Tyler's excuses and I will have your empty promises while you're probably fucking that wench Catherine Moore!" She turned around and started walking. She pushed through a door that led to the room she had walked through to get to the apartment.

Footsteps behind her. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

"HOME," said Bonnie, pushing through another door. "My sister can serve Caroline in my stead and I can join my cousin at the estate."

"Your cousin, Damon."

"Yes."

"Who will be entertaining Lorenzo during his stay in England."

Bonnie threw her hands up in the air. "I have no idea, Malachai! Perhaps!"

"Stop walking."

"I said I was —"

"I am the King of England and I said stop walking!"

Bonnie's hands were on the last door leading out to the corridor she had come in from and she turned around to face Malachai.

"You want to see, hmm? You want to see?" he said, his voice frantic and agitated.

"See what? What?"

"You want to see how much I love you?" Malachai wrenched open the door that led to the corridor and brought in a servant. "Gather the men that you need and escort Lady Catherine and her family out of Court. They are banned, never to return, and once they leave, prepare the apartments for Sirs Saltzman and Salvatore."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"And bring me the musician, Lorenzo."

Bonnie screamed. "I told you nothing happened with Lorenzo!"

"Good!" Malachai yelled back.

They glared at each other, flushed and out of breath, the air ripe with their yearning, heavy with their lustful rage. There was a knock on the door and Lorenzo was presented. For a brief second he glanced at Bonnie and then he bowed to Malachai. "Your Majesty."

"Stand up," said Malachai sharply.

Lorenzo obeyed.

"Come over here, to this desk," said Malachai, walking to a corner of the room. Lorenzo shifted his weight nervously and then walked over to the desk. Malachai revealed the knife he'd been using to slice the apple and started to caress the blade.

"I presume you use your left hand to hold the lute?"

"Yes, Your Majesty," said Lorenzo, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"Put your hand on the desk, Lorenzo."

"Your Majesty …?"

Malachai didn't repeat himself and simply stared at Lorenzo until he did what he was told. Bonnie watched from the other side of the room, apprehension and anticipation churning within her, terrorizing her mind with a conflicted excitement.

There was a beat of silence and then in an abrupt motion, Malachai brought the blade down onto Lorenzo's forefinger, splitting it in half. Lorenzo screamed and Bonnie gasped. Blood pooled onto the wood of the desk. Lorenzo fell onto the floor, using his right hand to cradle his left, rolling back and forth, crying profusely.

"Get out," said Malachai coldly.

Lorenzo struggled to stand up. He bowed and whimpered, "Y-y-your M-majesty…"

He moved to pick up his finger but Malachai tutted, waving the knife from side to side in a wagging motion. "That stays," he says.

Lorenzo's tears intensified. "M-m-majesty." He headed toward the door.

"I also expect you to play for us this evening, Lorenzo. If you don't show then I will be very displeased."

Lorenzo blubbered and ran out of the room, down the corridor. Malachai turned to Bonnie, his face rigid but his eyes burning with an intensity that made her pulse quicken. With a few strides he was in front of her and Bonnie pressed herself against the wall as he pierced his eyes into hers, robbing her of breath.

"You're mine," he whispered, a menace to his tone that deepened his voice to a husk that seduced Bonnie's senses. "I don't ever want to hear you mention marrying another man, do you understand?"

Bonnie thrust her mouth onto Malachai's, biting his bottom lip and he groaned in response, flattening her against the wall with his body. Hurriedly, he dug his way through her skirts to her leg, hitching it on his hip. He rocked into her, his hardness pressing against her ache and she whimpered as he skimmed his lips along her neck, kissing her chest, burrowing into her cleavage. "Say it," he gasped, the tip of his tongue skating her collarbone. "Say that you're mine."

Bonnie slipped her hands under his shirt, flattening her palms over his torso so that he closed his eyes and sighed. She wanted to feel every bit of him that she could within the confines of her own restrictions and she gently ran her nails over his chest , making him shudder. Malachai shook his head and kissed her with an urgency that made Bonnie gasp with surprise, he pressed his hand against the wall above her and rocked into her again, harder this time so that she yelped. He nuzzled her neck, his hands squeezing her waist, digging into the material of her dress. "Say that you're mine."

"I'm yours," said Bonnie breathlessly.

"No one else's, mine alone."

"Yours alone."

"Yes," whispered Malachai, triumphant.

Bonnie quickly brought her hands to his hose, unfastening them so she could slide her hand beneath the waistband. She grabbed a hold of Malachai and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck!"

Long, drawn-out moans escaped his lips as she rubbed him. Bonnie kissed him again and he responded with fierce enthusiasm, his tongue massaging hers as her hand massaged him. Bonnie pressed her lips against his neck, kissing him along his jaw. She tugged on his earlobe with her teeth, then sucked it gently so that he shuddered again. "Are you?" she whispered. "Mine?"

"Yes," he whispered hoarsely. "Yes, I'm yours."

Bonnie circled her thumb over his tip and she felt him nearly buckle. "You want me to be your wife?"

"Yes." His voice cracked and he kissed her savagely. Bonnie wrenched away from him and he lowered his head to her neck, kissing her shoulder, his breathing loud and heavy and ragged. He was close, she could tell. He lowered his hand and put it over hers to intensify the massage, kissing her chest, his nose between her cleavage.

"You'll do anything to make that happen," whispered Bonnie, quickening her movements.

"Anything," said Malachai, his voice cracking and breathy and strangled. "Anything, I swear it, anything, I — aaaargh."

Bonnie finished and Malachai leaned against her, deflated, slowly kissing her neck. "I'll do anything for you, Lady Bonnie," he whispered.

"They ruled against."

Panic seized Tyler and he grabbed a hold of Jeremiah's robes, yanking him forward. "That is unacceptable!"

"They say the papal dispensation granting his marriage to Caroline holds."

Tyler yelled, pushing Jeremiah back. He put his hand to his head, rubbing his temples, remembering how Malachai struck him the last time he delivered bad news about his Great Matter. "I don't think you understand what the sheer magnitude of the King's displeasure is going to be once he discovers this."

"Perhaps things are not as dire as you presume them to be," said Jeremiah. "The King has had passions before, it is true this one has outlasted the others but that isn't to say—"

"No, no, no, no, no, he is in love with her!" said Tyler desperately. "His dalliances last a few weeks at most, this has been nearly seven months and he has seen no other women in this time! He had mutilated people, banished people, good people, from court, he is consumed and will not rest until he is married to her."

"She is a bastard."

"Her father legitimized her the minute she was born."

"Her heritage is questionable."

"And the King loves her," said Tyler sharply.

Jeremiah regarded him. "Is she really such a woman?"

Tyler said nothing and thought back to when he had delivered a message to the Lady Bonnie in court, how she had an air about her that intrigued and mystified — as if she was never what she seemed and only what she seemed, a truly self-possessed woman with a hint of provocation. "I have never seen the King in such a twisted way."

At that moment the doors banged open and Malachai appeared in Tyler's office, prompting Jeremiah and Tyler to bow.

"Well let's hear it," said Malachai. "Did you secure my divorce?"

Tyler straightened and cleared his throat. "Your Majesty … … the conclave … the conclave, they have seen fit to … they …"

"For the love of God man, spit it out!"

"They have ruled in favour of Caroline," said Tyler quietly. "They believe the papal dispensation renders your marriage to the Queen valid."

Everything within Malachai was screaming with outrage, with frustration, with an anger that burned him. Every second without Bonnie at his side was a second he was coming apart at the seams, the absence of her touch invoked in him a mania that turned him violent and the insult of being denied anything, everything he wanted enraged him beyond consolation. He needed her next to him, out of the reach of her cousin, of that musician, of all who dared to wedge themselves between them.

"Did you even try?"

"Your Majesty," said Tyler, trying to keep the indignation out of his voice. "Your Majesty I have been doing my very best to —"

"Well your best is not good enough! I am the fucking King and I can't get a measly divorce?"

"With the question of the Lady Bonnie's legitimacy and her … … heritage, I —"

"Excuses and delays! Justifications! I believe you are intentionally hindering this process!"

"Kai, listen to me—"

"Oh the time for 'Kai' is over, Tyler! You have been deliberately sabotaging this from the very beginning. And you, Jeremiah, have been aiding in his resistance!"

Jeremiah's eyes widened. "Your Majesty, I—"

"You're being absurd!"

Malachai glowered. "Are you calling your King absurd?"

"No," said Tyler quickly. "No, I —"

"Some time in the Tower should refocus both of your priorities."

"No," said Tyler. "No, Your Majesty, please —"

"Your Majesty, I beg of you," said Jeremiah.

Malachai regarded them, cold fury in his gaze, and then he turned on his heel to leave the office. As Tyler and Jeremiah moved to follow him, the two guards outside the office door barred the entrance and behind them Damon appeared, smirking and with a scroll in hand.

"I have been newly appointed to your position, Lockwood," he said. He addressed the guards. "Take these two to the Tower."

Malachai strode down the hallway, his mind plagued with memories of Bonnie: her hand around him, stroking him, teasing him, torturing him with pleasure. His lips on her chest, his tongue on her breasts. He wanted to see them bare, her bare. The frustrated longing to see her naked and breathless and his, raged throughout him, hardening him as he walked; the need to bind her to him in the eyes of God and the church and the entire kingdom frenzied him with urgency and the thought of Bonnie drowned out the clamouring of, "Your Majesty, please!" that echoed throughout the corridor.


	27. Possession

Malachai watched as Caroline squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to keep her composure.

"I want you to say the words," she said.

"Caroline…"

"After everything you and I have been through, my love, I need you to say it so I can understand."

"It's quite plainly stated in the decree," said Malachai quietly. "I have commanded that you and all of your ladies vacate the premises. There is a castle in Kent you can retire to."

"All of my ladies but one I presume," she said. "You will move that putain into my quarters."

"Do not speak of the Lady Bonnie in that manner, Caroline."

"Yes. Lady Bonnie. I am the Queen of England, it is my right to be in these apartments."

"Your right?" said Malachai, his voice dangerously soft. "You have no rights unless I grant them."

"You are my husband."

"Then you should honour me," said Malachai. "And you will do so by leaving."

Tears sprung to Caroline's eyes and Malachai sighed, shaking his head.

"Why are you being so cruel?"

"It is not my intention to be cruel, Caroline," said Malachai. "I am in love with another woman, I want to marry another woman, it isn't anything I can help. I do not love you."

"How can you say these things?"

"Because they're true," said Malachai severely. "You have to see that God has cursed this union. We have no male issue."

"If we tried—"

"We've been trying for years!" said Malachai.

Caroline pressed her lips together. "The Pope will not grant you a divorce."

"That is no longer a concern of mine," said Malachai. "You have one week to leave and once you do, you will refrain from referring to yourself as the Queen of England. You are now the Duchess of Kent."

Malachai turned on his heel to walk out of the room but Caroline's voice stopped him from pushing open the door.

"What lengths will you go to for this woman?" she said desperately. "You have broken my heart, imprisoned some of your most trusted advisors, is it true Jeremiah was driven mad in the Tower? That he committed suicide, dooming his soul to an eternity of hell? Have you cut out the tongue of a man who refused to acknowledge the Lady Bonnie? Tell me this is false gossip, Malachai, tell me there is a limit."

Malachai turned his head slightly. "I would burn this kingdom to the ground for her," he said, before walking out of the room, Caroline's cries following him down the hallway.

"Lady Bonnie."

"Lady Bonnie."

Bonnie entered the ballroom and the courtiers bowed as she passed, lowering their eyes and bending their heads. She knew the deep purple of her dress offended some, shocked many - royal colours on a woman not yet the Queen; an offence that regularly could and would result in banishment from court. However, when Malachai told her she would now be afforded all of the honours and rights attached to royalty, Bonnie decided to embody her new privileges in a way that allowed the public to understand her position.

They would sneer behind closed doors she knew: scoff at her heritage, her legitimacy - sympathize with Queen Caroline, the Queen of Queens, but publicly they would bow to her, publicly they would afford her their utmost respect or else suffer the King's displeasure because what pleased the King was seeing Bonnie pleased and that was all she cared about, all she ever cared to maintain. Most nights she lay awake, riddled with worry, sweating with anxiety that one day he would not want her, not love her, and if such a day ever came Bonnie was certain the grief would cease her heart. She needed him to need her with every ounce of his being, needed him to want her the way she wanted him - with a severity that obscured any and all rationality. It was why she'd had a fit a week earlier.

She'd been on her way to see Malachai when a servant had kept in step with her, carrying what appeared to be white linen.

"Stop" she told the boy. "What are these?"

"The King's shirts, my Lady," he said. "Queen Caroline only just finished sewing them."

The pain in her chest was swift and abrupt. "She still makes his shirts?"

"Well … yes, my Lady …"

Bonnie pressed her lips together. "Give them to me. I will see them to His Majesty."

The servant hesitated for a brief second and then handed over the shirts, bowing as he did. Bonnie forced a smile and then took off swiftly down the hall to her own apartments rather than Malachai's. Her hands trembled with the linen and once she was behind the safety of closed doors, she started to tear each one apart, screaming with every rip, crying with every scream.

"How could he hurt me like this?" Rip. "Why would he do this? I hate him!" Rip. Rip. RIP. "I hate him for doing this to me! Twisting me around like this! I HATE HER! THAT WENCH!"RIIIIIIIIIIP.

Even when the shirts were scraps of fabric on the table, on the chair, on the floor, Bonnie took a knife and dug the tip of the blade into the linen, haphazardly moving her hand so that she scratched surfaces, tearing the linen into ragged pieces. Quickly, she dashed the knife to the side and howled, clenching her hair in her hands. She needed to talk to him, demand an explanation but not like this, not when she was this undone. But she had to talk to someone. Someone who would understand. Not Damon. Not Papa. Elena.

Bonnie rushed out of her corridor, pushing through doors to adjoining rooms until she reached Elena's quarters. She was about to walk into the room when she heard a voice. A man's voice. Bonnie moved closer to the door.

"My Lady, I …" A nervous chuckle. It was the knight. Stefan.

"Yes?" said Elena.

"May I kiss you?"

A giggle. Silence. After a few moments Bonnie opened the door, catching Stefan and Elena in an embrace, chaste and nervous and passionate. Quickly they pulled apart and Stefan rose to his feet, bowing immediately. "My Lady Bonnie," he said. "Forgive me. This was my doing, I had insisted on a private audience with your sister, she had tried to stop -"

"No!" Elena stood up as well. "No, I asked him to -"

Bonnie waved her hands impatiently. "I do not care!" she said. "Stefan, please leave us I need to talk to my sister."

"Of course." He bowed once more and then turned to Elena, trying to contain a smile as he bent his head in deference and then left the apartments.

"Before you start, I know you told me he was beneath us but Bonnie, I -"

"Did you not hear me say that I do not care?"

Elena's eyes widened in slight alarm. She regarded Bonnie. "What has happened to you?" She glanced at Bonnie's hands and then hurried toward her to examine them more closely. "Your palms are all cut."

"Shirts," said Bonnie. "Caroline still makes his shirts."

"The King's?"

"YES, THE KING'S! Who else would I be talking about?"

"They're only shirts, Bonnie"

"No, no, they're not only shirts, they're intimacy! It's a ritual, it's something private between them that I can't touch!"

"I'm sure it's nothing, honestly," said Elena. "The King loves you."

"Are you certain?" said Bonnie. "What if he's tired of me? What if he goes back to her?"

"He has done so much for you, for Papa, for Damon, for this family. He expresses his affection for you publicly, people are required to bow to you, Bonnie, he is giving you everything."

"Except a marriage!"

"His divorce will be granted in time."

"It has been a year and a half!"

"And if he did not truly love you he would have stopped all of this by now, he would not make new decrees, he would not sleep separate from the Queen, he would not bestow you with jewels and gifts, he is challenging the Pope Himself for you, I do not understand your agitation."  
"But don't you?" said Bonnie. "When I'm with him it's impossible for me to think, it's impossible for me to breathe, he's everywhere in me and it's …" Bonnie shook her head. "It's awful. It's so utterly awful but it's also…" She exhaled heavily. "Wonderful. Transcendental. And then … and then when we're parted from one another I feel like I'll cease to exist from this world without him and I … I hate him for it, dear sister, for making me want him so much that his absence makes me feel like I will truly die but what's worse is that I hate him even more for not being at my side. So any private gesture, any private moment, private routine that he has with a woman who isn't me especially if that woman is Caroline, it drives me mad simply thinking about it. Don't you understand that? Isn't that what you have with Stefan, why you continue seeing him despite my express warning against it?"

Elena stayed quiet for a moment. "I feel like I can finally breathe whenever Stefan is around me. He makes me glad to be alive, like every moment on this earth is worth remembering." She furrowed her eyebrows and then searched Bonnie's expression. "What you described … is that really how the King makes you feel?"

"Yes," said Bonnie blandly.

"It sounds … forgive me, sister, because I love you with all my heart and I would never want to upset you but it sounds as if he consumes you and should he continue … it's as if … he would perhaps destroy you?"

"Yes," said Bonnie again. "And I yearn for it with all my heart and I can't stop even when I try my hardest. I had not expected this when I agreed to …" She sighed, rubbing her eyes with her fingers. "I must go, excuse me."

"No, you can't leave like this, you're out of sorts."

"I must see him."

Bonnie left Elena's quarters and walked swiftly to Malachai's. She ranted at him for what felt like hours before silencing herself and standing still in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"This is why you're upset?" he'd said. "Over shirts?"

"Do not patronize me, Malachai. It isn't over between you two."

"Because of shirts?"

"Because you two still have a routine!" Bonnie yelled. "Am I meant to share you with her?"

"Of course not, they're only shirts! I hadn't thought anything of it, that's how inconsequential they are. I do have a kingdom to run, I do have other priorities, important priorities that require my attention more than who makes my shirts! It's fabric, Bonnie."

"It's your intimacy with her," she said. "It's fine then, if we're allowed to have intimacies with other people perhaps I should create some of my own, there are some new faces at court. New, handsome, wealthy faces."

Abruptly, Malachai expression sharpened, his eyes darkened with a dangerous intensity. "What did I say about mentioning other men?"

"What you said is relevant."

"Do not test me, Bonnie."

"Do not disregard me. Are you mine or are you hers?"

"I'm yours, you know that."

"Prove it," said Bonnie.

Malachai stared at her. "I will take care of everything."

Bonnie gave her head a slight nod. "Your Majesty." She turned to walk out of the room but Malachai caught her by the waist and brought her to him, her back pressed against his front. Bonnie held her breath as he slipped his hand around her middle, his fingers caressing her through the fabric of her dress. He nuzzled her behind the ear, his lips grazing her neck and she arched her back, sighing heavily despite herself.

"I burn for you," he whispered.

Bonnie exhaled. "Your Majesty…"

"You harden me to distraction," he breathed.

She felt his readiness against her and it spawned an ache between her legs that throbbed. "Malachai, please…"

He skated the tip of his tongue along the curve of her neck and Bonnie closed her eyes; she put her hand on his, clenching his fingers as he massaged her waist. "Tell me," he said. "Do you? Burn for me?"

"Yes," Bonnie gasped. "You know I do."

And then, ignoring the desire raging throughout her body, she pulled away from. "Take care of it," she said breathlessly before stumbling out of the room.

And now he was. Taking care of it. He was removing Caroline from the palace while Bonnie attended a feast held in her honour. She took note of the guests, of the ones who appeared to embrace the new order and of those who only tolerated her presence. She would know what enemies she'd made.

Damon stood in a corner and watched Bonnie stroll into the ballroom. He couldn't take his eyes off her, off the regality she exuded in her stance, in her dress; it angered him. She did not appear to be a woman playing a part, she appeared to be a taken woman, a woman who had given herself over, drowning in the affection of the King. That was not what was supposed to happen. He wondered if she'd slept with the King already and the curiosity made him narrow his eyes. It was impossible to explain to even himself - her dalliances with Lorenzo irritated him but did not bother him because she hadn't wanted him, she had wanted to amuse herself but she wanted Malachai, it was plain and intense in its sincerity, and Damon hadn't wanted Bonnie to want anyone, he had wanted her forever removed. Like him. He would have her in their shared disdain for others, for each other, for the frivolity of love. And now here she was. In love.

"Nephew."

Damon turned to his side and saw that Alaric had joined him. "Uncle," he said. "How was your trip abroad?"

"Productive," said Alaric. "Our diplomatic efforts across Europe are going well. How are things here? Have you managed to secure our divorce?"

Damon sighed. "I am close to-"

"That isn't what I want to hear!" said Alaric sharply.

"Uncle, Bonnie has been given every privilege of the Queen, she even wears the Queen's jewels. The King has begun to prepare for her coronation, we simply need more time to-"

"Unofficial. All of it. Our status is precarious, Damon, without the security of Bonnie being named Queen. If all of our efforts fail because you were unable to deliver on a simple task, you will call me Uncle no more, you understand?"

Damon swallowed hard. "I will speak to my dear cousin, see if she can illuminate the issue any further."

Bonnie braced herself as Damon walked toward her. When he was a couple of feet away he bowed. "Lady Bonnie," he said. "A dance?"

She smiled tightly. "Certainly dear cousin."

Damon took Bonnie's hand and they walked onto the middle of the floor. He looked at Lorenzo to start playing a tune and for a brief moment Lorenzo's expression was darkened with what looked like longing and jealousy but when Bonnie turned her head in his direction, he lowered his gaze and began playing, his wooden finger awkwardly clutching the lute. Bonnie and Damon began to dance.

"I hardly see you anymore, dear cousin," said Damon.

"Your responsibilities keep you busy," said Bonnie.

"As do yours," said Bonnie. He leaned in close as they twirled. "For that is what this is, Bonnie. Your responsibility."

Bonnie pushed away from Damon and spun, seeing the inquisitive eyes of the courtiers on her. Damon glided toward her.

"You think I'm unaware of my responsibility?" Bonnie whispered.

"I think you were selfish enough to fall in love," said Damon. "This is to elevate our family not for you to find a husband."

"Finding a husband, finding this husband is how I elevate this family," said Bonnie through clenched teeth.

"But that isn't your prime concern anymore."

"Everything will go according to plan as long as it remains one of my concerns, Damon."

"If you ruin this for us because you choose to follow your heart and -"

"Ruin this for us?" Bonnie repeated. "You are in charge of securing His Majesty's divorce, where is it? What have you done? Eighteen months I have been waiting for you to deliver him to me, waiting to bear his sons, waiting to share his bed and you have failed me consistently."

"Bonnie, listen to yourself, you sound like a fool, how can you possibly expect me to believe that you have taken our family's status seriously when all you want is the man?"

"As we speak, he is removing Caroline from the premises," said Bonnie. "He is planning my coronation and we are getting married without the Pope's permission, His Majesty has decided to break from the sea of Rome."

Damon stared at her. "That will have repercussions."

"And he has decided to face them in the name of marrying me. If you could simply secure an annulment or a divorce then we wouldn't have to go to such lengths, alas you're utterly useless. Do not lecture me on responsibility, Damon, I am doing what you cannot."

"Because you love him."

"And if that is the reason?"

Bonnie made to spin outward once more but Damon held hr to him, gripping her wrist painfully tight. "Have you bedded him?"

"Let me go."

"Answer the question."

"What business is it of yours?"

"It is entirely my business," said Damon. He pierced his eyes into hers, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. Her refusal to answer the question agitated him with a worry that was unfamiliar to him, that sickened him, that made him hate her. "Why must you madden me so? Answer me."

Bonnie opened her mouth to speak but the music stopped playing; there was a sudden tension in the room, a shiver rippled throughout the crowd and then everyone was bowing. Damon released Bonnie from his grasp and turned around to see Malachai taking slow, deliberate steps toward them. Immediately, Damon bowed and Bonnie curtseyed. Malachai stood in front of Damon who remained bowed. He regarded the top of his black-haired head and was stricken with a violent desire to see his head removed from his body.

"Leave us," said Malachai. "I believe there are some matters of state that require your attention."

"Majesty," said Damon as he swiftly left the dance floor.

Malachai made a gesture with his hand that let Lorenzo know he could continue playing the music and chatter slowly began to fill the room again. Malachai put his fingers beneath Bonnie's chin and gently lifted her head to him, allowing her to stand back up. Neither of them said anything as he gazed at her, the corners of his mouth taut, his eyes blazing. He touched her wrist, the one Damon had held onto, and raised it to him, tracing his finger over her veins. Bonnie's lips parted but she said nothing; there was a danger to Malachai's expression, a tumultuous anger that robbed her of speech. Abruptly, he crossed the dance floor to the ballroom's other exit, prompting the courtiers to bow once more. Bonnie chased after him out into the corridor.

"Malachai-"

He whirled around on her, pushing her against the wall, pinning her wrists above her head. "Your cousin is too familiar with you."

"He's my family."

"He oversteps!" Malachai roared. "I should have him beheaded."

"To what end?"

"To my own satisfaction," he said bitterly. His face contorted. "You let him touch you."

Bonnie's eyes sharpened and their greenness intensified to a vividness that weakened Malachai. "How could you possibly be angry with me?" she said indignantly. "He is like a son to my father and I-"

"I hate that his hands were on you. All I want is to claim you with mine and you won't allow-" Malachai gritted his teeth. He released Bonnie's hands as he ran one through his hair. "You are torturing me with your absence, it's killing me, Bonnie, and now you're attempting to deny me the right to punish the man who touched you?"

"I have no right to harm Caroline though seeing her punished for standing in my way of you would bring me nothing but unrestrained joy, why should you be afforded what I'm denied?"

Malachai shouted. "Because any man's hand should be removed for touching the wife of the King!"

"But I am not your wife!"

They glared at each other, their chests heaving and faces flushed. Malachai grabbed Bonnie by the wrist and stormed down the hall.

"Where are you taking me?"  
Malachai didn't respond but continued to walk.

"Where are you going?" Bonnie nearly tripped over her feet. "Malachai, what are you doing?"  
"Making you my wife!" he yelled.


	28. Cursed

Torches bathed the chamber in dim light and Bonnie and Malachai stood in front of a priest; Damon, Elena and Alaric behind them, two of Malachai's advisors beside Bonnie's family. They were underground in a private room that would almost be dank if it weren't for the candles, if it weren't for the reason why they were there.

Bonnie's entire body was humming; she was faint, lightheaded, she felt as if her chest would collapse in on itself. It was the most exhilarating experience of her life, she was agitated with anticipation, with the desire to finish the ceremony quickly but she was also breathless with nervousness and the sensations were overwhelming her that it was difficult to simply stand. Malachai had given her enough time to adorn herself in dresses of white. After he pulled her away from the ballroom she stopped walking.

"What are you doing? What do you mean you are making me your wife?"

"I mean that I am marrying you!"

"Now? This instant?"

He turned around sharply, his expression frenzied. "YES," he said. "I am at my wit's end! I can't – I cannot take this anymore, Bonnie! Can you?"

She shook her head slightly. "No," she whispered. "No, waiting for you has been unbearable."

"I will not stand to be denied you any longer."

"Caroline is still —"

"Caroline is dead as far as I'm concerned, she means nothing to me, she is certainly no longer my wife."

"The coronation —"

Malachai gritted his teeth in exasperation. "That will happen in a month's time! Everything you have asked of me will be delivered, will you truly deny me your hand?"

Bonnie knew she should wait, that she should officially be made Queen before giving herself over, that was the smart choice, the calculated choice, that had been the plan but her God-given sense, as Alaric had called it, had been drowned out, obliterated by the intensity of Malachai's gaze. She ached for him and had been for eighteen months, her desire for him cursed her and she longed to be rid of it, to be blessed with affection rather than damned with sultry wanting.

"No," she said finally. "I won't deny you anything. I can't."

Her words made Malachai sigh and her eyes fluttered at the sound. "Get yourself prepared, I will gather the witnesses needed. Half past midnight, Bonnie. Do not be late."

Malachai stood next to Bonnie as the Priest recited the rites but he couldn't concentrate on the words; he was burning, seething with impatience, with yearning. Simply standing next to her excited him, her scent was intoxicating and it dazed him; a year and a half abstaining from her … the wait had made him want to jump out of his skin, had turned him violent toward any man who dared look at her, she was inside him twisting him with longing and the need for satiation had overcome him. The words for them to kiss had barely been uttered, Bonnie had barely turned toward him before Malachai thrust his lips against hers, his hands on either side of her face.

It happened instantly. Bonnie reached up and grabbed Malachai's head, clenching his hair, pushing him into her. She sucked on his bottom lip as he opened her mouth with his; he slid his hand down to her throat, she grasped his wrist. "Out," he said between kisses. He pulled away slightly so that his lips still grazed Bonnie's. "Everyone out."

No one moved but looked at each other, confused. A growl erupted in Malachai's throat. "OUT!" he roared. "All of you out now! Out!"

"Majesties."

They bowed and scurried to the exit and once the footsteps were distant echoes, Bonnie moved to kiss him again but Malachai fell to his knees in front of her. Abruptly he started tearing the front of her dress.

Bonnie gasped and flinched from the severity of the noise. "Malachai!"

He ripped another long piece of fabric, discarding it hastily.

"You're ruining the dress."

"I don't care," he said, tearing another piece, becoming more insistent.

"Mala—"

"I will give you another dress, hundreds, thousands of dresses," he said frantically.

He used both of his hands to tear off another piece and breathed heavily at seeing Bonnie's legs. He skated his fingertip along her calf, looking up at her, gauging every shift in her expression as his hand massaged her skin. With each touch, the greenness of her eyes simultaneously darkened and brightened, enrapturing him, pulling him into its depths, urging him to explore further, plunge deeper. Malachai bent forward, grazing his lips along the inside of Bonnie's leg, her breath hitched in her throat and he hardened, pulsated at her yearning. He nuzzled her between her thighs, the tip of his tongue pushing against her undergarments and she clenched his shoulder, biting her lip.

"Kai," she gasped.

Hearing his name on her lips, desperate and wanting aroused something in Malachai and he stood up, lifting Bonnie onto him, so that she wrapped her legs around his middle; he stepped forward, slamming her back to a wall, making her yelp. Quickly, she kissed him, her hands gripping his neck and her unexpected urgency made Malachai clench her beneath her thighs as he thrust into her, his hose straining against his hardness. Hastily, Bonnie unfastened the ties to his waistband and slipped her hand beneath it, her fingers exploring the intensity of his readiness but Malachai grabbed her by the wrist and pinned it above her head against the wall.

"You can't," he said, his breathing ragged. "I won't be able to control what happens if you touch me." He could barely control himself now; the excitement was almost too much to bear.

"I want you," whispered Bonnie.

Malachai groaned and guided himself into her, making Bonnie inhale sharply. He attempted to relish the moment, to suspend himself in time within her, to indulge in her, but he wanted her too much for that and began to thrust. Bonnie whimpered as Malachai pushed into her, clenching her legs even harder around him, slipping her hands down his back, to his behind, pushing him into her, urging him on.

"Yes," she sighed.

Malachai put one hand against the wall, allowing himself to thrust harder as he pressed Bonnie against the brick. She put her hands on the back of his head, bringing him to her chest and he nuzzled her cleavage then was suddenly inflamed with rage at the fabric that covered her, that denied him every inch of her. Malachai held Bonnie tightly as he stepped away from the wall and turned, bringing her to the floor. He tore open the front of her dress, exposing her and quickly brought his mouth to her breasts, kissing them with a frenzy that made Bonnie bow off the ground. Abruptly, she sat up, pushing him onto his back and straddled him, grinding down on him so that he cried out and swore, his face an expression of tortured pleasure. He wouldn't last much longer, not like this, each sway of her hips brought him closer to the edge and it was a sensation so intense that he almost hated her for making him feel something he could barely handle but wanted to crest for as long as possible. Bonnie threw her head back as Malchai palmed her breasts, closing her eyes to relish the feeling — eighteen months she had wanted this, hungered for this, eighteen months she had endured for this, for him, for them, it was worth it, all of it.

"Come here," Malachai gasped. "Come down here to me."

Bonnie kissed him as she circled her hips, a strangled groan erupting from his mouth, she moved faster, kissed harder, he gripped her tighter and then all too soon they climaxed into oblivion.

Malachai lazily kissed Bonnie's neck as she dislodged from him. She lay heaving on her side; her body ached wonderfully; she was cloaked in a hazy satisfaction but … but … Bonnie felt her heart rate climb, her gut clench, her skin burn.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

She was supposed to be satiated, fulfilled, this was supposed to stop the maddening hunger that had swallowed her whole for months on end but now that she'd had Malachai, she wanted nothing else, she wanted all of him all the time, no pause, no break, she wanted to devour him completely. They had only been disentwined for a few minutes and she yearned for him with even more severity than she did before ever having him, the experience of him inside her had taken over her body, cursed it with a never-ending wanting, and she hated him for being so unaffected.

"You're too far away from me," she said. "You—"

Malachai reached over and turned her to him, kissing her harshly, shifting his position so that he was on top of her. He grabbed her leg and wrapped it around his middle, his hand sliding up the side of her thigh. "I am nowhere near finished with you," he whispered.

"It has been twelve days."

"Yes but His Majesty is —"

"He hasn't left his bedroom in twelve days! Is he ill?"

"No, His Majesty is, he is newly married and —"

"He has been newly married before but still ran the country!"

"Yes, well —"

Damon stormed down the corridor with three advisors. "These all need his signature."

"Yes, Your Grace, however —"

They were fifty feet away from the King's apartment when they heard the screams; Bonnie's whimpers and Malachai's groans, their cries echoing throughout the corridor. Damon felt bile at the back of his throat. "This is what he has been doing for twelve days? No one has tried to interrupt them?"

"Well some have tried but…"

Damon turned to see the blackened eye of one of the advisors who immediately lowered his head. "This is preposterous," he muttered.

Bonnie's cries made Damon's eye twitch. Consummation was necessary for an heir and an heir was necessary to secure their status but what he was hearing wasn't perfunctory, what he was hearing was carnal and it made him want to ram his fist into the wall.

"I don't care if he bludgeons you to death, one of you get him to the council meeting immediately," he said before walking swiftly back down the hall.

The pounding on the door was incessant; hesitant yet determined but the most immediate sound to Bonnie was Malachai's moaning as she kissed him along his chest, to his stomach, to his belly … she hovered, grinning to herself when frustration strangled his groan.

He looked up at her, his eyes blazing. "Don't you dare stop," he whispered.

The knocking persisted. "Your Majesty, please … urgent matters … His Grace, Damon Salvatore …"

Bonnie rolled her eyes and sat up, itching the back of her head. Malachai's expression tightened. "What's happened?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Your cousin's name was mentioned and your passion left you."

"It isn't possible for my passion to leave me, I wish it were, I could get some sleep, I could rest, my sanity would be returned to me," said Bonnie. "That isn't what happened."

"So then what did happen?" Malachai stared at her for a few moments before sliding off the bed. "How close were you two?" he asked, pulling on a shirt.

"As close as cousins are, I suppose."

"Well that could mean many things, Bonnie," said Malachai. "Betrothal was never mentioned?"

"No."

"Never?"

Bonnie sighed. "His mother was dubious about my origins despite the fact that my father chose to recognize me as his legitimate daughter."

"And had you been born within wedlock?"

"Why ask questions we have no answers to?"

"Are you saying you can't answer whether or not you would be attracted to Damon if you two were allowed to wed?"

"That wasn't the question!"

More knocking. "Your Majesty, I beg of you…"

"I am coming!" he roared. "Idiots!"

Bonnie furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her bare chest. The inability to see her nakedness irritated Malachai. "You are leaving?" said Bonnie.

"Yes."

"Why? To punish me?"

Malachai scoffed as he pulled on his hose. "Not everything revolves around you," he said. "There are urgent matters I've ignored for more than a fortnight. Taking care of this country is something I'm supposed to be concerned with, am I not?"

Bonnie glared but said nothing. It was true. He was the king. He had matters of state, matters of war, peace treaties … all things that needed his attention and yet she felt a rage impossible to quell or contain.

"Fine." Bonnie stood up and started to dress. Malachai looked at her.

"Where are you going?"

"Do you expect me to stay in this bedroom for hours? I have matters to attend to as well. My coronation is in a few days, I should pick my ladies."

"I pick your ladies," said Malachai.

"Why, so you can fuck them?"

When Malachai didn't answer, something in Bonnie flared. She walked over to the dresser and threw a bottle of perfume so that he had to duck his head as the glass smashed against the wall behind him. "ANSWER ME."

Malachai's eyes flashed and he strode across the room, seizing Bonnie by the shoulders. He slammed her against the door so hard that the advisor knocking on the other end of it gasped as the wood hit his head. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" said Malachai.

"Kings choose the ladies in waiting so they can sleep with them when it's convenient," she said. "That was why you chose them with Caroline. It's why you chose me to wait on her, is it not?"

"Yes it is," said Malachai harshly, his fingers digging into her skin.

"You would betray our bed?"

He wouldn't. He couldn't even if he wanted to; no other woman stirred him nor invoked any kind of lust in him. Bonnie was the only one who could speak to his body, irritate his urges, in fact inflaming them to the point of discomfort and no matter how many times he had her, his thirst for her was never slaked. She'd cursed him with an endless desire for her. But he refused to tell her that.

"I asked you a question," said Bonnie.

"Emissaries are coming this evening to show their loyalty before your coronation, do not be late," said Malachai. He opened the door. The advisor and the two servants guarding the entryway bowed but before the advisor lowered his head, his eyes quickly traced over Bonnie's silhouette and she immediately pulled her robes closer around her. Wordlessly, Malachai grabbed the advisor by his hair and slammed his head into the doorframe so that he cried out in pain. "AARGH."

Malachai turned to Bonnie. "Don't be late," he repeated before walking down the corridor. "Charles, brief me on the topics of discussion."

The advisor clenched his head as he walked swiftly to catch up to Malachai. "Yes, Your Majesty."

"Your passions with the King is the gossip of court," said Alaric. He sat at a table as Bonnie stood by a window. "Yet you are still without child."

"Yes, Papa," she mumbled.

"Do not think that just because you have married the King that you're free to relax, in fact our position is more precarious than ever, an heir will secure it and all will be well."

"It hasn't even been a month yet," said Bonnie. "I need time."

"As long as it's time to progress our plans and not time to enjoy yourself."

"Are the two really so antithetical?" said Bonnie.

Alaric regarded her. "You were foolish to fall prey to your own deception, Bonnie. Falling in love with the King—"

"Was not my intention," said Bonnie sharply. "It isn't something I asked for or wanted, in fact it has been nothing but an inconvenience, it's almost torturous but it happened and now—"

"And now if you want to keep the King's affections, what you need is an heir," said Alaric. "If you give the King a son then you will be untouchable but as it stands, there are still some who support Caroline."

"Tonight is an opportunity for the court to show their loyalty to me and to the King."

"Publicly, yes," said Alaric. "But it's the whispers we need to worry about, Caroline—"

"Stop saying her name!" Bonnie screamed. Alaric furrowed his eyebrows. She'd alarmed him but she couldn't help herself; it infuriated Bonnie that Caroline had had Malachai first, that they had a child together, that they'd shared half a decade together. A time in which Malachai had belonged to another woman was not a time Bonnie could stomach thinking about and every mention of Caroline's name reminded her of such a time.

"What has happened to you?" said Alaric.

"You happened to me! You and dearest Damon put this responsibility on my shoulders and now I am in love," said Bonnie distastefully. "And now I am descending into chaos and I cannot stop. You put me in his way! You did this to me, cursed me! Never mention that woman's name to me."

"Bonnie—"

"I mean it, Papa," she said. "Do not say her name. Why hasn't she just died yet? I keep hearing how ill she's been since departing the palace."

"With God's good Grace, she will be taken soon," said Alaric.

"Not soon enough."

"Well we could always … help matters," said Alaric.

Bonnie looked at him. "Your people in Naples?"

He nodded his head. "It would be more efficient than God's Grace."

Bonnie bit her lip. One step down that road was a step too far, a step that would mar her soul and send her into a descent of sin; it was a step that would damn her. And yet it seemed a small price to pay for insurance, for erasing a time before she was Malachai's wife. She was already corrupted with a longing that would never cease, a craving that would never lessen, Malachai's hold on her would never break and it felt both necessary and logical for Bonnie to take measures toward ensuring her hold on him was as permanent as his on hers.

"Would you go yourself?"

"The King is sending Damon there on matters of alliance. He could make the preparations," said Alaric. "In any case, while this will be completely untraceable, if any evidence of tampering does come to light it would be better for it to lead to Damon and not myself. A rogue cousin of the Queen as opposed to her own father."

Bonnie nodded. "Tell him to make the preparations," she said. "I want her gone, Papa."

Malachai tried to smile as the emissary of Venice presented his gift to him and Bonnie but it was difficult to concentrate when she held his hand on the armrest of his throne, her fingers moving gently across his skin. Even the simplest touch aroused him — he felt it everywhere on his body; a gentle pressure had begun to throb in his groin and he shifted in his seat, crossing his legs.

"Beautiful gift, grazi," said Bonnie smiling radiantly.

Malachai glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. It both infuriated and impressed him that she seemed to be completely unaffected by his presence, that she could carry on matters of diplomacy as he suffered with the urge to take her somewhere, anywhere private.

"Majesties."

The emissary bowed and walked backwards out of the room while a servant announced that a representative from Spain was ready to bestow his present.

Lorenzo watched as the King whispered something in Bonnie's ear, as she stared at him with an intensity that sickened Lorenzo with jealousy while also making him feel deeply uncomfortable. He watched as they started to kiss, a riotous embrace that compelled them to put their hands on each other's face, to shift in their seats to bring the other closer, that gave Lorenzo the impression that they'd forgotten they weren't alone. He wanted with all his might to look elsewhere but he could do nothing but stare at them in transfixed agony.

"You better look away unless you want your head to follow your finger," said a voice.

Lorenzo glanced behind his back to see Damon standing directly behind him. "That would be the wise choice, yes."

Damon scoffed. "After all this time you're still in love with her."

"Bonnie Bennett is not a woman easily forgotten," said Lorenzo. "She haunts my dreams, my waking hours … the memory of her driving me mad with grief."

"Lusting after the Queen is a grave offence."

"Is she the Queen yet?"

"That's treason."

"Will you arrest me? Behead me?" said Lorenzo sardonically.

"I may mention your views to the King," said Damon.

"Only because Bonnie maddens you as much as she maddens me," said Lorenzo. "You've always been worried about her falling in love with me and taking her away from you, now the man who's taken her is not one you can compete with."

"She isn't happy," said Damon, his tone slightly jubilant.

"No," said Lorenzo. "It's much worse than that. I cursed her, wishing she would experience the torture of a passion so strong it would consume her every thought, her every breath so that she no longer knows where she ends and where her lover begins, so that she would be maddened as I'm maddened. And now here we are."

Damon shook his head. "You artists are always so dramatic."

The Spaniard had left the room and the duke of Cambridge appeared in court. Malachai smiled brightly as he bowed.

"Come now," he said. "Rise."

The duke stood up and cleared his throat. "Your Majesty," he said, looking only at Malachai. "Your Majesty, you must know of the great love I harbour in my heart for you. I am the most loyal of subjects, I would gladly lay down my life for you, for our Mother England. It is because of my love for you that I have to object, I have to protest your marriage to this … this Bonnie Bennett."

The smile on Malachai's face vanished. Bonnie's eyes widened. The courtiers around the room began to gasp and hiss. "Shame!" they called out. "Shame!"

"I beseech Your Majesty to return to your rightful and lawful wife Queen Caroline who has stayed true and devoted to you. This Bonnie Bennett has mired you in lust and debauchery, corrupting your soul. You can no longer discern friend from foe, leaving his honourable Grace, Tyler in The Tower to rot. This putain —"

Bonnie wanted to run, scream, hide, cry. She knew this was what had been said in private but to hear it so directly, so publicly — the humiliation was mortifying, but that wasn't what scared her, what enraged her. The duke was trying to take Malachai away from her, trying to poison him against her and she wanted to bash his head into the wall for that, claw out his eyes, rip out his tongue. It alarmed her to discover that Tyler was still alive in The Tower, that he hadn't committed suicide or been put to death or expired from natural causes; it meant Malachai was holding on to his life before her and that frightened Bonnie immensely, which only made her hate the duke with even more severity which in turn made her hate Malachai for turning her inside out, for twisting her into this woman she couldn't recognize.

The crowd booed the duke but he continued to speak. "Queen Caroline—"

"Enough," said Malachai.

Immediately, the room silenced itself. Malachai stood up from his throne and walked slowly down the two steps of his platform to the floor, ambling over to the wall of windows, where a guard stood at attention, holding the English flag in his arms. Malachai seemed to stare at it for a while before taking it out of the guard's grasp. Swiftly, he ripped off the flag and used the pole to strike the duke in the face so that his head snapped to the side as he fell onto the ground, blood pooling from his head. Shocked gasps escaped the courtiers mouths as they put their hands to their faces.

Malachai threw the pole to the side. "This man has committed treason!" he yelled. "Take him to the Tower in preparation for his execution by hanging, drawing and quartering."

Two guards stepped forward and bowed before dragging the duke up. Lorenzo and Damon watched as the bloodied, unconscious man was pulled out of the room.

"Did you say I was being dramatic?" said Lorenzo. "They will tear this entire kingdom apart for each other."

Bonnie rose from the throne, prompting the courtiers to bow and she walked swiftly off the platform to a side exit, storming down the corridor. Almost immediately, she heard footsteps behind her.

"What do you think you're doing? You can't just leave in the middle of an engagement. You will be the Queen of England in two day's time!"

"The engagement was ruined."

"The engagement isn't ruined until I say it's ruined."

"Why is Tyler still in the Tower?" said Bonnie furiously.

"Because it pleases me."

"And what about what pleases me?"

Bonnie felt Malachai's hand on her arm and he yanked her into another room. Instantly, his mouth was on hers with a relish that made her blood scream and he fumbled with her dress, hitching the material up as he

"I please you," he said harshly. "Say it."

"You," whimpered Bonnie. "You please me."

Malachai groaned and kissed her harder, directing her toward a desk, lifting her onto it as he pushed the quills and parchment and books onto the floor. He moved his lips to her neck, putting his hand on the side of her face so that she sucked his thumb.

"You have to act like a Queen," he said, tugging on her leg so that she was brought closer to him.

"Yes," Bonnie gasped.

"No matter what, you will keep your composure," said Malachai, unfastening his hose. Bonnie stared at him. He was taking too long and she reached forward to help him with the strings.

"No matter what, Bonnie."

She didn't say anything. Malachai moved away from her and kneeled, plunging his head beneath her skirts, kissing the inside of her thighs, gently skating his lips along her skin so that she squirmed. Quickly, his mouth was on her, his tongue slowly massaging her ache so that a long, drawn-out moan escaped Bonnie's lips; she shifted her hips and clenched the back of Malachai's head, pushing his face into her but he didn't quicken his pace and continued to leisurely stroke with the tip of his tongue so that Bonnie was inflamed with yearning. She clenched the desk, her nails scratching the wood. Malachai blew on her and her back bowed.

"No matter what," she whispered.

Abruptly Malachai moved away from her and Bonnie's body contracted with resentment. He wasn't supposed to leave, he was supposed to continue! Faster. Harder. When he stood up, Bonnie slapped him and immediately he grasped her throat, pushing her back on the desk.

"Say it again," he said.

"You please me."

He entered her, thrusting quickly and with no hesitation so that Bonnie cried out immediately, her back chafing against the wooden desk. Malachai grunted and his movements quickly became erratic, he always wanted more with her and more immediately, and the desire to hear her screams, her moans, her cries for release was all that kept him from losing control too quickly.

Bonnie pounded on the desk, clenched her hair, grasped Malachai's neck. She raised her hips and clenched around him, tightened the grip of her legs, nothing she did could lessen the intensity of the excess, could soften the sharp pleasure that wreaked havoc on her body. Was nothing with this man ever in moderation?

"A — a —" Malachai's voice cracked. "Again."

"You please —"

Bonnie couldn't finish her sentence before she and Malachai lost themselves to climax, a powerful surge that made both of them call out. Malachai lay atop Bonnie for a few moments before extricating himself and fastening his pants. Bonnie sat up, breathing heavily, her sin slicked with sweat. She slipped off the desk, straightening her dress.

"We should return to the courtiers," said Malachai, turning to the door.

"Of course," said Bonnie. If only her body would listen to her words, instead, her skin hummed with his touch and with the yearning to feel it on her once more; her heart, which had slowed after the blissful release of orgasm was beginning to pound frantically against her chest, she was sore yet wanting.

Malachai put his hand on the doorknob but stayed where he was, paused at the entryway. Every nerve in his body was sensitized, attuned to Bonnie's presence.

"Fuck." Swiftly, he turned around and strode back up to her, lifting her and carrying her back to the desk, his mouth frenzied on her chest.

"Your Majesty."

"Your Majesty."

Bonnie walked through court, a group of ladies behind her. Malachai had chosen them well — they were pretty, yes, but loyal and Bonnie had made a note o treat them exceptionally well.

It had been a week since her coronation, which to Bonnie's disappointment, hadn't been a dazzling affair. Few countrymen appeared to welcome their new Queen and the small turnout had worried Bonnie, made her wonder if Malachai would question the decision to marry her but when she looked at him in the carriage, all he could look at was her, his eyes hungry and severe. She had promised him that no matter what she would keep her composure and so she had throughout the evening.

Today, however, she could barely contain her composure as she skipped along the corridor. A few feet from the King's offices, Lorenzo and Damon had appeared. Once they say her coming, they bowed.

"My Queen," they said.

Bonnie laughed.

"What brightens your spirits, Your Majesty?" said Damon, smiling tightly.

"I just have a strange hankering for apples," said Bonnie loudly. "I have already had four this morning. His Majesty has said it's a sign that I'm pregnant but it could just be a craving!"

Lorenzo swallowed hard, lowering his eyes and Bonnie giggled before continuing to Malachai's offices.

"You really think she's with child?" said Lorenzo.

Damon cleared his throat. "I'm a busy man," he said before storming off.

Bonnie bit her lip as Malachai regarded her. She was sitting on a settee, Malachai standing in front of her. "You are certain?"

She nodded. "Yes," she said. "Yes, I am carrying your son."

Malachai smiled wildly and set down on the chaise. He embraced Bonnie, kissing her passionately. "From now on I don't want you on your feet, your only duty is to rest."

"Yes, of course," said Bonnie, kissing his cheek, his lips, his nose.

A knock interrupted their embrace and Malachai grumbled. "What?" he yelled. "What? Who disturbs us at such a time?"

The doors opened and Alaric stepped forward, bowing before speaking.

"I am sorry to disturb…"

Malachai stood up and laughed, opening his arms to welcome Alaric in an embrace. "Nonsense," he said. "You will be the first to know, you are about to have a grandson."

Alaric looked from Malachai to Bonnie and when she nodded her head, he smiled. "Wonderful news, Your Majesty! I am most excited!"

"Makes two of us," said Malachai. "There will be a feast tonight, lots of wine!"

"But of course, I'll make the arrangements," said Alaric.

Malachai nodded his head and returned to his seat next to Bonnie. "Why is it that you came?"

Alaric opened his mouth but then hesitated. "Your Majesty, I have just received word…"

Malachai's smile slowly faded. "Yes?"

Alaric glanced at Bonnie. "The Duchess Caroline," he said. "She has passed away. Heart failure."


	29. Chaos

It was past midnight and yet Malachai lay awake in bed; it seemed like he'd laid awake in this bed for a thousand nights, but sleep was an impossibility. He would not be able to rest, not with her in bed next to him. Bonnie slept on her side, her hand beneath her swollen belly. Her body was curved into a sensuous S that Malachai yearned to press his front against with such a ripe intensity that everything in his body throbbed and screamed.

But he couldn't touch her.

He hadn't touched her since she announced her pregnancy. She forbade it, for the baby's sake. Malachai cursed such a limitation, it killed him as much as it enraged him to be deprived of the feel of her, but he understood why she did it. Sex could be dangerous for the child, they both knew that, but once he and Bonnie touched, their common sense evaded the both of them, nothing else mattered in the world, nothing else existed, except for that touch, except for them and what would happen between them and the body-breaking pleasure that overcame them when they came together. It was all they could think about it. So he'd respected her ban, and yet couldn't help but deeply resent her for it. Before, when she'd refused to take him to her bed until they married, what agitated Malachai was the anticipation, the fantasy, the idea of them together. But now that he knew what it felt like, now that he'd been swallowed whole by her, the deprivation was unbearable and took a physical toll unlike before; he was parched and ablaze, constantly uncomfortable, his own skin felt like a prison.

Every time he saw Bonnie, his desire for her steamrolled his body and more times than he could count, the urge had caused him to leap to his feet and walk purposefully toward her only for his intellect to make an appearance at the last minute so that he stopped short of grabbing her by the wrist and guiding her to the nearest private place, and bowed to her instead, intoning, "My Queen."

When he looked up at her upon rising from his bow, he could see in her eye that she knew exactly what he'd been close to doing, he could see in the movements of her lips that she was desperate for him to do it, that she'd had her own ideas of what to do in that nearest private place and she was as inflamed as he was, and that realization made him harden to the point of dizziness that he'd flee whatever room they were in to rectify the issue to the best of his ability.

Sleeping next to her was torture and yet sleeping alone was not an option. He wouldn't be blessed with rest in either situation but at least with her next to him he wouldn't be frenzied with worry for the safety of his son or crazed with paranoia that she entertained male suitors in her chambers. It had been a suspicion that taunted him lately, a suspicion that arose and overcame him each time he thought he saw, no, each time he did see, a male suitor glance at her. In a way, he couldn't blame them, the Queen Bonnie was undeniable, a force that pulled every eye toward her, a splendour unlike the simple beauty of her sister. She was arresting. She'd consumed him utterly from the moment he laid eyes on her and so he knew all too well, the lengths men would go to for her — he understood that there may be one suitor out of the many who would dare to challenge Him, even kill Him, Him, their King, their Lord, for her. The possibility had driven Malachai to arrest various courtiers, men who's gaze lingered on Bonnie a little too long, men who didn't bow immediately upon her entrance into a room. He'd considered banishing all men from court but was talked down.

Bonnie moved in her sleep, her behind grazing Malachai's groin and the friction nearly made him lose himself in an instant. He blasphemed. How he wanted to slip behind her and allow himself the release he'd been denied for half a year. Just once. But he knew. It was never just once. It was never enough. He not only wanted to bury himself in her, he wanted to consume her, possess her utterly, the way she possessed him, it was always like that whenever they made love and for that reason, he always wanted more of her, more of her to take into himself. It was dangerous.

For the child. For the child.

Malachai unfastened his bottoms and began the futile effort of rubbing out his desire.

Bonnie heard it. His fast, shallow breath as he tended to himself, felt the movement of the sheet as his hand jerked and her gut tightened with an ache she could only slightly suppress by pressing her thighs together. It aroused her, knowing that even in this condition, he wanted her beyond reason and she'd silently prayed, no begged, that he'd touch her, press himself against her, so this burning that had engulfed her would finally extinguish. But she was glad he didn't. If he did, what inflamed her would only die down for an instant and then erupt tenfold, voracious and gluttonous, and demanding for more. When they'd been newly married, they hadn't left their bed chamber for a fortnight, if he touched her now, she didn't know when the kingdom would see either of them again.

She pressed her palm against her belly. Her son was kicking. It was because her heart was beating so fast. She smiled slightly. He made it all worth it. Everything she did.

I remember when I was with Mary. The way her little feet

Caroline.

Bonnie gritted her teeth as she looked up to the window. Nothing was there. Nothing was really there. She knew that. And yet she saw her. Caroline, pale as ever, standing in a white gown, her face turned down at Bonnie in wintry disdain.

Have you seen her? Mary. Have you looked in on her? Do you have any human decency?

Bonnie closed her eyes. Ever since Caroline passed away, she'd seen her everywhere. In the corridors, in her bedchambers, when she was with His Majesty. She heard Caroline too, her voice reverberated throughout her head, hissing doubts and misgivings that wormed through Bonnie's skull and slithered toward her heart so that she was mad with insecurity.

You are not the real Queen. You will never be the real Queen. You will never be His Majesty's true love.

On more than one occasion Bonnie had screamed out loud, for the voices to stop, to be left alone. It was highly fortunate that each time she'd been alone. Or with Damon.

But Bonnie knew it was all a lie. She was the sole owner of His Majesty's heart, the sole object of his affection, of his desire. He'd imprisoned and killed for her — all necessary. These victims were deserving of their punishment. Treacherous and slanderous and spiteful — all subjects who wished to turn Malachai against her, that was what enraged Bonnie the most, that they were so keen on poisoning what she and him had.

He will discover who you are. The lying. The scheming… He will denounce you … like he did me…

"Be silent," Bonnie whispered. "Be silent…"

She knew Caroline had had no claim on him. Never did. And so her ghost had settled for Bonnie.

Bonnie strode through the corridor, her ladies in waiting walking behind her. The female courtiers curtsied as she passed but the men bowed as low as they could and they wouldn't stand up straight until she left the hall all together. They feared for their freedom, for their lives in case the King deemed a stare too lecherous, a tone too knowing. No man wanted to be the example, their corpse to be the proof that the Queen belonged to no one but herself and her husband. Of course, Bonnie could feel their awareness of her, their interest. Her dress was a gown of crimson satin dotted with gold fabric, even with her swollen belly, the bodice complemented her frame and tempted every gaze toward her even though no man dared look.

All of them know…

Bonnie kept her face impassive but picked up her pace so the ladies behind her nearly jogged to keep in tow.

They all know you had me poisoned. They all know you're a fraud.

Caroline was walking alongside her, leaning over to whisper into Bonnie's ears, her words crowding Bonnie's head.

Bonnie started to scream inwardly. Leave. Me. Alone.

They will expose you. Expose you for who you truly are.

Bonnie continued to quicken her pace, trying to outwalk the ghost next to her.

Begone, spirit!

And he will abandon you once they do.

"BEGONE!" Bonnie screamed and then clutched her head, sinking onto the floor. There was a rustle of movement and scandalized gasps as her ladies rushed to her.

"Your Majesty! Your Majesty are you all right?"  
"Should we call the physician?"

"Your Majesty, where does it hurt?"

"Out of my way, you foolish girls! Out of my way!"

Damon pushed his way through the group of ladies and descended on Bonnie, grabbing her by the shoulders and standing her up. He took Bonnie by the arm, ignoring the scandalized expressions of some of the courtiers and the bewildered looks of others. He led Bonnie into an empty room, slamming the door behind him. She walked into the middle of the room and sank into a chair by a round table.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he said sharply. "Has something happened to the baby?"

"No," said Bonnie, putting a reflexive hand on her belly. "It's her."

"Her?"

"Caroline."

Damon swore. "For the love of God, she's dead, Bonnie!"

"And now she haunts me! I wanted her gone from this world to make things easier but now her spirit has clung to me."

Bonnie put her hands on the armrest so she could lift herself up to her feet. She began pacing in circles, shaking her head, rubbing her temples.

"She will not let me rest, she will not give me any peace. What if she tries to harm my son?"

Damon furrowed his eyebrows, staring incredulously at her. "Pull yourself together!"

"What if he takes other women to bed?" she said suddenly. "What if he has forgotten what is when he and I are together, it's been so long since we've indulged in each other."

"That's absurd, the King is quite literally madly in love with you," spat Damon. "How many people must he kill for you to get ahold of yourself?"

"She told me," said Bonnie, looking at Damon with frenzied eyes. "She told me he'd find out who I truly am and he'd abandon me!"

"You're blabbering nonsense!"

"He can't," said Bonnie as if she hadn't heard Damon. "He can't abandon me, not after what I've become because of him."

"Yes!" Damon yelled.

Bonnie looked at him sharply.

"What you've become," he continued. "What happened to the woman you were before, the woman of poise and conviction, the calculating woman with a formidable air?"

"You destroyed her!" Bonnie yelled. "You and Papa, you put me in the King's way and now-"

"And now you're consumed by him! Utterly!"

"YES," said Bonnie.

Damon picked up a vase and threw it across the room. Bonnie glared at him.

"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SENSES?" she screamed.

Damon hissed furiously. "You were not supposed to fall in love with him! That was not the plan!"

"Plans change!"

"Is that what this is? A new plan? If so, dear cousin, please enlighten me in what you acting like a blubbering idiot is meant to accomplish!"

Bonnie pushed Damon so that he staggered backward. "What more do you want from me? I got rid of Caroline, I got Lockwood imprisoned, I became Queen and I am now with child! You dare to find fault with me because I have the audacity to be susceptible to love like any other human of this world?"

"You were supposed to be better than any other human of this world! You were supposed to use him! You were supposed to stay removed!"

"This isn't something that I can control! Do you think I enjoy how much the King overwhelms me? Do you think I enjoy the anxiety I suffer when he's away from me for too long, do you think I enjoy the burning? The never-ending, constant burning for him? I AM GOING MAD."

"And I'm going mad watching you!" said Damon. "I can't stand it! The way you two are delirious with one another, wrapped up in each other, even with a gaze, it's enough to turn the stomach! Curse Lorenzo for wishing this upon you. Curse you for falling victim to Him!"

Bonnie stared at Damon, alarmed and furious. "That's what this is about," she said. "You aren't upset that I fell in love, you're upset that the King is the object of my affection."

Damon furled his upper lip but said nothing in response.

"I never loved you," she said harshly.

"No, you despised me," said Damon. "But you felt more toward me than any other man who crossed your path. Lorenzo only inspired vague amusement in you. Your other suitors inspired nothing but I, I inspired something in you and now-" He shook his head, gritting his teeth. "I hate you. I hate that you did this to me!"

"How you feel is not my concern."

"Neither is how you feel," snapped Damon. "So shut up about Caroline. You made a choice and now you must deal with the consequences and you must deal with them calmly, you must deal with your jealousies and your neediness and your paranoia calmly or else-" He walked up to her and placed his hand on her belly. "- Your frenzies are going to harm the baby and if you lose this child, I swear to you, not only will your Precious Malachai surely abandon you but so will Elena, so will your father. So will I."

There was a sudden bang and Bonnie and Damon turned sharply toward the door. When they saw Malachai standing outside of it, Damon removed his hand and made a low bow.

At first Malachai thought he was blinded by red. He was told Damon had taken Bonnie to a private room - that alone had made him ball his hands into fists yearning to hit and pummel and crush. When he'd reached the room and saw the door was closed, his entire body seemed to vibrate with rage. But when he entered the room … when he entered the room and saw Damon's hand upon Bonnie's belly, that rage had become murderous, Malachai wanted to set everything around him on fire.

"Your Majesty," said Damon.

Malachai's eyes narrowed. He knew Damon didn't think he could hear that hatred, that disgust, that bitterness in his tone, the resentment that Malachai had taken Bonnie away from him.

"Out," said Malachai quietly. "I would like a word with my Queen."

"Majesty." Damon scurried out of the room, his body hunched over, and closed the door as he left.

Bonnie stared at Malacahi, her chest heaving, her head swimming. She was tittering on the edge, on the verge of descending into a vortex of complete chaos and the way Malachai looked at her, that fury, that possessiveness - an argument would be enough to push her off.

He glanced at the shattered glass on the floor. "He threw this?"

"He was upset."

"Why?" said Malachai. "What would make him that upset? What right does he have to be this upset by you that he would do this?"

"He was simply distraught that I'd fainted," said Bonnie.

"So he took you here?" said Malachai. "Behind closed doors?"

"Just what are you implying?"

"I have long told you that your cousin is too familiar with you!"

"We are family!"

"Family does not look at each other the way he looks at you! The way he watches you. He tracks you."

"He's overprotective."

"HE IS OUT OF LINE," said Malachai. "As are you!"

Bonnie snapped her head toward him. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"I haven't been able to touch you, properly touch you, in two hundred and twelve days! I feel every second of that deprivation, Bonnie, I'm in constant agitation, I am deranged with want for you and you let him, you let him -"

"It's nothing!" Bonnie yelled. "It meant nothing!"

"You think it means nothing that a lowly lord was able to enjoy something the King has been prohibited to enjoy despite it being my right?"

"That is not what I meant!"

"It's what you said!"

Bonnie glared at him. She felt it, felt the slip, felt the fall into chaos. "Why are you so keen to catch me in a lie?" she said. "Are you looking for an excuse, a way to abandon me?"

"I am the King, I do not need to find an excuse to abandon you!"

She screamed and upended the table, the thud reverberating in the room.

Malachai roared. "BONNIE, THE BABY."

"You just admitted that you will abandon me! I will not let you do it!"

Caroline's voice. He was never truly yours…

"If I were to abandon you, I would have done it before we wed!"

You were simply game to him …   
"Who is she?" said Bonnie.

Malachai gesticulated wildly. "Who? WHO IS WHO?"

"The lady in waiting you are pursuing this time!" she yelled.

You cannot truly believe he would abstain for you again…

"That is your pleasure, is it not?" she yelled. "To cavort with the ladies in your wife's service? A fetish of yours perhaps? WHO IS IT?"

"Bonnie -"

"Is it Margaret? Hmm? I've seen the way you look at her-"

"Bonnie-"

"Those lecherous eyes, those-"  
"I WISH!" Malachai yelled. "I wish I could bury myself in her, enjoy myself with her, with any woman who isn't you, I wish I could expel my desire and forget you, forget my passion for you for even a moment, BUT I CAN'T. IT MUST BE YOU. ALWAYS. I am cursed with you! And then to see you, to see you with him, see him touch you, touch the belly carrying my son? I swear I could kill you!"

Bonnie slapped him so his head whipped to the side. The sting on her palm enlivened her body. The vortex had led her past hysteria, past rage to a desire that seized every part of her, she wanted to damn him even more, refresh that curse, bind him to her, swallow him whole. Malachai seized her by the arms, his eyes wide with a furious passion, his skin flushed red, his jaw tightened. He wanted her something terrible, she could see it, feel it, but she remembered their bargain, their child.

This was why they couldn't touch.

"We can't," said Bonnie. "We can't."

Malachai shook his head and thrust his lips onto her, knotting his fingers in her hair, his mouth possessive, her response furious and wanting, her heart pounding, her lips raw, her skin hot. Abruptly, she pushed him away.

"Something is wrong!" she said, sinking onto the floor, holding her belly. "Something is wrong!"

Malachai rushed to the door and wrenched it open. "Call the physician!"

"Majesty," said a servant.

"If he does not arrive within the next three minutes, if something should happen to the Queen while she waits for him, both you and his life shall be forfeit, you understand?"

"Majesty." The servant bowed and then ran down the hall.

The screaming lasted for hours. Malachai could hear it even from his chambers. Ear-splitting, gut-wrenching screams that twisted his heart and drew tears from his eyes. The sun had been up when Bonnie was taken to her bed to give birth and now it was well past late night. Malachai had refused all food, all company, he only brooded in the horror of Bonnie's screams.

There was a hesitant knock on the door. "Your Majesty…"

"Enter," he whispered.

After a beat, the physician shuffled into the room, his head bowed.

"What is it?" said Malachai. "I still hear her screaming." His voice turned sharp. "Who is with my wife?"

"Three of my colleagues," said the physician quickly.

"What news do you have for me?" said Malachai wearily.

"Your Majesty, we have reached a critical point."

"What does that mean?"

The physician pressed his lips together. "I'm afraid, you must decide between the life of your child or the life of the Queen."

Malachai's eyes flashed and abruptly, he stood up and struck the physician. "WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH NONSENSE?"

"Apologies, your Majesty," said the physician, bowing. "I am afraid, the positioning of the child is -"

"ENOUGH," said Malachai. He sunk back into the chair. "Enough."

The sudden burst of sunlight made Bonnie open her eyes and groan. She was sore all over, weak and confused.

"Baby," she muttered. "Where's my child?"

"Dead," said a cold voice.

Bonnie raised her head slightly. Damon was standing at the foot of her bed and Alaric was sitting in an armchair next to her. Elena had been the one to draw open the curtains.

"D-dead," Bonnie repeated. "Are you certain?"

"Yes," said Alaric.

Tears sprung to Bonnie's eyes, she started to hyperventilate, her vision was blurry. Dead. Her baby was dead.

"No," she said. "No, no, no, no…"

"Yes, I'm afraid your daughter was sacrificed for your life," said Damon harshly.

Bonnie let out a wail and Elena rushed over to the bed, holding her in her arms. "I am so sorry, Bonnie," she said.

Bonnie held onto Elena's arm, sobbing, screaming. "She was innocent, she was innocent in all of this, I … how could she be… she, I … oh my God, how could she be dead?"

"Because the King decreed it!" said Alaric. He slammed his hand down on the armrest. "It is a good thing too, that child was monstrous, full of deformities. How could you let this happen?"

"I DIDN'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN!" said Bonnie.

"Not only did you fail to bring a child to term, had the King chosen to save the life of the child instead of you, he would've been stuck with a deformed girl he probably would've had the servants drown! Where would our family be then? You can't do a single thing right!"

"Papa, that's a bit harsh," said Elena. "Bonnie has just had-"

"You stay out of this," said Damon. "This doesn't concern you."

"She's my sister! And she is in pain. Allow her to mourn the loss of her child!"

"It is only a girl," said Damon.

"Is a mother not allowed to mourn the passing of her child, girl or boy?"

"Not this mother! She is not a peasant," said Damon.

"She is still a mother!"

Damon's eyes flashed. "You should leave us, Elena."

"No," she said defiantly.

Damon raised his eyebrows and then turned to Alaric. "Uncle, I confess I did not plan on telling you this because I was going to deal with the situation in due time and we have other, more important matters to contend with…"

"What could you possibly have to say at a time like this?"

"Your youngest daughter has been cavorting with a knight," said Damon.

Elena's eyes widened.

"Sir Stefan. I have it on good authority that he has taken her maidenhead."

Elena disentangled from Bonnie and stood up from the bed, Bonnie curling into a ball, gripping the sheets as she cried.

"DAMON."

Alaric slammed his hand down for a second time. "Have you lost your senses? A knight? The sister of the Queen should not debase herself with a KNIGHT."

"Papa, I love him, I-"

"OH I DO NOT CARE." He stood up. "WORTHLESS BOTH OF YOU. You were stupid enough to give that man your maidenhead! I should disown you! I am cutting off your allowance!" he spat.

"Papa, I -"

"Get out of my sight! Get out!"

Elena glared at Damon, teary-eyed.

"This is what happens when you don't obey one of my orders," he muttered.

She squeezed her eyes shut and ran out of the room.

Bonnie kept crying.

"Stop raving," snapped Alaric.

"She killed her, she killed her…"

"Oh not this!" said Damon.

Alaric furrowed his eyebrows. "Who killed…"

"Caroline," cried Bonnie.

Alaric turned to Damon who rolled his eyes.

"Is she serious?"

"She's grief-stricken," said Damon.

"Bonnie, pull yourself together," said Alaric. "You are still young. You have time to conceive another child with His Majesty."

She raised her head from the sheets, her face tear-stained, her eyes wild. "Where is His Majesty?"

"He hasn't left his chambers since the ordeal," said Damon.

"How long ago was that?" said Bonnie.

"Four days," said Alaric. "He gave the physicians the order to save you and then shut himself in his chambers, not before issuing a decree to execute the head physician who failed in delivering the child."

"I must go to him!"

"He does not need to see you like this," said Alaric. "He chose to save your life which means that he is indeed in love with you but if he sees you like this he would declare you insane and we have too much at stake for that to happen."

"I will be driven insane if I don't see my husband. I can't stay in this room any longer!" She threw her covers off of her but Damon stepped forward and pressed her back onto the bed.

"You are too weak to move still," he said. "In any case, the King is aware that you are now conscious."

Bonnie looked at him and his eyes glinted vindictively. "He does not wish to see you."

Malachai hadn't left his chambers in four days. He hadn't drawn the curtains, lit the candles, allowed himself to be shaved.

He'd heard Bonnie was awake but could not bring himself to see her. He was embroiled in fury. A daughter. A deformed baby girl. That was what his wife had been carrying in her belly. He seethed at the thought. A daughter. Unhealthy. That … that … that was no child of his. He was the King. He was ordained by God. His issue were destined to be strong, to be sons. Abruptly, his mind flashed back to Damon's hand on Bonnie's belly, to Lorenzo's longing gazes. He yelled, throwing a glass of wine against the wall and then stood up.

"READY THE HORSE."

Tyler had sores all over, his skin was cracked and dirt-grubbed, his body confined by chains. He looked barely alive, standing, bloody, in his cell when Malachai visited him.

"Majesty," said Tyler. His voice was hoarse and nearly inaudible; he'd had no occasion to speak often. "I would bow but I'm in a bit of a bind," he said.

Malachai laughed and a ghost of a smile flickered on Tyler's lips.

The guards had provided Malachai a chair and he sat down, eyeing Tyler's discomfort. "Do you resent me, Tyler? For having you live in such a state?"

"No, Your Majesty."

"The Queen wanted you executed," said Malachai. "I couldn't bring myself to do it." He paused. "Bonnie is the Queen."

"I have heard," said Tyler, nodding stiffly. "I wanted to send my congratulations but alas…" He looked down at his chained body.

"How does our marriage make you feel, really?" said Malachai.

"Happy." Tyler cleared his throat and then spat out some blood. "I had never seen your Majesty so besotted with a woman, it was like … your love for her possessed you."

"I have never in my life felt anything like it," said Malachai. "Did you ever think I would abstain from pleasure for a woman?"

Tyler shook his head. "Your appetite was far greater than mine and I couldn't even abstain for a day. That was how I knew you loved her."

Malachai sat silently for a minute and then spoke. "Back then, when we would pursue our game … did a woman ever lie to you about her virginity?"

Tyler raised his eyebrows. "Quite often. It's almost a custom at court."

Malachai nodded. "Bonnie said I was her first, that only her husband would take her maidenhead but when I finally took her to my bed, she was …" His eyes darkened. "She couldn't give me a son."

Tyler stood silently.

"Not only that but the child, it was … I would never conceive such a child…"

Neither man said anything for a long period of time until Tyler finally broke the silence. "When Your Majesty asked me to research the Queen, I had discovered …" He cleared his throat for a second time. "I had discovered that Elena was considered the more beautiful sister, it is true, but Bonnie … she was a woman who attracted obsessions."

Malachai clenched his jaw.

"She was quite the free spirit in Italy, allowing men to visit her bedchambers even without an escort."

His breathing grew more agitated.

"Perhaps Her Majesty is unaccustomed to the propriety of England? Perhaps, she practices such a freedom of morals even here?"

Malachai was blinded by red once more. The mere thought of Bonnie indulging herself with other men, servicing other men, even before she'd met him possessed him with an intense jealousy only outmatched by his desire for her. It was a jealousy that compelled him to yell, compelled him to move, that made his hands tremor, his feet shake, he would break apart buildings with this jealousy. When his sight refocused, Tyler was on the floor, his head caved in, blood seeping onto the straw used as a bed. Next to Malachai was the chair he'd been sitting on, broken in half.

He sighed and then opened the door where four guards stood watch. They peered into the cell to see Tyler's corpse.

"Dispose of the body," said Malachai. "I will state a private execution was commissioned."

"Majesty."

"When I get back to the palace, I am issuing two execution orders and a decree to examine any and all men seen to have acquainted themselves with the Queen. Tell your men to make the arrests."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Your Majesty, please!"

"Let me through!"

"Your Majesty-"

"Careful! If we harm her, he will kill us all."

"Allow me through then!"

"Your Majesty, the King has ordered-"

Bonnie pushed open the double doors to Malachai's office with a force she never knew she had, the force of being unable to see him for nearly a month. The guards rushed in after her but then took a step back when she let started to yell. In the middle of the room there was a woman with her grown around her waist, Malachai sitting at the window behind his desk, watching her.

Bonnie's gut dropped, her insides writhed in anger, she pressed her hand against her chest, everything in her body screaming. "What is this?"

Malachai stood up. "Bonnie-"

"No, no, no WHAT IS THIS."

Bonnie started to walk toward the woman, her hand outstretched; the woman shuffled backwards, frightened. Malachai rushed toward Bonnie, holding her in his arms before she could get any closer.

"No, don't touch me!" Bonnie struggled. The vortex had claimed her completely. "I HATE YOU."

"Stop it!" he held her tighter.

"LET ME GO."

"Guards! Escort the Lady Margaret out."

There was a shuffle of commotion that Bonnie didn't pay attention to but when she heard the door close, she let out a wail, putting her hands on Malachai's face, raking her fingernails on his cheeks. He yelped in pain but held her tighter.

"My cousin has just been murdered and you're here doing this?"

He glared at her, finally letting her go. "Damon was executed at my pleasure, not murdered!" His expression was contorted with rage. "Is that what you ran here for, to see if you could plead for him before it was too late?"

"And if I hadn't come, what would you have done with her?" said Bonnie. "What did you do with her?"

"Nothing!" he yelled. "Nothing happened, nothing could happen, I couldn't do anything but I wish I could've! I wish I could've wanted her the way I want you, I wish I could've taken her all over this room! I wish could've humiliated you, hurt you, the way you've hurt me!"

Bonnie screamed. "I've done nothing but love you!"

"Do not lie to me! You came running in here, pleading for his life!"

"He's my cousin!"

"Your cousin or your lover? That child was not mine!"

Bonnie put her hands to her head. "THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. I have been trying to tell you this for weeks! I have taken no other man, especially not him! Our daughter-"

"She was not our daughter! The way he touched your belly-"

"Malachai, LISTEN TO ME."

"Why? Why should I believe you?" Malchai's eyes flashed. "Everything out of your mouth is a lie!"  
"No, it's-"

He whirled on her. "Were you or were you not a virgin when we met?"

Bonnie opened her mouth and then closed it but didn't say anything. Malachai's face crumpled and then he grabbed at his hair.

"I knew it! I KNEW IT!" He rammed his fist into a wall over and over until his knuckles were bloodied.

"STOP IT," said Bonnie.

"You should be executed with him, with him and Lorenzo and all of the other men you've taken to your bed, I should have you hanged!"

"Stop saying there've been other men, when could there have been other men? I have not wanted-"

"Stop STOP LYING TO ME. Your family manoeuvered me, you have made a fool out of me, pretending to love me and still, still I can't rid myself you!"

"DON'T YOU DARE SO I DON'T LOVE YOU," said Bonnie. "You have no idea what I have done because I love you!"

"Because you love your position of Queen!"  
"No title is worth the torment I have put myself through for you, no title is worth my sanity, I have endured all of this because I love you! I have damned my soul for you!"

"LIES, ALL OF IT."

"I killed Caroline!" Bonnie yelled.

Malachai looked at her, shock widening his eyes. "You what?"

"I had her poisoned," said Bonnie. "I was so afraid that they would make you go back to her, that you would have to leave me for her so I had her killed and she's been haunting me every since! Every single day! She's here in this room right now! I've endured her for you! And then I find you here with that wench Margaret-"

"NOTHING HAPPENED WITH MARGARET."

"Why should I believe you when you can't even believe me?" said Bonnie. "You wish you could've taken Margaret all over this room? If I am to be accused of adultery I wish I would've fucked half the men you've accused me of being with!"

"Stop it," said Malachai.

"Damon's exploits were never quiet ones," she said. "I heard them in our house. I will admit the moans made me curious."

"I SAID STOP."

Malachai seized her by her shoulders and slammed her against the wall. "Stop it! Stop!"

But Bonnie couldn't stop. The words poured out of her, vicious and mean-spirited, the image of him and Margaret alone in this room still stung her, his refusal to see her after their child had been born was a constant pain in her chest. She loved him to the detriment of her own sanity and he questioned her loyalty to him. He needed to suffer for it.

"Maybe he should've been my first!"

Malachai blinked, red returning to his vision. "Who was it?" he said. He shook her. "Who has had you? It was Lorenzo wasn't it?"

"Yes," said Bonnie harshly. "More than once. I reached euphoria the first time."

Images flashed in his mind tinted in red; writhing bodies, husky moans, Bonnie's expression as she reached her climax. His spit was bitter, his stomach was roiling. Sick. He was going to be sick with anger.

Sudden pain bit at his hands. He blinked again and realized Bonnie's nails were clawing at his wrists, his hands were clasped around her throat. He let go swiftly, Bonnie sinking onto the floor and gasping for breath, and he back away from her, his hands trembling.

"Choking me won't change anything," she gasped.

Malachai gritted his teeth, pinching his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "I told you to stop!"

"I never said such a thing to Lorenzo," said Bonnie. "I begged him to have me, I was insatiable for him."

The images didn't stop. They grew clearer with each blink. He backed away from her, his hands to head. Sounds cluttered his mind. Her sighing. Lorenzo's groaning, each noise brought an image: gyrating hips, hands clenching sheets, lip-biting. His body was agitated with the vividness, he stumbled as he walked away.

"SHUT UP. SHUT UP NOW, BONNIE."

"But if Damon were to have me … I confess to fantasizing about it, even with you still ins

Malachai pictured that now; groans coming from behind closed door, Bonnie enamoured by the noise, pleasing herself to it, thinking about it each time they were entwined, biting her lip to keep from saying another man's name. Everything started to go hazy, his sight was blurred, he felt the need to escape the room, escape his head, escape her taunts.

Lorenzo, she moaned. Damon, she sighed.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD."

Malachai started to run, as if he were trying to outrun his thoughts, but tripped over the carpet and fell backwards, his head slamming against the side of the desk, his body landing with a sickening crunch. Bonnie screamed.

"MALACHAI."

She rushed forward and kneeled next to him, slapping her hand to her mouth when she saw the angle of his neck. "GET UP, WAKE UP, I WAS LYING. IT WAS A LIE. ALL OF IT. GET UP NOW."

She shook him, her hands pawing at his doublet. "NO, NO, NO. WHY! WHY DID I - WHY DID YOU - YOU IDIOT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED ME!"

Her screams tore through her, shredding her throat, robbing her of air, she couldn't stop herself, calm herself down, all she could was scream.

The doors burst open. There were loud gasps and exclamations, screams of surprise.

"WHAT HAPPENED?"

"IS THE KING DEAD?"

"YOUR MAJESTY, WHAT HAPPENED?"

Bonnie started hyperventilating. "I killed him," she said. "I killed him. I killed him. I killed him." She couldn't stop herself. "I killed him."

"Did she say she killed the king?"

"She did! She killed the king!"

"I killed him. I – I -"

"Bonnie Bennett," said a voice. "You are currently under arrest for-"

"No," she whispered. "No."

She looked around the room, the guards crowding her, the spears in her face, everything was dizzying, she was spinning, she was descending further and further.

"You bastard whore! You have confessed to killing the King! Arrest her!"

She started screaming, throwing herself onto Malachai's body, holding onto him. "NO. LEAVE ME HERE, LEAVE ME HERE WITH HIM. DO NOT MAKE US PART."

"Leave his body in peace!"

She clung to his arm. "NO, NO, I WILL NOT GO!"

Hands grabbed at Bonnie, roughly pulling at her arms, her hair, her legs, but she wouldn't let go of Malachai's body, she wouldn't part from him, not again. An order to break her arm or sever her hand was uttered and all the spears descended upon her at once. In the confusion, a blade had pierced her in the chest, connecting with her heart, she gasped and -

Bonnie bolted up right, panting and gasping, her hand pressed against her chest. She was sweaty and confused, disoriented. She looked around, this didn't look like a palace, it didn't look like the 16th Century, it looked like … it looked like home. Her home.

Her heart was racing.

That couldn't have been a dream. She was there. She felt it. Lived it. It was like the time … Bonnie's eyes narrowed. It was like the time she'd experienced being back at the car wash, when she met Kai in the woods.

Taking a deep breath, she looked to her right. Just like last time, Kai was sitting at the coffee table, his hands clasped beneath his chin, watching her.

"I didn't listen to you," he said. "I followed you back to your house."

Bonnie gritted her teeth and reached for the closest thing to her - a remote - and threw it at him. He ducked and the remote broke apart on the wall behind him.

"I think you broke it," he said. "There was a Friends marathon on tonight too."

"What the hell was that?" said Bonnie. She was still clutching at her chest. "Was that another one of your alternate universes?"

"No," said Kai seriously. "No, that was your past life."

Bonnie gesticulated wildly. "You have got to be kidding me!"

"I learned the spell from a psychic, the same one who showed me," said Kai. "I thought if I killed him I could absorb his powers but it didn't really work out that way."

"I don't-"

"Don't say you don't believe me," said Kai, looking at her. "We went through this when I brought you back to that day at the car wash, this isn't the kind of thing I would lie about, Bonnie, it defeats the purpose. Anyway, you felt it, there is no way I could make an illusion that visceral, even I'm not that good and I'm pretty fucking amazing."

Bonnie shook her head. "I think I might be sick."

"How many times," said Kai, staring at her. "How many ways will you make me prove that there's no escaping this. We're inevitable"

"You can't possibly think that showing me the amount of destruction we caused in our past lives is going to make me accept this - this -" Bonnie clenched her hair. "God, there isn't a bad enough word to describe what we are."

"What we have is powerful."

"What we have is poisonous!" Bonnie stood up. "No matter what freaking century we're in, we ruin everything around us!" She started to pace. "We tore apart an entire kingdom! How many lives did we destroy? Caroline, I, I can't believe I- Oh my God!" She put her hands to her mouth and started to cry. She looked at Kai.

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you for showing me that because I didn't know how I was ever going to walk away from you and it killed me, it killed me thinking I would never be free of this but what you showed me…"

Bonnie shook her head. "We're already going down that path. What we did to Jeremy, how I alienated Elena … this has been destroying the life I've made for myself but I will not let it destroy them."

Kai's eyes widened slightly in panic. "What are you saying?" he said.

Bonnie didn't anything and walked into the kitchen. There was still glass on the floor, she hadn't gotten around to cleaning up.

"BONNIE, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?"

He followed her into the kitchen.

"I'm saying this is over!" she said, looking for a bottle of alcohol. Kai had broken the bottle of bourbon.

"You don't mean it," said Kai.

She turned around to face him. "I do," she said. "This is sick. We are sick, we're like a cancer! Because what happened back then," Bonnie bit her lip. "What I felt back then…" she heaved. "That could happen now, I know it can. And I hate it! I hate that even now you can bring me to that wretched place that you brought me to then! The way this makes me desperate and violent, I…" She found a bottle of vodka and took a swig. "I will not let myself destroy others for you! That is where I cross the line. We are done. This is done. I am done."

"No," said Kai. "No, you would miss it. You always say you're done and then whether it's two days or six weeks, you're back, fiending for me, fiending for this, I've seen you when you try to walk away from us, you go insane."

"I do," said Bonnie. "I do and I'll have to live with that, live with how much I want you, want this, live with what kind of person that makes me, but I will do it, Kai, I will live with it."

Kai could hear the finality in her voice and was seized with a fear he never felt before. "No," he said. "No, I won't let you go."

"I'm not asking you to let me go, I'm LEAVING."

"And I will follow you," said Kai. "I won't let you leave! I won't let you walk away from me! I told you, this is inescapable,

Bonnie stared at him. "You're right," she said. "You will."

Abruptly, she bashed the vodka bottle against the counter and with the shard remaining in her hand, stabbed herself in the neck.

In an instant, Malachai bit his wrist and sped over to her, pressing his wound to her lips so she could drink his blood. Bonnie coughed and spluttered but she had to accept it.

He removed his hand. "YOU THINK I WASN'T READY FOR THAT?"

Bonnie stared at him, heaving. "I'll just keep trying," she muttered.

Kai looked at her, nodding. "You're right," he said.

And he snapped her neck.


	30. Hers Alone

Bonnie woke up screaming. Tears sprang from her eyes and her body was wrecked with a hunger that maddened her. She didn't know what was happening to her, why she felt the way she did, she only knew that she wanted it to stop — not get better but stop altogether and for good. Suddenly there was fluid. On her lips. In her mouth. Down her throat. Thick and warm and … bloody. It was blood. It screamed in her veins and sang in her head, it fueled her, enlivened her. Grunting, she clenched onto the plastic and sucked harder, deeper, a sumptuous moan in her throat, she could drink this forever, she could — it was done. Done. DONE. She wanted more. Needed more. She was positive she would die if she didn't get one more drop. Her mouth ached, her gums were sore, there was a desire to bite, to pierce flesh —

And then she remembered. Screaming. Broken bottles. Snapped neck. Bonnie threw the blood bag to the side and stuck her fingers down her throat, trying to regurgitate the blood back up, coughing around her fingertips.

"That won't matter, the blood's already in you, you've transitioned now."

Bonnie snapped her head up and saw Kai sitting in front of her, surrounded by at least twenty blood bags. His expression was anguished, his eyes red, and a rage so intense roiled in Bonnie's gut that in one quick motion she seized Kai by the throat and slammed him down on the floor, sitting astride him, her fangs bared.

"I SHOULD KILL YOU," she yelled.

"This was a last resort," he wheezed.

"BULLSHIT!"

"You forced my hand."

"This is what you wanted from the beginning! To ruin me! You've wanted to do that since the sixteenth century!" She slammed his head onto the tile, the impact causing the ceramic to crack and blood to splatter. Kai groaned in pain.

"YOU PLANNED THIS."

"No," he said tearfully. "I swear I didn't."

"Are you crying?" The sight agitated Bonnie's rage to a fury she couldn't have imagined until this moment. "YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO CRY. I SHOUD TEAR OUT YOUR FUCKING EYES. HOW DARE YOU."

"I didn't like doing this, Bonnie! This kind of pain … it's not something I wanted to put you through, I NEVER WANTED THIS. I just … I knew we were going to end up here."

"SO YOU DID PLAN THIS."

"I planned on being by your side forever! You'd never be free of me and I'd never let you die." His face suddenly contorted with rage. "You should've never tried to die!"

Bonnie clamped her hand harder around Kai's throat.

"Stop," he wheezed.

She squeezed with even more force and then bashed his head against the floor before letting go. She stood up in a speed that felt natural and foreign all at once and started to pace. The bird chirping outside made her wince, the spaghetti sauce her neighbours were cooking made her nose wrinkle, and she was consumed with a hunger that was intrusive, that she felt with her entire body. Each time she glanced at the blood bags, her gums itched, her veins darkened. No. No! Bonnie focused in on Kai. He was cradling his head with a slight grin on his face and the grin infuriated her even more than his tears did, which incited her hunger and pushed her to move. She sped over to the cabinet unit and pried the cupboards off the wall, throwing them through the sliding doors of the kitchen, screaming loudly.

"I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME."

"You're hungry."

"I'm PISSED."

"I have more blood bags—"

"I DON'T WANT—"

"No, what you want is something else isn't it?" says Kai. "I know you already feel that craving."

She did feel it. Suffer it. The urge to move, to run, to hunt… to kill. It didn't feel like she'd expected it to, it wasn't a mantra in her head that shrieked KILL KILL KILL, it was a buzzing, an energy in her limbs, an ache in her mouth, an itch on her tongue, it was everything. Everything in her body wanted her to feed. It was a part of her now. Inescapable. She'd been a vampire for what only felt like thirty seconds and the urge to kill was already in her being. Bonnie screamed with a force that made Kai wince.

"I didn't believe in the devil until I met you," she spat.

"That's fitting, I didn't believe in redemption until I met you," said Kai.

Bonnie glared at him. "You think what you did to me makes you redemptive?"

"I think that I saved your life."

"YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE. COMPLETELY."

"AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN," Kai roared. He sped up to her so they were only inches a part and started yelling. "You don't get to die, Bonnie. You don't get to punish me like that."

Bonnie gritted her teeth and seized Kai by his shirt, driving him through what was left of the sliding doors, the glass shattering as she pushed him against the wooden fence in the backyard. Rapidly, she broke off a peg and pointed the edge to his chest, shrieking in rage. Kai stared at her as she screamed into his face but kept his arms to the side.

"WHY AREN'T YOU FIGHITNG ME DAMMIT?"

"Because you can kill me if it makes you feel better," he said. "But you can't undo what you are. You can't die at all, I won't let you, you have to live at any and all costs."

"Then you shouldn't have turned me into a fucking vampire!"

She threw the peg to the ground and then sped off into the night. Kai slumped slightly against the fence and exhaled heavily, wincing slightly as he felt himself heal. He looked after the space Bonnie had just left.

"You're going to need me," he said aloud to the darkness. "Or you'll tear yourself apart."

She was sure she was going crazy.

Bonnie avoided the main sidewalks, stuck to speeding through the woods or walking on the side streets, but she could hear it all no matter where she was - hearts beating and blood pumping, tempting her to feed, to drink her fill and revel in the frenzy.

I will not kill. I will NOT kill. I WILL not kill. I will not KILL. She muttered it under her breath but each time she told herself to refrain, she felt the desire swell twofold within her. Her inner turmoil had even become physical: she would hear a human - something she'd constantly re-realize she was no longer - and her body would simply react, speed toward the sound, her fangs bared, blind with lust and hunger. She would be only a few yards away from her prey, every atom in her body screaming at her to go in for the kill until she'd somehow remember herself, remember that only an hour ago she was human too. It was a distant memory, almost like it belonged to a past life, but it was enough to force herself to speed as far away from the human as she could until she encountered the next noise and rush toward that, so that the simple act of walking was a never-ending struggle in which she zigzagged along the street, going towards a kill and forcing herself away from one. With each denial of human blood, her body became more and more agitated, her hunger becoming an ever-widening hole that consumed her body. Whenever she saw an animal - a squirrel or a pigeon - she couldn't contain that agitation and she'd launch at it, her teeth chewing off tails and wings, ripping through flesh to blood, horrible, vomit-inducing blood that made her retch and heave and cry and curse. She cursed herself, cursed vampirism, cursed God and above all, she cursed Kai. It all started with Kai. Even her past life was entwined with him and the damage he caused - Bonnie closed her eyes and corrected herself, they caused together - it had torn apart a kingdom, it had killed and it had spread suffering. Now it sought to transfigure her into an agent of a destruction, something terrible and dark and -

A racoon skittered through the shadows, attempting to slip by undetected, by Bonnie could sense it, hear it, see it. In one motion, she sped over to the animal and sunk her fangs into it, warm blood gushed into her mouth, its shrieking loud and strangled, as she tore through it. She threw the dead body to the side and doubled over to try and vomit, her gag reflex jumping, fresh tears wetting her tear-stained cheeks. She ran her fingers through her hair.

She knew what she had to do.

There were dead animals everywhere, ripped open and disfigured, droplets of blood trailing away from the carcasses. Kai tracked the sinister breadcrumbs through the woods and along the side streets, his expression a wealth of emotion.

He'd felt remorse but no regret and therefore no shame or guilt. It pained him to see Bonnie's obvious struggle, to see her starve herself, torment herself, to see her fight the darkness to such an extreme degree, but he'd rather that, rather this constant battle than her death. And if he was being honest, her struggle only meant her hatred of him would deepen and if her hatred of him deepened then so would their bond; with each curse she uttered at him, she was binding herself to him and he wanted her bound to him so tightly that leaving was an impossibility.

He remembered when she'd nearly died at his hand. Emotions were still new to him, the way he needed her, the way he craved her, it still frustrated him beyond reason, it still angered him and maddened him, to be so beholden to someone else.

But.

The panic he felt the night he'd almost killed her, that overwhelming sorrow, that painful anger … he was reminded of it when he'd saw her death during their past life. He'd felt a hint of it when she'd resolutely told him she was ending things. And he promised himself that he would do everything in his power to ensure he would never feel that way again. At any cost. Whatever cost. He understood that it was Bonnie's intention to make him suffer that pain forever but that wasn't something he was willing to do, there was no way he would ever let Bonnie win. Not if it meant that. Not if it meant his life without her.

Kai glanced at the innards of a recently killed racoon. He was getting closer. He sped forward.

Bonnie pounded frantically on the door, slamming her fists so hard onto the wood, she was sure she was going to a punch a hole in the centre. She could hear everyone inside, talking about the mess, the scorch marks, the broken glass, the broken friendships. There were so many people inside, more than she anticipated, she should leave. No she couldn't leave, she needed his over, she needed -

The door opened and Elena stood in the entryway. In an instant, her face lit up. She stepped outside.

"Bonnie!"

But then after a few seconds Bonnie could see Elena take it all in, take in the blood dribbling from her mouth, the dirt and guts and blood on her clothes, her feverish shaking. It was like day turned to night. Elena's face dropped, her eyes widened in worry then fear, her nostrils flared in alarm. Bonnie heard Elena's frantic heartbeat and her eyes reddened gluttonously.

"STEFAN!" Elena screamed.

"ELENA, GET BACK IN THE HOUSE," said Bonnie.

Quickly, she stepped inside. "DAMON! COME OUT HERE NOW."

Fangs descended and veins etched her face and without thinking, she moved forward to reach for Elena, making Elena step even further back in the house. Bonnie screamed in frustration. Shame and guilt and fear overcame her with a force that knocked her over and she doubled over, holding her stomach.

She heard the footsteps and Elena's voice. At first low, "Stefan, I don't know how, I don't know what happened, but she's … she's … she's turned, she's a vampire, I don't, I -" and then higher with impatience. "Matt, I didn't call you. I need you to go back to the living room and keep Jeremy away from here."

"What's wrong with her?"

"Matt, please."

"Bonnie?"

It was a different voice. A calmer voice. Stefan's voice. Bonnie hesitated and then looked up at him, terror-stricken.

"It's OK," he said.

His face was unworried but his eyes were alert. He stood where was, completely still, and Elena watched him, anxious.

"It's OK," he repeated. "It's all going to be fine." He took a small step forward. "Why don't you come in?"

"No." Bonnie moved backward so that she jumped a yard away. "No, I can't." She looked at Elena, at her neck, the desire to tear into it and drain the life out of her, made her veins darken. "I can't!" she repeated.

Stefan nodded. "OK, that's OK, you don't have to come inside." He raised his hands. "We can just talk out here."

"Bonnie-" Elena made to walk outside but Stefan held her by the wrist and Bonnie yelled.

"STAY INSIDE THE DAMN HOUSE!"

"You won't hurt me, Bonnie!"

"She's not Bonnie right now," said Stefan.

"No, she's not," said Damon. He joined Stefan and Elena in the doorway. "She's starving and she's scared and knowing Bonnie, she's sickened with herself, there's no telling what she'll do right now."

He looked at Bonnie, his eyes blazing with rage, his jaw clenched.

"He did this to you," he said. "I know he did."

Elena looked at him. "Who?"

"WHO DO YOU THINK, ELENA?"

"Kai?" Elena looked back at Bonnie. "DID KAI DO THIS TO YOU?"

Damon took a step outside. "I'm going to find that little bastard and rip him limb from LIMB."

"NO!" said Bonnie.

"BONNIE-"

"That's not what I want, what I want is -"

A bird landed on the roof of Stefan's car. Bonnie couldn't help herself. She sped forward, hopping on the hood and then the roof, and fed from the bird, snorting and heaving as she did, spitting out its body onto the gravel.

"Oh my God."

Caroline was in the doorway now, her eyebrows furrowed. Elena's hand was covering her mouth, Stefan eyes were shining, Damon's eyes were wide and then - Bonnie felt her entire world fall apart.

"Bonnie?" Jeremy.

"Jeremy?"

"Jeremy, get back in the living room," said Damon.

"No, what's going on? What happened to her, what-?"

"Jeremy, you shouldn't be here," said Elena. "You should-"

"NO. Not until someone tells me why she did that. She can't be a vampire, it's not possible!"

He tried to walk outside and go to her but Stefan kept a firm grip on his shoulder. "Jeremy, it's not safe to go out there right now."

"HOW CAN IT BE UNSAFE WHEN IT'S BONNIE?"  
Bonnie shook her head frantically. She'd already hurt him when he saw her with Kai, she'd felt his anguish when he realized she was no longer the girl he'd fallen in love with, she couldn't handle his horror now, the dumbfounded torment on his face at seeing her hunched and monstrous and blood-splattered on a car. The scream that escaped her was more like a howl and Elena gasped.

"Jeremy, PLEASE go back to the living room!"

"Jer," said Matt, staring at Bonnie. "Let's just, let's go."

Bonnie cradled her head in her hands. "I can't do this." It's all she could say, she had no coherent thoughts. She sped off the car, back onto the driveway, staggering around haphazardly, her emotions swirling in her head, rising in her throat, churning in her gut, inciting her hunger.

"I can't do this. I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T DO THIS."

"Bonnie, it's OK, we'll figure it out."

"I DON'T WANT TO FIGURE THIS OUT. I WANT THIS TO BE OVER. THIS ISN'T ME. THIS ISN'T ME. IT'S NOT."

"Bonnie-"

"NO! I WANT YOU TO -"

Something was wrong. She couldn't speak.

"I WANT YOU TO-"

No, she could speak, she just couldn't say that word. That word that was so clear in her mind, that she thought since the moment she woke up, but that now she couldn't utter, like her mouth forgot how to form the letters to create the word, like her tongue refused to acknowledge the request.

"I WANT YOU TO - I WANT TO - I WANT YOU TO-"

She was getting more and more frenzied and panicked with each attempt at a sentence. She started to hyperventilate with frustration, her palms balled into fists. WHY COULDN'T SHE SAY IT?

Elena started. "Bonnie…"

"NO I-"

And then she remembered. She remembered what he'd told her.

"But you can't undo what you are. You can't die at all, I won't let you, you have to live at any and all costs."

Kai told her that she had to live and now she couldn't say the word "kill". Bonnie's gut dropped with realization.

"No," she said. "No, no, I refuse… Kill that bird," she said. "Kill the engine. Kill the project. Kill…"

Caroline and Elena exchanged worried glances and Damon and Stefan glanced at her, confused and at a loss.

"Kill the fire," she continued. She knew she sounded crazy, completely out of hr mind, but she had to make sure. "Kill. Kill. Kill. KILL. KILL. I want you to-"

The word ceased to exist.

"NO!" She fell to her knees and started pounding the driveway, bashing her knuckles into the gravel so that they were raw and bloodied. "NO!" she screamed it with every blow.

She was Sired.

To Kai.

She was Sired to Kai.

The fucking bastard.

"He said I had to live," she wheezed. "He said I have to live and now I have to. I can't even ask you to try and end my - I can't even finish the sentence. He made me live at ALL costs. I HAVE to do what he says!"

Her knuckles healed and she growled in frustration and started to grab at her hair, pulling it out by the strands.

"Bonnie, STOP," said Stefan.

Caroline sped over to Bonnie and held her hands away from her hair. Bonnie struggled but Caroline remained fixed.

"I'm older than you," she said.

"You can't be Sired to Kai," said Damon. "You hate him. You loathe him, you despise him, that's all you tell me." There was a desperate bent to his tone. "You weren't lying, right? The sex … it doesn't mean anything, you said it meant nothing."

Stefan shook his head slightly. "You only need human feelings, genuine human feelings for a sire bond to take effect, remember?"

"But I hated Damon," said Caroline, still keeping a grip on Bonnie. "I was scared of Damon, I resented Damon, those are all human emotions, and I died with his blood in my system but I wasn't Sired to him. So I don't, I don't…"

"That was different," said Elena quietly. She stared sadly at Bonnie. "Bonnie told me once what it is she feels for Kai and it's powerful. Unshakeable. I've seen it, it's dark and … undeniable and…" Elena swallowed hard. "Scary."

"Thank you for the introduction."

Everyone turned toward the woods and saw Kai standing at the edge of the driveway.

"YOU!" Damon sped over to Kai but Kai gesticulated, muttering an incantation so that a line of fire separated them.

"COWARD."

Kai looked at Bonnie. "Think really hard about whether or not you really want to be here," he said.

The sentence caused something in Bonnie to snap and she wrenched out of Caroline's grasp.

"BONNIE!"

Kai lowered the flames so Bonnie could speed toward him. She grabbed him by the throat and yelled in his face. "I'M SIRED TO YOU. YOU CAN MAKE ME WANT THINGS I DON'T REALLY WANT."

"The only thing I've made you do is live," he said. "You can do anything else you want, you can decapitate me right here, but I'm never letting you die, Bonnie."

Bonnie glared at him, at the furious sincerity in his gaze and she gritted her teeth, letting him go. Elena and Damon rushed forward but Kai opened his hand, making the flames burn brighter and higher.

"GIVE HER BACK," she said.

"You're really going to fight me?" said Damon. "You deserve to burn in hell for what you did to her!"

"Coming from the guy who force-fed that one-" Kai nodded toward Elena "- his blood not one but two times?"

"Don't turn this around, Kai!" said Elena. "You destroyed her!"

"A little convenient that me saving her life is what destroyed her but not the amount of times all of you used her for your own benefit."

"You really believe you have the moral high ground in this situation?" said Stefan.

"No, I just believe that none of you have the right to kill me, the only person who has that right is Bonnie," he says. "I'm hers and hers alone so back off."

"Like hell we're going to back off," said Caroline. "LOOK AT HER! YOU'VE TURNED HER INTO SOMETHING SHE HATES."

"She doesn't need your rescuing," said Kai.

Bonnie whirled on him. "DON'T SPEAK FOR ME."

He thrust his face into hers. "But you'll allow them to speak for you?"

"They would never do this to me!"

"No, they would just let you die!"

"I chose to die!"

"You chose to die to save them! AGAIN."

"I chose to die because it was the only way I would ever be free of you! You wouldn't just let me go!"

"How many times, how many ways do I have to show you that I will NEVER let you go? I choose you even when you don't chose yourself. I choose you even when you hate me for it, especially when you hate me for it! I choose you and I don't care if you're cursed for it!"

Damon saw it, saw the fury in Bonnie's face, the fury that only surfaced when she glared at Kai, the fury that preceded an even more passionate, more violent emotion. He ran even closer to the fire.

"Bonnie don't!"

But it was too late. Bonnie grabbed Kai by the shirt again, pushing him into the woods, slamming him against a tree and she started punching him. Hitting him again and again so that she could feel his bones break beneath her knuckles, feel his teeth shatter beneath her force, hear his grunts of pain. It was viciously satisfying. Her anger thrust out of her with each blow, anger at her sixteenth century death, her sixteenth century insanity, resentment at her vampirism, at the complete annihilation of Jeremy. This wasn't what she wanted. He wasn't what she chose. EVERYTHING WAS FUCKED and she couldn't die to escape it!

But the more she hit him, the more confused her emotions became. The hatred was there. The resentment, the rage, the desire to punish him, to kill him, to rip him limb for limb but none of that drowned out his words. I'm hers and hers alone. None of that drowned out his intent, him and her forever, her forever, her alive. It enlivened her with a power, the knowledge of the lengths he'd go to keep her, the things he'd betray, the things he'd break to have her, the fact that he would risk harm and accept death to just get one more night with her - it excited her in a way she'd never experienced before now, a way that made every inch of her tingle, every part of her ache, that overcame her with a lust so that she couldn't breathe without wanting. And that lust only exacerbated her hunger, only added desperation to her thirst, it intensified her cravings, deepened her longing for blood, her yearning for the bite, her hankering for satiation that all Bonnie could think to do was throw Kai to the ground, tear open his shirt and sink her fangs into him.

He called out in surprise and hardened immediately beneath her. His cry turned into a long drawn-out moan as she sucked from his neck. His blood sang through her veins and made her throb between her thighs, she grunted as she gorged and he grunted as she drank, making her suck from his bite harder.

"Fuck," he gasped.

Kai moved his hands to her waist but the instant Bonnie felt his fingers on her, she took a hold of both of his wrists and pinned his arms to the ground and redoubled her efforts as she fed.

"Jesus Christ," he swore. "Bonnie, please."

She heard his desperation. She didn't care. She wanted him desperate. She wanted him panting and begging and frustrated and hers. He deserved it. He deserved worse. Bonnie started to writhe on top of his bulge, gyrating her hips, the friction making her moan so that he swore, his hands straining against her iron-clad grip.

She withdrew from his neck to look at him, to look at his veined face and drawn fangs, to look at his neediness, his readiness. Every trace of his human expression was gone, he'd crossed over into total viscera now, complete and utter need. For her. Bonnie bit her wrist and then held it over Kai's face, her blood dribbling onto his mouth. He licked his lips greedily, closing his eyes, groaning, sighing and then begging, his head rolling from side to side on the ground.

"Please. PLEASE." It was all he could say. It wasn't enough. It wasn't anywhere close to enough.

"Please?" whispered Bonnie. "Please what?"

"More," he panted.

Bonnie pressed herself on him so more so that he squeezed his eyes shut and banged his head on the ground.

"More," he said again.

"Of what?"

"Of everything," he sighed. "Of you."

"No," she said coldly.

"Bonnie."

She glared at him. She touched her wound with her finger and then put it to his mouth. Instantly, he enclosed her fingertip with his lips, the tip of his tongue itching the blood off the pad of her finger. She withdrew her finger and his eyes flashed. He tried to rise up but Bonnie slammed him back on the ground, rubbing her wound on his lips, before wriggling on him. His hands dug into the grass and dirt as his readiness grew harder beneath her motions. Bonnie bent down and pressed her lips against his and he responded enthusiastically, kissing her in an attempt to drown in her, in her essence. She bit his bottom lip and sucked on the blood, twirling her tongue around his so that he could taste what she tasted but nothing else, nothing of her own. The more she tasted of him, the faster she swayed on his lap, tightening her thighs, his readiness bringing her closer and closer to the edge. When she felt her insides writhing and rising, coiling and tightening, she dug her fangs into the other side of Kai's neck, the blood pushing her over into euphoria that made her throw her head back and convulse, repeatedly, arching her back, Kai's blood dripping onto her chest.

Kai gazed at her open-mouthed, awed and desirous, his lips furled over his fangs, his chest heaving up and down with anticipatory pants, his erection throbbing, his entire body aching with need, his tongue itching for its next fix, his eyes dark and red and desperate with want. Bonnie looked down at him, a vicious smirk on her face and then disentangled from him, standing up.

He furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief and then his eyes flashed. He sat up quickly.

"If I don't have you now!" Bonnie looked at him, the words were a threat. "If I don't drink from you now…" Kai gritted his teeth and pressed his lips together. "I'm going out of my fucking mind, Bonnie. If you deny me, I'm only going to try and satiate my appetite," he said. "Dozens of people will be dead by the morning. Are you going to be able to live with that?"

Bonnie looked at him. "You're making me live with a lot of things, Kai." She turned to walk away but Kai grabbed her by the wrist.

"I'm getting you back for this," he said. "This is only the beginning, Bonnie."

Bonnie knelt in front of him and kissed him again. He crushed her to him, gripping the arch of her back as she ran her fingers through his hair, clutching on the strands. His lips moved to her neck, the tip of his tongue skating down her throat and she felt his fangs pierce her skin and she mewled at the bite, moistening at his grunt as he sucked. She wanted to press his head to her wound, wanted to wrap herself around him, urge him to lap harder but instead she pulled away from him so that he yelled a strangled yell.

"BONNIE."

"I'd like to see you try," she said, speeding away. She heard his cry of frustration as she left the wood.


	31. Escape

The sand was cold and wet beneath Bonnie's feet as she walked along the shoreline. It was a little after four o'clock in the morning, no one else was on the beach, nothing else was on the beach - all of the critters and birds knew to stay away when she was near, knew that when she crept across the sand like a shadow, they may not live to see another day. It was repulsive, living off animals, choking down blood and gagging it back up only to choke it down again. She had no choice in the matter, she had to survive and while she didn't have a choice in what she was and when she could end the suffering that came with that, she had a choice in how she was forced to live. He'd taken nearly everything away from her but not this, not her last shred of morality. It was why she was here.

Stefan had offered to help her. He'd taught Caroline the animal blood diet and Elena after her, there would've been no one better suited to guide her through this transition but Bonnie couldn't stay in Mystic Falls, couldn't bear to see the pity and horror on all of their faces and the flicker of disgust they tried to hide from their expressions. It had nearly killed Jeremy to see her this way and that nearly killed her, she had hurt him so much in such a short span of time, she couldn't bear to hurt him anymore. At least that was part of it. A small part. Important but small. There was also the hunger. The never-ending, all-consuming hunger that made it impossible for her to think about anything else. She would kill if she stayed in Mystic Falls, if she stayed in any city or town, she was sure of it.

"Stefan can help with that, Bonnie, he's a ripper," Elena had told her. "Or if you're more comfortable with Damon, he can help you moderate"

But Bonnie had just shaken her head. She was beyond their help, beyond their feeble attempts to rescue her. It would've been much simpler if her hunger was just about the blood, just about the death, just about the vampirism but it was tied to her maker, her sire, to the things she felt when she was with him before any of this happened, the sinister power he always brought out in her, the rush she felt whenever she gave in to her demons for just a second, and by turning her, he'd ensured she was permanently tempted. Her hunger served as a constant reminder of those demons and how those demons gave way to a lust that destroyed lives, that had once destroyed kingdoms. What she needed wasn't Stefan's tutelage or Damon's philosophy, what she needed was to be alone. Alone and away. It was the only way she could be free. Of it all. Of herself.

And bow she was finally away. There weren't many people on this island. The sun was hours away from rising and the sky was a deep blue. Wind blew across the coast, causing Bonnie's dress to flit in the breeze, her hair to graze her forehead. It was peaceful here. She felt peaceful here. That was what being away did.

Away. Away. Away. Bonnie took a deep breath in and raised her head so the wind could kiss her face. The tide was gentle and the waves only brushed her ankles, tickling her skin with coldness. Without a word to anyone she'd booked a plane ticket to the first place she could afford, anywhere outside of the States. She packed a bag, only one bag, and then left undetected. Or well, almost.

Damon had been outside her house the night she'd left and when she'd noticed him, he only glared at her, his face the same angry expression when he'd confronted her once before:

"What the hell is the matter with you? I have been with other men, Damon! You have seen me and Jeremy kiss—"

"This is different. He is different."

"HOW?"

"Because you're different with him. You left us for him! You left me! I was going to kill him for what he did to you. I wasn't going to rest until I tore him apart with my own two hands for taking you away from me and then I find out that you're screwing him?"

"If you somehow think this is a betrayal to you—

"You turned your back on us."

Even in their previous lives, he'd felt entitled to her, felt like he had the right to be jealous, the right to be possessive, but nothing came from his possessiveness and her disdain, nothing ever did. That kind of bond she only shared with …

Bonnie sighed. "Aren't you going to speak?"

"I thought I would judge you in silence instead."

She rolled her eyes and continued walking down the driveway, shouldering her bag.

"You're not even going to try and talk to me?'

"I'm not going to argue with you, Damon."

"No, you argue with him."

"And so what if I do?" she said. "That is none of your business."

"You leaving because of him affects me, Bonnie. It affects all of us."

"And what about how it affects me? How about how I feel, about what this is doing to me? Do you ever stop to think about that?" she exclaimed. "I don't owe anything to you, Damon."

He shook his head, gritting his teeth. "I hate that he did this to you."

"Being a vampire-"

"I'm not talking about the vampirism," he spat. "I'm talking about what he did to you. I hate the power he has over you, I hate that you let him-"

"As opposed to what?" said Bonnie, suddenly angry. "As opposed to letting you lie to me, as opposed to letting you push me against walls, as opposed to letting you bail?"

"So what is this, payback?"

"No! We don't have that kind of…" Bonnie pressed her lips together. "I don't do things to spite you, Damon, that's not who I am."

"Not with me anyway," he said bitterly.

"No, not with you!" Damon flinched and she sighed. "I don't want to be like that with anybody, this is why I'm going, I need to be alone. I need to be away."

"From him!"

"So what?" she screamed.

"Well then what about Elena?" he said. "Hmm, what about her, Bonnie? What about Elena?"

"What about Elena? If she's my best friend she'll understand why I need to do this."

"She never felt the need to leave the country because of me."

"She never felt what it means to be completely consumed either."

Damon regarded her. "You hate him more than you love us," he said.

She shook her head. "Goodbye, Damon."

After that, she stopped taking calls as she travelled and only checked the constant rotation of voicemails from everyone she knew.

Elena: Bonnie, please, wherever you are just come home…

Caroline: Are you crazy? We have finals coming up, Bonnie! What's going to happen when you finally do come back and you're a year behind all of us? We won't graduate together! Just, come home!

Jeremy: Bonnie, please, I just need to know if you're dead or alive. I … can't lose you again. I just, I love you, come home.

Stefan: Look, I know we don't talk that much but I get what you're going through, Bonnie and … I can help you … Come home.

Damon: I'm not going to say that I miss you. But … I'm supposed to be the selfish one, Bon.

Every morning she'd wake up to: Come home. I love you. You're selfish. I can help you. A constant cycle of Jeremy, Elena, Damon, Caroline and Stefan's voices. And then there was the one other voice on the one other voicemail. The one message she'd got when she just arrived on the island.

I'll be coming for you.

It sent a chill through her.

Bonnie stopped walking and faced the ocean. It had been so long since she felt any sort of tranquility and what she felt now was the promise of inner peace rather than peace itself but even that was nice. Simple. Easy. It was exactly what she needed.

Infinitesimally, the breeze began to strengthen, causing the hem of her dress to flutter, her hair started to ruffle. When it continued to intensify, Bonnie wrapped her arms around herself and kept her eye on the horizon. The waves began to roll toward the sand stronger than before, breaking at her shins. And she felt it. The wind caressed her arms, her face, it skated her lips, her chest. Her breathing began to intensify. The breeze circled her, it shifted with her movement. Bonnie's heart thudded against her chest and she closed her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"No," she whispered.

The wind quietened. "You had to know I'd find you. I even gave you a warning."

"One message," said Bonnie. "Seven months ago."

"One message was all that was needed."

Bonnie furrowed her eyebrows, he sounded calm. There wasn't the usual fever in his tone that roughened his voice with a particular kind of desperation. Slowly, she turned around to face him. He was in a simple white shirt and shorts, skin tanned, his beard freshly trimmed. He looked good. Too good. This wasn't how she'd imagined him looking after seven months away from her. And she'd had. Imagined it. The instant she'd heard his voicemail, she erupted with need and found herself replaying it over and over as she rubbed herself to his words, moaning at his inflections, the shame taking over only when she'd exhausted herself. It became almost a ritual on this island. Desire and guilt. And now he was here, casually in front of her, like he wasn't maddened by her absence. She resented it. And hated herself for it. She watched as Kai silently surveyed her, his eyes trailing her body from head to toe. His expression was intense, blazing with an emotion she couldn't quite pinpoint but he didn't move or scream. He stayed where he was.

"You need to go, Kai," she said. "I could be happy here."

He raised his eyebrows and laughed harshly. "Could you," he said. "Starving yourself the way you are?"

"I get the blood I need on this island."

"Who said anything about blood?"

The wind brushed against her neck except it wasn't the wind, it felt like a nose, like his nose, and his lips. His magic had grown since the last time she saw him, he infused himself with the elements around them. The caress grazed her jawline; the breeze sounded like an overlong sigh and it enveloped Bonnie. An ache blossomed in her gut and her skin was ablaze with want for more. It was torture. The sheer intensity of her vampirism. As a human, the desire Kai made her feel was already enough to drive her crazy but now with her new condition, she didn't even have the chance to repress the aches that radiated within her, they consumed her instantly and with such power that the urge to drown herself to escape the agitation surfaced in her thoughts. If only she could.

Bonnie's eyes fluttered. "You think way too highly of yourself."

"Are we still doing this?" said Kai, a soft smugness to his tone. "After everything? You tried to die just to escape what you're feeling right now."

"And you cursed me to this existence to make sure I never could."

"Yes," he said. "Yes I did." His voice was dangerously low. "So then why the fuck did you think you could ever run from me?"

Thunder cracked at his words and the sky darkened to a greyish blue. The weather betrayed the calmness of his exterior but Bonnie needed to see it, needed to hear him say it.

"You seem to be doing fine without my blood to satiate you," she said.

He shrugged. "Each time you leave, you're gone for a few weeks and I go out of my mind. But months … you forced me to get by without you. My need for you isn't as intense as it was before."

Bonnie stared at him, raising an eyebrow sceptically. "That's why you came here? Because it's not as intense as it was before. That's why you came all this way, spent seven months tracking me down?"

"It's the principle," said Kai. "That's why I came here so you'd never forget you'd never be free of me."

He was lying. She knew it. They both knew it. The mania in his eye, like the weather, revealed the frenzy beneath the calm, the need for her blood, for her lips, for her body. But it angered her - the way he tried to be stoic, tried to appear unmoved. After everything he'd done to her, everything he'd taken from her, all of the bridges he'd made her burn, the least he could do was be honest in his obsession. She deserved that much, she demanded that much and he was trying to take that away from her too. She wouldn't stand for it. In the distance Bonnie could hear the crunch of footsteps in the sand, someone was coming. Usually, she would disappear before they even came close but today, today she had an idea.

"If you don't crave my blood the way used to then you wouldn't mind if I let someone else feed from me, right?"

Bonnie could feel herself turn, feel herself veer off the edge of chaos and spiral downward to those depths he brought forth, those depths that compelled her to play the dangerous games she did with him. Kai's jaw clenched at her challenge and the sky darkened, she could feel his anger in the air but he didn't say anything to stop her.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."

She sped off toward the footsteps and then found herself in front of a man not much older than her human age. He was shirtless and broad-shouldered. Chiselled. Cute. He took a step backwards when she appeared before him, startled and confused. He looked around to see which direction Bonnie could've come from and then seemed to decide it best not to question it.

"Um… it's not safe to be out here so late alone," he said.

"That's true," she agreed. "But I'm not the one you need to worry about."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh no?"

She shook her head. "No," she said. "You'd be surprised by how easily I can handle myself."

"Is that so?"

"Mm, yes, I've been told my strength is almost superhuman."

He laughed. It was a nice sound. "That's something I've gotta see."

Bonnie smiled. "What's your name?"

"Jason."

"Jason? Well, Jason it might happen sooner than you think."

He paused and chuckled nervously. "I haven't seen you around here before and I'm here practically every day. All day."

Bonnie smiled. "I don't get out much."

There was a pause and he looked a little past Bonnie. "Because of him?" he said. "Are you with him?"

Bonnie looked behind her to see Kai standing several feet away, his eyes fixed on their interaction, his body still with the kind of rage that made him motionless because if he so much as moved, he would incinerate everything around him. It wasn't enough.

Bonnie shook her head as she walked even closer. "He's not important."

A flash of lightning whitened the grey sky as roaring thunder cracked. Jason looked upward.

"The weather has been so weird. In like, thirty minutes it's changed four times."

Bonnie smiled but said nothing and only walked closer so that they were inches apart. She started to circle him, grazing her fingertips across his collarbone and the ocean's waves rolled onto the sand so strongly they nearly knocked her over. She glanced back at Kai and grinned maliciously at the stone-cold fury in his expression.

Jason called her attention back to him. "This feels like a dream," he said.

"Because of the supernatural weather?"

"That too. But beautiful women don't just appear out of nowhere and … do whatever it is you're doing."

Bonnie softly grazed her lips along his shoulder blades. "It might help that I'm not really a woman," she said. "Not anymore, anyway."

"Oh yeah?" he said. "What are you, then? An angel?"

Bonnie laughed. He was cute. Corny in a sweet kind of way. He didn't deserve what she was about to do him and her conscience screamed at her to let him go, to compel him to never come back but while her conscience screamed, her resentment howled, her indignation and desire inflamed her blood and banished all rationality from her mind so that all she had was the spite she needed to fulfil.

"No, I'm not an angel." She put her hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Bonnie used her fingernail to drag a bloody line across her chest and before it had the chance to heal, she guided Jason's head to her wound. The moment his lips made contact with her blood, the thunder was a constant roar, a lightning bolt struck a tree in the distance, and another, and another, setting the leaves aflame. Rain came down on them, heavy and fast and quick. Jason didn't struggle or scream. He in fact seemed to enjoy Bonnie's blood, holding onto her hips as he drank. She threw her head back and grinned, running her fingers through his hair, grabbing his strands -

A blur. Swift. Quick. Jason was dragged away from her body and Kai kicked his knee, breaking a bone, so that he was forced to kneel. Jason cried out in pain as Kai held his chin and the top of his head in an iron-clad grip, bending his neck toward the sand.

"Spit it out," he said through clenched teeth. "Fucking spit it out! NOW."

The waves were huge now, nearly drowning Jason with every roll onto the sand as the rain pounded harder and harder. Bonnie watched as Jason started to cough and regurgitate what he could onto the sand, the strength of the waves making him wobbly.

"ALL OF IT," yelled Kai. "SPIT OUT ALL OF IT OR I SWEAR TO GOD."

Satisfaction surged through Bonnie at hearing the enraged anguish in Kai's voice, all pretence of stoicism and impassiveness discarded.

Kai raised him by the shirt and looked him in the eye. "Bite off your tongue."

Horror dawned in Jason's eyes, his entire expression a beg for mercy, but he bit down, screaming as he did. The vicious gratification Bonnie felt transformed into horror.

"KAI, STOP IT."

He whirled on her. "YOU DID THIS TO HIM."

His words echoed in the wind and it blew hard against the trees, bringing up sand and breaking off leaves. The smoke and ash from the surrounding fires started flitting toward them, polluting the air. Kai threw Jason back onto the sand and ran his fingers through his wet hair in frustration.

"You knew Bonnie," he said. "You fucking knew that I would never, that I would never let anyone taste your blood."

"Then you should've just killed him!"

"You disappear for seven months and the first thing you do when you see me is let some random guy drink from you. You don't get to do that. You don't get to torture me like that and not suffer the consequences."

"Consequences? You said-"

"Fuck what I said! I went crazy, Bonnie. Do you know what it's like to be denied and half out of your mind because of it and wanting someone so much you can't even fucking see straight. Do you know what that's like for seven months? Do you know how many people died because of you, because no matter how much I drank nothing could satisfy me, nothing could make me forget your taste? Do you know how many times I tried to turn off my humanity just so I could stop wanting you, stop thinking about you, dreaming about you only to chicken out because I couldn't imagine not feeling for you? Wanting to kill you to make it all stop but not being able to because then it would all stop? Did you know you'd do this to me? DID YOU?"

"YES," she screamed. "YES AND I'D DO IT AGAIN TO TRY AND SAVE MYSELF FROM YOU."

Kai yelled and the lightning struck trees on their island, setting them ablaze too. "I SHOULD FUCKING KILL YOU."

Bonnie sped toward him, clasping her hand around his throat. "Then do it!" she screamed into his face. "The only reason why I haven't died yet is because you won't let me! I walk this beach every night for hours, waiting for the sunrise hoping that that day will be the day I will finally break your command and find permanent peace!"

"You don't deserve permanent peace!" Kai pried her hand off his neck and moved forward so he pinned her onto the sandy ground next to Jason's convulsing body. He slammed a small black velvet box onto the ground next to her. Bonnie's eyes narrowed.

"What is that?"

"Your daylight ring," he snarled.

"No," said Bonnie. "No, I refuse."

He'd already made sure she could never die, not on purpose anyway, but she wasn't going to make it official, she wasn't going to signify that she'd surrender to this life.

Kai growled in frustration. "All this because of some bullshit morality that your friends forced on you?"

"WOW." Bonnie laughed without humour. "You're just like them!"

Kai leaned into her face and her eyes widened at the fury in his expression. "Don't you dare lump me in with the people who've done nothing but let you die."

"You made something about me about them, just like them."

"No, they've made you their moral compass for years and now that's all you can see that you can't just let yourself live. If you just put on the damn ring, fed from a human and stopped starving yourself, you'd enjoy what I've given you."

"I DON'T WANT TO ENJOY IT."

"Really?"

In one swift motion, Kai stood up, bringing Jason up with him. He turned to Bonnie and she could see the spite in his expression. Without warning, Kai grabbed Jason on the shoulder, the same shoulder her lips caressed moments ago, and squeezed so that Bonnie could hear a sickening snap. Jason yelled and then Kai bit into his neck, turning that yell into a howl of pain. Bonnie watched the blood dribble down his bare chest and couldn't help but bite her lip. The sight agitated her in more ways than one. She wanted to indulge, to taste blood on her tongue, to satiate the hunger that gnawed at her stomach and had been for nearly a year, but she wasn't prepared for the arousal that heated her body at seeing Kai drink, the way the rain and blood soaked through his shirt, the way it called to a primal part of her that she didn't know existed before him.

Jason didn't deserve this. Bonnie got up and pushed Kai away from him, holding onto his shoulder to keep him steady. She wanted to compel him to heal, to run, to find a doctor, to never come back, she wanted to do the right thing, to not make him a casualty of their game, but Bonnie couldn't resist. For months, she'd been scavenging off birds and rats and she was starving, for blood, for power, for Kai to see her the way she'd just seen him. All she had was a minute before the hunger took over completely and she did what she could in those 60 seconds.

"It won't hurt."

And then she bit into his neck, groaning with delight, the satisfaction of warm blood gushing into her mouth, onto her tongue, staining her fangs. Life sang throughout her veins. She hazily opened her eyes to see Kai staring intently at her through the rain, his fangs descended, his eyes red, veins darkening his face. His ragged breathing and cloudy expression compelled her to drink harder, moan louder, her eyes never breaking from his. Kai's eyebrows furrowed, his hand unconsciously slipping into his shorts as Bonnie stared at him with a kind of euphoric desire. She groaned and he stroked and she grinned as he panted. And then she sped over to a palm tree, pushing Jason against the trunk so it was easier for him to stay still, allowing her a deeper feed.

Without warning, a harsh pleasure radiated throughout her entire Bonnie. Kai. He'd sped behind her, pressing his front against her back and bit into her neck, causing her to jerk against his hardness. He sucked and she squealed as she fed, closing her eyes at the sound of Kai's desperate and ecstatic grunts, the tip of his tongue grazing his bite. He slipped his hand into the V-neck of her dress, caressing her nipple as he drank, as she drank, her behind rubbing against his groin, making him drink harder.

The longer Bonnie fed, the more she could feel the life draining out of Jason but she couldn't stop, feeding and being fed on provided an ecstasy that made her eyes roll to the back of her head, that made her entire body ache, that would never and could never get better than -

Shit.

The wind calmed, returning to the breeze that teased her earlier. It skated across her arms, caressing her palms, brushing her wrists. A whisper of a touch; it was unbelievably soft and yet its contact was menacing, it made everything too much to handle - Kai's tongue on her wound, his hand palming her breast, her body singing with human blood.

The caress trickled along Bonnie's arms to her collarbone and the wind blew her dress backward so the material gathered at legs, exposing her thighs to the wind, to the caress - and then Kai sunk a finger into her, in slow, circular motions and she moaned. He continued to stroke her, pressing against her, as he fed and Bonnie couldn't take it anymore. She withdrew from Jason's neck, his corpse slumping onto the sand and cried out. Jason's blood trickled down the front of her neck and Kai moved his hand from her breast to her throat, gliding it up to her chin and then ran his fingertip along her lips until she enclosed it in her mouth, sucking Jason's blood off his finger.

Kai withdrew from Bonnie's neck, sighing heavily, turning her head back toward him to kiss her furiously, to devour her with his desire, tugging on her bottom lip with his teeth as he quickened the motions of his finger, making her grind against him.

"You really didn't miss this?" he panted. "You could really live without this, Bonnie?"

And just as she was about to climax he withdrew his finger.

"No!" she screamed.

Quickly, he turned her around. His expression was triumphant and aroused at seeing the frustration on her face. He grabbed her from beneath her thighs and lifted her onto him, her back firmly against the tree.

"Seven months," he grunted and then thrust into her as he sank her fangs into her chest for a second feed and she convulsed instantly.

His rhythm was quick. Hard. Punishing. Each thrust bringing her closer to euphoria as the wind of his making grazed every inch of her body he couldn't reach. It was an overload of sensation, an intensity that brought tears to her eyes, that tormented her with pleasure. He said he'd never kill her but this was getting close. Bonnie tightened her legs around his middle, squeezing as he thrust.

"Oh fuck."

He banged his fist against the tree, creating a hole in the trunk and then he pressed his lips against her neck.

"Do it again," he begged.

"No."

He pushed in deeper. "Yes."

Bonnie swore. "No."

She was denying him everything she could, everything she could handle denying him. Her fangs ached to pierce into his skin, her tongue itched for some of his blood but instead she bent forward and nipped at his neck, grazing the tip of her tongue along his throat, tasting the rain on his skin. Kai groaned long and loudly.

"Stop teasing me," he whispered, his voice cracked. "Bite me. Please. Taste me."

Bonnie nipped him again.

"Shit. Bonnie."

She pressed his head against her chest and he kissed along her cleavage.

"I don't want to," she sighed. "I like the taste of Jason on my tongue."

Kai growled as jealousy took over his motions and he thrust into Bonnie harder and faster, making her mewl as her back chafed against the tree.

"Thinking about him still?"

Bonnie couldn't answer, she could only moan as Kai kissed her breasts with frenzy and trailed his tongue along her cleavage and the rain and the ash and the sand swirled around them.

"Bonnie."

She squeezed him again and nipped his neck, this time allowing her fangs to make a shallow indentation in his skin.

"FUCK."

She heard it, the strangled desperation, frantic need and breathy desire, the craze that blinded him with wanting. She sank her fangs into his neck and gorged on his blood, his groans mingling with her grunts, as her insides quivered and his movements quickened. He pierced his fangs into the same spot on her chest, making her whimper as she sucked his wound harder. There was no telling where she ended and he began, it was just pure excess and carnal joy that bound them and broke them, that shattered them into a climax that sent their mingled mewling across the waves.

Bonnie and Kai disentangled, slumping onto the sand, trying to catch their breath. The rain had stopped, the wind was gone, and Bonnie looked at the flames all around them then to Jason's lifeless, bloodied body next to them.

"This is why I left." It was laborious to talk. "You only just found me and we destroyed so much in an hour."

"I'm not sorry."

"No, you wouldn't be."

Kai turned to her, his face suddenly severe. "I wasn't lying, Bonnie," he said. "I lost my mind when you left and if you leave like that again, I'll set fire to the entire fucking world to find you if I have to. It'll be like before."

Before. Their past lives. An example of just how catastrophic their connection could be. They were almost at that point.

"I know," she said.

Kai furrowed her eyebrows. "So what does that mean?"

"It means,"" she stood up on wobbly legs and wandered over a few paces to the velvet box. "I can't keep doing this. No matter what I do, I end up giving everything up for you. Being with you the way that I was meant skipping class and bailing on my friends and disengaging from my life but trying to escape you meant leaving my friends and my school and my town anyway."

Bonnie picked up the velvet box and Kai sat up, watching her intently.

"I spend so much energy trying not to want this that all I'm doing is trying not to want this and spending so much time trying to convince myself that I don't crave you, crave us, just makes me realize how much I do. You're in me." She laughed harshly. "It's fucking inescapable, you made sure of that. I almost wish I loved you so I could be free of you but I can't. I could never."

She opened the box and saw the ring, it was much different than what Caroline and Elena had. Kai made hers silver with a blood red heart in the centre, it almost looked medieval. He stood up, his entire body wired with anticipation.

Bonnie shook her head. "So I'm done running from you, Kai."

She took the ring out of the box and stared at it every rational part of her screaming at her: MISTAKE. IT'S A MISTAKE. KEEP RUNNING. ALWAYS KEEP RUNNING. HE'LL RUIN YOU.

With a shuddering breath, Bonnie put the ring on and Kai immediately sped toward her, thrusting his lips onto hers, kissing her with a violent joy that sent a riot throughout her body.

"It's not like we could do much more damage together than we've done apart," she said between kisses. "Right?"

Kai didn't answer. Instead he kissed her neck, her throat, her collarbone, trailing his lips down her stomach as he sunk onto his knees.


End file.
